How do you talk to a dom

[ju****]

Is this your actual Dom or just people you’re meeting in chat? Or both? Because if I’m just chatting on this app or similar, just meeting the person then I expect to just talk like normal adults. 😂
Anyone trying to “Dom talk” you right out the gate sounds like a red flag to me.

[4R****]

This is a really interesting topic. I recently started a conversation with someone at the club and she said that she's wanted to speak to me sooooooo many times but has never been able to pluck up the courage. I asked why and she said she said "because you're a Dom". I asked why that made a difference and she didn't know but she was too scared. I then asked "now that you've had a conversation with me how do you feel? Am I really that scary?" She said not at all and she doesn't know what she was worried about. 

I relayed this to a few of my Dominant friends and they have all had similar experiences (male and female). But nobody can tell me why subs are so nervous about speaking to us. We are human, I'm relatively well-known as I work at the club. Everyone knows I'm relaxed, approachable and up for a bit of banter, and most of the Dominants I know are of a similar temperament. 

So what is it WE do that makes subs feel that they can't just come over/inbox us and have a chat? Most of us like to talk, especially to new people and we'll talk about pretty much anything. So why so shy???

[ju****]

23 minutes ago, 4RCH said:

This is a really interesting topic. I recently started a conversation with someone at the club and she said that she's wanted to speak to me sooooooo many times but has never been able to pluck up the courage. I asked why and she said she said "because you're a Dom". I asked why that made a difference and she didn't know but she was too scared. I then asked "now that you've had a conversation with me how do you feel? Am I really that scary?" She said not at all and she doesn't know what she was worried about. 

I relayed this to a few of my Dominant friends and they have all had similar experiences (male and female). But nobody can tell me why subs are so nervous about speaking to us. We are human, I'm relatively well-known as I work at the club. Everyone knows I'm relaxed, approachable and up for a bit of banter, and most of the Dominants I know are of a similar temperament. 

So what is it WE do that makes subs feel that they can't just come over/inbox us and have a chat? Most of us like to talk, especially to new people and we'll talk about pretty much anything. So why so shy???

This has been my experience quite a few times as well. I always try and be friendly and approachable, but there’s quite a few people who seem to think we’re going to punish them just for saying “hey!” or something. Like I stated in my earlier comment, when I’m first getting to know someone I’m trying to be friendly and lighthearted, just like a “normal” person. 😂
Anyone who comes out the gate trying to “Dom talk,” as I’ve heard it described by women is a red flag for me and any potential partners they might have.

I never want a sub or potential sub to be afraid/terrified of me, if that’s how they feel I’ve done something wrong along the way.

[ge****]

21 hours ago, luciferx666 said:

Im 7 months into our arrangement and im still petrified of talking to her and establishing what I want, I embrace my shyness now, I just told her to take control. It might be better to communicate via text, i personally find it easier

If you're literally "petrified" that's worrying - because if you can't talk to her about your wants, needs and desires, and more importantly your limits and boundaries, you're leaving yourself wide open to potential ***.
.
You obviously weren't petrified enough to get into the relationship in the first place, so what has made you that way now?
.
Think perhaps you need to take a step back and communicate with her, let her know how you feel and work on ways to overcome that sense of being petrified and afraid to speak up.
.
Just letting her have complete control without being able to communicate your own feelings is a potentially very dangerous place to be - and is not going to help your own sense of self, or the underlying shyness.

[MisstressStorm]

I trialled a sub and my practice is more sensual than sadist but couldn’t go on with any type of dynamic as he was just too unsure of the situation despite reassurance and respect to Hard limits. Adrenaline sweat is always a red flag 😈

[ju****]

100% agree. There’s a time and place for things like intimidation and possibly *** if the play contains it. But if it’s out the gate or genuine all around *** all the time. Nah, do not like or want that. You’re not a Dom then, you’re an ***r in my eyes.

[Th****]

1 hour ago, justtoplay said:

100% agree. There’s a time and place for things like intimidation and possibly *** if the play contains it. But if it’s out the gate or genuine all around *** all the time. Nah, do not like or want that. You’re not a Dom then, you’re an ***r in my eyes.

