Hiding in Plain Site.

[Ro****]

With the Stigma attached over recent years of being part of the BDSM Community. It hasn’t gone unnoticed that many in the LS, when asked, have reported hiding their involvement for *** of *** or of being ostracised.
Furthermore, many reported that BDSM also took a toll on their relationships as it is becoming more and more difficult to find someone with the same tastes, kinks and fetishes.
That said; there are many of us, who after decades of being involved within the BDSM Community, that believe many kinksters experience a sense of freedom at being open about the involvement.

[typhoon2]

I would suggest that the 'stgma' of being part of the BDSM community is substantially less than it has been. The likes of Madonna's 'Handy Spanky', the popularity of the 'Fifty Shades' books and films and the sections of swingers clubs and Ann Summers branches with BDSM kit show that more and more are being exposed to it and thus participating. There isn't universal acceptance - instant dismissal for kinksters in certain professions such as teaching or nursing, for instance - but it's not a bad place to be.

If the LBQT+ community was as secretive about their status then giant strides in equality would never have been achieved; hiding may be a short-term solution but it doesn't help long-term. Educating people through engagement, such as leading by example, is a better strategy than secrecy and guilt.

Kinky relationships are relationships - they have the same joys and pitfalls as any other, and inferring that they're somewhow different is inaccurate. Two kinksters squabbling over who should empty the bins in the shared home is no different to two vanillas!

Of course the unlawful acts that many kinksters engage in doesn't help our cause. In the UK all those bruises that are proudly displayed are illegally caused and open up cans of worms with unsympathetic medical staff or social workers. I *** that a lack of compromise, demanding to be fully accepted but not modifying kinky behaviour, will prove to be a stumbling block for some time.

[ja****]

19 minutes ago, typhoon2 said:

I would suggest that the 'stgma' of being part of the BDSM community is substantially less than it has been. The likes of Madonna's 'Handy Spanky', the popularity of the 'Fifty Shades' books and films and the sections of swingers clubs and Ann Summers branches with BDSM kit show that more and more are being exposed to it and thus participating. There isn't universal acceptance - instant dismissal for kinksters in certain professions such as teaching or nursing, for instance - but it's not a bad place to be.

If the LBQT+ community was as secretive about their status then giant strides in equality would never have been achieved; hiding may be a short-term solution but it doesn't help long-term. Educating people through engagement, such as leading by example, is a better strategy than secrecy and guilt.

Kinky relationships are relationships - they have the same joys and pitfalls as any other, and inferring that they're somewhow different is inaccurate. Two kinksters squabbling over who should empty the bins in the shared home is no different to two vanillas!

Of course the unlawful acts that many kinksters engage in doesn't help our cause. In the UK all those bruises that are proudly displayed are illegally caused and open up cans of worms with unsympathetic medical staff or social workers. I *** that a lack of compromise, demanding to be fully accepted but not modifying kinky behaviour, will prove to be a stumbling block for some time.

Now don't bring facts logic and reasoning into an emotional cry for attention!

[ey****]

The first thing to remember is different people have different circumstances.   There are some with literally more to lose. And while some elements of kink are more mainstream - there's still those who are judgemental towards.  Or, quite simply, don't care - but don't want to know about what is effectively our sex lives either.

One thing in being kinky is that we are, in general, left alone.    At least for now.  That as is said there are sex shops on the high street as well as stuff being openly available to order on line.  There are a lot of places happy to host kink events or parties.

Websites like this do have rules to follow - and, unfortunately, many countries do have laws which may impact sites like this.   There are already legal challenges from some in kink or sex against laws passed in 3 US states, and there is legislation in the UK which would also attack websites like this.

The big thing in a lot of our lives is a two fold question

(1) how would people around us feel towards us if they knew? (2) Do they actually NEED to know?

Because on point 2 it's not like we have any particular special needs in, say, work place or in friends circles.  "Oh, we shouldn't go to that bar cos they're bad towards kinky people" well, umm, how are they even going to know you're kinky?  

[Ki****]

I feel better being honest about who I truly am!!!

[Je****]

I spent decades hiding in plain site now I don’t give a FK. I am completely open to potential partners. Since I started that I am continually having my ass beaten, being humiliated, and degraded !!!!! All of that is happening by my female partners who are getting their freak on and I have been loving every moment…. mostly. Still not a big fan of being out freaked by my young partners but I’m getting used to it.

[je****]

I believe if u hide who you are, you also attract those that aren’t a match.

But its also important to discern the right people and community to surround yourself with where you do not need to constantly need to watch your words and steps.

I definitely keep my anonymity in general as not everyone is deserving to know all of me either.

[De****]

11 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

The first thing to remember is different people have different circumstances.   There are some with literally more to lose. And while some elements of kink are more mainstream - there's still those who are judgemental towards.  Or, quite simply, don't care - but don't want to know about what is effectively our sex lives either.

One thing in being kinky is that we are, in general, left alone.    At least for now.  That as is said there are sex shops on the high street as well as stuff being openly available to order on line.  There are a lot of places happy to host kink events or parties.

Websites like this do have rules to follow - and, unfortunately, many countries do have laws which may impact sites like this.   There are already legal challenges from some in kink or sex against laws passed in 3 US states, and there is legislation in the UK which would also attack websites like this.

The big thing in a lot of our lives is a two fold question

(1) how would people around us feel towards us if they knew? (2) Do they actually NEED to know?

Because on point 2 it's not like we have any particular special needs in, say, work place or in friends circles.  "Oh, we shouldn't go to that bar cos they're bad towards kinky people" well, umm, how are they even going to know you're kinky?  

I agree. People are allowed to be as upfront or quiet as possible about their lifestyle. In my life and career I can’t be as loud about it.