Trouble learning!

[Al****]

Why is it so hard for a man to get help learning about kink/fetish/BDSM from a woman? I'm new here and want someone to show/teach me about this lifestyle. All I want is someone to take time and be there to answer my questions for me. I recently have been told that I could find my answers on Google. It makes all the difference in the world to me when a woman takes the time to actually teach me by answering my questions, no matter how "Stupid" they are.

[Deleted Member]

I agree

[KinksmithJane]

Absolutely. You can read a book about anything but that is not the same as having someone experienced explain it to you.

[ey****]

That ultimately, particularly if you are discussing with a stranger - then this is you asking them a labour of their time

and, I don't know your questions - but - it is frustrating when someone is asked questions that are either easily googleable or better served on the forum

but, also.  Why does it have to be from a woman?  Surely if you've questions then anyone can answer them.

While it's probably not your intention, it is difficult because you will be coming across lazy and entitled. 

[RaymondWise]

It might be best to have some kind of on going friendship with someone before mining them for information. And having a few friends, especially who might identify as having similar interests (for example, if you identify as submissive, have some submissive friends, if dom, some dom friends.

[Teasedtillubeg]

I get what your saying. Let alone what your question is, just getting a reply from a message is hard enough. I can see the forum idea but find the right one so just read a few before diving in with questions and comments.
Impatience is my biggest problem and like any new toy you can’t wait to get stuck in but how long have you wanted to enjoy this life? A few years I’ll bet, so if it takes a year to settle into this life so be it, you’ll get there.
Also online might not be best for you. I’m beginning to think that about myself, as I prefer face to face, so I’m working up the courage to do some of these ‘munches’ the thought of *** Garden scares me stiff right now 🤣Meet some people, not just the women, it’s about the search for knowledge and that way searching for your true alternative persona as well. Finally, it might sound naff, but look out for some courses, attend and make some connections. It sucks being new at anything but I hope that helps a bit.
Bon chance mon ami!

[7F****]

Finding answers via Google about something as subjective as power exchange may be a difficult road unless you’re a data analyst with time on your hands. Post Anne Rice and Fifty Shades, there has been a glut of information floating about - the majority of which needs some harsh vetting. :)

And, while most of us have learned a thing or three from the interwebs over the years, the act of creating a positive space where you and your partners can grow and flourish simply lies in having someone with experience sit down and talk over time. (Sometimes years.)

It would be daunting for most to learn even basic calculus from a book - doing it without asking questions from an experienced teacher… metaphor complete.

So, the solution as I see it, is to do exactly what you’ve done - and I commend you for having the confidence to do so. Reach out. Ask. You’ll know quickly if the advice that you receive is sound, if it meshes with what you hope to accomplish or expect to learn.

I’m a good sounding board for questions as are so many here - and if I don’t know just the answer that you’re looking for, I’m happy to refer you to someone who might.

Learning is a long process full of patience and sometimes sheer endurance, but you’re attacking the problem in exactly the right manner. Don’t stop asking.

[sa****]

why is it so hard for man to [fill in the blank with anything] from a woman? give up trying to understand women. the best thing a man could hope for is to learn how to be attractive to & love a woman. Your post is the antithesis of that. It appears you are grown man complaining that “all you want” is a teacher. Disingenuous at best. What value will you bring to offset rhe complaining and questions, you could answer your self?

[ey****]

Just also as a little question

let us say you do speak to someone and she is happy to answer questions and give you guidance

how do you measure the accuracy, authenticity, experience, etc of what she is telling you?

None of us know it all.   And a lot of stuff has a lot of different perspectives.

While it's sometimes difficult to tell from good and bad google results, how do you know the person you've reached out to is an oracle on what you want to know

 

 

[ma****]

The 1 question I don't like hearing from my sub is when I attempt to tie her up. She tells me how to tie her up. I don't like asking her how to tie her up because I discreetly don't want to and it's cause I feel kinda stupid or something asking 

[f1****]

May not be the answer you’re after, but if you’re looking for someone to outright teach you - in lieu of exploring literature, available resources, etc. on your own first - your asking for someone’s labor before they know you’re worth the investment.

My two cents - learn what you can on your own, and instead of asking people to teach you about kink broadly, find the parts of kink that interest you, and use us to dive deeper than the basics could get you.

Good luck.

[Ye****]

Unfortunately these women nowadays feel they need ***. I found on Every platform on every site they are hands out asking. Its sad ... i have been in the life style for over 20 years and it has never been this bad. There has to be a way that these Sites can weed out the gold diggers from the real kinksters.