100% this

[MisstressStorm]

There is that fine line between *** and trepidation. Go for the unsettling, beautiful, off centre feeling because that’s the sweet spot for me. Not for *** of what I will do but the sinking feeling of what I might not do 🖤⛈

[Shananddr]

You should speak to a dom(me) as you would speak to any person and ask open ended questions to really try to get to know they. You have not submitted to them. They do not hold any part of your submission. Anyone demanding you speak to them any way besides normal adult conversation is not doing as they should

[ja****]

Being shy is actually super hot bc as I dom that turns me on more

[Hermetic]

Why would you say that?

If a submissive can't figure out how to address a Dom, and that dom can't figure out what he (or she) want to be called, are they even really a Dom?

I mean the dominant could certainly punt and say they'd like to put off deciding, but that would still be sorting it out.

 And yes I grok that a female flirting using honorifics is likely to escalate things, but I am sure she knows that as well. She's new. She's not an infant. Also "sir" is an impersonal honorific that in no way indicates personal ownership/dominance. "Master" or "daddy" would be a problem.

[Hermetic]

15 hours ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

This is NOT a good way for any one to open a brand new message with someone new. 

I'm praying this isn't want you mean...

OK. Maybe I am missing something. I'm new to this site and obviously a male and a Dom. So you surely know better than I. 

But I've seen this in person in public venues (so admittedly dissimilar to online) almost more often than not at play parties and private events. Less so at nightclubs and bars, but admittedly almost never at a munch (y'know because vanilla in public).

Is it just because guys have worse manners online?

[Rena-5651]

Tbh🤔I feel that the authority vibe is what makes us shyer then needed🤔but as most of this comment section has said, since they aren't your Dom yet. I would treat them as a normal person getting to know them and even when they become your Dom you treat them with respect and under the boundaries but at the same time still a human being🤔just like how subs can have a sub drop, Dom's can aswell🤔

[Deleted Member]

On 7/26/2023 at 9:02 PM, magssexy said:

I am 18 very shy person when it comes to talk to Doms and even switches. I get nervous but will still respond to their messages and signals. I can’t even look them in the eyes.

Interesting. I have trouble looking anyone straight in the eyes never mind some of the... well let's just say the very assured. can't help there but from the first message, if you feel uncomfortable, delete and move on. 

If.... you feel a little something good, go with it. The more you talk, the more you will discover  and understand yourself, and what you likes... What gets you off lol.

Be you x 

 

[Deleted Member]

Do not be nervous they are not your Dominant. I insist on my first name being used to chat. As I am not yhe Dominant they are not my sub and should not be referred to as such.

[si****]

I prefer any initial contact to be informal.. I wouldn’t want a potential sub to jump straight in with I’m a sub… restrain me.

Get to know each other and ensure there’s a connection first for me

[MasterDarcy1979]

As a male Dominant, I like to be approached in a vanilla way and talking to me like we're both human beings.

It freaks me out when a submissive/slave approaches me and calls me "Sir" right from the get-go.

That part is nuanced.

The reason I don't like to be addressed in a formal manner from the beginning isn't solely because I feel that they have to deserve to be considered a submissive, I also feel like I need to be considered a Dominant.

It's a matter of mutual respect. The sub talking to me isn't my submissive so I generally find it presumptuous that they'd call me "Sir".

It's all a matter of preference. Some Doms like the immediacy of formality, some (like me) do not.

In terms of WHAT you say, just keep it relaxed. I was going to say "start off with small talk", but no. I can't stand the "Hello. Nice weather we're having", etc.

I even stopped talking to a submissive when they said "Good morning".

I'm not joking. I genuinely cut off contact when they said that. Why? I'm not a morning person. I don't want to be told whether it's a good morning or not. I'd rather be messaged with "Hi f**kface".

(I said my goodbyes and such. I didn't ghost her. I'm not a monster)

If it's online then it's easier. Read their profile and let them know what it Is about their profile that piqued their interests, etc. Also, tell them a bit about you and why you think you're compatible.

Life is short. Leave shyness at the door.