Ironically shy

[CT****]

I'm a switch, but mostly a (pleasure) dom. When in the bedroom, I am confident and have no issues being dominant. But when approaching someone on this site, I'm pretty shy, probably because I have autism. Does anyone have advice on how I can show my dominant side when approaching someone without being too intense from the get-go?

[Pr****]

My suggestion would be to find other autistic folks. And that's coming from an autistic person my damn self. There's no reason we should have to hold ourselves back all the damn time when there's people out there who vibe with it. And there ARE people who vibe with it. It's usually US

[ey****]

my simple suggestion

you don't need to jump straight in with Dominant side - they're not your sub (yet!) start normally/naturally and being Dominant in messages will occur naturally when appropriate 

[Shilo66]

Do what you've just done here... explain on your profile and when you first message someone, about your autism and how you are aware it can come across / make you appear intense even though you do not mean to be. This simple explanation will go a long way towards helping the people you approach to understand you better and to keep any conversation going.

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

my simple suggestion

you don't need to jump straight in with Dominant side - they're not your sub (yet!) start normally/naturally and being Dominant in messages will occur naturally when appropriate 

Thank yooouuuu so many people will speak to you as if they are your dom and expect you to play along. They don’t consider you not actually being their sub.

[De****]

I would avoid being dominant off the bat. That can be a huge turn off.

[An****]

 I agree with denverkitten and Shilo66. Put this into practice and you should find it works. 

[Th****]

@CT3don't worry about "showing your dominant side" when approaching people. As @eyemblacksheep and others said, you aren't *their* dominant and it can be incredibly off putting for many, if you come in with a lot of that energy right away. 

As a fellow autistic myself I'm going to echo part of what @PrimalPrincess98has said...  Own it, consider mentioning it in your profile in some way then maybe explain a bit about how you communicate in general. I've found that this does help in finding people I'm going to vibe with and fairly quickly weeds out people who I'm not for. There does seem to be a trend towards a higher percentage of other ND folk that fit, be they ADHD, autistics or like me AuDHD but I've connected with neurotypicals and allistics as well. 

Being shy also isn't a negative thing, it's just a trait that exists, it's neutral, so if you have feelings that shy = bad that might be something to sit with and work on a bit. 

[CT****]

I never really jump right in really, I just struggle initiating initiating initiatin

[CT****]

11 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

my simple suggestion

you don't need to jump straight in with Dominant side - they're not your sub (yet!) start normally/naturally and being Dominant in messages will occur naturally when appropriate 

I really love this advice! Although if I'm being honest my problem is moreso that I struggle initiating conversations period and that I come off as more submissive than I really am.

[Th****]

1 hour ago, CT3 said:

I really love this advice! Although if I'm being honest my problem is moreso that I struggle initiating conversations period and that I come off as more submissive than I really am.

Are you sure you aren't just *feeling* like or afraid you're appearing more submissive than you are? 

 

I'd recommend working on separating being/feeling shy and struggling to initiate conversation from any ideas of appearing submissive or Dominant or anything of that sort. Part of getting more comfortable is just going to be doing it more often and practicing. However that's not me suggesting you start mass messaging people either, don't do that for sure. 😄

 

If you're anything like me and many of my other autistic friends communication can be a tricky thing with you and you likely have feelings about not being misunderstood or appearing "too" awkward or "weird". Once I got to where I was fully comfortable in, with and about my awkward and weird and just owned it, things got so much easier and better for me. Now I even really like being my version of weird quite a lot. Be awkward, be weird, (just not the creepy kind ok 😉) the right people will get you. 

 

Being genuine and authentic is a big deal, care about being a good human, do what's within your power to always keep growing and learning even the smallest movement forward counts as long as you don't stop. 

[GenieFiraga]

Threaten to sue them and then steal their bike. I'm pretty sure that works but I haven't tested it out yet

[ti****]

Autism is a barrier to conversation, for sure. I find it helpful to have topics planned out to talk about, a quiet place to meet without a lot of people/noise, and something to fidget with. The topics I choose are ones that I’m very knowledgeable about so my dom side can come out instead of the shy side. Practice has been very helpful. It is a challenge but it has helped me a lot. Best of luck!

[po****]

I’m AuDHD too and a sub-leaning switch and I really struggle with meeting new people, period. All those self critical thoughts even though they’re the one hitting you up in the DMs are the worst 😩 also having an eye contact kink when your brain hates the thought of doing just that is hell 😭

[Ch****]

I would suggest just starting a conversation that you think both of you would like