Dominance should lift you up, not let you down.

[Deleted Member]

Really well said thank you! I'm still learning and trying to become a better Dom(and sub possibly, havent tried that yet).

This is a good mindset right here 🔥

[Ne****]

I'm much more sub than dom, but I don't have a low self esteem or self worth at all.

[A_****]

1 hour ago, Aegosub said:

Very true, but I find the amount of f***toy subs that are not truly interested in submitting, the ones who just want a woman to pegg them with a strap-on. It can make it hard for the rest of us to be taken seriously, now this is an oversimplification and a generalization, but that is my experience.

Unfortunately the f$&@bois are on both sides of the slash. I talk about some of this in my next writing. It’s currently pending review here, but live on FL.

[Deleted Member]

18 hours ago, Thetroyboy said:

I wish more female dominants understood this concept. As a switch i am constantly left unable to explore my submissive side because every dominant woman i meet comes right out of the gate with the degredation talk and its like...uhhh hey...im troy...before you start calling me a worthless little sub slut...maybe try saying hi and telling me your name? I mean....hell...maybe oh idk...ask if im even into verbal degredation? Like dude doms might push the limits but subs set them. Just because im choosing to play a sub role doesnt automatically give a dom rights to just do whatever.

I've noticed that too. I'll admit it IS kinda hot to be degraded and called those names yes, but I would also personally like a bit of a connection, maybe praising or caregiving similar to how we guys who are doms caregive (I'm a switch so I'm trying both)

I don't know, I just found that really interesting that we had the same observation

[A_****]

17 hours ago, moline874 said:

Still looking for that uplifting dom but only keep attracting the f**kbois

Remember that it’s not you attracting them, but it is to you to deny them entry to your energy.
Quality comes with time, while quantity is always available. If you spend all your time swimming in the quantity then you can fail to see the quality waiting for you.

[Th****]

1 hour ago, portland93812 said:

I've noticed that too. I'll admit it IS kinda hot to be degraded and called those names yes, but I would also personally like a bit of a connection, maybe praising or caregiving similar to how we guys who are doms caregive (I'm a switch so I'm trying both)

I don't know, I just found that really interesting that we had the same observation

I love being degraded but not verbally. Personally i prefer to be verbally praised while being ordered to do degrading acts. So when i get a message asking me how long ive been such a worthless pathetic sub its a complete turn off like.....um excuse me?...i dont think ive ever been worthless maam..id argue my submission ADDS value actually...

[Th****]

1 hour ago, portland93812 said:

Really well said thank you! I'm still learning and trying to become a better Dom(and sub possibly, havent tried that yet).

This is a good mindset right here 🔥

Well okay, i guess i should clarify, i do enjoy some forms of verbal degredation such as being called a good slut or good subby which is both a praise and a degrade, however i dislike the insinuation that in order to be a submissive i must be a lessor man, especially considering it takes a fair amount of strength intelligence, self awareness, and boldness to be male and proudly out about your submissive side in a world where the idea of a man taking a more submissive role in the bedroom is still viewed as a form of weakness. If anything i would argue that combined with the things ive been through and achieved in my personal life would make me superior not lessor. But i try not to ever allow myself to think that way because its just rude and cocky.

[CopperKnob]

I'm a submissive but I don't need a life coach 😉
.
In any relationship there should be a degree of support and guidance from both individuals (and others if that's your thing)  this is what contributes towards a healthy relationship.
.
I'm not *** and I'm not needy. I'll take guidance/direction when I ask for it not when someone decides that that's their 'role' as my partner.  I handle life day in day out and I've made it to the grand old age I am without a life coach.
.
I personally find these thoughts about D/s almost whimsical/straight out of a romance novel and, when the perception of D/s is typical male D and female sub, nothing more than an attempt to uphold the patriarchy.

[ca****]

So my two cents, as unasked for as they were 🤣 is there's is a huge difference between a domestic, lifestyle power exchange dynamic and just a scene.

