A 1st meet

[Se****]

11 minutes ago, BbwSub93 said:

I completely agree with you all, thank you 😊. I wasn't sure if it was just me thinking wrong. As we had only chatted a couple of days, I assumed we would meet for a coffee or such, but his plan was different. I may have understood him wanting to progress things after meeting and if the mood was there. But when I said I wasn't sure and wasn't comfortable, his response was "you will be". When I queried this evening that I didn't feel it was usual to suddenly meet and be intimate straight away when we hadn't been speaking long, his response felt like he was trying to make me feel bad. So I've told him he's definitely not for me x

I’m pleased you were able to stand your ground and say not only no but also to end things with him when you felt uncomfortable. These things can sometimes be very hard to do and without wishing to sound patronising you should be proud of yourself. It’s good you know yourself well enough to know what you’re comfortable with/happy to engage in.

 I’ve gone both ways with this BUT I always speak to people for a long time prior to meeting them - too long in some people’s eyes.

 That said I now think that meeting to understand someone and get a feel of them without any form of play or sexual activity is the best way forward. You never really know someone online and meeting them may make you feel completely differently to how you thought it would.

 That said, it is entirely personal preference and everyone’s opinion will differ so you have to go with what feels right for you.

Also remember D/s, kink, BDSM do not necessarily involve sexual activity/intercourse. And even if you had agreed to sexual activity prior to the meet you (anyone) is entirely entitled to say no or stop at any time and NOT need made to feel guilty or like there’s something wrong with them.

 Take care, feel free to drop me a DM if you need/want to chat xx

[CopperKnob]

When in doubt as to whether something is 'right' or not, remove the D/s element and ask yourself would vanilla me do this?

[Leisa]

Would you do this in your normal life outside of kink? It’s different for everyone. For me, it would be not normal to go there on a first meet. Others are different. Best of luck.

[Bl****]

At this point, a potential Dom should be focused on your limits, wants & needs, background, discussing safety protocols, etc. All while assessing your suitability to move forward with vetting & consideration. Outside of any pick-up play at an event, there should be lengthy discussions about a host of other things before the topic of play is even brought up. And insistence should be viewed as a MAJOR 🚩and you should exercise extreme caution.

[do****]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

When in doubt as to whether something is 'right' or not, remove the D/s element and ask yourself would vanilla me do this?

Good advice 👍🏾

[DeviantInside]

Hmmmm… I think asking if it is normal isn’t the right question. What matters is if it is right for you. No one else is you. I have done both ends of the spectrum. Where there has been sexual interaction from the first meet, to where any sexual interaction has been months or even longer down the road. Both have worked… but only because that’s what worked for those involved. There is always risk in any meeting/date/scene. So it’s being aware of what risks you are willing to accept. Some get off on the thrill of that risk… and that’s fine but they should also be happy to accept the potential consequences. Similarly some want to meet quickly (and potentially in a sexual context) because they don’t want to spend months on something that will potentially fall flat. That’s also fine… but only with someone else who is looking for or at least comfortable with reciprocation.

So essentially it comes down to what you are happy to accept. What shouldn’t happen is feeling ***d into a situation you are uncomfortable with or obliged to do something you do not want to.

[MarzLipsLuvr]

Well spoken @DeviantInside!

[ey****]

one thing in general I'll say which might go against the grain - is, actually, a lot of people do meet up for sex/play/whatever on the first meet.  However...

if you even think this doesn't feel right, then it's definitely not right for you.

in context, and reading the follow-up comment, yeah this doesn't sit right.   That you'd said you weren't comfortable that he was rather "you will be" rather than "Hey, I'm happy to do x, y, z if you'd prefer" is a massive nope here.

it might be he's just naive/keen/whatever rather than outright dangerous - but it's still not a good look for him and that it's cast even doubt in your mind is totally valid

[Deleted Member]

Totally depends on what you want. If you don't want sex on first meet and that Dom doesn't agree then it's not the right Dom for you

[Tr****]

I agree you should meet and see if you yall connect because even though sex is fun it's not fun if you're uncomfortable. So I would definitely reconsider that meeting.

[4R****]

9 hours ago, MisstressStorm said:

I insist always in public, with cctv preferably - and a call safe mate to confirm you’re ok

Whilst I totally agree and take precautions sush as always public and insist on them setting up a safe call (as well as me having one), I’ve never really thought about the CCTV part of it. That’s a really good idea!

[na****]

I like to make it very clear upfront that I will not have sex on a first meet and I do not feel bad about it and if they do have a problem with it, then they’re not right for me. I also insist on talking to someone for kind of a long time before I even agree to meet with them.

[Pe****]

10 hours ago, BbwSub93 said:

I completely agree with you all, thank you 😊. I wasn't sure if it was just me thinking wrong. As we had only chatted a couple of days, I assumed we would meet for a coffee or such, but his plan was different. I may have understood him wanting to progress things after meeting and if the mood was there. But when I said I wasn't sure and wasn't comfortable, his response was "you will be". When I queried this evening that I didn't feel it was usual to suddenly meet and be intimate straight away when we hadn't been speaking long, his response felt like he was trying to make me feel bad. So I've told him he's definitely not for me x

Thank God!!! He sounds like a predator! Just using the “dom” thing to try and control you. Please be very careful when choosing a Dom.
Did you meet him here???

