Is My Thought Process Wrong?

[Th****]

The getting to know each other part should come first. 

[Th****]

1 hour ago, tim710 said:

sakrua princes false. alot are sub men that look for dommes that don’t exist :/

Huh? What are you even saying? 

[Ne****]

Its always hard. I would believe people who shy away once you try to get more personal with, and would most likely be hiding an existing relationship. If not, some people may just want the play time and don't want to bring their personal life into it.

Personally, I love getting to know someone first. It makes things much more enjoyable for me. It's an extra connection that makes it more meaningful. It allows me to put some extra passion into it.

[Ga****]

Make a list of what you want from a dom and stick to it. If they don’t check the boxes move to the next. Communication is key

[Mi****]

Agreed I am a Mistress but I don’t like when people do that. It gives bad vibes about this community. If you aren’t serious about connecting with your dom or sub then why the hell are you even on here

[Deleted Member]

Your thought process is NOT wrong. You and I are after the same things. I have experienced this as well. I expect someone who is serious about the lifestyle to put the sub through a vetting process. Someone who is serious about you and not playing games will want to get to know you on a more personal level before any type of play or LTR. Always ask if they have any questions if they respond no then you know what this is. If they want you to call them a particular title right away and ask for pics then you know...

[th****]

She aint about it lol

[Bb****]

14 minutes ago, thug420 said:

She aint about it lol

You are exactly what I mean. Your first message said something like I’d totally be your daddy…Why if you don’t even know me furthermore who says I want you to be 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

[Ta****]

Most people just want to hook up and are vanilla. It's annoying.

[1A****]

It's hard to find the right people in this life style. Not everyone is about it. Or not everyone understands the roles

[GreyHog]

For some, there is no depth. You trying to dig deeper scares them because they know that they aren't really what they are pretending to be. The more you ask questions, the more the facade crumbles.

[Tr****]

My 2 cent’s. A real Dom will approach and will respectfully peruse. He won’t chase. As Alpha’s we won’t chase. submission and Dominance both should be earned. In baby steps. Anybody who isn’t willing to take the time is a “bullshit insta Dom”. They don’t hold the salt as they don’t have enough exposure experience and dedication to the true lifestyle. Being a tried and true Dom isn’t having the toy’s. It’s a title that is earned and respected with in your ***rs. It’s a aura. It’s looking out and forward to the long term. Sacrificing short term pleasure for longevity. On a equal playing ground. Setting forth realistic expectations and hold both the Dom and the sub accountable. If the Dom/ Domme can’t hold themselves accountable then they are not the one’s.

[Ri****]

I hope this helps you.. For a d/s dynamic to work properly, it is very important to build safety+ trust and get to know each other first before you can move on to the last thing. The most 4 key elements is
1) safety
2) trust
3) vulnerability
4) intimacy

Ive been a dominant since my ***age years. Dominance and submission is always earned, never given. You need to get to know each other on a deeper level just when you meet someone on a date (just a regular date) and as you build that connection, the first key elements coming into play coz you feel safe around them. Then as the relationship progress you build trust.. I don't need to carry on lol but you get the picture haha. Then even before the last thing ( the good stuff) a contract will need to be drawn up with limits, boundaries, safe-words and that contract can be terminated at any point but always remember real doms will guild you and real doms will never over step..

[Si****]

This might be an unpopular opinion but, when a Dom/submissive starts to get attached to each other things start to become neglected in the D/s part of the dynamic . The Dom may find it harder to be a good Dom and deal out punishments and commands in lieu of feelings. The sub stops being a good sub and starts acting more like a bad vanilla partner. Not behaving and obeying because after all they are friends and lovers now.... so a lot of people particularly Doms who have seen this behavior stop and keep the distance to keep the dynamic. If you're in a power exchange dynamic, that always comes first, over lovers, over friendships and it needs to be treated as such. If you can keep your power exchange dynamic appropriate and functional then being friends and lovers on top of that is amazing. And it is. 😘

[Bb****]

1 hour ago, SirJandPet said:

This might be an unpopular opinion but, when a Dom/submissive starts to get attached to each other things start to become neglected in the D/s part of the dynamic . The Dom may find it harder to be a good Dom and deal out punishments and commands in lieu of feelings. The sub stops being a good sub and starts acting more like a bad vanilla partner. Not behaving and obeying because after all they are friends and lovers now.... so a lot of people particularly Doms who have seen this behavior stop and keep the distance to keep the dynamic. If you're in a power exchange dynamic, that always comes first, over lovers, over friendships and it needs to be treated as such. If you can keep your power exchange dynamic appropriate and functional then being friends and lovers on top of that is amazing. And it is. 😘

I could understand that fully…and I wish that were the case. I will add that as something to look out for so that is don’t mistake it for a lack of interest.

I appreciate all the advice really it does go a long way in helping me know what more I should look for and makes me feel not so alone😊

[Do****]

13 hours ago, Sakura_Princess said:

You’re not alone, YokoLehr.
A lot of these Men want validation from Women, and once they get it, they disappear.
These Men aren’t true dominants, or Daddys, just time wasters.

YokoLehr Sakura_Princess I think you are absolutely correct in finding out as much as possible about someone before jumping into any relationship.
The initial attraction will inevitably change the more you get to know the whole person you are talking too. The commonalities you find will only serve to strengthen any connection you make.

[Ba****]

Most ppl just love the chase once caught they loose interest to the next chase try ignoring them a little at times

[da****]

Stay trying to get to know someone

[no****]

Well from my perspective it’s all about finding the dominant person you want like for me finding the right sub is hard because some are into it and then want more intense until more intense happens. So definitely stay on the path of knowing the person before hand

[da****]

I agree with that as well I like I have experienced that too but I do know everything we want whether it's a sub whether we want kinks or someone who's into kinks they all connect better when you get to know them so to those who get discouraged such as myself when it comes to getting to know a person and it doesn't work out right Just continue keep getting to know a person or attempting to

[Da****]

There is nothing wrong with wanting to know someone on a more personal note than just submissive,lg/dominate,daddy roles. You should not give up on trying to find those that you can match on a more personal note and a more kinky note.

[Ba****]

15 hours ago, RarityBeauty said:

Your thought process is NOT wrong. You and I are after the same things. I have experienced this as well. I expect someone who is serious about the lifestyle to put the sub through a vetting process. Someone who is serious about you and not playing games will want to get to know you on a more personal level before any type of play or LTR. Always ask if they have any questions if they respond no then you know what this is. If they want you to call them a particular title right away and ask for pics then you know...

Vetting is good, but only after you've had a proper conversation or two. You know, knowing the persons name, what colour they like. The simple things.

I've had someone immediately ask me a laundry list of VERY personal questions, before knowing anything about me.

Asking as if it was their right to know. That legitimately scared me and when I told them that, they sent me a "no thanks" message.

I never wanted them to begin with, they contacted me. Not the other way around.

Anyway vetting is good, but have some normal conversations first 😅

[au****]

You may have heard the saying “pretend to be the person you want to be until you turn into that Person or they turn into you” Some of your past doms may be on such a road but have yet to find confidence in who they are and so they *** exposure. It may also just be that they experience and communicate closeness differently. Thankfully we are all different and sometimes that leads to miscommunication. That was a long rant on a topic I probably know much to little about :)

[co****]

No there are a lot of wannabes and anytime someone starts doing that online they aren’t what you are looking for. I tend to ask a lot of questions and open for you to also ask lots of questions.. if things go real maybe a phone call or video chat…

[Deleted Member]

Your thought process is right. Unfortunately most guys seem to want the title just to get to the sex faster… real Doms and real Daddy’s are hard to find.