How can we make sure women feel safe in an online community?

[Do****]

4 hours ago, gemini_man said:

A very good and pertinent question and one to which sadly there are no easy answers - and yes I appreciate that as a man the question is possibly not one I can directly answer or one that was aimed at me. However having been around on-line adult related communities for many years I have observations based on those experiences.
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It would be lovely to have a magic wand that could address those men that have incorrect expectations and a sense of entitlement and worse when it comes to sites like this, those who think that crude, vile and abusive messages etc are ok but sadly such a magic wand doesn't exist - so education is the only option, but I would suggest it should perhaps happen at sign up, maybe with a text that has to be read before a profile is created - one that clearly states not only that *** will not be tolerated, but that actually helps set out expectations that it isn't simply a case of signing up and every fantasy will be catered to, how knowledge, respect, right attitudes etc are required - make each point a tick box to ensure it's been read.
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Lay out some of the advice that is rolled out time and again about how important it is to set expectations, attitude, etc correctly, and how profile and pictures can play their part.
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All of that of course won't address the issue, but may make some stop and think twice.
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Create safe areas within the site that are for women only, or perhaps for women only and any men that have somehow proved themselves not to be abusive and are an asset to the site.
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Am sure there is much more that could be done beyond that too.

I have been requesting a safe chat for women only but no one is responding to the request.

[FETMOD-TF]

1 minute ago, DommeDelight said:

I have been requesting a safe chat for women only but no one is responding to the request.

Your request has been passed onto the Community Team. 

[Do****]

4 hours ago, bbcdaddy69 said:

How do you feel "unsafe" in an online community. I don't understand

Says another man 🙄

[PE****]

Well first it anyone makes woman feel Unsafe or unable to share what she needs to open and have her kinks be said in a safe place then we A community need to SPeakTHE F UP 🆙 a dzdsdsžlg

[Sh****]

Just some general thoughts, I am somewhat New Year so this may already be part of the process. I’m not sure, if someone’s post is reported, I would think it should be automatically hidden until a mod can assess and respond appropriately to it. If someone reports messages from there PMs it should also automatically block. The reported user. 

[Lo****]

4 hours ago, bbcdaddy69 said:

How do you feel "unsafe" in an online community. I don't understand

Facts....sounds absurd to me honestly

[St****]

Some of these comments show exactly why women need a woman only safe space.

[TimtheMerciless]

I have read that five percent of the population are psychopaths.

So I would suggest: look out for little lies about small things. Also look out for frequent used of 'white' lies.

 

Notice the difference if a new  potential partner treats excessively well - but talks about how they have badly treated people they consider worthless.

 

It's often an indicator that your good treatment will only least as long as you please them.

Try to be happy and kind. It will build resilience. Discuss things that concern you with people you know who are healthy and happy.

I suspect other people will have some better ideas. That's the best I can do. 

 

Good luck, it's a jungle out there - but some of the ***s are actually pretty friendly.

[St****]

I guarantee there's not a single man here who went out and about doesn't have to carry their keys in their hand because there's *** they're going to be attack and I guarantee there's not a single man here who is bombarded by dick pics,  and also bombarded Guys messaging multiple times why won't you talk to me.

I'm not sure why I expect better from this community but I do. And yes I understand "not all men"...

 But it's still happening.

Guys not reading peoples profiles and thinking they are owed something.

[ge****]

I find it interesting that a large majority of the responders so far have been men saying "but what about men?" whilst failing to recognise or even acknowledge the question that was posed - almost being dismissive of it in their responses.
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It's undeniable that there are those who seek to scam men or tempt them to OF etc - but is any of that unsafe? Or comparable to the ***s that women face being on sites like this, *** of crude and abusive messages, of threats and more, which they receive on a daily basis? And that's just on-line, without getting into some of the real *** most women face regularly in their lives.
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Now that's not to dismiss the problems facing men who do fall prey to scams etc but perhaps they would be better discussed on a separate thread - however please don't try and compare the two, or deflect from the very valid topic raised by the OP.
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Barely any of those "but what about men" posts have suggested anything relating to the OP - perhaps give that some thought and state what you think could be done to improve the experience of women on sites like this.