[Ye****]

Your not the only frustrated man out there good look. You might find luck on fetlife but once again gold diggers are on there also. Good luck my friend and i hope you find yours,

[f1****]

3 minutes ago, king-of-prussia27356 said:

Unfortunately these women nowadays feel they need ***. I found on Every platform on every site they are hands out asking. Its sad ... i have been in the life style for over 20 years and it has never been this bad. There has to be a way that these Sites can weed out the gold diggers from the real kinksters.

You’re asking for labor… isn’t that the usual exchange?

[Do****]

You’re too far away to connect with me but I’m happy to answer any questions and help you work it all out

[Al****]

@Sapius first of all, I'm not complaining, I simply asked a question about why it is so hard to find help/answers. Secondly, I'm looking for answers from a woman, because women know what women want. Thirdly, it's not disingenuous, the only alterior motive that I have is to be able to learn how to please partners in different ways in the future. AND..... what It will help me bring is the knowledge of how to properly satisfy women. AND.... if I could answer the question myself, I wouldn't be asking them in the first place. AND...... even in your own personal description, YOU talk about letting people be their own person without judgment....... so.....

[Mz****]

Are these ladies you have built a rapport with, or just people you are just now engaging? I don't pour into random people unless I am facilitating a class. What effort have you put into your learning journey? There are so many reasons why women are unwilling to provide labor for free, to unknown people

[Al****]

8 minutes ago, MzLocs said:

Are these ladies you have built a rapport with, or just people you are just now engaging? I don't pour into random people unless I am facilitating a class. What effort have you put into your learning journey? There are so many reasons why women are unwilling to provide labor for free, to unknown people

MzLocs, I'm not asking for sex, and as far as i know, they aren't hookers, so it's not a "service." I'm asking for casual conversation, I'm looking for likes and dislikes.

[f1****]

2 minutes ago, Harryslamers said:

MzLocs, I'm not asking for sex, and as far as i know, they aren't hookers, so it's not a "service." I'm asking for casual conversation, I'm looking for likes and dislikes.

Labor comes in many forms, one of which is teaching / providing education. Expecting someone who’s a stranger to take time to do a 101 level intro is fairly bold, given women on this website deal with a very high level of traffic in their inbox. You said in your post someone has said at least one of your questions could be answered by google, so my question is - did you google that one? Or just get fed up with that person and go ask someone else instead?

[Mz****]

10 minutes ago, Harryslamers said:

MzLocs, I'm not asking for sex, and as far as i know, they aren't hookers, so it's not a "service." I'm asking for casual conversation, I'm looking for likes and dislikes.

I'm not saying your looking for sex, but education is a service. And it can be time consuming emotionally and mentally. And that type of time I don't give to just anyone

[ey****]

yeah this is it - you're still asking strangers to give you their time.

that's entitlement

 

[Al****]

11 minutes ago, f1r3w17ch said:

Labor comes in many forms, one of which is teaching / providing education. Expecting someone who’s a stranger to take time to do a 101 level intro is fairly bold, given women on this website deal with a very high level of traffic in their inbox. You said in your post someone has said at least one of your questions could be answered by google, so my question is - did you google that one? Or just get fed up with that person and go ask someone else instead?

I explained up front that I'm new, I hardly know anything about kink/fetish/BDSM, and I will be asking a lot of questions. I told her that I wanted to start simple. I asked what the difference was between B,D,S, and M, and I was told that I could have googled it.

[Do****]

2 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

yeah this is it - you're still asking strangers to give you their time.

that's entitlement

 

Must admit I assumed he was a sub wanting support. But he’s a Dom, so can’t really expect to be taught by subs without commitment.

[f1****]

1 minute ago, Harryslamers said:

I explained up front that I'm new, I hardly know anything about kink/fetish/BDSM, and I will be asking a lot of questions. I told her that I wanted to start simple. I asked what the difference was between B,D,S, and M, and I was told that I could have googled it.

Did you then, in fact, google it? Also, find it slightly ironic I’m a woman offering some level of help and you’ve yet to respond to my input 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Do****]

I think you should Google and read blogs and websites about the dynamic you’re wanting, read discussions online. Then come here and post to ask other Doms for their thoughts, maybe some subs will chime in. Be part of the community.

Instead of complaining about women who aren’t teaching a Dom things, join in the community and learn from them. Read some of the posts and discussion topics on here. There’s lots to learn from there.