Long Term Relationships

[Le****]

I've been here ages but had no luck whatsoever with a LTR. Everyone is miles away/wants a dynamic/is hitting up every single girl on the site

[ja****]

I’m wondering the same thing

[Deleted Member]

The longest from this site is 2months unfortunately

[Deleted Member]

I found someone I'm in a long term relationship with here and I feel lucky. I keep hearing that the way to build long term relationships in kink is in person which kind of makes sense.

[kimutu72]

I was with someone for nearly a year, we took it slow to start with, but it is a rare thing to have unfortunatley

[BigPolly]

I met my partner on this site 2 1/2 years ago. I wasn’t looking for a relationship I was just happy with play partners. Also I had been on this site since the beginning so it was more ‘social’ for me as many of us had got to know eachother as friends.

He approached me at a time when I was getting nothing but d**k pics. His message didn’t require an answer, it was just lovely and complimentary so I replied.

we talked (and mainly laughed) endlessly for weeks and eventually decided we needed to meet for coffee. I wasn’t expecting anything as we hadn’t really flirted and it had taken so long to get together.

That first coffee was amazing, we just spent hours laughing but still not flirting so when he invited me to his the next week for a play date I still wasn’t expecting much. 
The way he played blew me away! Exactly what I was looking for but didn’t really believe I’d find it as my expectations were quite high.

We talked about how we were happy to keep it at ‘play only’ but would continue to play with each other however we were both happy for each other to also seek out other people.

we spent so much time talking as well as playing that we became really close. That coupled with a nutty ex of his that stalked us and tried to destroy us, even joining this site to try and slate us just made us realise that we were actually totally smitten.

I then stayed over at his one night and never left!

I believe our relaxed approach to how we started, helped to build our relationship. That and the fact that we have just never stopped laughing. 

But the key to finding someone on here has always been the same…..Slowly, Slowly Catchy Monkey! Patience is your friend, it can take months or even years as finding someone who matches your kinks is hard. Trust your instincts, set boundaries and stick to them and never speak to anyone or be spoken to in a way that you wouldn’t do in person. The early days on here was easy and many relationships were formed as I think there was just around 400 of us but the site is now so huge that it’s a lot more difficult so be specific on your profile (not that half the people read them) and set your settings to match. 

[Chloebear]

Met Dom/partner on here. Been two years, engaged, live together  you need to match as people. It can take time to find the match as well… 

[UK****]

Yes, I have found people via this site but it takes time.

Unfortunately, many men seem to expect immediate success with little work.  Get to know the person behind their fetishes.

[Deleted Member]

Yeah. Distance is an issue, but personally the main issue I have had is finding someone with the right social chemistry to realistically GO long term, physical appearance is not enough. And compounding that issue a fair number of the women I find who seem like it could work long term often abandon the site entirely before things can really go anywhere because of all the copy pasted garbage and cold open *** they get.

[do****]

This is from a Dom perspective. I've been on here a year and I've seen a lot of kinksters state that they have a problem finding someone, even if it's just for casual sessions. I do not have the authority or right to say that I'm doing something right or that they are doing something wrong. No judgement zone. I will say I have not had a problem finding women on here that tickled my fancy. My current relationship with my brat I met on here has been going strong for 6 months now and we live together. Another woman I met on here is one of the coolest, realest, honest person I've ever met. I was hurt that I wasn't the right Dom for her. I have more than 2 handfuls of submissive women on here that I converse with from time to time. Sexy and smart ass women too. From their perspective the disconnect is the lack of genuineness in the approach. Some people treat this LS like it's a game, a sport. This is no game. This is real life. Real people. If you are about that life and want to be a part of something with someone, be that. If not, leave that person alone in their peace. Find the one for you. Be honest in what you want. Do not give false hope or promises. Being honest on your profile saves people a whole lot of time and energy. Don't try to change people unless they ask to be changed. Express how you want to be felt, so that you can feel how you want to feel. I wish everyone must success in life. Get your kink on 👿

