Polyamorous/open relationship

[Deleted Member]

So I've  been doing a bunch of research on these relationships because I  want to have a serious conversation  with my husband about changing the dynamics of our monogomous relationship. I don't  need  advice per say. I just would love to hear your experiences 

[Deleted Member]

Hey it’s an interesting topic and something that ultimately has to work for everyone involved , I don’t necessarily believe u can just decide ur poly one day it’s a concept that takes time we are so socially conditioned to monogamy that other prospects can be daunting and intimidating but I think the rewards can be incredible if it’s managed well and communication is the vital tool for success! I hope everything goes well for u x

[ey****]

So, my situation/experience (though I'll try to condense)

Married/Poly

Wife has a boyfriend.  I currently don't have any other formal partners, though was in service to a Mistress (so D/s relationship) - either side of that I have been a general slut *mostly* on D/s but, not always.

Usually there's no problem - but it can be a little difficult if one of us is able to spend time with other partner(s) and, for whatever reason, the other can't - it feels like 'missing out' so to speak - and also sometimes have to be cautious if we are making plans that we do include time for each other : so she was with her boyfriend for a bit yesterday - next weekend there's a possibility I'm with someone : so if we don't have time together the weekend after that could be a few weekends in a row spent with others.    

We largely do OK.

[Tuna9PAC]

Honesty and good communication along with respect is the key.

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, 87cheekysub said:

Hey it’s an interesting topic and something that ultimately has to work for everyone involved , I don’t necessarily believe u can just decide ur poly one day it’s a concept that takes time we are so socially conditioned to monogamy that other prospects can be daunting and intimidating but I think the rewards can be incredible if it’s managed well and communication is the vital tool for success! I hope everything goes well for u x

I completely  agree. Although monogamous  relationships  have never been my thing. I don't  know if I am poly. And it's  definitely  going to take me more than a few days and a few discussions to figure out. We've  so far have had 2 days of discussions about it. For the next 6 months we are going to work on our relationship and the kinkier side of things. And if It's  still something  I want we'll  discuss it further. He's  a monogamous  to heart. So he sees it as I'm  not happy with him or the relationship  which is further from the truth. We're  both from the island of misfit toys which is why I love him so much. He's  the first man I've  ever connected with. We've  been married  for 10 years now. So I won't  go without a fight. At the same time I have to figure out what I want and what my needs are and so does he. I would love to make a poly/mono relationship  work with us (if I am poly)but I  won't  *** him. That's  not the kind of relationship I want to be in. I've  seen what control *** and jealousy  does to a relationship and that's  far from what I  want

[Deleted Member]

It took me a long time to realise who I was. Poly being part of it. I did a lot of research before I decided poly was definitely me. The best advice I can give is to watch the TED conferences regarding it. They're very insightful and help everything slot into place. It helps you to understand yourself

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, VulpesNocte said:

It took me a long time to realise who I was. Poly being part of it. I did a lot of research before I decided poly was definitely me. The best advice I can give is to watch the TED conferences regarding it. They're very insightful and help everything slot into place. It helps you to understand yourself

Thankyou I will definitely  watch it

[40somethings]

I think everyone is different. I know my husband and I aren’t poly, but like having others around at intimate settings. We discuss what’s ok and not ok before any get together and if one of feel uncomfortable, the answer is no. I’m very new to allowing myself to feel the freedom of “no rules” to intimacy and my husband has been there through every step. It only makes me more comfortable and feel sexier than ever. With that being said, I don’t either one of us have ever said no. Lol. By point is, talk to him, he may be a lot more open than you think. 

[Deleted Member]

I would say at times that people are too quick to identify with a singular dynamic with actually looking and researching the different options. 

I've considered my self polyamorous but after actually thinking and a great deal of introspection and reading other peoples choices and defining of individual dynamics that I now class myself as being grounded in Ethical non monogamous dynamic. 

This being grounded in the definition of polyamory meaning many loves . 

So don't be so quick to try and fit into one type cast. 

Whether you are in a mono of any variation of with and dynamic based relationship.  The absolute key is totally open communication this sounds easy to accomplish but its not its ***ful its challenging and has no place for selfishness all sides must be put forward the moment and emotional pressure comes to bear this needs to be faced head on this is hard.  

Moving  forward is hard and full understanding of each party's needs if this means looking from a no judgemental view then that has to be done. 

Discussions need to had and rein***d around what the dynamic is . 

Does it have a primary couple is it equal what boundaries are set and so on .

 

One piece of advice be careful what restrictions ate attempted to be imposed this can be hard but understanding is required. 

MrC 

Edited July 24, 2019 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

I'm open minded to poly, open, friends with benefits, though could easily do a normal 1 to 1 monog relationship. Having being cheated on more than once in past, if I met someone and we got on well, and they were honest with me from the start that they would like to see others, I would be cool with it, and thats all that matters to me with any kind of relationship I may be in, honesty from the start. So I'm not sure what category I fit into.

[Deleted Member]

I’ve bern poly for a couple years now. Made up of my existing long term relationship with my boyfriend. And the other with my Dom of roughly 2 years. Like anything you want it life - it takes work, communication, patience and a little creativity. I’d say it’s personality dependent too, everybody needs to be very respectful of everyone involved needs to work towards a dynamic that works for everyone. For me, it’s been worth it and I love this arrangement. I still believe in monogamy for those who commit to it but poly really and truly is a very viable option too and not just for people trying to ‘save’ a relationship. This didn’t save anything for me as luckily, nothing needed saving but my life has been enhanced tenfold

[An****]

I've never been in a monogamous relationship. That doesn't mean I've always had multiple partners but an expectation of monogamy has never been part of one of my relationships. I've never had the impression that it's really any easier or harder than monogamy if it's what you want. People always says it requires communication, and yes it does, but that's what people always say about literally any type of relationship. That's just relationships.

I do think it's important to note that there a lot of different ways to be poly. It seems a lot of people tend to assume that means little commitment or one primary with casual sex partners. I'm just not a no-strings-attached sort of person, I'll get to know someone in a hurry if I think they're interesting and attractive but the idea of a one night stand has pretty much zero appeal to me. So I tend to focus on a few lovers and friends with benefits, ideally people who are at the very least friends themselves.

[MisterAsmodai]

My nesting partner and I have been poly for about ten years now. One thing I have noticed is that, unlike monogamy, there is no definition for what poly actually is, so there is a lot of room for personalization to what works for you. My NP has her boyfriend that she regularly spends time with, and I have had anywhere between one and five other partners (all subs/slaves) for variable amounts of time over the course of the last decade.  For the most part, this works for us. We meet new people constantly and develop new relationships/dynamics as they present themselves. We have had to end connections in the past, as not everyone plays by our rules, but that is part of any kind of relationship. Overall, the pursuit of poly function has been rewarding for us.