Interview or two-way communication. A question for Dom Women.

[Deleted Member]

Dominant women, have you ever had the feeling that you are conducting a one-sided interview with your potential sub, and not trying to learn more about each other in the format of a two-way dialogue? As if the submissive constantly expects that all topics, all questions should come from you, practically without asking anything in response / without being interested in what kind of person will take control of him?
~
How do you feel about this type of communication? Is this a sign of disinterest and repulsive behavior for you, or do you, on the contrary, think that this is how it should be if you are a Dominant?

P.s. I notice this trend regularly, even taking into account the fact that 90% of people write to me first, which means they are clearly interested in getting to know each other. At some point in my life, I began to wonder if maybe I wanted to see interest in my side - it's not about dominance, and I'm clearly doing something wrong? I don't think this is true, but in any case I want to hear the stories/opinions of women and perhaps also from people on the other side of the barricades - submissives.

[Deleted Member]

First time responding to a question 🙈 I’m a little sub, but I’d be telling you what I wanted out if it etc. Maybe they’re inexperienced subs? Or they just don’t know what they what out of it. Doesn’t sound like your the problem though. Hope that helps.

[Mi****]

Part of it is just this app. I'm a sub and get drowned in FinDoms who just want a sugar daddy without the sex.

I've put out so many messages to people looking to open that two way communication, only to have the other person always give up.

I also don't like being the one carrying a conversation the whole time. So thank you for being one of the few people who realized it takes two to tango.

[Ko****]

Hi! I'm on the other side but I respect myself too much as a person not to be interested in my potential partner.
I always ask PLENTY of questions beforehand and I expect questions in return.
As a sub I would NEVER allow myself to be touched by someone I don't trust, and to trust someone I need to get to know him better, so asking questions and being interested is fundamental.
If it's one sided is a huge red flag for me.

[Do****]

I would agree with what you’re saying. I like subs to make contact first, to show their interest. Yes I will ask questions to understand what they’re like and what they want. But if they’re just cardboard, responding to questions and nothing else, I end the discussion. No interest there.

However I do find that me asking, probing, chatting… means they eventually start asking and chatting too. Get past their nerves. Feel trust.

At a very basic level, I agree, a subby should be interested in their Domme. Otherwise we might aswell be robots.

[Ch****]

I have the same problem as a male dom...so discouraging and frustrating

[GreyHog]

Some people can't communicate what's in their head. They either can't use the words or don't think that fast. Depending on where they are on the autistic spectrum, it might be all the can do.

[Deleted Member]

I’ve been on both sides of the barricade and just like how there is a bunch of subs who message only wanting sex. There is also the same amount of scammers pretending to be dommes. Usually Im hesitant in engaging with someone new because of the *** that I’m wasting my time talking to a scammer. It gets tiering talking to someone new only to figure out they’re just trying to trick you. However I do understand what you mean by subs putting in low effort also. Sometimes they just want to get straight into it which raises enough red flags on their own.

[Eastbourneguy]

As others as have said, I'm a male dom and talking to some potential subs feels like an interrogation

[da****]

From a subs point of view: I prefer the D to make first contact and initiate . I may, the first few interactions, wait before voicing my own questions or initiating conversations.
For myself it’s way to see if you are interested in getting to know me outside of my kinks, to get a feel for your mindset.
I like to do a “question of the day” where the why of the answer is the conversation . They can range from silly to thought provoking.
In talking with others, this is a “problem” many who are dating face.

[Sirfox38]

1 hour ago, Christian-2070 said:

I have the same problem as a male dom...so discouraging and frustrating

Same here

[Ja****]

"Going non-verbal" due to any combination of neurodivergence or being in a certain space, espcially pet-space in my experience, can definitely be a big factor and I sympathize as a dom who appreciates open communication... Can also be an obstacle for a LDR. Somewhere between patience and clarity (potentially even just affirmation), is your answer. Best of luck

[Deleted Member]

A lot of people are just insecure and afraid that if they ask the wrong question, you'll just detach from the conversation. I second guess 90% of what I say to everyone I speak to, and most of the time, I wish someone else would do all the talking.

Doesn't work out when I'm constantly told that my tone is so soothing that they get lost in it, my eyes put them in a trace, or they feel Devine grace in my presence........then people wonder why I'm extremely shy and I don't like talking. Lol.

[Deleted Member]

I'm not a sub but the times I have spoken with dominant women lead me to believe that this is part of the rules, for some of them.. don't ask questions, speak when spoken to etc.

Perhaps they are waiting for your permission and stay quiet to avoid causing offense. If you've talked about it then I guess you know that's not the case.. but maybe worth clarifying that you expect them to be more participatory.

[st****]

Quite funny that you ask for dominant women opinions and exclusively get answers from dudes 😂

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, PressingMatters said:

I'm not a sub but the times I have spoken with dominant women lead me to believe that this is part of the rules, for some of them.. don't ask questions, speak when spoken to etc.

