Winning a sub-Need advice!

[Deleted Member]

Until recently, I was married. Things just didn't work well, my ex-wife and i fought a lot for various reasons involving laziness and disrespect. I have come to realize exactly what I am and what I expect from my significant other. I have known and been interested in a woman for about 4 years, and I've gotten to know her better over the last two months. She knows my Ex, and keeps trying to suggest we work it out, however she doesn't really know the details, and I'm extremely hesitant to be negative towards my ex as i feel it sends a bad message. But all she talks about is this other guy whose hung up on a woman and her kids, AND lives several states away. He is playing her like a fiddle, and it drives me crazy. But things shes talked about and explained to me in a VERY open manner have seriously gotten under my skin. She literally changed my life with the five simple words "I want to be owned". She is a catalyst for my understanding of who i am and why being disrespected and blatantly disobeyed drives me up the wall. I desire her in a way i have never experienced. She is under my skin and in my thoughts non stop. So much so that i find my self at a loss of what to do. She is fixated on a guy shes known for 20 years, and been with once a couple months ago. He now hardly messages or talks to her. I understand that in time, I may get my chance, but i don't want to give this guy any more opportunity to twist her up and hurt her. Does anyone have any sort of experience with this type of situation? Any suggestions or ideas? Poetry has been spinning through my head and i want to send it to her, but given that I'm not what she currently desires, I'm very hesitant to send it to her as I'm unsure of how it will be received. Thoughts and insights are greatly appreciated thank you.

[ey****]

I think while you've been good with backstory - there is still a little context missing.

That she wants you to make up with your wife is probably a sign she's not interested.   If she was, then honestly, she'd be putting in blocks to make sure you didn't.

However, obviously when she said "I want to be owned" - under what context.  Did she then go into graphic detail of a fantasy that identically matched yours?  Did you even take this as an opportunity to discuss what you might be looking for in a future relationship?

Mind, perhaps that is your in.   When next talking to her about men, women, relationships raise the type of person you are looking for and see if that gets any form of reaction. 

[Deleted Member]

She was very open and descriptive. She was pushing so many buttons and striking cords I didn't know existed. I have never before been left so s***chless. I mean she even went into talking about really wanting to be trained to orgasm on command. She was talking about what was the most effective punishments for corrective behavior. She is a very naughty little girl.  But then on the other side of it shes all about this guy. She has sent so many mixed signals i really don't know what to do with myself. I'm so spun up I'm out running and lifting weights just to tire myself out enough to not lay in bed at night thinking about all this shit. She doesn't know we are getting divorced, and i hesitate to be the one who tells her because that sends out desperate signals in my opinion. This woman has me at an utter loss. I have never found myself absorbed by someone so much in my life.

[Deleted Member]

She is so twisted up about this other guy, I'm concerned if I express my desire and how I feel, she will shut down all contact. Whether or not she wishes to be owned by me, i do want to be her friend and get to know her better. She would be a wealth of information i could tap when i was unsure about something. That and she's just fun to be around. What i really need is some inconspicuous way to plant that seed of curiosity and interest to at least make her wonder, What If. I need a way to at least hint at the fact i am VERY interested in owning her and all that entails. I understand it would take a lot of getting to know each-other better and I'm very happy to do so.

Edited September 1, 2019 by Deleted Member
oops

[Vandalslut]

This lady knows your ex - were they friends or just acquaintances?  Whichever they were, she may be saying, 'make sure it's over with the ex'  because if this lady and you DO get together later, it could destroy the friendship she and your ex have or worse,  your ex names your lady as the cause of the break up. She may also be worried that you and she will get it together, then you may drop her and return to your ex.   It may be driving you nuts watching this other bloke lead her on and mess her about but it may be a path she needs to take in order for her to to really admit to herself that he's not interested and whatever they had is over. In other words, she may have to be hurt one last time in order to get it - but if he really hasn't gone for her in 20 years, it's pretty unlikely he's going to now! How about some of the basic date start-offs - take her out to dinner, get a romantic picnic ready and take her somewhere nice for the day, send her flowers, make her feel valued by you - and that'll give her a nice contrast between you and the man who doesn't call or text unless he's bored. And if she's  opening up with all this very intimate longing to YOU, then stick around.  When  she realises this guy several states away is stringing her along, that'll be your chance to shine. I had a 'head-messer' bloke in my life once  and he was so good at it he put one of his girlfriends in the mental asylum with a breakdown. I got him out of my life by the following methods: being 'unavailable' - in that I let him talk to the answering service four out of every five calls, when he proposed meeting up I would be 'busy' (which was his favorite trick, actually) and I let him know that I had other people in my life, some of them men (friends only) and I also liked to spend time with them rather than hang around waiting for him to follow up on his vague promises to call 'in a day or so'.  He couldn't stand it - he turned into a tantrum throwing 5 year old which, of course, is not a good look.  He disappeared out of my life with the remark that he would call me next week (he didn't say which millenium, as that was over 20 years ago!) I did run into him a couple of years ago - or rather, my friend noticed he was following us while we were shopping. Which is pretty damned creepy. So I confronted him, told him I was very busy with work and one thing and another (true) and that my mate and I were about to head off for a weekend away in an isolated farmhouse with five blokes (true - her husband and my Vandal were two of 'em) and that we did this regularly (true) ate a lot of junk food (true) and we'd drink (true) and play strip Scrabble (ooops - that one was a very naughty and very mischevious fib!) which was good fun, but it was also a bummer because all the guys cheated.  As we walked away, she asked me, "Who is that bloke? Is he the father of one of your friends or something?"  I said no, he was two years older than me - and THAT'S what happens to game-players.  Feel free to tell the story to your lady friend if you think it'll help.  Good luck, mate.

[Deleted Member]

The girl in question works at the store in town and has for the last 5 years. This girl and my wife are acquaintances at most. They arn't even friends on facebook or anything. Its just how she talks about how bad she wants this guy, how devastated she would be etc etc. that has me hesitant to come out and talk about precisely how i feel. But then she mentions that he hasn't "claimed" her yet. I am not used to being unable to communicate my feelings, both because she is focused on someone else, and because just looking at her my tongue seems to seize up in my mouth.

Thanks vandal

[Vandalslut]

Well, at least you have this forum to communicate your feelings with like-minded people. Thanks for clearing up the lack of relationship between your ex and your lady friend. While you may be champing at the bit to tell her how you feel,  if you suddenly let go with a load of wishes and desires, she may well  vanish over the horizon.  Her 'being owned' fantasy might be only centred on this guy, especially in view of her remark that he hasn't 'claimed' her yet.  You seem to have a fairly in depth relationship at present, given what she's willingly telling you, so is it possible to ask her what is so special about this guy that she's been fixated on him for so long ( in that 'once' a few months ago did he and she live out the slave/master fantasy and that's why she's so obsessed?);  and why she's obsessed with a man who cares so little for her he hardly ever contacts her? You could also try pointing out that if he hasn't claimed her after twenty years  when does she think he WILL claim her?  Sometimes seriously obsessed people do need what's ***y obvious pointed out to them in words of one syllable, if necessary.  As a last resort, you could try taking a temporary break  from this girl and just tell her that you'd like to be her friend but if she's going to keep talking about this man who obviously doesn't want her then it's time you moved on and found 'your' sub/slave.  That may get a reaction. - esp. when she realises this man is not the only Master in the world.  Good luck.