New Girlfriend Likes To Be Dominated

[PumaWhite]

Morning everyone, I am looking for some advice if possible. I am 34 and my new girlfriend is 35 and recently she disclosed to me that she loves being dominated in bed.

I would class myself as more of a passionate lover than dominant and to be honest although I have read some advice on “How to be more dominant in bed” It still feels as though I am no where near fully immersed in actually being dominant. 

I have dealt with some self esteem issues and feel quite self conscious to be honest due to some dealings with anxiety and this really holds me back from expressing a more dominant side in the bedroom because I am lacking in confidence.

I am a slender guy 6’2 and my new GF is quite tall around 5’10 and I find this a bit of a road block in being dominant as she is basically the same size as me! 

As the relationship is new I am obviously wanting to put my best foot forward in the bedroom and would love some advice on how I could “start” to be more dominant. Is there any books or reading material you could suggest in order to get me started?

 

Many thanks in advance. 

[ey****]

while books are good and advice is good - you got a resource in your bed.   Different people like different things, ask her what does it for her - hair pulling? slapping? spitting? restraints? biting? toys?  which toys? orgasm control/denial?  breath play? you can then work around that.

[DaisyMae]

Hey

Firstly your size in relation to your gf is irrelevant. Being dominant doesn't equal forcing someone. Being ***ful is a specific fetish and may not necessarily be what she asking for. I think it's very important to read and research so that you can practice being a dominant safely. The main things to consider are 

Communication - make sure you discuss everything in detail in advance. What is she comfortable with, what are you comfortable with,

Consent - what is completely off limits. Agree safewords etc . Everything in the lifestyle has to be 100%  consensual. 

Respect - despite the scene you may enter you must still respect each other. Respect limits, respect for each others wellbeing 

Trust - ensure there is trust. Does she trust you enough for you to do this with her. Do you trust she will be able to handle it. Etc etc 

 

These are very brief summaries of complex headings especially brief as I've just woken up. 

 

Another important thing to remember is aftercare - both if you may experience a drop afterwards. Don't be afraid if this happens, it's normal. Just make sure you're there for each other. Build time in for aftercare when working out how much time you have. And make sure you finish in time for it. 

 

Back to the size issue. Submission, unless indulging in specific kinks such as primal/pray, CNC etc, is about submitting. So size is irrelevant because if she agrees to submit to you and you tell her to kneel before you, then she should kneel before you. Any disobedience can of course be handled with gentle punishment but again this would be agreed upon in advance so shouldn't need to feel ***d unless again you're indulging in those specific "***d" kinks. 

 

Sorry for rambling on, I hope this helps. 

[Deleted Member]

I remember when 50 shades came out, my other half read it and wanted me to tie her up and stuff, we went out and bought some gear, restraints, pvc outfits, thighboots and stuff and it didn't go far. I ended up back on the road with work and one evening I rang her up after work as I always did, it had been a really crap day and I'd had a right set to with one of the bosses, which culminated with me telling him to go fuck himself, she sounded all turned on by this and told me I needed to be more dominant with her. At the end of the week I was driving home and thought we'd have some fun when I got back. I sent her a text saying how far I was from home and that she was to dress in her pvc gear and have a couple of drinks ready when I arrived, I then went on to tell her what I expected her to do when I arrived home. I got home and nothing, not even a beer, I gave up in the end.

I had another partner and she was into being dominated, and watersports, she used to love dressing up in all sorts of stuff, and wetting herself, I remember coming home once to find her wearing the new black leather jeans I'd bought her along with some long black leather boots.

She'd got my dinner ready, but had 'forgot' to get some beer, so she went around to the shop, when she came back she told me she'd had an 'accident' in her new leathers, while at the shop, they hadn't leaked but her boots were quite full.

I told her she'd have to keep them on all evening as a punishment, she was as horny as hell by bedtime, once we were going shopping and as we pulled into the supermarket car park she said she needed to use the toilet as she'd 'forgotten' to go before we left home, I told her she'd have to hold it until we'd been shopping, she said she couldn't and would probably wet herself, not good considering I had a busy morning planned. I told her to take her boots off while we were sat in the car, she'd have to go in them, which she did. I then made her walk around the supermarket in her *** filled boots, before taking her home and giving her a good fucking, she loved it.

I think to get the best results, you need to know what someone wants, and play towards that, she liked to be dominated, and wet herself, but she liked to be told how and when to wet, so I did, it worked for us. good luck, just discuss and all should work out.