Submissive Viewpoint

[da****]

I'm a dominant female and always have been and I've been around a lot of doms. I've listened to their thoughts and opinions and began to realize that nobody ever asked the subs their thoughts and opinions. I always get my subs options and thoughts and past experiences with other doms but being as open minded as I am I wanted to bring it up to more than just my subs. So to all subs, do you think that doms take advantage of your will to be a sub? If so explain? Do you think that Doms can overpower and take advantage of your trust and willingness to be their sub? What do you expect out of your Dom? What's the most important thing to you that your Dom should do constantly? What are your turn offs when looking for a Dom? What is a trust breaker when with your Dom? Please answer honestly cause I think as a Dom that me and other dominant men and women can learn to be better Doms if your honest with us. So please help us become better Doms.

[Do****]

I’m with you on this. I need to know past experiences, what they get from being a sub, how it makes them feel, why they want it, what they don’t want. I need to know that any play between us is tailored to both of our needs, wishes and dreams.

[bo****]

The sub, or in my case the little, is the most important part of the relationship. Without them you aren't a dom or daddy.

I always spend as much time as possible talking about what the little wants and needs from the relationship, without this it just ends up as a one way street.

I used to be a body piercer a while ago and used to pierce subs at a few local dungeons, all the doms would say they wanted it to hurt the sub etc.
I would tell the sub that the dom wasn't in charge or any of it, I was and would talk to them and see of they did want it to hurt or not. Most didn't really want it to hurt, did upset a few doms but not one ever said anything to me about it and used my services again.

You will get plenty of doms saying they do listen to their sub but possibly not many subs in a current sd relationship saying their dom doesn't even ask them about what they want and need.

[da****]

I thought I was one of a kind in my thoughts and view points. Honestly and all I might not be. Thank you guys for your comments. Greatly appreciated.

[vi****]

I have personally not had a lot of experience but lean on the sub side.

For me I have pushed back when i dont see the respect as a person. Subs generally are willing to give in but respect comes as priority above the sub world. If the partner you are trying to have the dynamic with does not understand you as a person first then the dynamic is bound to be one sided and maybe the fantasy world of the sub takes over.

I have been on dates where I have stood for myself and later thought what if i dont find a dom soon but realised it was a good thing to communicate first, get eye to eye respect as human and then the dynamic flows

[ry****]

I have never had the option to be a sub but have always wanted to give it a try.

[Du****]

Basicly what you are saying is that you want to understand the psychological side better, it is true there are not a lot of Dom(me)s out there that aim to understand both the psychological and physical side of things, but there are some out there that do. In my honest opinion, asking subs for their opinion about it is not the way to learn to understand them but it is important that they feel heard. If you are really serious in becoming a better Dom(me) I would advise you to look deeper into psychology (online classes, university, or even googling for information) to understand how the Dominant mind works, how the submissive mind works and what the differences are. Only after that you will truely be able to fully understand their opinions.

[Ro****]

Let's see. I'll do my best to answer all of these questions.
Yes, many "Dom(me)s" try to take advantage of subs, but many people in general try to take advantage of apparently *** individuals. It's a sad fact of life that we need to be vigilant at all times to not get hurt.
For myself, I have yet to be with someone I felt in danger of being physically overpowered by, but definately emotionally. I think the reverse is also possible, though. I know I've been with a few people that I could have emotionally manipulated, if I wanted to do so.
I'm not really looking for much from a Dom beyond being respectful and knowledgable about how to safely and effectively fill their role.
A good Dom should constantly be checking to ensure that they arent making assumptions about the state of their sub. (Also be clean, its shocking how few people take proper care of themselves, although this applies to all humans)
Assuming they are/will be my Dom with little to no interaction.
Pressuring me to do something I've already indicated I don't want to do. It's one thing to ask, but if the answer is No, then just accept that. Theres a lot of people in the world, I'm sure one of them will be happy to fulfill your specific fantasy.

[Fr****]

My experiences as a sub have been poor, mostly they involved wanting *** from me which has deterred me.

[Ro****]

15 minutes ago, FreddieMays26 said:

My experiences as a sub have been poor, mostly they involved wanting *** from me which has deterred me.

There is definately a lot of that, unfortunately. There is a pervasive narrative that only Doms actually bring anything of value to the dynamic and therefore it should be expected for them to be compensated. I just tell those types of people the take a hike. If someone is only in this lifestyle to get paid, then they are a prostitute. I dont mess with prostitutes.

