KINKY APPROACH

[Deleted Member]

18 minutes ago, ThaliaVirago said:

It's really not narcissism in the least, it's exhaustion and conservation of energy and time. The reality is that women here often get literally dozens of hi, hey, how are yourself a day, very many to most from a nearly blank profile. All of which is low effort which is often an indication of what that person will continue to offer. You've unfortunately demonstrated another low effort move by not reading someone's profile before messaging them when theirs *clearly* says that a "hey" message means  an automatic non response from them. It doesn't matter that's how you like to be approached and it doesn't mean an initial message needs to immediately "excite." It's not difficult to be minimally interesting, respectful and considerate. 

As to your twice now mentioned implications that appearances are all that matters, if that were the truth I'd be swimming in play partners, and very frustratingly for me, that's far from reality. I feel pretty confident saying I'm pretty likely not the only one dealing with the same frustrations. 

That is right I said basically the same thing I have an age limit spelled out no one under 35 it says I’m not your mommy!!!! But I will get *** 20’s sending messages

So I agree READ BEFORE YOU SEND BECAUSE SOMEONE MAY HAVE A REASON FOR WRITING ON THEIR BIO!

[ge****]

1 hour ago, keishio said:

Civility doesn't end at the absence of visual cues and I'm not suggesting people should try talk to everyone tha messages them. My point is the entitlement of a person to suggest a stranger should excite them right out the gates for them to even consider speaking to them is pure narcissism. I think it boils down to knowing it's not the message but the picture that brings the excitement and we're just pretending it's not as shallow as that

You could turn that right around though and suggest the entitlement of a person sending a very basic message and "expecting" a response is at best lacking understanding of the most basic tenets of on-line interaction.
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I also don't think there's anything in the slightest bit narcissistic in people expecting something more than "Hey, how are you?" as an opening message on-line to feel engaged, especially as Thalia put it it's the ump***th such message received that day.
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No-one's suggesting you have to have the ladies wet in their knickers or us men feeling our manhood stiffen from the get go, in fact most would probably prefer you didn't - *all* that's being asked is that you're a little bit more engaging than "Hey, how are you?" or derivatives of it.
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I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I've exchanged messages with a number of the ladies who have responded to this thread, many of them for some time - now if I as a 58 year old bloke, who's way past his best can achieve that - it's not beyond the realms of possibility that most guys can with a little effort and the right approach and attitude.

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, keishio said:

Civility doesn't end at the absence of visual cues and I'm not suggesting people should try talk to everyone tha messages them. My point is the entitlement of a person to suggest a stranger should excite them right out the gates for them to even consider speaking to them is pure narcissism. I think it boils down to knowing it's not the message but the picture that brings the excitement and we're just pretending it's not as shallow as that

Considering the amount of posts here by people suggesting that they don't receive responses to their messages, it would do people well to read through this comment section and learn various reasons as to why people choose not to respond and take them on board rather than claiming that people are rude, entitled or simply looking at the aesethics.

[Ho****]

2 hours ago, keishio said:

I don't want to mix things up with dating requirements. I'm talking about starting a conversation. If someone approached me in real life I wouldn't snub them off for not asking a question in an exciting or outstanding way. 

And if a stranger walked up to me in real life and said "Hey," and nothing else, I'd either ask them what they mean or what they want, or ignore them. It isn't up to me to make smalltalk with someone who can't be bothered to spend even half a thought on conversation with me. Especially if it seems likely that they're trying the same thing with every everyone in earshot that they don't find off-puttingly ugly.

[Ma****]

say. hi how are you? and you can read the rest in my profile. and if it sends me to the trash bin then we weren't right for each other.

[Du****]

12 minutes ago, MarMiami said:

say. hi how are you? and you can read the rest in my profile. and if it sends me to the trash bin then we weren't right for each other.

