What To Do, Dom that Screwed Up?

[Ve****]

Just now, Velicious said:

I gave the test immediately after him saying that he would never do anything to allow me to feel powerless in our relationship. I can’t imagine anything less empowering than being in a relationship with a man who keeps secrets while also telling me that he would never do anything to make me feel powerless in our relationship.

And yes, it depends on what the secrets are. Problem is is I don’t know what the secrets are and he’s made no time to reveal them to me.

[Croaker]

29 minutes ago, Velicious said:

Absolutely since there’s been no attempt to reconcile. Some secrets would be tolerable. But it seems he knows that his are the kind I would not tolerate. Or he’s too ashamed to make any attempt. Or maybe he was a fake Dom just trying to rack up sexual encounters. And my leaving was inconsequential. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m sorry for that. Maybe moving on might be best in that case

[Ve****]

1 minute ago, Croaker said:

I’m sorry for that. Maybe moving on might be best in that case

He’s also made no attempt to say goodbye, thank you, fuck off or anything.

[TheBookCollector]

24 minutes ago, Velicious said:

And yes, it depends on what the secrets are. Problem is is I don’t know what the secrets are and he’s made no time to reveal them to me.

He has no duty to reveal potentially traumatic secrets to you or anyone. Where you completely honest and open about all your secrets even the ones that are traumatic?

[Ve****]

5 minutes ago, TheBookCollector said:

He has no duty to reveal potentially traumatic secrets to you or anyone. Where you completely honest and open about all your secrets even the ones that are traumatic?

I am tempted to argue that Dom who works very hard and request monogamy from a sub repeatedly until he gets it doesn’t have the right to keep secrets. But I want to think about that some more. At this point, I’m going to agree and say no he doesn’t have to reveal all his secrets. But a conversation about it would have been nice. Not only did I reveal that he keep secrets for me with my test. I also revealed that the secrets were more important than me. And I have been robbed of the opportunity to decide whether or not those secrets are going to keep me from maintaining the dynamic. What is more powerless than that?

[Ve****]

14 minutes ago, TheBookCollector said:

He has no duty to reveal potentially traumatic secrets to you or anyone. Where you completely honest and open about all your secrets even the ones that are traumatic?

Your comment allow alarms me. Yes, of course I was completely upfront and honest about everything with him. I have no secrets. There are things that would have been revealed that he would not have liked and we would’ve talked about it.

[TheBookCollector]

11 minutes ago, Velicious said:

Your comment allow alarms me. Yes, of course I was completely upfront and honest about everything with him. I have no secrets. There are things that would have been revealed that he would not have liked and we would’ve talked about it.

I doubt it, everyone has secrets, there are things in my past i dont share with partners until ive known them a good while.
.
Some out of embarressment others out of shame. That does not make me a bad or untrustworthy person.
.
It sounds like you pushed and kept pushing him to reveal these secrets rather than wait for him to feel comfortable about revealing them. That is why he walked away with explination. I would do the same.
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You can try castigating me but until you have walking in my shoes you have no right to judge me or my actions.

[Ve****]

21 minutes ago, TheBookCollector said:

I doubt it, everyone has secrets, there are things in my past i dont share with partners until ive known them a good while.
.
Some out of embarressment others out of shame. That does not make me a bad or untrustworthy person.
.
It sounds like you pushed and kept pushing him to reveal these secrets rather than wait for him to feel comfortable about revealing them. That is why he walked away with explination. I would do the same.
.
You can try castigating me but until you have walking in my shoes you have no right to judge me or my actions.

I didn’t ask you what happened. I asked what the next next steps. But never mind.

[Nylon-Nellie]

Open book springs to mind from day 1 from the Dom's side? 

 

 

[TheBookCollector]

1 hour ago, Velicious said:

I didn’t ask you what happened. I asked what the next next steps. But never mind.

The nexts steps would be at my pace to reveal those secrets when i was happy and i wouldnt want to be constantly.badgered or given an ultimatum in both cases id walk away as my privacy wasnt being respected especially at the early stages of the relationship.