Perhaps they are waiting for your permission and stay quiet to avoid causing offense. If you've talked about it then I guess you know that's not the case.. but maybe worth clarifying that you expect them to be more participatory.

(these questions are addressed not specifically to you, but to a person who may have an opinion like what you described.)

Every woman / dominant in some period of acquaintance with her from your side is not yet your dominant, and in order to get to this point you need to get to know the person, as she gets to know you. Understand nuances, goals, communication style. Discuss everything outside of BDSM dynamics, where you as a submissive will not be allowed to talk and ask questions. How can you start any kind of relationship with a person you don't know and who forbids you from asking questions from the very beginning? I can't even imagine that this would be appropriate in a paid Dominatrix relationship where a specific service is provided.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, 1MissAnn said:

(these questions are addressed not specifically to you, but to a person who may have an opinion like what you described.)

Every woman / dominant in some period of acquaintance with her from your side is not yet your dominant, and in order to get to this point you need to get to know the person, as she gets to know you. Understand nuances, goals, communication style. Discuss everything outside of BDSM dynamics, where you as a submissive will not be allowed to talk and ask questions. How can you start any kind of relationship with a person you don't know and who forbids you from asking questions from the very beginning? I can't even imagine that this would be appropriate in a paid Dominatrix relationship where a specific service is provided.

That's fortunate cos sadly I have no answers. Perhaps just varying levels of intelligence/maturity. And apologies for ignoring the target audience.. it felt appropriate :p.

[Deleted Member]

Imagination works 2 ways regardless of role, so it's a nope for me

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, stef_dutch_dom said:

Quite funny that you ask for dominant women opinions and exclusively get answers from dudes 😂

Well... 🤷🏻‍♀️we have what we have. Perhaps over time there will be more women here.

[Deleted Member]

With respect I don't think a male would get anywhere with posting any questions just ask , there is thousands of woman on here with this as their bio. A game of 20 questions ensues if they wish to answer. It's weird seeing this complaint from a mistress tbf

[Deleted Member]

15 minutes ago, Pulsesubzero said:

With respect I don't think a male would get anywhere with posting any questions just ask , there is thousands of woman on here with this as their bio. A game of 20 questions ensues if they wish to answer. It's weird seeing this complaint from a mistress tbf

I am a Dominatrix in a relationship with a specific person. In this thread, I am a woman who likes to dominate and asks for the opinion of other Dominant women. These are different things. Why do you think my question is "weird"?

[Deleted Member]

17 hours ago, Eastbourneguy said:

As others as have said, I'm a male dom and talking to some potential subs feels like an interrogation

Yes, I can guess how frustrating it is. I also have a little experience in communicating with girls for the purpose of domination, and everything was also the same as you described. But I'm more inclined to believe that the person was just not particularly interested. I think a lot can explain who took the initiative first, and there are several options here: either she really doesn't want to communicate, or she expects you to pull the whole dialogue on your back.

[Deleted Member]

33 minutes ago, 1MissAnn said:

I am a Dominatrix in a relationship with a specific person. In this thread, I am a woman who likes to dominate and asks for the opinion of other Dominant women. These are different things. Why do you think my question is "weird"?

It's not different at all , who do you think works harder to get a response on here ?  I have made a few good contacts on here but if my profile had any questions please ask this would be a resounding no. You implying that subs are the only ones guilty of bad comms is a bit unfair. It's also very unrealistic. 

Also this open forum ,you put something out there and I wanted to answer it. 

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Pulsesubzero said:

It's not different at all , who do you think works harder to get a response on here ?  I have made a few good contacts on here but if my profile had any questions please ask this would be a resounding no. You implying that subs are the only ones guilty of bad comms is a bit unfair. It's also very unrealistic. 

Also this open forum ,you put something out there and I wanted to answer it. 

To be honest, your spitch looks pretty pointless and blurry. As if you are responding not to what is described in my post, but to your own conclusions.

If you think it's the same thing, you can Google the difference between the concept of "Dominatrix" and "Dominant woman", I don't know what else to answer you here. Next. Can you point me to where I accused someone of something? In my opinion, my post describes my experience where a sub does not take the initiative in a dialogue to get to know each other, and as a result, I ask the opinions of other dominants to sort out the problem. Where did you even find an accusation against all submissives on the planet here? And the fact that this is an open forum does not explain why you found my post weird, and especially emphasized the point about dominantrix.

[Eastbourneguy]

7 hours ago, 1MissAnn said:

Yes, I can guess how frustrating it is. I also have a little experience in communicating with girls for the purpose of domination, and everything was also the same as you described. But I'm more inclined to believe that the person was just not particularly interested. I think a lot can explain who took the initiative first, and there are several options here: either she really doesn't want to communicate, or she expects you to pull the whole dialogue on your back.

One thing I often do is simply ask them if there is anything they want to know about me