Does anyone actually reply?

[BigPolly]

Just now, LazyPiratesBounty said:

Get out of my head, woman! 😆

😂😂 that’s twice in one week I’ve done this to you 😂

[Wo****]

1 minute ago, BigPolly said:

😂😂 that’s twice in one week I’ve done this to you 😂

I know! People will talk!

[Deleted Member]

Well you know what they say about opinions ,every one has got one, I don't need to say the rest of that out of manners. 

[Wo****]

42 minutes ago, Chiana said:

Well you know what they say about opinions ,every one has got one, I don't need to say the rest of that out of manners. 

Are the forums not about exchanging ideas and opinions?

Different views on things, debate and discussion is a good thing..

I don't think I've been disrespectful whilst not agreeing with you. I like hearing different takes on what I think, sometimes it makes me think about why I think what I do.

[LazyPirate]

I would say that responses vary dependant upon how much of an effort you have put into your message/evidence you have read the persons profile/an interesting profile. For example I know that LazyPiratesBounty gets a silly amount of messages that clearly have made assumptions without having read the profile (of which information can largely be located within), which if sent to me would end up with sarcastic responses in relation to.

[Ar****]

21 hours ago, EasyV said:

Just joined and really hope this isn’t another site where it’s almost impossible to actually chat or communicate with anyone. 

Depends what you want and how you approach it.

 

Be respectful, interact with the same openness/kindness/lack of judgement you would if this community were out in the street instead of online, and you will find conversations/connections.

 

That said, if you want to find connections which will last, be prepared for a long haul. People are busy and many inboxes are full, plus nobody owes anyone else here anything. Pop into the chat rooms if that is your thing, comment on forum threads which interest you, write to people whose profiles you like (and make sure your own is not too bare); that will start the ball rolling.

[ey****]

ok, a lot has really gone on.  But, ok...

here's some bits... from a comment on the last page

- telling someone who is shy to work on it is like telling someone who is depressed to cheer up

no it's not.  at all.  

but, in both cases - if someone sends you a message, who you don't know - and they are shy, depressed, a virgin, just come out of a relationship -whatever- you owe them NOTHING.   If it's a friend then you might be supportive of them, of course - they're you're friend - but if they're a stranger you are not obliged to become their support network.

As I say, if your "excuse" is shyness - this is something you can work on - be it by self-help, or sitting watching via the forum and contributing at the right time, so on.   It's not a dick move to say "If you are struggling, there's help there" - but it would be a dick move to say "try not being shy"

Likewise... telling someone who is depressed to cheer up is a dick move - but, ultimately, even if you want to be supportive it's unlikely that you are a trained professional and there's a limitation to the help you can offer - it is not a dick move to suggest someone who is depressed to seek self-help, see a doctor, so on - you can actually refer yourself to mental health support without seeing a GP.... I know because I've done it! 

Equally, if you go onto the Mind website there's a lot of advice telling you NOT to take on the weight of someone struggling with mental health if the load is too much...

but this is getting seriously leftfield for what simply boils down to male entitlement - "if someone sends you a hi you have to go and research everything about them and give them the time of day - even if it's, like, 20 people per day"

That's not romance - that's guys doing the bare minimum "I want that one" and expecting the women to do all the fucking work.

[ey****]

equally - there's been a bunch of mini studies and bits of research that all lead the same way.

So, someone will do a study on a dating site or website and reply EVERY message they are sent no matter how awful.

Overwhelmingly - the guys who start with the "hey" message it never ends up as any form of meeting or agreement to meet - because they put the labour on the women to drive the conversations

the ones who start with a more meaningful introduction in most cases actually make progress.

Obviously it's up to the individual how they wish to proceed - but generally speaking, you're unlikely to get far with a hey message.

[ey****]

incidentally - something weird is going on with instagram and I've had over 100 new follow requests today (and 2 messages from guys both which go "hey") and my wife has also had quite a lot of new followers today and has had 10 messages from guys - every single message is a maximum of three words - and it's all just horny guys after a quick wank.

So they're all getting deleted.

As she watched the conversation I had with one of my hey guys and the circles it went round on - she knows better than to waste any time with them

And, you can say this is a negative approach - but at the end of the day her experiences tells her that not one of these will bring any value.   And even if 1 out of the 10 was OK - that still involves messaging all 10 to find out which is OK and wasting a bunch of time...

so my point remains - guys, remember that women have their inboxes full of junk - don't add to the junk; stand out

you can say "romance is dead" - but this is "making an effort" which is certainly more romantic.

[Deleted Member]

22 hours ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

I was actually talking to someone about thus yesterday, the sort of messages that I get sent...

The majority of them, sad to say, are from men that assume submissive means a sure bet. That's if they've even taken the time to read people's profiles.

