BDSM AND POLYAMORY

[Deleted Member]

The problem is and it’s my experience, that everyone thinks polyamory is a norm. Its not, not everybody can practice polyamory. I think it comes from many avenues just like kink is linked to trauma. Some people, like myself are very happy having one partner to experience everything with. Others have a deficit or prefer to compartmentalise their disclosures to partners. The issue I have found is sex, if it was emotional connections then I would understand that it could be a norm, everyone has different emotional connections with other people throughout their lives, but sex and sexual intimacy does open a whole new can of worms really.

I thankfully don’t interact with a lot of poly people, due to multiple bad experiences I have been turned away from it as a lifestyle for good now. And I’m very happy being monogamous.

[Firefox_]

I've previously tried polyam but its not for me. I gave my whole heart and soul to Daddy - theres no way i could share it XD

[Hy****]

20 hours ago, MidlandsDaddy91 said:

The problem is and it’s my experience, that everyone thinks polyamory is a norm. Its not, not everybody can practice polyamory. I think it comes from many avenues just like kink is linked to trauma. Some people, like myself are very happy having one partner to experience everything with. Others have a deficit or prefer to compartmentalise their disclosures to partners. The issue I have found is sex, if it was emotional connections then I would understand that it could be a norm, everyone has different emotional connections with other people throughout their lives, but sex and sexual intimacy does open a whole new can of worms really.

I thankfully don’t interact with a lot of poly people, due to multiple bad experiences I have been turned away from it as a lifestyle for good now. And I’m very happy being monogamous.

This is actually been well studied, there is not good evidence suggesting that trauma is linked to kink interest. If you are kinky, it is because your brain was built to like kink, not as a trauma cope.

[Th****]

September 19, Turnmeover said:

I struggle with the idea that a polyamorous relationship can last long term. Maybe with long periods of monogamy it would work. I see danger in that bonds will form between partners that jeopardise the main relationship.

From personal experience I can say LTR within Polayam are very doable. I have been with nesting partner/care giver (CGL dynamic) for a little over 8 years and my other partner and I have been in a relationship for 6 years. I've had the same lover for about 4 years and still go on dates and meet new people. Especially other people to have BDSM play scenes with. It's all about proper communication between partners. If one partner feels like they need more attention or time, they simply communication that. One of my partners is even married and has been for 15 years. His wife also has a partner and they have been together for 6 years and he has been married to his wife for 10 years... and even his wife has a LTR with another partner. ... ... . Long term healthy relationship are very possible. It just takes open honest communication.

[Da****]

Personally for me I have a more intense D/s dynamic with my primary partner and then a slight Ddlg dynamic with my other. Polyam works for some and not for others. It works for me quite well

[wo****]

I the Dominant in the relationship commit all of my free time to my littles thus I have been in a long term relationship with both to the point I’m looking for a third I have noticed that monogamous Doms and subs have a greater tendency to split up to explore different kinks

[Pi****]

 I am currently reading the book Opening Up by Tristan Taormino, this is an effort to further my relationship with my polyamorous BDSM babe, we will call her Poly. Historically I’ve been a monogamous male three years ago having ended a 23 year marriage. I’ve dated many women in the past two years, and have been intimate with a majority of them. I realized I have also maintained a relationship with quite a few of them. This leads me to believe that I am somewhat poly too. Therefore, I get the philosophy.

My Poly has recently invited me to attend a BDSM training class. I am not only intrigued, but I am enamored that she invited me and every time I think about it and her I get super excited.  She and I have great chemistry, and I know she has great chemistry with other men and women in her life. I am OK with this because it makes her happy and that makes me happy.

Even though she and I are only 2 months into our relationship, I see a LTR brewing. We’ve already scheduled out the next few months for our time together.

Poly and I have been extremely honest with one another, which is extremely refreshing.

Where I am struggling is how to bring my relationship with her up to my existing relationships as well as the new ones I look to develop.

Because I’m in this relationship with Poly, i feel all of my relationships need to be “open”.

Is that realistic or just ethical?

[Hy****]

1 hour ago, clearwater951 said:

 I am currently reading the book Opening Up by Tristan Taormino, this is an effort to further my relationship with my polyamorous BDSM babe, we will call her Poly. Historically I’ve been a monogamous male three years ago having ended a 23 year marriage. I’ve dated many women in the past two years, and have been intimate with a majority of them. I realized I have also maintained a relationship with quite a few of them. This leads me to believe that I am somewhat poly too. Therefore, I get the philosophy.

