KINKY APPROACH

[ge****]

3 hours ago, TKOindatpussy said:

Hmmm to be honest I could use some advice here because I honestly don’t know how to initiate these conversations. I’m more familiar with apps like tinder and OkCupid. Please let me know! & thanks for what you wrote above. I liked the advice about saying I’d like to talk with you about Z.

You have all the advice you need in this thread and others like it - but in summary, be yourself, be honest, be engaging, be respectful, don't be crude, don't have false expectations, don't try and fit what you think someone is looking for if you don't.

[myfaerie]

I don't respond to "hi" or any variation of that greeting. You could literally say anything as your first impression and you choose to say hi?
Just pretend that the conversation has already started, please feel free to actually join like you have something to say.
My (very thorough) profile asks you to say something interesting at the end...

[Deleted Member]

November 29, brandon101 said:

I think of being very respectful and polite in my icebreakers, I always read their bios and try to digest them and reformulate them into something that makes sense with several hooks potentially triggering a good conversation. Yet almost no replies 😅

My exact same experience no matter which service I've tried... Try to find the connection and then build on it to start a conversation that will hopefully have some substance.

At the end of the day though, my guess is that it's really just a game of odds as to whether your message will even be seen let alone read before being buried beneath all the others or the profile you're messaging isn't active anymore, etc...

[Pneuma]

On 11/29/2023 at 9:08 AM, DuchessFeuille said:

That’s such an intimate question! Is it really the one you’d choose to break the ice? Or would you wind it back a notch first?

it is and that is assuming that we meet on a Kink/BDSM platform. It would really depend on how and where we meet, since that may indicate some common interests.  Going for funny is my default setting. Compliments are tricky but I won't hold back if it's deserved. if we meet in a Lifestyle related platforms or events then the ice is already broken. Outside of the LS setting, I'd probably bring it up as we are getting to know each other but it would be fairly early on since the LS is a very important to me. 

[Bu****]

My personal feeling is that honorifics as a first message is a huge no.
I know that may vary from person to person, but having a stranger try to call me their [whatever] before they’ve even bothered to talk to me normally just isn’t it.

[sardonicus87]

This is the problem I have... I haven't anyone to message. I'll be real, I am not here to make e-friends, I'm specifically looking for an IRL play partner. Every woman's profile (of which there aren't many to begin with in a reasonable distance) here is either blank and dry and gives you nothing to work with, or they rarely actually have information in their profile and it's clear we're not a match and have nothing in common, kink or otherwise. And of the handful of profiles, 3/4 of them logged in like two or three times for a week and then quit using the site and haven't logged in in over 6 months or a year.
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This is my major source of frustration. Literally nobody at the munches even remotely has shared my kinks and I've been involved in the local community for literally almost 2 decades now. Ability to travel is limited (distance), but when I look further out, if I do come across someone that maybe, they want "locals only" and they're way too far away for me anyway.
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It's basically there's literally only 2 active women within 120 miles that actually have information where you can tell what they're looking for.
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I don't have anyone to even message with in the first place to be able to complain about a lack of response.

[sardonicus87]

The only people online ever to show interest based on common kinks were, the first was 1,200 miles away in a different country and the other that was actually in the same country was over 2,000 miles away, and that's it, ever for the last 20 years.
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And what kills me is if I express frustration at the frustrating experience and because I literally don't have anything else to talk about, and am not blaming other people for it, I get instantly invalidated get blamed and told how I must be doing something wrong, or get offered generic and mostly bs advice that in the first place I didn't ask for, for things I either already do (because I can Google listicles too) or are things that don't exist here.

[DJ****]

My initial message is 12 sentences. If something particularly strikes me about their profile, I prepend my standard message with a sentence or two about that. It is polite, and slightly spicy, but not crude. I begin with acknowledging that women on these apps get bombarded with messages and that most of them are crap. I let them know that I'm different, and then I show that by talking about my approach, style, and my favorite things about kink dynamics. Then I tell them about my personality and some of my general likes and dislikes (s[icy and vanilla). Finally, I invite them to read my profile (which is just as carefully constructed) and see if they like what they see. Finally I invite them to have a conversation if there is interest. This deliberate, thoughtful, and structured approach has worked very well for me. ** As a side note, one must be able to deliver on the persona and tone in the initial message, or there's ot much of a point.

[Sa****]

All I need is a conversation. I don't want someone to immediately jump in my DMs and start sending me pictures of their junk or immediately hitting on me. For my personal choice, I like them to come in, start a conversation, if it goes far enough then we can swap the limits, and then specify exactly what each of us are looking for. For and from that point figure out if the person that I'm talking with is actually somebody that I want to pursue this quest with. And after that if we are on the same page about what we want and and what time frames and in what? Regards then it's on like donkey Kong.

[Luckylondon]

I'm just looking for ppl to chat with. I'm new to this site and lifestyle

[FemBoiGamer]

Ussuly when someone shows interest in me and I in them sparks something also an open minded person is awsome

[Ar****]

For me it really does depend on who I'm messaging, and why. 