[Tickler101]

There is no one rule for everyone. It is for the people involved to decide. It isn't surprising that the guy is wanting sexual contact straight away - that is our nature 😅. However, based on your profile I would say that isn't for you and you want to make that connection before doing anything physical. Am I correct? If so, and you don't feel comfortable doing anything that soon...tell him. If he still insists on it or even says it is 'fine' now and then tries again when you meet, run for the hills!! If he can't honour your wishes on that, then he isn't trustworthy when he actually has you in a more *** situation. It would be a red flag. I know you want to have your boundaries pushed but not at this stage.

[Deleted Member]

21 hours ago, BbwSub93 said:

I have been invited for a 1st meet with a dom. I don't have much experience as a Sub but they want sexual contact on this 1st meet. Is this normal on 1st meets? I had the impression a 1st meet was to get to know one another and see if connect 1st.

Normal if all has agreed! No, if just want to say hello, be honest and meet somewhere public, coffee shop maybe. You do you and if ever something doesn't feel right, listen to yourself. Be safe and if you do not mind sharing, keep us posted please. P.S remember you are fucking fabulous xxx 

[Deleted Member]

19 hours ago, BbwSub93 said:

I completely agree with you all, thank you 😊. I wasn't sure if it was just me thinking wrong. As we had only chatted a couple of days, I assumed we would meet for a coffee or such, but his plan was different. I may have understood him wanting to progress things after meeting and if the mood was there. But when I said I wasn't sure and wasn't comfortable, his response was "you will be". When I queried this evening that I didn't feel it was usual to suddenly meet and be intimate straight away when we hadn't been speaking long, his response felt like he was trying to make me feel bad. So I've told him he's definitely not for me x

Good for you Gal xxx Plenty more in the sea xxx

[BbwSub93]

9 hours ago, PervyPenelope said:

Thank God!!! He sounds like a predator! Just using the “dom” thing to try and control you. Please be very careful when choosing a Dom.
Did you meet him here???

Thank you Penelope, no it wasn't here, it was Bdsmdate. When I brought I up that I wasn't really comfortable on 1st meet, I felt he kind of turned it on me, and that it was about following instruction that I clearly couldn't do. Made me feel belittled so immediately I felt everyone was right and it wasn't for me x

[VK****]

Hi there, having read your profile carefully it's patently obvious that a first meet sexual encounter was categorically not what you are looking for. It says quite clearly that you are shy and it can take a while for you to build up trust with someone. 
Served up on a plate. Approach me with kindness, patience and respect and there may be a wonderful treasure in store for you. 
This 'Dom' is a category A selfish imbecile. Glad you junked him having asked the community if your gut feel here was correct, especially as he continued to push his own agenda.  Off the scale stupid. 

[BbwSub93]

5 hours ago, Tickler101 said:

There is no one rule for everyone. It is for the people involved to decide. It isn't surprising that the guy is wanting sexual contact straight away - that is our nature 😅. However, based on your profile I would say that isn't for you and you want to make that connection before doing anything physical. Am I correct? If so, and you don't feel comfortable doing anything that soon...tell him. If he still insists on it or even says it is 'fine' now and then tries again when you meet, run for the hills!! If he can't honour your wishes on that, then he isn't trustworthy when he actually has you in a more *** situation. It would be a red flag. I know you want to have your boundaries pushed but not at this stage.

Hi Tickler, yes that is correct 🙂. Thank you. 

[VK****]

1 minute ago, BbwSub93 said:

Thank you Penelope, no it wasn't here, it was Bdsmdate. When I brought I up that I wasn't really comfortable on 1st meet, I felt he kind of turned it on me, and that it was about following instruction that I clearly couldn't do. Made me feel belittled so immediately I felt everyone was right and it wasn't for me x

Oh dear lord, it gets worse. Next thing it would be 'Only Fake Subs have Limits' followed by 'You agreed to be my Sub, so I can do what I want'.  Dodged a very nasty bullet there. 

[BbwSub93]

34 minutes ago, LaylaNess said:

Normal if all has agreed! No, if just want to say hello, be honest and meet somewhere public, coffee shop maybe. You do you and if ever something doesn't feel right, listen to yourself. Be safe and if you do not mind sharing, keep us posted please. P.S remember you are fucking fabulous xxx 

Aww thanks hun, you are too 😊 xxx

[BbwSub93]

1 minute ago, VKD said:

Oh dear lord, it gets worse. Next thing it would be 'Only Fake Subs have Limits' followed by 'You agreed to be my Sub, so I can do what I want'.  Dodged a very nasty bullet there. 

You saying that, I believe you are actually probably correct about that. Now I think about his tone. At least I know guys who say that are definite no no's lol

[ny****]

You set your hard limits. If it’s no sex on the first meet. That’s certainly a reasonable one. If they do not respect your limits then good riddance. The type that requires this on first meet is the type to ghost after one meeting as well.

[Mo****]

First meet to me is exactly that. We meet in public. Talk to each other, see if we want to go further.

[Nicky898]

You are correct, meet in a public place for say a coffee and my advise would be get to know each other. Take the kink out and what would you do if you where meeting anyone new or what advise would you give your friend.