In a lifestyle situation it seems relatively encouraging if there is a focus on mutual support and self actualisation, but that seems true of any relationship. Shouldn't you be bringing out the best of each other anyway? Something formalised is fine if if grows naturally or comes from a communicated desire but I'm not sure it has to be a necessity. As pointed out you can be a sub and be completely in control of your own life, and want to keep it that way.

In a scene it might be a bit much, taking on full responsibility for someone's sense of self is a lot. Kindness is good, just in general, but taking on more than you are prepared to follow through with isn't necessarily kind.

Speaking personally, sometimes I just like to get tied up, I'm happy to come away with some bruises and an endorphin rush. I spend enough time trying to "better" myself without having to include playtime in my jeorny of personal growth 😂.

I'm not knocking the sentiment by the way, nothing wrong with aspiring to elevate and infuse the sillyness we get up to with a bit of higher purpose, I'm just a bit adverse to having to think "how is this impact play enabling their life goals" all the time 😊.

[A_****]

2 hours ago, cakesforsnakes said:

So my two cents, as unasked for as they were 🤣 is there's is a huge difference between a domestic, lifestyle power exchange dynamic and just a scene.

In a lifestyle situation it seems relatively encouraging if there is a focus on mutual support and self actualisation, but that seems true of any relationship. Shouldn't you be bringing out the best of each other anyway? Something formalised is fine if if grows naturally or comes from a communicated desire but I'm not sure it has to be a necessity. As pointed out you can be a sub and be completely in control of your own life, and want to keep it that way.

In a scene it might be a bit much, taking on full responsibility for someone's sense of self is a lot. Kindness is good, just in general, but taking on more than you are prepared to follow through with isn't necessarily kind.

Speaking personally, sometimes I just like to get tied up, I'm happy to come away with some bruises and an endorphin rush. I spend enough time trying to "better" myself without having to include playtime in my jeorny of personal growth 😂.

I'm not knocking the sentiment by the way, nothing wrong with aspiring to elevate and infuse the sillyness we get up to with a bit of higher purpose, I'm just a bit adverse to having to think "how is this impact play enabling their life goals" all the time 😊.

I appreciate your stance. My writing is more based on dynamic and the toxicity of those that prey on submissives with low self-value. Using that vulnerability to sink their hooks in and holding the sub down for the D’s best interest, rather than the sub. I see this happen all the time.

I feel that even in pickup play, we are capable of uplifting the person we play with. Even if it’s just a wholesome experience that sets their bar on play a little higher for the future.

So, as a litmus test, I’ll leave it with a question; are their vulnerabilities being explored, or exploited?

[ca****]

Hey that's a fine thing, I don't want to sound like I'm critical, bacuase it's a right on line. I've been lucky enough to not be preyed upon but I've absolutely no time for the very real scoundrels who do.

[ja****]

I like

[Ve****]

Wednesday at 10:48 PM, CopperKnob said:

I'm a submissive but I don't need a life coach 😉
.
In any relationship there should be a degree of support and guidance from both individuals (and others if that's your thing)  this is what contributes towards a healthy relationship.
.
I'm not *** and I'm not needy. I'll take guidance/direction when I ask for it not when someone decides that that's their 'role' as my partner.  I handle life day in day out and I've made it to the grand old age I am without a life coach.
.
I personally find these thoughts about D/s almost whimsical/straight out of a romance novel and, when the perception of D/s is typical male D and female sub, nothing more than an attempt to uphold the patriarchy.

I don’t understand how you could be submissive without being ***. I get it that, as a man, your safety is not typically in jeopardy of your Dom is a woman. But vulnerability is a real thing in any relationship- especially if you’re sub.

[CopperKnob]

10 hours ago, Velicious said:

I don’t understand how you could be submissive without being ***. I get it that, as a man, your safety is not typically in jeopardy of your Dom is a woman. But vulnerability is a real thing in any relationship- especially if you’re sub.

