Exclusive

[Deleted Member]

I need some advice..I am just getting into the bdsm lifestyle. The guy that is teaching me asked me to be his sub. However, he wants me to be exclusive to him, but he wants to play around with other people. I don't really like that. What should I do?? How do I address this?? I really like the guy.

[Tt****]

Being a sub doesn't mean that you and your feelings aren't valid. A good d/s dynamic needs honest communication to be safe and proper. If the guy is a real Dom, he would really appreciate you being honest and explaining that you don't like it. Your feelings are very valid and shared by many people, and I'm sure that you'll be able to work something out 🙂

[ka****]

Hi, you have to set boundaries, if you're not comfortable with him seeing others then he needs to know

[Ve****]

You say no. I don’t like that. If you want to discuss mutual exclusivity, I’m open. Communication is key. There are no shortages of men claiming to be Doms who will want to control you without respecting you. You must be careful and choose wisely. Use your words and trust your gut. No is a complete sentence.

[Deleted Member]

Honestly? Don't do it. Advice over. He'll back down or lose you

[Deleted Member]

Say no thanks and keep looking for what you are looking for

[Un****]

That depends on you. You have 2 options as I see it tell him how you feel about it with the notion that he may cut ties or he may be willing to accept your demands. Option 2 is say nothing and abide by his rule. That being said you should find a dom that has similar views as your own.

[Cu****]

Tell them how it makes you feel and if they will not compromise then they unfortunately aren't the right person for you

[ge****]

Has he said that he wants a open relationship between you and him

[Deleted Member]

It's up to you, choose your boundaries and stick to them, If it's flexible than it's not a boundary. If you being the only one exclusive is hard or awkward for you it's not a right fit, either make that clear or end it

[Deleted Member]

It’s simple. You tell him your limits. This is one of them. If he can’t or won’t respect your limits then he is not a true Dom.

[Deleted Member]

I would just find another guy lol but you can always try to win him over for yourself, or just fr tell him that you really like him don’t like it that he wants you to be exclusive to him. Goodluck

[st****]

If it is loyalty you seek, be open about it. Mutual understanding, respect and consent should be what binds us.

[MsDrawers]

Would you put up with that in other scenarios? That is a selfish double standard and you deserve better. You already know the answer.

[ha****]

Hey this life style is literally means freedom and if you can’t be free to do what you wanna do and if it limits your power and desire then that’s not right and the answer should be easy I know when you like someone it’s hard cuz emotions interfere with right decisions but again it’s call in the end you will be dealing with the consequences

[NorseRhune]

If it's not for you then that's ok. Just be upfront about it.

[An****]

Well. It’s all about the communication. If there’s something you don’t enjoy you need to tell them. And you need to realise that the sun is ultimately in control (or should be) with the safe word and decision on how far they are going.

But. Communication. Talk to him address the issue directly.

[Dante6191]

That too me seems like a red flag and it’s extremely dangerous as well as u don’t no who he’s playing and what they might have and end of the day if one part of the dynamic doesn’t agree then it shouldn’t go ahead until u either want it or if u don’t want it then it shouldn’t happen

[ch****]

Tell him NO!!!

[Jo****]

You need to ask him why the double standard? If he wants you to be exclusive to him. He needs to be exclusive to you! Sounds like he is more of a player than a true Dom.

[FL****]

This lifestyle like anything else is about expressing wishes and respecting limit's, if it is a hard pass that you don't want him to play with other subs / people, then voice your concern talk about it. At the very least they should respect you.

[ki****]

Its all a negotiation and consent. If you can’t find a happy consensus, then you have to choose. Your standards or him. This is true in vanilla relationships too btw. Trust me, as a new sub, there is no shortage of Dom’s willing to mentor you. Some will be monogamous. Many will not. But if that is important to you- hold out until you find it. Its really important to feel safe with and have trust in your Dom. The rewards are worth taking time to get the right match.

[MR****]

Set your boundaries

[Da****]

Tell him, boundaries and communication are key. Two him that you would like him to be yours and yours alone

[Jo****]

If that's not what you want, don't do it. The choice is yours, and if he can't accept that then he probably isn't the person for you. My advice in general to new people is not to commit to anyone until you have learned a great deal more about the lifestyle.