[Ar****]

  11 hours ago, FatefulDestiny said:

I’m baggsying you as mine if we’re both still single when we’re 50, is that ok? X

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Take me out for a cuppa first, what kind of guy do you think I am? 😜 Actually, don't answer that 🤣🤣🤣 x

[Se****]

  20 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

Take me out for a cuppa first, what kind of guy do you think I am? 😜 Actually, don't answer that 🤣🤣🤣 x

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Hunni if a cuppa is all you need then we’re definitely on 😝😘

[Se****]

  59 minutes ago, doubletrouble129 said:

This is from a Dom perspective. I've been on here a year and I've seen a lot of kinksters state that they have a problem finding someone, even if it's just for casual sessions. I do not have the authority or right to say that I'm doing something right or that they are doing something wrong. No judgement zone. I will say I have not had a problem finding women on here that tickled my fancy. My current relationship with my brat I met on here has been going strong for 6 months now and we live together. Another woman I met on here is one of the coolest, realest, honest person I've ever met. I was hurt that I wasn't the right Dom for her. I have more than 2 handfuls of submissive women on here that I converse with from time to time. Sexy and smart ass women too. From their perspective the disconnect is the lack of genuineness in the approach. Some people treat this LS like it's a game, a sport. This is no game. This is real life. Real people. If you are about that life and want to be a part of something with someone, be that. If not, leave that person alone in their peace. Find the one for you. Be honest in what you want. Do not give false hope or promises. Being honest on your profile saves people a whole lot of time and energy. Don't try to change people unless they ask to be changed. Express how you want to be felt, so that you can feel how you want to feel. I wish everyone must success in life. Get your kink on 👿

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I nodded along to almost every word without even realising I was doing so begin with. Very well said 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[Se****]

  2 hours ago, BigPolly said:

I met my partner on this site 2 1/2 years ago. I wasn’t looking for a relationship I was just happy with play partners. Also I had been on this site since the beginning so it was more ‘social’ for me as many of us had got to know eachother as friends.

He approached me at a time when I was getting nothing but d**k pics. His message didn’t require an answer, it was just lovely and complimentary so I replied.

we talked (and mainly laughed) endlessly for weeks and eventually decided we needed to meet for coffee. I wasn’t expecting anything as we hadn’t really flirted and it had taken so long to get together.

That first coffee was amazing, we just spent hours laughing but still not flirting so when he invited me to his the next week for a play date I still wasn’t expecting much. 
The way he played blew me away! Exactly what I was looking for but didn’t really believe I’d find it as my expectations were quite high.

We talked about how we were happy to keep it at ‘play only’ but would continue to play with each other however we were both happy for each other to also seek out other people.

we spent so much time talking as well as playing that we became really close. That coupled with a nutty ex of his that stalked us and tried to destroy us, even joining this site to try and slate us just made us realise that we were actually totally smitten.

I then stayed over at his one night and never left!

I believe our relaxed approach to how we started, helped to build our relationship. That and the fact that we have just never stopped laughing. 

But the key to finding someone on here has always been the same…..Slowly, Slowly Catchy Monkey! Patience is your friend, it can take months or even years as finding someone who matches your kinks is hard. Trust your instincts, set boundaries and stick to them and never speak to anyone or be spoken to in a way that you wouldn’t do in person. The early days on here was easy and many relationships were formed as I think there was just around 400 of us but the site is now so huge that it’s a lot more difficult so be specific on your profile (not that half the people read them) and set your settings to match. 

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Absolutely LOVE this. Thank you for sharing, it gives hope where sometimes hope seems in short supply x (also congratulations) x

Edited March 16, 2024 by FatefulDestiny
Additional text

[mj****]

We met via the community, we became friends through our mutual intrest a few years ago via a similarly named app, but never expected anything other than friendship.
We were both in relationships, and only looking for friends at the time... Plus let's face it there is a little bit of an age gap between us!