Context.
.
I'm not *** in the sense that I require a man or Dom to act as anything other than a partner within a relation that has D/s elements to it.
.
Within any relationship each individual will have vulnerabilities. It's not exclusive to subs, nor is it a requirement of a Dom/partner to mentor or coach me simply because they're a Dom. Both parties should be clapping back. First and foremost, I'm an equal in a relationship.
.
The post romanticised the role of the Dom. That in itself, for newbies is problematic. When expectations don't meet reality or, when someone is so new that they're so easily lead by a psuedo dom acting in such a way that they loose all autonomy before they truly understand the potential personal consequences of it.

[A_****]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

Context.
.
I'm not *** in the sense that I require a man or Dom to act as anything other than a partner within a relation that has D/s elements to it.
.
Within any relationship each individual will have vulnerabilities. It's not exclusive to subs, nor is it a requirement of a Dom/partner to mentor or coach me simply because they're a Dom. Both parties should be clapping back. First and foremost, I'm an equal in a relationship.
.
The post romanticised the role of the Dom. That in itself, for newbies is problematic. When expectations don't meet reality or, when someone is so new that they're so easily lead by a psuedo dom acting in such a way that they loose all autonomy before they truly understand the potential personal consequences of it.

Honestly, you seem to have missed the whole point of the writing. It’s not about being a “life coach” for anyone. It’s about being a supportive partner towards someone, especially those that ARE ***, instead of taking advantage.

You obviously don’t need that in your life, as you’ve clearly stated, so good for you.
But attacking it, for those not in your position, as “romanticized” and “upholding the patriarchy” is just plain ignorant of those who get swept away by the ***rs who hunt for *** people. And, while most often it is the male D female s in the situation, it is by far not the only iteration of the issue. Your view is very closed minded and smells of just your own experience.

You’re welcome to your opinion, but it will stay exactly that; your opinion. Just, next time, leave out the insultive comments. They do not add well to the conversation.

[Ve****]

3 hours ago, A_Brit_Kinky said:

Honestly, you seem to have missed the whole point of the writing. It’s not about being a “life coach” for anyone. It’s about being a supportive partner towards someone, especially those that ARE ***, instead of taking advantage.

You obviously don’t need that in your life, as you’ve clearly stated, so good for you.
But attacking it, for those not in your position, as “romanticized” and “upholding the patriarchy” is just plain ignorant of those who get swept away by the ***rs who hunt for *** people. And, while most often it is the male D female s in the situation, it is by far not the only iteration of the issue. Your view is very closed minded and smells of just your own experience.

You’re welcome to your opinion, but it will stay exactly that; your opinion. Just, next time, leave out the insultive comments. They do not add well to the conversation.

I see both sides. Vulnerability can be both a strength and a weakness, a source of pride or a source of ***, a point of acceptance point of rejection.

[CopperKnob]

6 hours ago, A_Brit_Kinky said:

Honestly, you seem to have missed the whole point of the writing. It’s not about being a “life coach” for anyone. It’s about being a supportive partner towards someone, especially those that ARE ***, instead of taking advantage.

You obviously don’t need that in your life, as you’ve clearly stated, so good for you.
But attacking it, for those not in your position, as “romanticized” and “upholding the patriarchy” is just plain ignorant of those who get swept away by the ***rs who hunt for *** people. And, while most often it is the male D female s in the situation, it is by far not the only iteration of the issue. Your view is very closed minded and smells of just your own experience.

You’re welcome to your opinion, but it will stay exactly that; your opinion. Just, next time, leave out the insultive comments. They do not add well to the conversation.

The part where your sentence starts, "the Dominants job..."? That's exactly the part I'm referring to.
.
Being in a relationship isn't "work" it's something to work at but if it feels like a job then it's not the right partnership.
.
It's also not an attack. It's my personal view. One that provides a different take on D/s than that that's pop culture.
.
I've come across my share of unsavoury Doms. I'm not ignorant to it at all.
.
I've also come across my share of those you have disagreed with my posts on Fet. It comes with the territory of posting on an open forum.

[Co****]

I know......so many!! I  have met afew really nice, authentic Doms online, but Geographically its challenging for a physical thing.

'Everything happens at the right time I guess '......X