[vi****]

They all could tell you what to do … i didnt read any of the comments maybe the lst one 😜… We could tell u give him one more chance but we dont know how many chances u have gave him🤷🏻‍♂️… we dont know what Going thru his head (point of view of the situation) View His point of view and yours Before taking any Decisions 😜 only you know the answer of what doing Next … u might ask why … simple we do not know the whole story … best thing to do is sit down and talk about a soliton instead of pointing who is to blame good luck

[Deleted Member]

Very little information given. Depends how he put your safety risk and what was your reason for setting up a game to test him? A general answer is trust in paramount in all dom and sub dynamics. If you feel the need to test him you don't trust him and he can not trust your sincere so with limited info you provided I would say your both better off

[Deleted Member]

I would make it known to her that I don't want her to leave. I would also thank her for showing me parts of myself that I need to work on. I can now align the person I am with the person that I want to be, which is someone that a sub can feel safe and secure with. If she doesn't wish to stay and see that progress then she is within her right to go and find someone else. Regardless of the sub's choice I would be going towards becoming a better me.

[Ve****]

30 minutes ago, Dom_313 said:

I would make it known to her that I don't want her to leave. I would also thank her for showing me parts of myself that I need to work on. I can now align the person I am with the person that I want to be, which is someone that a sub can feel safe and secure with. If she doesn't wish to stay and see that progress then she is within her right to go and find someone else. Regardless of the sub's choice I would be going towards becoming a better me.

An excellent answer to my actual question. Thank you. 😘

[Ve****]

1 hour ago, vic1vic said:

They all could tell you what to do … i didnt read any of the comments maybe the lst one 😜… We could tell u give him one more chance but we dont know how many chances u have gave him🤷🏻‍♂️… we dont know what Going thru his head (point of view of the situation) View His point of view and yours Before taking any Decisions 😜 only you know the answer of what doing Next … u might ask why … simple we do not know the whole story … best thing to do is sit down and talk about a soliton instead of pointing who is to blame good luck

I did not ask what I should do. Read the question. If you don’t have an answer, move along.

[Deleted Member]

Having read through the entire thread, I'm inclined to think this man should do nothing. You pushed him into revealing "secrets" and after a four month relationship - too much, too fast!

Your responses to some comments have been verging on aggressive. I think you have work to do before another Dom trusts you.

[Ve****]

14 hours ago, Velicious said:

An excellent answer to my actual question. Thank you. 😘

The key phrase being “I would make it known to her”. Even if it wasn’t to attempt to reconcile.

[Ve****]

Sunday at 05:26 PM, Matttster said:

If he did not want yo share secrets, is that “screwing up”? Admitting he has secrets is being honest.

We all have secrets we either don’t want to share won’t share out of respect of other parties.

I agree. I am just sad we didn’t get to talk about it.

[Ve****]

Sunday at 08:54 PM, Masterfred1967 said:

Very little information given. Depends how he put your safety risk and what was your reason for setting up a game to test him? A general answer is trust in paramount in all dom and sub dynamics. If you feel the need to test him you don't trust him and he can not trust your sincere so with limited info you provided I would say your both better off

Thank you for addressing trust.

[Ve****]

Sunday at 02:21 PM, VILKDUJA said:

Obviously not knowing exactly what went on, it's difficult to give a comprehensive answer. However, if the safety of the sub was in any way compromised then, in all honesty, some serious reassessment & re-evaluation by the Dom of his actual capabilities, responsibilities & ability & qualification to call himself one is required!!!

Thank you for your answer. 💜💜💜

[earthyangel]

I was not sure what was your question. people sometimes fail. its a human thing. in a relationship people suppose to talk and solve things out. often there are solutions and when people talk, they can bridge and solve  situations. sometimes between partners there are situations in which one is more "wise" or "powerful" and that can be also the sub. in that case, the one that have any clue or hold the solution in his/her hand, should reach out for the other. with ego no relationship can last for long.