[Th****]

4 hours ago, Sparkz53420 said:

By all of us being normal human beings maybe? And looking out for those who have trouble with that concept and stepping in if something seems wrong?

It really is shocking and pretty sad at how few really don't grasp the concept of bare minimum human decency and respect and how uncommon it is for others to call them out for their bad behavior. 

[Deleted Member]

Women have the power ultimately online if they set the rules and boundaries within themselves…as long as you understand the risk of exposure and meeting someone, you will be never be 100% safe, as time will only tell. You have a choice…if it feels right, then take a leap of faith and trust the process or simply say no. You’re only as safe as to what you feel is safe. Ultimately you have a choice!

[An****]

I’m not quite sure what you mean safe space online. Safe from what exactly?

[TK****]

2 hours ago, BelfastAdam said:

By treating women with respect and involving them right from the start in the creation of any online community: consulting with them about their needs and concerns, asking them about their experiences, and listening to their ideas on how an online community site can be improved (such as properly dealing with abusive and threatening messages etc). Then acting on above with effective measures. And then you will find that once the community is better for women, it will be better for everyone.

At least asking the right question here is a positive first step.

But I suspect you already knew all this already, without my rather condescending post.

This is also what I think, thanks for writing this for us.

[Li****]

Slightly confused by the use of the word "safe" in regards to a non -physical space?

[TK****]

4 hours ago, Sparkz53420 said:

By all of us being normal human beings maybe? And looking out for those who have trouble with that concept and stepping in if something seems wrong?

I completely agree with you, let’s come together in UNITY on this one to ensure all afab people are safe from people targeting us & praying on us.

[TK****]

4 minutes ago, Lilivorydoll said:

Slightly confused by the use of the word "safe" in regards to a non -physical space?

I’m happy you asked this on behalf of so many who are secretly wondering the same thing. No such thing as a stupid question. Thanks for your courage and bravery! Sorry gtg for now!

[Deleted Member]

Treat women like people and not objects that need to be handled with care such as this question (unless that's some of y'alls kink, in which case you're a precious object that needs to be treated with care /s)

[Ze****]

People(men and women) should use a little common sense and their brains to make smart decisions.

[Deleted Member]

It’s not just about physical safety when meeting offline it’s about creating a culture of safety while chatting, people can steal our pics, find us offline, and I often worry about my real life patients doing that. I think making everyone be verified, clearer chat rules, and the message filters actually working is a huge start.

[co****]

Just start as a friend. Get to know the other person. Just be respectful. It’s not hard. I have been told by nearly every woman who is submissive has been mistreated and ***d over the internet. That is ridiculous. Read, educate yourself and then talk to women. Submission is not that you can *** her.

[fr****]

Use your best judgment. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Meet online and get to know each other. When you meet someone, meet them in a public place without alcohol… then meet up for play on a different day… give yourself time to think about the conversations and then decide… talk face to face about what your intentions and goals are.

[Th****]

A lot seem to not get what the op is asking. It's not about general safety and vetting. 

 

I'm going to highlight this response as it's one of the better ones 👇

3 hours ago, BelfastAdam said:

By treating women with respect and involving them right from the start in the creation of any online community: consulting with them about their needs and concerns, asking them about their experiences, and listening to their ideas on how an online community site can be improved (such as properly dealing with abusive and threatening messages etc). Then acting on above with effective measures. And then you will find that once the community is better for women, it will be better for everyone.

At least asking the right question here is a positive first step.

But I suspect you already knew all this already, without my rather condescending post.

I'm also only going to aim my response as if we're talking about this site specifically. Being that this is a kink and BDSM focused site and there are pretty basic rules about respect and consent I think the idea where someone else mentioned making actual rules, code of conduct and basic etiquette pages a *must* read when signing up then perhaps delaying the ability for new accounts to send first DMs before participating in the forums until x amount of time or something. The behavior by many here really is quite atrocious. 

 

It's also really disappointing yet not surprising at the many responses stating how women should use defensive and protective measures rather than the focus being on actually stopping the need for them. 

 

TL:DR

Better education on code of conduct and expectations of behavior at the door and better moderation *better training of mods* and stronger en***ment for code of conduct. 

[Deleted Member]

introductions and conversation should be first and without excuse. everyone always jumps into awkward first questions.

[ma****]

Safe first