Lovebombing in a dynamic

[Deleted Member]

Could kink enjoyers possibly list the signs that someone is lovebombing or overly infatuated with them in a newly formated, open dynamic?

[TheDeathRictus]

Over eager, way too public with their affection (like you're a trophy they have to show off), jumping steps ahead without thinking if you're ready etc all spring to mind

[Ph****]

Love bombing is also a sign of manipulation and unhealthy dynamics. Since a lot of people use it to draw people in fast into this "fantasy" and it quickly changes once people are comfortable.

[Je****]

Over affectionate displays of affection. Saying "I love you" right away, constantly buying you things, sending you things, masses of compliments abnormally so, compared to most dating styles. Saying things that come across possessive or over bearing "Can't live without you", "My life is only amazing with you in it.", "I'd not be happy if it wasn't for you." Rushing into milestones or flaunting you and your dynamic to everyone and everything around you.
Anything that is not... usual and overly smothering are clear signs.

[do****]

Lack of self control. I know where you are coming from. When you know you are of a certain quality you always must be wary if a person is being their genuine self or putting on a facade because of your looks, finances, car, etc., something they just "want". As people we are not "wants", we are "needs". When you want something, sometimes you really don't care how you get it. When you need something, you go about it a different way. You have respect for it because you need it. For me, lack of self control is a clear sign of motives. What a person is really after. If you cannot control yourself with your clothes on in neutral space, how is that person going to act in a different space? Read body language because it tells the truth. Is a Dom a Dom without self control? Imo no. This is a LS, not some new founded phenomenon. Compose yourself

[ey****]

basically.  too much too quick.  So frequent gifts, often expensive, expensive dates, etc
generous offers it feels hard to say no to

but it doesn't have to just be at the start of a relationship

having a fallout, dip or break and suddenly getting weekly flowers or gifts 

[Deleted Member]

Thank you for all of these different view points 🙏

[Do****]

It is so easy to get infatuated in this dynamic. To have wanted something to meet their needs for so long and finally find it…… it’s very easy to become obsessed or besotted. It’s managing it that’s the key. It’s not so easy to prevent.

[CopperKnob]

9 hours ago, PhilBren said:

Love bombing is also a sign of manipulation and unhealthy dynamics. Since a lot of people use it to draw people in fast into this "fantasy" and it quickly changes once people are comfortable.

Not always. Yes, it can be a sign of narcissism, but it can also be a sign of sub frenzy or ADHD

[co****]

Overwhelmed? Push/pull dynamics? Playing hot/cold? Incredibly open/honest? An initial sob story (to make you feel sorry for them)?

[ey****]

just also - and to tie a few others.

lovebombing isn't *necessarily* a form of manipulation - although it can be.

let us say, for example, you are thinking of breaking up with your partner and they're maybe aware and they suddenly buy you an expensive laptop or come in with plane tickets.

but, also... 

Some people can feel they need to make a good impression so may want to show that they're generous, fun, "a provider", whatever - but, being a little bit too much for the level of relationship.  And, sometimes, too much for their own affordability. This is a common problem ("they made loads of effort when we started dating, and I knew it'd die down - but now it's just nothing") which sometimes might be because they feel they've fulfilled their objective, and sometimes might be because they did too much too quick.

But it also doesn't have to be materials or gifts.   Like obviously, new relationships are exciting and you want to spend time together - but, for example... pushing for extra time.  Showing up at the partners work place, or when they're out with friends, unexpectedly.  

 

But for whatever motivation, whether they're keen or up to something, it's certainly important to lay boundaries and tell people it's too much. 

[Deleted Member]

So what defines the difference between love bombing and NRE?

[ey****]

7 hours ago, MN_Travel4Fun said:

So what defines the difference between love bombing and NRE?

Lovebombing can often be overwhelming the other person, either deliberately or through naivety.  It can include traits of possessiveness.

New Relationship Energy is a more natural/positive excitement within yourself early in the relationship.  More through excitement and passion. 

