Do I beat my brat

[Re****]

Right Kinksters, I have a n argument I would like settled.
My sub is arguing the she shouldn't get 5 of the best for begging in public and the trying to snatch a bag containing the treats.

I thought I would humour her in putting this to a poll.

A. Should she get away with being a snatching brat and be given a full days reprieve.

B. Should her infringement stand and she receive an additional 5 of the best.

[ey****]

I often like an option C.

That is the sub would misbehave and won't accept an agreed punishment.... they get ignored.  Attention removed.

[Deleted Member]

Option D, Blacksheep and Remounters. Five for begging and snatchingIn public. Five more for arguing. Attention removed as well, with the explanation that if she is going to create attention in public, she loses attention in private. An extra five on top, if she does not apologise for her actions.

[Deleted Member]

I find subs and littles etc actually dont cope well with ignoring or taking away attention. If shes acting up it's probably because they want your attention. In my opinion you are correct in B and get her to make it up to you.

[PixieDust]

The brat in me would say bring on Option B,  but then again I am a glutton for punishment but knowing me I would also go right back out there and do it all over again just to be cheeky ........... a brat is after all a brat,  sometimes we intentionally never learn 

[Re****]

Ladies & Gents, Dom/me's & subs. Thank you one and all for your input. It ended up being a fantastic night after my sub realised she had done wrong. She took her punishment like a trooper. 

I ended up using @DanteReign template with a few more thrown in for good measure. She has posted a picture this morning of the aftermath on our profile. She is particularly proud of her bruising today.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Remounters said:

I ended up using @DanteReign template

I am truly honoured. Well done on having such a positive outcome.

[Re****]

1 hour ago, DanteReign said:

I am truly honoured. Well done on having such a positive outcome.

No, thank you. She now has a little trouble sitting down 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[Deleted Member]

17 hours ago, Remounters said:

No, thank you. She now has a little trouble sitting down 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

It serves her right for being such a naught girl

[Re****]

15 hours ago, DanteReign said:

It serves her right for being such a naught girl

Indeed it does. Very funny to watch her sit down very tentatively.

[DaisyMae]

On 9/14/2019 at 8:20 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

I often like an option C.

That is the sub would misbehave and won't accept an agreed punishment.... they get ignored.  Attention removed.

Withholding attention is ***, not BDSM. 

[Deleted Member]

23 minutes ago, DaisyMae said:

Withholding attention is ***, not BDSM. 

As always, please correct me if I am wrong. I will not speak for others, but I doubt I am the only person to disagree with this. Using the "naughty step" method does not instantly equal ***. Like everything else in life, it is how you use it. If a child were to have a tantrum to get attention, you do not reward that behaviour by giving them attention. I would offer the idea that perhaps you are confusing a (short term) lack of attention, with neglect?

Edited September 19, 2019 by Deleted Member

[Wo****]

1 hour ago, DaisyMae said:

Withholding attention is ***, not BDSM. 

Having been in an abusive relationship I feel qualified to comment.

Withholding attention in this context is not ***. It's just doing the opposite of what the sub wants.

From a personal perspective it's the only option there that I would really define as punishment. (I really hope my Dom doesn't read that bit 😄)

[ey****]

2 hours ago, DaisyMae said:

Withholding attention is ***, not BDSM.

I feel - like a lot of things, it's contextual.

I feel BDSM often has a lot of areas where of course punishments can be fun, can be consensual, but also things can be difficult and there sometimes has to be a line which is "this is not OK"

I've been in situations where there has been a sub (or subs) present who've acted up to get attention and to get punishments.  The second you give them the punishment is giving them what they want.  Now, that's OK if this is within pre-agreed boundaries.

But, if a sub is pushing you too far, becoming generally annoying, inciting bad behaviour in other subs (who possibly also now realise that acting up gets them what they want) then what do you do?

Because the second you give them the punishment it's giving them what they want.   Again, this is of course OK if this is within agreed boundaries - but if this is outside of boundaries, then you need to control the situation otherwise they're going to keep pushing to see what they get away with.

Sometimes it might be the case that the punishment you give them is perhaps with a toy they genuinely don't like. Perhaps it's another agreed task they genuinely don't like (line writing is a good one) or perhaps - given what they are craving is attention - you take that away.   

Obviously you don't start ghosting them or ignoring them - you have to pretty much tell them - no, you've crossed too many lines : I'm not going to entertain you - for whatever period of time.

[DaisyMae]

6 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I feel - like a lot of things, it's contextual.

