How are you supposed to know about your kinks?

[Deleted Member]

Let's say you met up with someone from the app, and you're both relatively new in the kink and bdsm scene, and you both meet up to have a kinky experience, how is it supposed to go from there, and what are the steps to ensure it not ending up as a vanilla experience.

[ge****]

Firstly rather than "just meeting" you would hopefully have had a discussion beforehand that covered and established common interests and things you'd like to experience, as well as roles, limits, boundaries and much much more.
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That would then give you a framework to put around the "meeting up to have a kinky experience" - something that establishes rules and how the meet will go in advance rather than just diving in there and winging it, which is a recipe for disaster and frustration particularly if you're both inexperienced

[Spriguns]

Guess you have a chat first , read thier profile , ask them what there into. What turns you on. What are your limits , I think these are questions you have to ask yourself , and if your first date is a Vanilla experience , learn from it and plan better next time

[hi****]

This is just good old fashioned talking surely. The app should have allowed both of you to know you have some shared kinks rather than starting from absolute zero.

After shared interests, it’s a more detailed discussion about why such things turn you on and at what point that turns to a limit. Limits and a way to communicate when they are close rather important.

As for steps to avoid a vanilla experience, just get to know each other who cares if it’s a bit vanilla, no one is expecting a hardcore scene straight out I would hope.

Of course there is always an exception to every rule.

[Dario1363]

Rather go easy first time with something softer and than work slowly on quantity and intensity... If ewerything go's ok and you both feel satisfied than next time can go a little bit harder... But i think a big part of this is to be relaxed and really in to it...

[Puppy6411]

Talk about it, plan the scene together. Afterwards decide what did, or didn't, work for each of you. Plan the next one accordingly.

[ey****]

it's a hypothetical - but if you meet up with someone and your first experience together is vanilla because that's what you're both comfortable with at that point then.... simply...

what's the problem?

but otherwise...

conversations on what you'd both like to try, how confident you both are doing them safely, what you need to buy/learn/research to make it work 

[po****]

i suggest seeing how you feel about media w a kink in it (always take media and porn w a lot of salt but still its a way to explore something isolated) if for example petplay seems apealing from something you saw then research it and then propose it to the person youre meeting up with and then try a small step and see how it is. (if you end up laughing about it thats normal- trying new things s like that)

[earthyangel]

If I was you, I would look for the "BDSM Checklist" and answer that. I would recommend that to anyone that doesn't know enough. I have heard people say, "I have no limits" really??? what if my kink is to set you on fire? will you be ok with it? probably not. so everyone has limits.. and its important to learn them. they might change in time. and yes... if you are both into exploring its very important to talk about things to see if you have things in common in first place.. 

[Jaguar54]

Yes, the question is a bit vague, and so hard to answer. We have to assume that you are on here and so know you are kinky. Do we then assume that you know which specific kink interests you? Even with no experience you will have been looking at pics and videos and found them exciting. If you find someone ready to meet with you, there *must* be some sort of discussion about what interests both of you, otherwise you would never get to meet.

To me this sounds like someone vanilla who thinks it will be easier to meet on a kinky site, as opposed to a vanilla one. If so, the opposite is true. First we have to find someone compatible in vanilla world, and then add on the extra layer of kink compatibility. Alternatively, you find matching kinks and then look to see if the pair would get on. It's hard!