A couple of years ago when we were both single, we finally got around to meeting up as friends for coffee, when we did something just sparked.
A few weeks later and we decided to give it a go as a couple, 6 months later we moved in together, and late last year we brought our daughter into the world.

So yes, an ltr is very much possible, even if not particularly expected!

[li****]

I met my Dom here and after 5 years we're still together!!! So of course long term relationships can be found online ❤️ you just gotta have patience when online. I was on here for over a year and met some nasty so called Dom's ( one who went past my safe word and carried on hitting my arse with a paddle till I was back and blue ) so patience is definitely key and please don't see BDSM and kink as a race to the finish line......you gotta be on this journey slow and steady and the right one will find you or you'll find them like I did with my Sir 😊

Edited March 16, 2024 by lil-monster
Spelling

[li****]

  13 hours ago, Aranhis said:

The longest dynamic I've found through this site probably lasted the best part of a year, whereas the only what I would term "relationship" (in terms of meeting family, doing the bf/gf labels, talking about a potential future together etc) I've had as a result of this site was six months long.

A great many people I know are in LTRs in BDSM (and that's what I hope to find), but I've become sceptical as to how likely it now is to find it here.

It used to be the case that people started relatively slowly, often got to know and get a feel for each other from the various forums before even considering interacting in personal DMs. Even for those that didn't use the forums, the odds were that if you sent a message it would get opened. If you had a decent grasp of the art of conversation, weren't ***tergunning, and could provide an interesting introduction, you'd generally receive quite a good response rate. For me these led to making some great friends, some interactions which were more, and some which were simply passing conversations.

Those days are long gone. The territory has changed, and not for the better. I won't presume to write about the female experience of approaching men here (yes guys it DOES happen, from authentic women who are not fake or after your ***). But since the launch of the app and rapid expansion of the membership (many of whom do not understand the kink community), women's inboxes are absolutely flooded with dross - unsolicited and vile d*ck pics, ***, fantasies, propositions etc and well as less obvious disrespect and copy-paste messages which have had little or no thought put into them. It simply isn't reasonable to expect every message to be opened, let alone processed or replied to.

So it is that we have the situation we've been in for a while. Women are overwhelmed by the traffic (and content of such traffic) coming into their inboxes, and too many men grumble that women are "timewasters" or "stringing them along".

I've gone on a bit of a tangent there, the point I'm trying to make is that the result is everybody finds it harder to make an authentic, practical, compatible connection with a potential LTR partner. I don't know what the solution is.

I'm not giving up though. I know it can happen. I've seen it. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. In the meanwhile, the friends I've made along the way make it all worthwhile. Besides, there are always munches and events to meet your future partner at 😉

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I do feel long term relationships doesn't have to be a D/s one it can mean friendships too!!! And I've met some really awesome people from here in the 6 or so years I've been here ( on and off ) and you're definitely one of them my love 😘 I know we'll be friends for life and that to me means just as much as finding my Dom here for sure 

Edited March 16, 2024 by lil-monster
Spelling

[ar****]

  5 hours ago, BigPolly said:

I met my partner on this site 2 1/2 years ago. I wasn’t looking for a relationship I was just happy with play partners. Also I had been on this site since the beginning so it was more ‘social’ for me as many of us had got to know eachother as friends.

He approached me at a time when I was getting nothing but d**k pics. His message didn’t require an answer, it was just lovely and complimentary so I replied.

we talked (and mainly laughed) endlessly for weeks and eventually decided we needed to meet for coffee. I wasn’t expecting anything as we hadn’t really flirted and it had taken so long to get together.

That first coffee was amazing, we just spent hours laughing but still not flirting so when he invited me to his the next week for a play date I still wasn’t expecting much. 
The way he played blew me away! Exactly what I was looking for but didn’t really believe I’d find it as my expectations were quite high.