The best messages are the ones that express an interest in an aspect of my profile or ones that are just normal 

I've chatted to quite a few people on here, most don't go much further than a few messages but building up a relationship, even online, takes time.

A lot depends on what you're after from this site too. Is it primarily a tool to meet people for sex, or friendship? Is it a dating site? A source of information? Social interaction?

 

Reach out to the right people, there is a depth of personalities here. 

I've been here, I don't know how long actually (a year?), and met two people. One just fizzled out, the other is my Dom who I know is a friend first and foremost.

Sometimes you just click, sometimes it needs several interactions, some people I chat to now and then, some I ask advice from, some I share secrets with, some I bounce ideas off. Every single one of those  people I would have a coffee with with no expectations.

 

*wanted to put this somewhere.. 

Issuing orders in your initial message doesn't make you a Dom it makes you a dick.

 

Well said and I'll have one sugar in my latte x

[Wo****]

1 minute ago, Tazzography17 said:

Well said and I'll have one sugar in my latte x

There's always one.....

[Deleted Member]

you people really think about this like an job interview. how can you be so stressed about it? if a friendly "hello, wanna have a little chat? kiss" or whatever is not enough for you you dont have to wonder. we are not here to write books. i mean how do you guys talk offline? everyone gets 10 minutes and then switch?

[Ar****]

11 minutes ago, asdfgyadvgsdf said:

you people really think about this like an job interview. how can you be so stressed about it? if a friendly "hello, wanna have a little chat? kiss" or whatever is not enough for you you dont have to wonder. we are not here to write books. i mean how do you guys talk offline? everyone gets 10 minutes and then switch?

Even "Hello, would you like to have a chat? x" - whilst still not giving any indication that you have actually read a profile and aren't just casting your net as wide as you can in the hope of a random catch - would be better than "Hi".

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

Even "Hello, would you like to have a chat? x" - whilst still not giving any indication that you have actually read a profile and aren't just casting your net as wide as you can in the hope of a random catch - would be better than "Hi".

 

i read every profile but still noone gets more of me. i wanna get in touch with the person by chatting. this has nothing to do with spamming around at the moment i can write 4 first messages a day). it would be pretty time wasting to get individual in every first message. just message back if you´re interested and you`ll see i did read your profile. i wouldnt message you if nothing fits in your profile but thats just me. i think you guys overthinking. sounds a bit harsh right now but i don`t mean it like this.

[ey****]

2 hours ago, asdfgyadvgsdf said:

it would be pretty time wasting to get individual in every first message.

so you don't want to waste time trying to impress people you like. I see.

2 hours ago, asdfgyadvgsdf said:

just message back if you´re interested

they're not interested.

2 hours ago, asdfgyadvgsdf said:

you`ll see i did read your profile

so why not demonstrate that in your message?

2 hours ago, asdfgyadvgsdf said:

i wouldnt message you if nothing fits in your profile but thats just me.

but other guys DO - so you have to show you are better than them.

 

[Mz****]

I think you'll reap what you sow, I Always reply to a message so long as it's not crude or rude, (after checking out the sender) but I've changed my message settings to prevent one or two word messages from people, and also to prevent unverified thrill seekers and bucket list tickers, were I here just to find casual acquaintances, NSA sex or friendships I might think differently, but I'm looking for a life partner, and I'm not a mind-reader, a hi gives me nothing to work with of any interest, which signals to me, and this is my personal opinion only,  that open communication with this sender is not on the table..and within D/s communication skills are essential.

It's occurred to me also, that you may mean the question literally, as I've been on sites where you have to pay extra to message, or have to be a specific gender to initiate contact..if that is the case this site doesn't suddenly pull the rug and demand payment, whilst it's certainly easier to contact people with a paying membership, it is relatively easy to do here without one.

Welcome to Fetish.com @EasyV I hope you find whatever or whoever you're looking for.

[Mz****]

I'd also like to add, rather than edit to add, that if you just want to show interest in someone and aren't sure what to say in an opening message, that's what the Spank/winks are for..the balls in their court then..just a thought.

[Ar****]

3 hours ago, asdfgyadvgsdf said:

 

i read every profile but still noone gets more of me. i wanna get in touch with the person by chatting. this has nothing to do with spamming around at the moment i can write 4 first messages a day). it would be pretty time wasting to get individual in every first message. just message back if you´re interested and you`ll see i did read your profile. i wouldnt message you if nothing fits in your profile but thats just me. i think you guys overthinking. sounds a bit harsh right now but i don`t mean it like this.

If somebody is only writing 4 intro messages each day, how is it timewasting to make even a slight effort with just those four messages? Sure thirty per day would be laborious, but four?? 