If you don’t give me a reason to want to read it, I won’t read it. Like most women on here (and we are outnumbered by men maybe a dozen to one) I’m swamped with uninspiring, low-effort introductions. As others have said, I’m often too busy for the sparkling ones as well, which is truly my loss. So I couldn’t agree more, Miami, I’m not the right girl for anyone who thinks a mere “hi” is okay.

[Ma****]

I have to say that I live in the United States and it works quite well here, I haven't had any problems.

[Ar****]

3 hours ago, keishio said:

Just say hi. I don't know why women need a list of requirements that need to be met. Just say hello and ask questions. If it doesn't flow then no stress. We all know that those requirements aren't set in stone for every guy if the guy just looks right

And does that work for you?

Because I'm going to flip that around, as a heterosexual male on this site I occasionally get inbox messages which also literally just cold message "Hi". Not from the scammers or folk wanting ***, but from relatively local genuine women who are relatively active here. Do you know how often I reply to those? I'm not sure if I ever have.

It has nothing to do with gender, and everything to do with value placed on time, effort, and one's own energy.

If somebody wants my attention in an opening message, then they need to at least tell me why they are messaging whether it's for advice, because of an interesting forum discussion we've been partaking in, or something they like about me/my profile. Give me something to go on and don't expect me to chase or do all the work - I wouldn't if I were making first contact.

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, keishio said:

I don't want to mix things up with dating requirements. I'm talking about starting a conversation. If someone approached me in real life I wouldn't snub them off for not asking a question in an exciting or outstanding way. 

I seem to remember something about communication being key on here. Communication in the form of a 1st message doesn't have to be outstanding or exciting, but is it asking too much for messages which invite the other person to respond? I don't think so. And tbh if a man can't appeal to me in a first message combined with a well-written profile - there's not much hope of engaging my mind enough to want to submit. Nothing shallow about that.

[Am****]

I like some jokes but some facts to! I like straight forward this is what I want fallowed but a compliment/ somthing your interested in doing then fallow but some kinky saying/ teasing

[Am****]

I love when a man say she wants me from my pictures idk it’s just a thing. Love the I’m horny I want you right know, I’m so wet for you as well as long as your give a reason why,

[Omgitsiman]

Being sincere

[Deleted Member]

No idea I’ve never received a message from a girl so I have no idea what would make me excited

[FreddieJobbs]

Their hobbies and interests (if they have any)
, and a photo of theirs that interests you to know more about.

[Oliejuice]

Im all for pursuing the things in life I want because when you get whatever it is that you most desire you feel on top of the world because you just accomplished some goal that was not easy to achieve in your mind if not something you didnt actually think you could do. Approaching a woman goes right along with that same mentality and I will put the time and effort into sending a message, often writing probably too much tbh, but it really is shitty when a man puts the effort in to only receive crickets back then continue seeing women say how they want more than just getting a one line generic message like "hey how are you?". Im fully aware that by sending that message that woman owes me nothing in return at the same time I guess I just would appreciate to have that effort recognozed and at the least get a reply saying thanks for the message but im not really interested or say sorry im just not feelin it. Something, even if being turned down, is better than the deafening silence I hear all too often. I guess for me Im only going to send a very select amount of women my attention. Im not trying to get any womans attention, im tryong to get yours and you best believe that whatever I said was original and not some cookie cutter bs that gets used for just anyone. That message was for you.

Whats funniest to me is that all yall women always say come with something funny, witty, and original. Dont just say hi how are you or you are gorgeous because your inbox is filled with those. YET, like 95% of the time a woman makes first contact with me, I dont even get so much as hi, hoe are you doing? Or even close to "you are so hot!" What I get 95% of the time when the woman sends the icebreaker it is "hey" or "hi" if not just an emoji by itself. So how is that supposed to come across to a man who hears all day how the only way Im getting a womans attention is to bring my A-game intro with something that makes you laugh, grabs your attention, and at a minimum makes you curious enough to reply and see whats up. Please tell me how sending "hey" does offers any of the things yall want in a message a man sends you. Please. Or do women not have to put in any effort what so ever to get the attention of a man that they like? I just find that funny but it wont change my mentality or approach so maybe dont need to put in any effort after all. I know Ill keep climbing for the summit no matter how many tries it takes. Great things happen because somebody was willing to take a great risk first and not the other way around.