[PE****]

Say you “loved “ but didn’t know how to know …I’d tell u to close ur eyes ……calm everythjng else in ur mind and give me ur hand ….I’d turn it over palm up and and with a soft finger light touch u from ur wrist to the top of ur finger….and say “tell me what I’m doing” “your touching my hand “ how do u know that? “Because i feel it” just like love……when u fall and become surrounded by that person and are in love u just know

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, PEAKYBLINDER1 said:

Say you “loved “ but didn’t know how to know …I’d tell u to close ur eyes ……calm everythjng else in ur mind and give me ur hand ….I’d turn it over palm up and and with a soft finger light touch u from ur wrist to the top of ur finger….and say “tell me what I’m doing” “your touching my hand “ how do u know that? “Because i feel it” just like love……when u fall and become surrounded by that person and are in love u just know

i meant more specifically what does lovebombing look like in a new dynamic minus the excitement. it was more than excitement, so all these answers helped me. your reply is the only that i have no idea what you’re trying to convey, apologies

[Deleted Member]

Thursday at 09:58 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

just also - and to tie a few others.

lovebombing isn't *necessarily* a form of manipulation - although it can be.

let us say, for example, you are thinking of breaking up with your partner and they're maybe aware and they suddenly buy you an expensive laptop or come in with plane tickets.

but, also... 

Some people can feel they need to make a good impression so may want to show that they're generous, fun, "a provider", whatever - but, being a little bit too much for the level of relationship.  And, sometimes, too much for their own affordability. This is a common problem ("they made loads of effort when we started dating, and I knew it'd die down - but now it's just nothing") which sometimes might be because they feel they've fulfilled their objective, and sometimes might be because they did too much too quick.

But it also doesn't have to be materials or gifts.   Like obviously, new relationships are exciting and you want to spend time together - but, for example... pushing for extra time.  Showing up at the partners work place, or when they're out with friends, unexpectedly.  

 

But for whatever motivation, whether they're keen or up to something, it's certainly important to lay boundaries and tell people it's too much. 

thank you very much black sheep taking your time explaining the difference

[Ca****]

Well, from my experience, it has to do with how they prioritise the new person, everyone is different but what I have come across, cancelling on other partners for the new one, excessive amounts of praise and encouragement that only happens when you don't see other people, the idea of going above and beyond for that person. This is the new and shiny effect, kinda sucks for anyone thats on the receiving end, especially if you never knew the person before hand.

[Deleted Member]

If you suspect it is love bombing you are more than likely right. The biggest indicator from experience is s***d and intensity.

S***d in regards to what they want to do with you - does it involve communication? Does it allow for time apart? Did they pay attention to what YOU like - not necessarily what society treats as "romantic"? Are they respecting your boundaries? Are they checking in more than once a day? Constantly asking where you are? What are you doing? Do they have a life of their own? Are they doing things with others? Has that stopped to focus intently on you?

Intensity - Do they give you space? Do they interrupt time with friends/family/work when they know you are busy and don't wish to be disturbed? Is their communication more one way? (*This is tricky because it can seem like intently listening / wanting to know you etc) BUT do they share information about themselves too in the process? Are they rushing to move in? Are they rushing to secure the relationship? (*For example, offering a collar before a suitable amount of vetting time?*)

Does that make sense? I hope this info helps. And as I've said, it's personal experience. I guess my best bit of advice is, ultimately, if you feel something is off or wrong it most likely is. Pay attention to your instincts and use caution. Predators exist in the lifestyle of BDSM and KINK, too.

[PE****]

Well, love bombing is exactly what it sounds like you’re showered with comments, positive GIFs treats, affection, sexual affection, a lot of affection and sexual praise being told that you’re this that you’re that still someone that makes them seem that they see you for your true you and how special you are showing what it’s doing essentially is making them look like the only person around you that actually sees you for your beautiful self wouldn’t send would’ve doing is beginning to isolate you from other people making you think that may be the people around you don’t see you for how kind and nice you are because Jones so does—