fucktheworld Posted July 29, 2019 Posted July 29, 2019 so i basically wrote diary of my emotions according this femdom/sissy/whatever bullshit. I did not directly talk about it in the writing really but you can read between lines what i mean/how i feel. "dear diary" I have been wondering why i dont want to be happy. I know how easy it technically would be but i still cant make such a small improvement in my life. Like when you see that all your problems come from same fault in you. Its not like it brings me any type of happiness in to my real life. I mean maybe moment to fill the void to not feel empty for like one day (i edge very sickening long bits). But all days after that are like living nightmares. I feel like i am straight up golum you know from lord of the rings. The whole story matches i dont know ring may appear bright and flashy for me but i sure know its ugly everytime in the real world. "So your simply addict right?" Same basicly goes for all the addicts, but i dont know like when there is normal fucking addict to drug even fits them somehow. what about this? it 0% fits me. Okay, but i remember been hooked with cannabis too and it either never did fit me but i just continued to use it because i was used to it. These days i use it and it just does not offer any type of positive emotion. its just dizzy wow great, and i have a fucking headache okay. when back in the day i really had all the fucking issues with it and it just only felt good. i think what made the difference for me to realize on emonational level that this drug does not feel good to me was when i stopped using it. (because serious mental issues) coming back to it, i FELT it never offered anything positive to me so i dont use that bullshit no more. When i was still active and using it i took it one time at time and was like looking so close to it trying to say its getting better i dont even fucking know, i dont care either. so i got only this one life and fuck it up just because i feel like doing so. wow. but i never was strong at controlling my own will or better to say my weakness, like as long as im winning like i can fucking do anything, make miracles what ever. But when it comes to my biggest weakness i aint got no control. yes im just wondering. fucking wondering. How is this shit gonna stop. at times like this, im not even sure... like i basically should just kill myself. if i keep doing this my life will go downhill very fucking fast but what do i care? fuck me fuck my dreams fuck my happiness fuck my you know... im tired and im also beyond tired..... i want to HOPE its the only thing that has been able to make some positive results in this bullshit. but. im starting to lose believe in myself. cos its always like maaan this is the last fucking chance things are seriously starting to look bad like wow. so bad. like i feel like im never gonna be happy. cos i lack. what i should.. but its always same shit behind it. just fucking fix it plz? im begging. my life can not simply be a disasterrrrr... like. there could have been many great things for me. every-fucking-body hates me. but i think even behind that shit is this very same reason. right. fuck. not all know (many do cos my mind is allover the place). but basicly 100% of them would just hate me even more if they heard this type of whining "plz understand me" right. maybe they would understand me little better. put hate, avoid and be discussed of me even more. I suppose. i dont want to be happy.. why.. cos thats all that i want. i- dont want to be happy? its weird but i think am i really only one who sees this this way. there many ppl who feel like this too right? many of them end up killing themselves? many. just.... but im running out of time. i cant afford collapse no. it does not matter if i get beaten to the ground it does not matter if i will not have anything as long as i stop this but. its the void im afraid of. its so deep i guess. and time after time its deeper. how to fill such. when you simply feel like I DONT CARE to do nothing today right thats something that is unavoidable. maaaan. (stab me plz). so youtube/games/tv is just as empty as dying i dont know like basically i just have to fill it with walks in wild then there is thought "man i dont want to go for walk i want to suber duber chill. like literally JUST FUCKING KILL YOURSELF! like if i would watch this from 3 person view i would like be unbelievably disrespectful cos this does seem like thats weak like beyond anything like ? there is no single fucking strength in your will? unbelievable? like whats the fucking catch? what is it? feeling good? great like this shit is absolutely worst drug. There is like reflections that last months,, and they are very hazardous in timing too. feels like interacting with world (and problems in it) is like other half of it, addiction is another half and they are like magnets pulling towards each other. Im fucking done. anyways at the end of the day i fucking hate myself so much.. i know i could be anywhere. without these issues i basically know i would be. just cut this shit out and that would be it. leave all other mistakes dont care does not matter. this (and by the way this is in the base of all those mistakes too) is only reason for my unhappiness. So, at the end of the day --> i just dont want to be happy. so i would like to ask am i seriously only one who sees this femdom to sissy to what ever disgusting bullshit is ruining they're life (or is it just that nobody wants to visit these sites if not feeling horny for this bullshit lol.)
ey**** Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 I'm not sure what your post really has to do with Femdom, or sissyplay, or anything else.
