Fleischgruss Posted January 4 Posted January 4 Hello everyone, a dom who i like has asked me to come from germany to london and be his tpe slave. i would love to do that but i am unsure if its the right thing. What if i dont like it, want to leave and he wont let me go ? any tips ?
Astronut Posted January 4 Posted January 4 I would suggest speaking with him about your thoughts and concerns
Spriguns Posted January 4 Posted January 4 Agree with above , check him out, ask questions. Explain your limits. Personal I wouldn't bother, its a long way , with the possibility of you getting hurt
Deleted Member Posted January 4 Posted January 4 Yes, my advice would be to ask for a "consideration period" where you meet regularly for a number of months to determine is right for both of you and build trust. I'd recommend a wriften BDSM Contract - specifying everything you are consenting to and aopointed a trusted friend as a "confidant" who could then ensure your safety if you told them when you are leaving and returning from a scene. Nothing is ever 100% safe in BDSM - but communication, trust and safety planning can help.
Deleted Member Posted January 4 Posted January 4 Have you met in person? I don’t believe a decision can be made before this. Perhaps an agreed trial period would be wise. I think it’s incredibly naive to offer this to you if you haven’t met. Whatever the case, and whatever has been agreed, you can always walk away.
Cu**** Posted January 4 Posted January 4 You say right from the outset, that this is a dom that you like. In what way has your joint interaction so far, brought you to “liking” him? Then you say that he wants you to be his tpe slave. I would have thought that he’d be a Master, if he was considering you as a slave. A dom, would have a submissive. As others mention, have you ever physically been in each others presence and have a kind of “working” relationship, so that you feel confident about what’s being asked? The way you write, suggests that you don’t have that yet. Why should you travel from Germany to London? What happens to your work/job in Germany whilst you’re here. How long is this for? A weekend? A week/ month/ unknown? Where will you stay.? What’s the accommodation like? Who pays for your keep? Does he know what you eat? What about health care, or if you need any kind of medical treatment? Will you have insurance to assist in that kind of eventuality? Is the visit allowed by HM Border ***? Is it classed as a holiday? You have a visa/passport? There are so many things which seem like you have no answers to. Ask him to visit you in Germany first, so that you can discuss the proposed connection and see whether the ideas are suitable to you., and if they reassure you of the ideas being put forward. Only if he is really sure of you, will he make the effort to visit you first. If he wants this so much, then he has to show you that he means what he says, and makes an effort to secure the connection. He doesn’t own you. You’re free to do what you like, at the moment. You need to feel respected, safe, his honesty, transparency and clarity of what’s happening, and up to the point of the tpe, you want your opinions listened to. Only through those points will you feel understood and then you might feel trust. Others suggest a contract, which seems very sensible and can give fine detail to the arrangement. But you already have doubts in your mind. Use your gut instinct and ask many questions to get a total feel for what you both want from this. If either of you feel “no”, then it doesn’t happen. Be safe, be sane and always be consensual about the connection.
boo_ Posted January 4 Posted January 4 You cant as you have no right to stay in UK take it slowly and meet of a weekend then fly home. sound like your walking into trouble wihout ever meeting someone
TheBookCollector Posted January 4 Posted January 4 As others have said move slowly, at least arrange to meet first, either.with him flying.out to Germany to meet.you or you coming to the uk and staying in a cheap hotel or air b&b. If hes not prepared to go to germany does he have a right to expect you to come to the uk? As others have said you will only.have a tourist visa for 90 days max thanks to brexit. Then you have to apply for a residents visa and he will have to support you under new rules that are coming in.
boo_ Posted January 4 Posted January 4 unless both move to ROI one of you would be need to apply for right to remain and they unlikely to offer this as you need a job that would give you the visa. it just not going to happen legally
TheBookCollector Posted January 4 Posted January 4 In regard to him holding you against your will, that is illegal. You have to remember that not matter what you agree to it can be halted at any time, after that he is breaking the law, and would likely face charges of trafficking and modern slavery if he doesnt release you. . No contract you could write would stand up in a british court as a defense.
boo_ Posted January 4 Posted January 4 Just now, TheBookCollector said: In regard to him holding you against your will, that is illegal. You have to remember that not matter what you agree to it can be halted at any time, after that he is breaking the law, and would likely face charges of trafficking and modern slavery if he doesnt release you. . No contract you could write would stand up in a british court as a defense. And anyone who open about wanting to do this is a real RED FLAG or just having a wank leading you on
CopperKnob Posted January 4 Posted January 4 It screams red flags to me and more of a fantasy really, particularly with the TPE aspect. Many will suggest this but its unlikely to happen. There are some people on social media that appear to fly women over but honestly it seems that they're setting up some sort of harem and I'm skeptical that they aren't actually trafficking. Like others have asked/said, meet for a weekend first. I'd be inviting him to Germany. That'll indicate how serious he is.
RandoriUK Posted January 4 Posted January 4 It reminds me of an earlier post about a Dom (alledged) demanding the same in Scotland. Get to know this person first, when, if the moment is right, you won't have any doubts. That you ask here means you are not yet ready.
Deleted Member Posted January 8 Posted January 8 Babe, if you still have these doubts about him at all. A FPE is a bad idea, especially considering you’d be displaced from family friends, your whole life basically. Take all the time you need to build enough trust in a person/relationship before surrendering your autonomy completely. Him even asking for this with you being 22 and seemingly inexperienced instead of one of the 100 other smaller steps that could also be taken. Is a major red flag if you ask me. This is giving: rushed, dodgy and simply unnecessary tbh. Have fun! Stay safe!
earthyangel Posted January 10 Posted January 10 (edited) if you are not sure, you should listen to yourself. I would write down the pros and cons on paper to see them. moving to a different country is a big step, and as slave, for sure. did you had a conversation about your doubts and worries with the person that suppose to be your Dom? communication is the most important thing you both must have. if you didn't, make sure to have that conversation even if it might be difficult. even as a slave you have the responsibility to check before you give positive answer. you have one life. be safe and ask as many questions that you want before you do big steps. you are allowed to ask them and you should expect answers till you feel pleased and secure. if not, don't do it. it doesn't matter what you are.. sub or slave.. don't let your eagerness to lead you. listen to your inner voice and be 100% positive when you do that step, that it is what you want for yourself and with that person. Edited January 10 by earthyangel
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