Lying about your kinks?

[Deleted Member]

Has anyone here had an experience in which a person told you they were into X kink only for them to later on say they’re not into that kink, but another instead? As in straight up lying about their kinks? If so, what did you do?

[ed****]

Idk never really happened and often they're not really lying they just constantly change their mind cos most of the time people think they're into said kinks cos of how it sounds or is described but when they experience it it doesn't seem right and so they move on and the cycle repeats , sorts like people doing uni subjects sounds great on the outside but actually doing it or how it's done just isn't right for that person

[Deleted Member]

That's the lying kink right there

[Mr****]

More like they play along then block when it’s actually not there kink

[JM****]

YES

[wa****]

My ex wife always claimed to be a total Domme, until I caught her having a second life with a man she called dada turns out her real kink was Ddlg.

[ge****]

I think more context is needed here - there could be various reasons someone might do.
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For example it's not unheard of to try and fit themselves to profiles of those they are trying to meet, and will then backtrack if they successfully get that meet.
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Or conversely someone might have something on their profile they will do with the right person but not all people - some seeing their profile may think that's a checklist to be done and the profile owner may say it's not for them (with that person).
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In the first instance it's definitely lying but in the second the "lie" is the perception of the person that assumed a checklist.

[Ma****]

men do that all the time 🙄

[Ny****]

I had a guy tell me he was a primal Dom who liked brats but then he would tell me I couldn’t be a primal or a brat or anything else that I am. lol it was honestly ridiculous… to say you want someone who identifies as something and then demand that they not be who they are…

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, Marusia_aganiok said:

men do that all the time 🙄

So do women lol

[Do****]

Yes i hate it when that shit happens

[Si****]

3 hours ago, Marusia_aganiok said:

men do that all the time 🙄

how about peopile of both genders do it all the time, lets try not to generalize.

[Sh****]

I think whether something is a lie or not, does somewhat depend on the context. For example, if they like the idea of a particular kink, then discover it’s not for them in practice that isn’t lying it’s learning. Contrast that with an ex who said she was interested in exploring BDSM but when we started discussing kinks, used that as an opportunity to mock me, yeah it was a very toxic relationship that didn’t last very long thank goodness 

[Ro****]

Lying means they Ask For something. Get that something. Deny they ever were into it.

Comments are getting deleted for language by OP or Mods, so I guess be careful who you share info with.

[FETMOD-TF]

35 minutes ago, RopeGuyMT said:

Comments are getting deleted for language by OP or Mods, so I guess be careful who you share info with.

As per forum guidelines, the Kink Academy forum content must remain Safe for Work.  If any content falls outside our guidelines those comments will be removed by Moderators.  The OP is unable to delete or amend other members posted content. 

[Zain_2002]

Hasn’t happened to me personally

[mi****]

It happens alot on here or there only in it for virtual excitement and never intend to follow through or meet in person it's annoying asf

[Deleted Member]

It's happened a fair amount. One big reason my most sacred rule is honesty and disclosure.

[ba****]

You sever contact and find someone who isn't trying to gaslight and manipulate you. Sounds like the beginning of an abusive relationship. Get out while you can.

[Deleted Member]

It happened so much to me! It's no annoying how people claim to be a caregiver when they are not

[Deleted Member]

Yeah that sounds pretty crappy. I haven't met anyone close to me yet to experience something like that but i can imagine it's crappy.

[Ar****]

Yes, but it's not a very exciting story. 

It was a few years ago, somebody I'd met on here. I was in a bad place and hadn't vetted properly. We'd exchanged a lot of messages and done some phone calls where she had talked in-depth about the kinks/acts she was seeking and wanted, and we arranged for me to go to hers for a playdate and do many of these things.

We had a nice enough afternoon getting to know each other and getting food before the play session began; none of what we had discussed/agreed to took place. All that effectively happened was four hours of me pleasuring her whilst she promised to do the other stuff "later" and gave me physical and verbal ***. The way she reacted at the prospect of some of them in the moment I don't believe she was into the things she had mentioned on the phone at all... it might not have been a deliberate lie, if we give the benefit of the doubt we could imagine they were fantasies.

I left.

[pe****]

No because any dishonesty is grounds for the dynamic to end. I spend many many months vetting for a dynamic. All of these things are discussed at length. Any inconsistencies during the vetting process means i stop and end the vetting process. I absolutely do not put up with dishonesty in a dynamic. However, if you aren't taking an efficient amount of time to vet them properly and you jump right in too quickly, then you will end up with deception, dishonesty and above all disappointment.

[de****]

It’s a shame as it shows like of respect and boundaries.

[sk****]

Well, you have to also remember that kinks can change. Maybe they were into it with someone else and it just isnt the same with you and they don't enjoy it the same way. Or perhaps they just grew out of it.