I feel BDSM often has a lot of areas where of course punishments can be fun, can be consensual, but also things can be difficult and there sometimes has to be a line which is "this is not OK"

I've been in situations where there has been a sub (or subs) present who've acted up to get attention and to get punishments.  The second you give them the punishment is giving them what they want.  Now, that's OK if this is within pre-agreed boundaries.

But, if a sub is pushing you too far, becoming generally annoying, inciting bad behaviour in other subs (who possibly also now realise that acting up gets them what they want) then what do you do?

Because the second you give them the punishment it's giving them what they want.   Again, this is of course OK if this is within agreed boundaries - but if this is outside of boundaries, then you need to control the situation otherwise they're going to keep pushing to see what they get away with.

Sometimes it might be the case that the punishment you give them is perhaps with a toy they genuinely don't like. Perhaps it's another agreed task they genuinely don't like (line writing is a good one) or perhaps - given what they are craving is attention - you take that away.   

Obviously you don't start ghosting them or ignoring them - you have to pretty much tell them - no, you've crossed too many lines : I'm not going to entertain you - for whatever period of time.

I understand not rewarding a Bratt with a punishment they would want. But it is never ok to use the silent treatment. Every reputable resource about the lifestyle will confirm, it is abusive. I appreciate if you didn't know that, but I would highly recommend looking into it. Because it is never ok. 

[DaisyMae]

2 hours ago, DanteReign said:

As always, please correct me if I am wrong. I will not speak for others, but I doubt I am the only person to disagree with this. Using the "naughty step" method does not instantly equal ***. Like everything else in life, it is how you use it. If a child were to have a tantrum to get attention, you do not reward that behaviour by giving them attention. I would offer the idea that perhaps you are confusing a (short term) lack of attention, with neglect?

There is a significant difference between naughty step style treatment and genuine silent treatment. As with any punishment the Dom should be available for the sub, so if using a naughty step style treatment then the sub should be made aware that if she is genuinely in crisis then the Dom is there for her. He isn't fully withdrawing affection. 

[ey****]

1 minute ago, DaisyMae said:

I understand not rewarding a Bratt with a punishment they would want. But it is never ok to use the silent treatment. Every reputable resource about the lifestyle will confirm, it is abusive. I appreciate if you didn't know that, but I would highly recommend looking into it. Because it is never ok. 

So.

If you have a sub - and they've been playing up for punishment - but taken things really really really too far.  

Or maybe taken it far, but then refused to take an agreed punishment.

How would you deal with it?

[DaisyMae]

I would be having a serious conversation with them about their submission. And the boundaries, and expectations. There becomes a point when it stops being about submission when the bratting gets that extensively far out of hand. But I would also be questioning myself as the Dom as to how I allowed it to get that far. Did I make expectations about our relationship dynamic clear? Is my sub self aware of their submission? What steps have I taken that led to this point. 

[ey****]

So a conversation - which means they don't get the punishment but do get your time and attention.

So - what if they then do similar the following week?

 

[DaisyMae]

As I've said...I would be seriously questioning their ability to be in a Dom/sub dynamic. If they are completely unwilling to submit then it isn't submission

[ey****]

So then this gets to a position where your choice is to dismiss them.  Which is removing attention permanently. 

[Deleted Member]

26 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So then this gets to a position where your choice is to dismiss them.  Which is removing attention permanently. 

In other words, Blacksheep I am sure you will agree, that this hypothetical Submissive does not wish to submit to this particular hypothetical Dominant, and needs to find a new one, who is just going to have to figure out some other way of getting the Submissive to agree to a punishment.

I hope I have understood you correctly, DaisieMae?

Edited September 19, 2019 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

46 minutes ago, DaisyMae said:

There is a significant difference between naughty step style treatment and genuine silent treatment. As with any punishment the Dom should be available for the sub, so if using a naughty step style treatment then the sub should be made aware that if she is genuinely in crisis then the Dom is there for her. He isn't fully withdrawing affection. 

I would suspect that a "genuine" crisis would occur outside of a "session" and would therefore be deemed not part of BDSM. Is that correct? It would temporarily bypass punishment, a discussion which would then arise after the genuine crisis, and therefore the punishment would have nothing to do with it. Could you please confirm if I am understanding you correctly?

[ey****]

in this case - I think we're going off tangent because the brat DID receive punishment that everyone was happy with.

But, honestly, over the years I've come across problem subs who are generally disruptive and sometimes - even if it's just 20 minutes - revoking attention may well have been a lesson learnt.

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

the brat DID receive punishment that everyone was happy with.

I was thinking this myself; that this is essentially a "closed case" involving satisfaction from all parties