 

Unfortunately whilst you read a profile and choose who you send a hello to carefully, perhaps 9 in 10 guys don't. They send the nondescript hi or copy-paste greeting and if they get a bite THEN may read the profile afterwards (plenty don't even do that). Why should a user sacrifice their self-respect and worth assuming you (or anybody else) are different to the quite literally evidenced thousands of others who are not like you when they can't see any suggestion of that from your message? 

 

I'm certainly not having a go; so long as people here treat each other with respect as far as I care everybody can carry on doing what they wish in the way they feel is best for them. I am left wondering though, if people sending one-word openers are waiting to see if the other party is interested in them too, why do you feel these message recipients have not already previously sought them out to express their interest? 🤔🤔

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

If somebody is only writing 4 intro messages each day, how is it timewasting to make even a slight effort with just those four messages? Sure thirty per day would be laborious, but four?? 

 

Unfortunately whilst you read a profile and choose who you send a hello to carefully, perhaps 9 in 10 guys don't. They send the nondescript hi or copy-paste greeting and if they get a bite THEN may read the profile afterwards (plenty don't even do that). Why should a user sacrifice their self-respect and worth assuming you (or anybody else) are different to the quite literally evidenced thousands of others who are not like you when they can't see any suggestion of that from your message? 

 

I'm certainly not having a go; so long as people here treat each other with respect as far as I care everybody can carry on doing what they wish in the way they feel is best for them. I am left wondering though, if people sending one-word openers are waiting to see if the other party is interested in them too, why do you feel these message recipients have not already previously sought them out to express their interest? 🤔🤔

cause i wanna chat and im not asking for a job interview. what are the profiles for if you need to put everything in a message again? and noone is sacrificing their self-respect if they send a hello back.^^ and it doesn`t matter how many first messages i send a day. that was just because of the spammer thing. writing messages with not so many words doesn`t make you a spammer.

 

and i fully respect here everyone (until they show their true face). just sharing my opinion and i get your point. but not everyone like to read big messages. some just want to have an easy chat like me. so what i wanna say is that your guys opinion is not the only one. i dont wanna get too serious in a first message. getting in touch slowly is a good way for me and for many here and that is your way too for sure. if someone don`t wanna text me back cuz of a short message that`s ok for me. she wouldn`t be the right one then anyway.

Edited August 26, 2019 by Deleted Member
missed something

[ey****]

end  of the day

send messages however you want.

if you're not getting response back then remember, the thing in common with all of your failed approaches is you.

[Deleted Member]

 Well there’s one thing that all of us should take out of this conversation thus far: there are some very intelligent, articulate and clever people on here who have a real command of the English language.  Generally, you find that these are the people who have given a lot of information in their profile. They’re not frightened to tell you what they like, what they’re looking for, what they can offer and so on. It’s the ones who put hardly anything in their profile who generally don’t add very much value to a conversation, in my opinion. 

[Deleted Member]

15 hours ago, Fredddy said:

 Well there’s one thing that all of us should take out of this conversation thus far: there are some very intelligent, articulate and clever people on here who have a real command of the English language.  Generally, you find that these are the people who have given a lot of information in their profile. They’re not frightened to tell you what they like, what they’re looking for, what they can offer and so on. It’s the ones who put hardly anything in their profile who generally don’t add very much value to a conversation, in my opinion. 

I guess you are talking about English people? The one nation who can’t make a effort to learn another language by laziness! 

Anyway we are not all English born and bred here and this site is actually German. 

I don’t think we need to be a master in grammar or have a degree in English to be part of this community. It will show a rather narrow mind concept or even some sort of elitism. 

My profile is short but concise and actually show in few keywords what I am looking for and made of. 

For the op, sometime I get a response by just hey, and sometime I do t get one if I made an effort and add few more éloquent wording. It depends the moods of the person at the other end to react or not. We know women get more messages than men and sometime the post get lost under the piles. And sometime the profile is not a real one or been created and forgotten. I get few response then it’s the black out, the sender doesn’t even login anymore, it’s one of the mystery of this site. 

I don’t use it as a social media, it’s here for a purpose in my opinion as a man opinion, and it’s to find a sub pure and simple. I am not interested talking weather or politics or the last fashion items. We have the same kinks , not far to each other lets talk and play if it’s possible.

i made exception if the girl in question is too far but still have a nice connection. I had one from America have been chatting with for a year, and another Scottish friend for about 3 years. We had a bit of fun online long time ago but it’s diluted and we chat normal now. 

I think too many take it too seriously and should chill out, it’s bad enough in the vanilla world without involve that in our bdsm world too. 

In my great opinion 😈

Edited August 27, 2019 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

I spent time writing my profile to give as much info about me as possible. I get so many ‘Hi’ messages a day from men, generally speaking one half of which are the 20 year old experienced doms  and the other half haven’t even bothered to read it. 

If I get a message that refers to something I have written or at least shows an interest then I always reply back as the writer is blatantly not a time waster and we are already both on the same page.