[Pe****]

I don't like virtual Doms. They don't always seem to focus on the task at the moment. Seem that they disappear for long moments, then get mad when you stop. Also dislike dealing like a blackmail target, if I don't agree to be their Pay Pig.

[Su****]

1 hour ago, FreddieMays26 said:

My experiences as a sub have been poor, mostly they involved wanting *** from me which has deterred me.

Sorry to hear that, yeah it's such a complete turn off when anyone brings up *** ughh..

[Tu****]

I think the sub have the power .
Because they are the one that chooses you, and have the last word on things, they will accept or not.

[Ma****]

I love how people all have an opinion on what makes a good Dom or a bad Dom. I find those people clueless and lost. They are constantly looking for approval which isn't Dominant at all. Lol

[do****]

A common thread through all of kinkdom is wanting to feel desired. This works for both sides of D/s as well as for other kinks. For a dominant person, someone doing what you say, even if it hurts, even if it degrades them sexually, shows you that they desire you because they're willing to do these things for you. For the submissive, the feeling of being desired comes from having your focus, with the hope that our concession to your desires drives you further to lustful aggression. Essentially, both sides of the dynamic imagine the other side as prioritizing lust as the highest value, possibly to an irrational degree. This can even work for non-sexual D/s or kink play such as DDlg, replacing "lust" with the emotions you want to draw out of that scene -- my cuteness triggers an overwhelming need for care; your authority triggers my wonder and respect for you.

For both sides, a good dynamic has a foundation of those emotions being real even if not to the extreme of irrationality. For everyone involved, it helps if you overplay a bit -- let your body express the feelings of submission or dominance. For me, that is letting my chin quiver, having shaky breaths, looking up wide eyed to the Domme as I follow her orders. For you, that might be a growl, a heavy exhalation, a devilish smile, a possessive grasping as you touch me, a clear intentionality to an authoritative walk, a squint as you look at me with a slightly turned head.

In summary, perform your role. Commit to the bit. Let "that part" of your brain run your body as much as possible. Not just for S/M scenes, but for any interactions laced with your kink dynamic. That applies to everyone, and your subs will actually enhance their own experience by doing the same on their end.

[Mr****]

I agree with Tupi, subs have a lot of power in a good dynamic…I consider my sub’s thoughts and idea all the time, in the end she can say no or use her safe word

[Tu****]

1 hour ago, MasterTravis said:

I love how people all have an opinion on what makes a good Dom or a bad Dom. I find those people clueless and lost. They are constantly looking for approval which isn't Dominant at all. Lol

You can be all the dominant you want but if the sub doesn’t accept it. There’s nothing you can do. Or do you mean ***?

[Tu****]

3 hours ago, FreddieMays26 said:

My experiences as a sub have been poor, mostly they involved wanting *** from me which has deterred me.

Sorry to hear that.
But keep looking.
Good luck to you.

[Je****]

10 hours ago, da2022deathsangel said:

I'm a dominant female and always have been and I've been around a lot of doms. I've listened to their thoughts and opinions and began to realize that nobody ever asked the subs their thoughts and opinions. I always get my subs options and thoughts and past experiences with other doms but being as open minded as I am I wanted to bring it up to more than just my subs. So to all subs, do you think that doms take advantage of your will to be a sub? If so explain? Do you think that Doms can overpower and take advantage of your trust and willingness to be their sub? What do you expect out of your Dom? What's the most important thing to you that your Dom should do constantly? What are your turn offs when looking for a Dom? What is a trust breaker when with your Dom? Please answer honestly cause I think as a Dom that me and other dominant men and women can learn to be better Doms if your honest with us. So please help us become better Doms.

There's a serious problem in my opinion, if dominants aren't asking their / subs for opinions and input. They are people too, and in the dynamic just as much as the dominant so their say definately matters, otherwise what's the point?!

 

I am not sure how not taking thoughts and opinions = being taken advantage of? Wondering where that connection is? 

Any one, dominant submissive or general human being, who is being taken advantage of, and over powered by a partner, serious red flags there. Anyone who ***s or takes advantage of trust etc, shouldn't be taking part in dynamics to be honest. That's not what dominance is.

 

Speaking as a human being, as I am neither a submissive or dominant, what I expect from someone is recognising and respecting my boundaries, gaining consent, listening to me and vice versa, loyalty, communication and respect. And this also answers what I'd expect someone to do constantly. 

