Kink-shaming?

[Genasi]

I'm brand new here. Hi!

But I have a serious question. I have been doing a mild bit of research on BDSM in general, though I haven't gotten serious about it and don't plan to anytime soon. I'm into bondage and submission, and I find power play fascinating.

Friend and I got into a bit of an argument. He knows nothing about BDSM and what he does know is very skewed. I poked fun at him a little, knowing it made him feel uncomfortable and teasing him for it, while - not going into detail - attempting to dispel a few of his misconceptions. (I felt justified about it because we had previously been having a conversation about trauma that was making me uncomfortable that lasted half an hour, so I poked back by talking about what little bits I've learned about BDSM for about five minutes). I thought it was in good fun, and we ended the call on what I thought were good terms. He texted me about half an hour later talking about an extreme fetish which often can't be talked about, which I know is something he's into and I radically am not. It didn't feel like teasing or poking fun, it felt like firing back - moreover, firing back unfairly. Like he wanted to get back at me for talking about BDSM.

I guess I mostly want to gauge general kink community opinion with this post. I'm still angry so I might be asking for the wrong thing. Was it unfair for him to bring it up  like that? Is it unfair for me to compare how uncomfortable the two of us feel with each others kinks? I feel that BDSM is interesting, if not for everyone but not as horrifying as everyone thinks, and I find his "fetish" to be disgusting and I see no redeeming qualities to it. Am I misinformed like he is? Should I try to learn more to understand it? Are there redeeming qualities I owe it to my friend to learn more about before criticizing him, and do I have the right to request the same of him?

[Nikki_Hexy]

There are some fetishes that are not legal in the majority of the world and the glorification of them is banned accross many websites including Fetish.com

While i dont agree with kink shaming, i think there are a few ones considered illegal/immoral are some of the few that i cant wrap my head around.

[ey****]

I think there are assorted things to consider.  

There is a difference between, for example, having fun with somebody about fetishes - to actively bringing something up to upset somebody like it sounds that he did.

Also - "kink shaming" is often a funny one.    "I am into feet," "Ewww that's disgusting" - would be kink shaming.   "I'm into feet", "OK - but you're not touching mine" - would not be.   "I'm into feet," "Not for me - they gross me out" and then sending the person feet pictures is downright rude.

But, there are things which people try to hide behind which are not fetishes but actually serious criminal acts and try to dismiss people's concerns as "kink shaming" - on those I mean things like where the person can't consent, or ***, or ***s - that is never OK and is never shaming.

[Deleted Member]

He may find your fetish “disgusting with no redeeming features.” We’re all different. Acceptance is what friendships are about, even if you profoundly disagree about something.

[Genasi]

Thanks for your replies. I'm hesitant to criticise him for his "fetish" because, as an ace person who's had to come to terms with an unwanted kink, I don't know how strong or unwanted his own feelings are. It falls on the latter side of what eyemblacksheep was talking about. I don't know if I have the right, or if I ought to, bring it up or morally condemn it. I do intend to have a conversation on what we're comfortable hearing about each other's fetishes.

[Deleted Member]

Well *** and ***s isn’t kink, it’s illegal and dangerous. Good luck.