My Poly has recently invited me to attend a BDSM training class. I am not only intrigued, but I am enamored that she invited me and every time I think about it and her I get super excited.  She and I have great chemistry, and I know she has great chemistry with other men and women in her life. I am OK with this because it makes her happy and that makes me happy.

Even though she and I are only 2 months into our relationship, I see a LTR brewing. We’ve already scheduled out the next few months for our time together.

Poly and I have been extremely honest with one another, which is extremely refreshing.

Where I am struggling is how to bring my relationship with her up to my existing relationships as well as the new ones I look to develop.

Because I’m in this relationship with Poly, i feel all of my relationships need to be “open”.

Is that realistic or just ethical?

It might be time to decide whether she is worth your time more than your other partners and possibly make things hierarchical. Some people think that this is shitty, but I think it’s fairly practical. Prioritizing relationships is only unethical if you don’t communicate your priorities.

[Pi****]

Useful! Thank you! I have some decision making to do.

She is worth sacrificing some of my prior relationships. I’m a sapiosexual, and she is brilliant and talent as well as a beautiful mind. I think our minds are simply connected through deep conversations, great pillow, talk, and honesty. 

I think it will be easier going forward to introduce a new person to Poly rather than all of my past relationships. There are one or two of my past relationships, whom I still speak to you and have sexual intercourse with who would enjoy meeting Poly. 

I know this… I love and admire all of the women I have been with. It is my intention to maintain those relationships. I will be honest with them and let them know about Poly.

[Da****]

I’m dating two people right now, I wouldn’t want it any other way! I’d also love to date more people. I love the freedom, the love and the understanding that comes with it. I also feel safe (unlike how I did in a monogamous relationship.) this is how I personally feel, please no judgment! Only but love here <3

[MistressWhipplash]

From friendship growing to deep trust the poly dynamic, as with any relationship in life is about core actions.

Clear, concise communication, clarification on miscommunication, negotiation, trust and loyalty.

Each poly group has their own way of doing things that work for them. For me personally I don't use buzz word terms, instead I prefer clarification on phrasing used to ensure those involved feel safe, cherished, valued, and all of us feel listened to.

 

[on****]

In my experience poly is for people who want to cheat and this is the excuse. Never again would i even begin to think about a poly relationship. So much mistrust.

[me****]

I would like to be apart of poly family

[Sc****]

I’ve been poly for quite a while now. My wife and I have always been open but didn’t learn about polyamory till about 15 yrs ago. (Been with her 29yrs).
Currently I have no other partners and she has one. But I’m here for myself.

[ir****]

9 hours ago, onceuponatime42 said:

In my experience poly is for people who want to cheat and this is the excuse. Never again would i even begin to think about a poly relationship. So much mistrust.

Unfortunately, it sounds like you had a very dishonest partner as this isn’t the heart of polyamory. I hope you find healing with time ❤️

[Sw****]

I think it's important to have conversations open at all times. When you're in a polyamorous relationship, people should know what you're feeling. Same with kink. So on one gets hurt. I think that it's also isn't for everyone. People are complex & have many flaws. Not being able to communicate is one of them. I think that by being more open about that & willing to work through that is something that's encouraged by our community. Which is really great.

Also I have a tip to those who are poly & kinky. Stick to your boundaries. Whatever that may be & constantly hold yourself & others accountable when you &/or they don't meet them. Research what kind of polyamory that you would like to be into. Yes, most poly ppl hate the unicorn hunters & the harem builders. But hierarchy poly is debated in circles I'm in.

[4g****]

Been poly for decades, lots of different dynamics.
For me it’s the same as any other relationship. Honesty and communication.
Currently just had our one year as a live in poly situation. We actually all met on Fet!

[on****]

2 hours ago, 4girlsandadaddy said:

Been poly for decades, lots of different dynamics.
For me it’s the same as any other relationship. Honesty and communication.
Currently just had our one year as a live in poly situation. We actually all met on Fet!

How does one manage to get 4 girls. I can't get 1.

[na****]

Poly should be way of life now a days with expenses, sexual desires skyrocketing, im

[Sc****]

Been poly for quite some time as well. Currently have 3 females and my honesty and integrity and o pen honest communications . Almost 3 years with my partner on fet , another for a year and we just happily added a 3 Rd . So far very happy

[Da****]

Polyamory isn’t about cheating at all 💔

[on****]

It's was a very negative experience all in all. There were good moments but that's all it was.