BigPolly Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 Ok I can understand you are struggling with this part of your life & although is may not seem normal to you, labelling it as ‘disgusting’ may offend others on here. You’re entitled to your own opinions & thoughts & feelings but your view is very different to those on here. This site is not about ‘being horny’ it’s a way of life. How you choose to accept that is down to you, obviously you’re struggling to accept that this is part of you which is perfectly ok but maybe wording it less offensively will encourage others to come forward to help. You’re obviously in a very dark place at the moment & I think many of us can understand that but I think you need to strip it back & maybe accept professional help firstly for the mental health side of things then when you are in a bit of a better place start to tackle the fetish’s that you are struggling with.
fucktheworld Posted July 30, 2019 Author Posted July 30, 2019 (edited) For me it makes all sense, and i did not write that text To no one but my self i just thought after writing it To copy paste it here To see what you guys think of this. Well im basically disgusted by myself not here To point fingers. Text is dark but im not gonna be sorry because thats just how i feel. Maybe this is nothing you guys counter but i also want to warn you. Edited July 30, 2019 by fucktheworld
Wo**** Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 I think you are lost in a world of ***. There's a song by Bens Brother.. Live. I think you'll like the lyrics.. I used to be a dreamer Who couldn't fall asleep Trying to find an answer A reason to believe Living in between worlds This one and the next Trying to make my mind up Which one of them is best And every time I think I've got it right It just slips away from me But my conscience always catches up eventually I've gotta learn to live In a different way A little for tomorrow A little for today Crossed seven different oceans Coz I'm looking for escape Tired of emotions Getting in the way Trying to make my mind up If it's better just to Dream on Running with my eyes shut Somewhere in between And every time I think I've got it right It just slips away again Maybe I'll just shut my eyes and count to ten I've gotta learn to live In a different way A little for tomorrow A little for today I used to be a dreamer Who couldn't fall asleep Trying to find the answer A reason to believe... I've gotta learn to live In a different way A little for tomorrow A little for today I've gotta learn to live
Deleted Member Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 I’d say just roll with it. If it makes you happy it can’t be that bad right? I used to struggle with the whole Femdom thing, as in it’s not a manly thing to do. I don’t now, nothing unmanly about it. I adore women, worship them even, so stands to reason I lean this way. But whatever you think don’t be down on yourself. We are who we are.
fucktheworld Posted July 30, 2019 Author Posted July 30, 2019 its like this femdom sissy play shit is world that only makes sense when im at my computer, like if computer would not exist i would be free of this all. and I simply want that. irl me been a sub, bottom what ever only brings problems.
Carnelian2 Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 All I can say is to have patience and hang in there. If this is a side of tour character, then suppressing it will only bring more ***. Give it time and, as I said, have patience and and open mi
ey**** Posted July 30, 2019 Posted July 30, 2019 I feel I'm second guessing you here, but... are you implying that BDSM/Kink etc. can be addictive (it can) and that some people may get involved to try to fill something in their life (they do) and should be cautious because it can be another dead end (it can) Which, if so. Yeah, I think it is important that people get into BDSM/kink etc. for the right reasons. They they enjoy what they're doing and not just for the hope of some short-term buzz, attention, etc. ?
fucktheworld Posted August 1, 2019 Author Posted August 1, 2019 Yes, its dead end for me, and it still feels good when i do it. i dont think its different to any addiction someone may be 200kg fat for never stopping eating cos it feels comforting but hes/her life is becoming less worth living bite after bite in long run. I know how i feel and i dont belong anywhere unless i get rid of this but will not let anyone tell me how i should feel about things, this is not me.
fucktheworld Posted August 1, 2019 Author Posted August 1, 2019 Im also very powerful in many ways, so when anything that revolves around this comes up on my name many guys get super loud about it like GAYY GAYY GAYY you know come rushing w that and talk laud behind my back and stuff. I basically dont have much to say to that so it just continues and continues (and this obviously drains my power) girls find it disgusting too. But everything works people respect me and consider me alpha until this shit comes up.
ey**** Posted August 1, 2019 Posted August 1, 2019 I think there are good reasons why discretion is important - not everyone understands the lifestyle and that can lead to negative responses. ultimately - it is important to do something because you enjoy it and not because you're addicted to how it makes you feel. That is something where it's important to find ways to be happy within yourself.
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