[Do****]

I like being asked a non-spicy question that isn't just being used as a jumping board for having fantasies copy/pasted at me.

Something that proves you actually view me as a human with a personality.

[ma****]

Mutual masturbation

[ge****]

1 hour ago, Oliejuice said:

Im all for pursuing the things in life I want because when you get whatever it is that you most desire you feel on top of the world because you just accomplished some goal that was not easy to achieve in your mind if not something you didnt actually think you could do. Approaching a woman goes right along with that same mentality and I will put the time and effort into sending a message, often writing probably too much tbh, but it really is shitty when a man puts the effort in to only receive crickets back then continue seeing women say how they want more than just getting a one line generic message like "hey how are you?". Im fully aware that by sending that message that woman owes me nothing in return at the same time I guess I just would appreciate to have that effort recognozed and at the least get a reply saying thanks for the message but im not really interested or say sorry im just not feelin it. Something, even if being turned down, is better than the deafening silence I hear all too often. I guess for me Im only going to send a very select amount of women my attention. Im not trying to get any womans attention, im tryong to get yours and you best believe that whatever I said was original and not some cookie cutter bs that gets used for just anyone. That message was for you.

Whats funniest to me is that all yall women always say come with something funny, witty, and original. Dont just say hi how are you or you are gorgeous because your inbox is filled with those. YET, like 95% of the time a woman makes first contact with me, I dont even get so much as hi, hoe are you doing? Or even close to "you are so hot!" What I get 95% of the time when the woman sends the icebreaker it is "hey" or "hi" if not just an emoji by itself. So how is that supposed to come across to a man who hears all day how the only way Im getting a womans attention is to bring my A-game intro with something that makes you laugh, grabs your attention, and at a minimum makes you curious enough to reply and see whats up. Please tell me how sending "hey" does offers any of the things yall want in a message a man sends you. Please. Or do women not have to put in any effort what so ever to get the attention of a man that they like? I just find that funny but it wont change my mentality or approach so maybe dont need to put in any effort after all. I know Ill keep climbing for the summit no matter how many tries it takes. Great things happen because somebody was willing to take a great risk first and not the other way around.

The thing is though - "you" might think your message is original, interesting, whatever - and you may well have put some effort into it, but none of that matters, what matters is whether the recipient thinks all those things and then having read your message, take a look at your profile, and find that interesting enough to want to reply too.
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Add to that the amount of crude and abusive messages that women get on sites like this, some off the back or initial polite and seemingly respectful messages and you can understand why they may pick and choose which they reply to.
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Essentially no reply should be gracefully accepted as a way of saying "no thanks".
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As for the initial messages women send, no-one has said that "some" women don't send such messages - but just as women have the choice whether to respond to them or not when receiving them from men, guess what? Men have that same choice too!! I'd also wager that the majority of messages you receive of that type from women will be from scammers rather than women genuinely interested in your profile, and even if they're not you still have that choice.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Oliejuice said:

Im all for pursuing the things in life I want because when you get whatever it is that you most desire you feel on top of the world because you just accomplished some goal that was not easy to achieve in your mind if not something you didnt actually think you could do. Approaching a woman goes right along with that same mentality and I will put the time and effort into sending a message, often writing probably too much tbh, but it really is shitty when a man puts the effort in to only receive crickets back then continue seeing women say how they want more than just getting a one line generic message like "hey how are you?". Im fully aware that by sending that message that woman owes me nothing in return at the same time I guess I just would appreciate to have that effort recognozed and at the least get a reply saying thanks for the message but im not really interested or say sorry im just not feelin it. Something, even if being turned down, is better than the deafening silence I hear all too often. I guess for me Im only going to send a very select amount of women my attention. Im not trying to get any womans attention, im tryong to get yours and you best believe that whatever I said was original and not some cookie cutter bs that gets used for just anyone. That message was for you.