Turn offs are people incapable of the above. And the (I hate to use this term but here we are), fake people. People who make themselves out to be what they're not, to manipulate the situation or a person right where they want them and have 0 clue what they're doing and crossing severe lines or just being sleazy and unreliable.

 

 

Trust breakers? Lies. Cheating. Lack of communication. Manipulation. Gaslighting. ***. Sorry but none of those should ever happen, (unless someone has a cheating kink ofc). The rest a hard No. 

I don't even think it's something that needs explaining for anyone dominant or submissive. Just be a decent, genuine, respectful human being and you can't go wrong. 

[Tu****]

49 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

There's a serious problem in my opinion, if dominants aren't asking their / subs for opinions and input. They are people too, and in the dynamic just as much as the dominant so their say definately matters, otherwise what's the point?!

 

I am not sure how not taking thoughts and opinions = being taken advantage of? Wondering where that connection is? 

Any one, dominant submissive or general human being, who is being taken advantage of, and over powered by a partner, serious red flags there. Anyone who ***s or takes advantage of trust etc, shouldn't be taking part in dynamics to be honest. That's not what dominance is.

 

Speaking as a human being, as I am neither a submissive or dominant, what I expect from someone is recognising and respecting my boundaries, gaining consent, listening to me and vice versa, loyalty, communication and respect. And this also answers what I'd expect someone to do constantly. 

Turn offs are people incapable of the above. And the (I hate to use this term but here we are), fake people. People who make themselves out to be what they're not, to manipulate the situation or a person right where they want them and have 0 clue what they're doing and crossing severe lines or just being sleazy and unreliable.

 

 

Trust breakers? Lies. Cheating. Lack of communication. Manipulation. Gaslighting. ***. Sorry but none of those should ever happen, (unless someone has a cheating kink ofc). The rest a hard No. 

I don't even think it's something that needs explaining for anyone dominant or submissive. Just be a decent, genuine, respectful human being and you can't go wrong. 

This!!👍🏻👍🏻♥️

[sa****]

I'm submissive, and can no longer enjoy being submissive...scared

[da****]

Jeneral_Whore I really appreciate your comments on my posts. I thank you for being honest and understanding that I'm not trying to target anyone in particular I'm just trying to bring forth what I have seen through some Dom sub relationships and have done myself that I have realized over time that was wrong, to find out how many other Doms have seen, been through, learned, etc. Also I'm bringing to light topics that I feel are important and need to be discussed. Most importantly I am using this to learn and possibly correct somethings that I feel need to be corrected within myself before they become a problem. I have found through time in this that to actually understand and learn completely it helps to get other points of views and opinions.

[Fr****]

Yesterday at 01:36 PM, adorabledoll said:

A common thread through all of kinkdom is wanting to feel desired. This works for both sides of D/s as well as for other kinks. For a dominant person, someone doing what you say, even if it hurts, even if it degrades them sexually, shows you that they desire you because they're willing to do these things for you. For the submissive, the feeling of being desired comes from having your focus, with the hope that our concession to your desires drives you further to lustful aggression. Essentially, both sides of the dynamic imagine the other side as prioritizing lust as the highest value, possibly to an irrational degree. This can even work for non-sexual D/s or kink play such as DDlg, replacing "lust" with the emotions you want to draw out of that scene -- my cuteness triggers an overwhelming need for care; your authority triggers my wonder and respect for you.

For both sides, a good dynamic has a foundation of those emotions being real even if not to the extreme of irrationality. For everyone involved, it helps if you overplay a bit -- let your body express the feelings of submission or dominance. For me, that is letting my chin quiver, having shaky breaths, looking up wide eyed to the Domme as I follow her orders. For you, that might be a growl, a heavy exhalation, a devilish smile, a possessive grasping as you touch me, a clear intentionality to an authoritative walk, a squint as you look at me with a slightly turned head.

In summary, perform your role. Commit to the bit. Let "that part" of your brain run your body as much as possible. Not just for S/M scenes, but for any interactions laced with your kink dynamic. That applies to everyone, and your subs will actually enhance their own experience by doing the same on their end.

And that is my issue. Although i am there to serve a Dom and I always will to the best of my ability, i also want to feel wanted and needed if that’s makes sense?

[sa****]

It makes sense, not all does are created equal

[sa****]

I believe submission is a gifted