Just wondering.

[oi****]

So, it seems I have this need to be needed. To know that in being used fir my strengths. Confusing. Will go as far as my partner needs for them but it seems weak to need someone to be fulfilled to be fulfilled. Is thus normal?

[Ki****]

I do the same. I feel like that's part of being a sub like I am. My Sir agrees.

[Deleted Member]

Normal? More than you think. Healthy? Most likely not.

Codependency isn't really healthy but isn't harmful unless you become codependent on someone who is abusive and takes advantage of you while ignoring any limits or boundaries you may have.

A good partner will work to help you alleviate your codependency.

If this is a legitimate question and not just a kink then I'd recommend making sure whatever relationship you end up in is with someone that isn't toxic.

[Deleted Member]

Yes it’s normal and it’s similar to getting off to the fact you’re pleasing someone or something of similar nature. It’s a great quality to have honestly

[7F****]

What you’re describing is essentially what it means to be human. So, unless you’re of interstellar heritage, you’re doing it right. This can lead, of course, to relationships which can feel very one sided if you’re connected with someone who willfully takes advantage of that trait, but on its own, the desire to be needed is a core attribute within us messy humans. :)

[Deleted Member]

I think that's pretty normal.

The quickest way to judge your value is to determine if others value you. Being 'needed' or depended upon implies supreme value, at least to one person.

Whether that's ultimately going to be fulfilling for you long term or not though is harder to say.

[Deleted Member]

Very normal

[Th****]

It's so much better to be wanted rather than needed no? 

 

To be wanted for your strengths instead of needed. They'd be just fine and are fully capable without, but choose to want you instead? 

Edited September 10, 2023 by ThaliaVirago

[Deleted Member]

It is part of my dominance, actually. My sub is very capable, but as her Dom, I carry things, I open doors, I do the things that require strength and endurance. I don’t do it because she can’t, I do it because she doesn’t have to with me around. We cook and clean together, but the only time she’s allowed to touch a door knob in my presence, is because I am carrying most things and keeping her arms free of the burden. It’s a process to let her feel little, pretty, and cared for. It also allows me to feel like her protector, and necessary in her life, because we all want to feel needed, and cared about.

[ar****]

Maybe it's not so much that you have a need to be needed that you have a need to be wanted

[Deleted Member]

It's just how you feel you can change

[Va****]

2 hours ago, ThaliaVirago said:

It's so much better to be wanted rather than needed no? 

 

To be wanted for your strengths instead of needed. They'd be just fine and are fully capable without, but choose to want you instead? 

Yes, that is a good perspective to have! I do, however, relate to the op perspective and don't feel it's unreasonable. My wife and I have had a number of discussions about this actually. I've had issues with depression and struggled with insecurities early in our relationship. I often felt like she could carry on without me and be fine. I wasn't able to take comfort in just her choosing to be with me. I wanted to feel needed. But that was a lot of the depression talking about that isn't always rational thinking.

[Tw****]

Why do you see it as weak ? Humans are a social creature, what you described is pretty normal.

[IA****]

Bro. I just gave up on finding sex so I can teach people safe practices for my kinks because the community is f**ked. It’s not weak. It’s strong that you can sacrifice your own satisfaction to ensure another’s. I feel more gratified teaching and ensuring safe, consensual practices than engaging in my kink sexually. If you need to be needed, stop being ‘weak’ and start being a leader for your kinks and a teacher for your partners. You’re strong.

[Mr****]

To be wanted to be with only people qho want to be with you are the only ones you should want in your lives, needs us up for some discussion, but in hind site , like " thats exactly what I needed in my life at that point in time, to feell so wanted , ..." co dependency is not a heathy relationship for most ,ends up being a horrible fot most but, a healthy relationship is what we all seek , but no where, were we taught. The lucky few had parents that had thisvrare gift by randomness.
I will be writing extensively on this most important topic, for all the thr qorld see why humans are self destructive as a race .
Because of this void that was created from
.....

[Mr****]

Bottom line all our own problems , "ALL" IS WORTH REPEATING
ALL out our problems are created by OUR OWN ***S.
FIRST AND LAST page , but hiw, uts simple, but can peoples ***s allow it to evolve into world peace? Its the same exact reasons , ***

[Mr****]

Its not like this has been thought if , wisdom from ***?
Success from failure , *** is the great motivator, to be kept at a level of self awareness to b open able willing ti live thru many different experiences to be taught , to be that spark, the foolvto help change exactly what thus world needs before its too late, if it isn't already. OMG
YES , WHO ELSE CAN BRING THS STUPID CARPENTER TO BRING CHANGE TO ALL, AND EVERY SOILL

[Mr****]

Tbc

[Mr****]

No 2 are alike to be wanted is from live to be be needed not

[Mr****]

Just now, moreFunever said:

No 2 are alike to be wanted is from live to be be needed not

Spiritually speaking of course

[Ro****]

Both myself and my partners have a desire to make the other one happy. That's very important to me. I just do it from a position of submission, and they do it from a position of dominance. It should be normal to be happy to make the people you're with feel special to you. If I wasnt happy pleasing the person I was with, or they werent happy dominating me, then what's the point? I want them to want my submission just as much as they want me to want their dominance.

[Co****]

It's not uncommon but tread carefully -this is one side of a co-dependent relationship. One needs someone,and the other needs to be needed by someone. It can be rewarding and fulfilling but also toxic if not kept in check. Communication and honesty are key for it to flourish,as with any successful pairing. Good luck!

[Ro****]

I’m working against the same curse, I am deliberately keeping certain bits of distance for safety and I am learning to like how it feels but sometimes it’s pretty lonely

[su****]

Especially as someone who leans far more dominant, I find myself wanting to feel valued by my partner. In moments in which I may feel undervalued, I do my best to communicate that to her with the objective of it being us against the problem rather than is against each other. I love her more than I could ever put into words, and she is beyond precious to me. It’s important to remember that any strong relationship requires communication. It took me quite sometime to learn this myself, but someone who truly cares for you would much rather talk about what may be causing you dismay than for you to suffer in silence. Best of luck, by friends. And may you find whatever it is you seek.

[Deleted Member]

It is absolutely normal you are a man , yes sound strange this days but men are protectors genetically , our porpoise is to protect so to be needed , if your partner got feminist approaches or if your partner before did that damaged you emotionally so now you trying to over compensate this is why you feel that maybe is too much but is not .