Whats funniest to me is that all yall women always say come with something funny, witty, and original. Dont just say hi how are you or you are gorgeous because your inbox is filled with those. YET, like 95% of the time a woman makes first contact with me, I dont even get so much as hi, hoe are you doing? Or even close to "you are so hot!" What I get 95% of the time when the woman sends the icebreaker it is "hey" or "hi" if not just an emoji by itself. So how is that supposed to come across to a man who hears all day how the only way Im getting a womans attention is to bring my A-game intro with something that makes you laugh, grabs your attention, and at a minimum makes you curious enough to reply and see whats up. Please tell me how sending "hey" does offers any of the things yall want in a message a man sends you. Please. Or do women not have to put in any effort what so ever to get the attention of a man that they like? I just find that funny but it wont change my mentality or approach so maybe dont need to put in any effort after all. I know Ill keep climbing for the summit no matter how many tries it takes. Great things happen because somebody was willing to take a great risk first and not the other way around.

Are they the same women? The women who are saying "a little effort please" - are the same ones who write "hey"? That would be pretty hypocritical if so. But I suspect they're not the same group.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you're not entitled to a reply to an unsolicited message.

[Deleted Member]

34 minutes ago, mableton14590 said:

Mutual masturbation

How's that working out for you?

[Oliejuice]

26 minutes ago, inconceivable said:

Are they the same women? The women who are saying "a little effort please" - are the same ones who write "hey"? That would be pretty hypocritical if so. But I suspect they're not the same group.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you're not entitled to a reply to an unsolicited message.

I thought I said that in my message.  Im fully aware an unsolicited message earns me not a damn thing.  Also I honestly cant attest to wether the women saying they want a  fireworks display in the first message are the same ones that just said "hi" or "hey"  but I can say that phrase is all too common on any online social site that it would be quite naive to not heed that request somewhat.  I mean its said often enough that a man would be arrogant, naive, or just plain stupid to not take all the women saying such seriously.  I pray im none of those things tho.  You could very well be right and all the women that sent me one word messages never thought about what they require to get their attention and maybe none of them wanted the fireworks show the others wanted.  I very well could be applying this train of thought when the women that do say this are voluntarily telling me that we arent compatible right out the gate and saving me time but then im going and wasting mine trying to get some of their attention.   Tbh Im not sure if ive ever sent a message to a woman that has said they require all the bells and whistles to get their attention.  I think its just such a common statement I guess its been imprinted in my mind at this point.  Now im gonna have to rethink some things and make sure im staying genuine to myself.   

[1M****]

“Have you ever considered what’s the greatest icebreaker/ opening line a person could use? I’m talkin about scientifically tested, back with field research and recorded response rates”

Well there’s an online dating coach who boasts an icebreaker with a response rate over 90% and he had a panel of ***rs conducting experiments. The line…

“Can I be completely honest”

[1M****]

1 minute ago, 1MrYesSir said:

“Have you ever considered what’s the greatest icebreaker/ opening line a person could use? I’m talkin about scientifically tested, back with field research and recorded response rates”

Well there’s an online dating coach who boasts an icebreaker with a response rate over 90% and he had a panel of ***rs conducting experiments. The line…

“Can I be completely honest”

I use the first quoted paragraph, and when they respond I use the line.. hook, line, sinker!

[Du****]

7 minutes ago, 1MrYesSir said:

I use the first quoted paragraph, and when they respond I use the line.. hook, line, sinker!

Hell no

[ey****]

I don't use generic icebreakers

I think - on one hand it's rare I reach out to someone, especially with no prior rapport 

but generally I think the last people I did go in cold I said hello, a little bit about me and why I found them interesting.