 

I usually would prefer to leave anything spicy out of messages for at least a short while, and prefer to explain what it is that I have seen in a person's profile which raised my interest in them. Good and polite is typically the way to go - hypothetically there is always time for spice later.

 

Where profiles don't provide enough insight for that yet there is still enough to wonder if we might suit one another's needs, I might mention something less polite. A compatible love of a particular kink, maybe something about the gear I possess.

 

Unfortunately the sheer amount of traffic the site now has makes it far more difficult to get noticed than it once was, regardless of effort or intention. That is simply the sad way of things. I sometimes find myself making far less effort when writing a first message than I did say five or six years ago, for no other reason than it becomes disparaging to write a tailored series of paragraphs to somebody whom you find lights a spark in you only for that message to never even be opened.

 

What makes me excited about receiving one? Effort. Genuine interest. Telling me what about my profile they liked or found interesting and made them want to reach out.

 

Receiving an icebreaker is a turn-off, and a first message to me just saying "Hi" is almost certain to get ignored.

[bi****]

I’m old school couldn’t care less if something was to soon or too late the world doesn’t revolve around me or you.. most of us have really lives out side the kink/ fantasy world. We are parents and most are professionals that go to work and in our free time want to play and enjoy the fun kinky side of life …. One thing I can say we don’t want to do is have a generic pre rehearsed pickup line and or set of likes/dislikes that we can start our contact with . Instead try hey 👋 how’s your day going, or I’m kinda bored wanna chat. Y’all people need to remember life short and the 80/20 rule is super important in communication.. and stop literally drive others away through hateful messages because someone is awkward or not sure of themselves. I’ve been in this lifestyle for most my life and being a jerk isn’t it…

[Un****]

Instead of icebreakers, some folks should learn how to read a profile first to know people's triggers before messaging them triggering 💩 being a DV/SA victim the messages I have received are f—king horrendous

[Zo****]

I read people's discripions then Carter my message from that. Well it does not work at all. Except if I use one word spank it seems that's a real hit.

[Vi****]

When they bother to read my bio 🥰 msg me first please ❤️‍🔥

[Un****]

6 minutes ago, VivvyH said:

When they bother to read my bio 🥰 msg me first please ❤️‍🔥

Amen!

[jS****]

I’m me huh no k

[Li****]

If they've actually bothered to read my profile first - we have compatibility based on our profile's💆🏼‍♀️
When they DON'T approach derogatory in nature so I can get to know them, having a nice conversation base to want to keep talking, maybe go for a date and start delving into spicier subjects, maybe 🔥

[EllieRose2420]

Confidence 🤌 is key! Also, being able to eat up whatever is given back in the same style you served... For example: *very first message from guy* "wanna see my dick?" Me: msg#1"wanna send me $500 to look?" Msg#2 "oh wait, were you being serious?" Msg#3" Sorry I thought we were both just saying wild things 😜 " .... First off, if you can't take my joke back you shouldn't have sent the first message. Second, if I wanted to see a dick Pic I'd just go to pornhub lol Third, don't assume someone's kink, cuz you never know it may be more obtainable than you know... Just my thoughts. Also actually reading someone's page. Like dude if I spent the time to look at your profile before responding you should at least give me the same courtesy ya know?!

[DJ****]

1 minute ago, EllieRose2420 said:

Confidence 🤌 is key! Also, being able to eat up whatever is given back in the same style you served... For example: *very first message from guy* "wanna see my dick?" Me: msg#1"wanna send me $500 to look?" Msg#2 "oh wait, were you being serious?" Msg#3" Sorry I thought we were both just saying wild things 😜 " .... First off, if you can't take my joke back you shouldn't have sent the first message. Second, if I wanted to see a dick Pic I'd just go to pornhub lol Third, don't assume someone's kink, cuz you never know it may be more obtainable than you know... Just my thoughts. Also actually reading someone's page. Like dude if I spent the time to look at your profile before responding you should at least give me the same courtesy ya know?!

I love your point that you never know what someone’s kink is.

[Ne****]

8 hours ago, sardonicus87 said:

The only people online ever to show interest based on common kinks were, the first was 1,200 miles away in a different country and the other that was actually in the same country was over 2,000 miles away, and that's it, ever for the last 20 years.
.
And what kills me is if I express frustration at the frustrating experience and because I literally don't have anything else to talk about, and am not blaming other people for it, I get instantly invalidated get blamed and told how I must be doing something wrong, or get offered generic and mostly bs advice that in the first place I didn't ask for, for things I either already do (because I can Google listicles too) or are things that don't exist here.

If it is still an issue after twenty years, it’s entirely valid for outsiders to surmise it being You.. You Know you’re prickly. Fortunately, some folks enjoy that. Revamping and less rigidity perhaps would be in order for my own profile after such a long time. Knowing what you want and holding out for it is neat. Complaining about how you don’t get what you want in nearly every message maybe not as much.

[SH****]

The best thing I do is be honest the whole time and not having kinks or fantasies

[bu****]

As someone just introduced to Kink i really don't have a good approach just yet

[Da****]

Been doing this 25 years, and honesty and just showing you are human with imperfections, goals, hobbies etc goes a long way