We talked about how we were happy to keep it at ‘play only’ but would continue to play with each other however we were both happy for each other to also seek out other people.

we spent so much time talking as well as playing that we became really close. That coupled with a nutty ex of his that stalked us and tried to destroy us, even joining this site to try and slate us just made us realise that we were actually totally smitten.

I then stayed over at his one night and never left!

I believe our relaxed approach to how we started, helped to build our relationship. That and the fact that we have just never stopped laughing. 

But the key to finding someone on here has always been the same…..Slowly, Slowly Catchy Monkey! Patience is your friend, it can take months or even years as finding someone who matches your kinks is hard. Trust your instincts, set boundaries and stick to them and never speak to anyone or be spoken to in a way that you wouldn’t do in person. The early days on here was easy and many relationships were formed as I think there was just around 400 of us but the site is now so huge that it’s a lot more difficult so be specific on your profile (not that half the people read them) and set your settings to match. 

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So, you weren't looking for a relationship and were only looking for play partners. He approached genuinely, you had a great click in conversation. Then you met for coffee and the click continued IRL. So far so good.
.
But then he invited you for a play date, and you weren't expecting much. But you still agreed. I'm not sure what you mean in terms of expectation, as it looks like clearly you had chemistry in your previous interactions.
.
Having no expectations or goals frees one up to be attuned to experience things "in the moment". Did you mean this by having no expectations, or did you mean you weren't really up for a play date but agreed anyway? If the latter, what kind of "threshold" did you normally have for agreeing to play dates? Just more "flirting", or something else than just having a good (laughing) time in convo?

[Ro****]

I have had luck finding bdsm relationships online. It's a process, though, to find one that's compatible. Whether it's this site or anywhere online, it's pretty much the same. Someone seriously wanting a bdsm dynamic WILL take the time to chat and discuss things related to compatibility. The ones who rush to meeting without discusion, are the ones who is aiming for a quick hookup. To give you an idea of my journey in this. I've been online in different bdsm related as well as non related dating apps for the better part of the past decade. I have 3 established long term dynamics as I am poly. Long-term meaning we have been involved one way or another for anywhere between 4 to 7 yrs.
It takes a lot of weeding out the "unhealthy doms" from the decent hrs. and then taking time to figure out if they work for you.
I think of it as weeding a giant forest for a few precious flowers.
You need to be able to communicate with transparent honesty if you enjoy something, don't like something, or if you need something.
You should feel comfortable doing this in any dynamic. If not then that's a huge sign that it isn't working and a decision needs to be made.
Prioritize yourself because the best ones are where all parties involved are happy with it.

[sp****]

Been here for 3 months I haven't found anyone that actually replies or chats

[Li****]

My current LTR started with a chat on Fetlife. We talked for about 4 months before meeting in person. We were expecting a short FWB arrangement. Our kink compatibility and chemistry lead to our D/s relationship and now I'm collared. It's possible to find a LTR. I think it just doesn't occur, as often as those who are seeking it, would like. I, personally, wasn't looking for anything but NSA or FWB, while on Fetlife. 

[BigPolly]

  6 hours ago, arnhem961 said:

So, you weren't looking for a relationship and were only looking for play partners. He approached genuinely, you had a great click in conversation. Then you met for coffee and the click continued IRL. So far so good.
.
But then he invited you for a play date, and you weren't expecting much. But you still agreed. I'm not sure what you mean in terms of expectation, as it looks like clearly you had chemistry in your previous interactions.
.
Having no expectations or goals frees one up to be attuned to experience things "in the moment". Did you mean this by having no expectations, or did you mean you weren't really up for a play date but agreed anyway? If the latter, what kind of "threshold" did you normally have for agreeing to play dates? Just more "flirting", or something else than just having a good (laughing) time in convo?

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So as a sub I had in my mind, how I’d like a Dom to be but up until that point I had not found anyone who had played to ‘my level’. 
Mr P and I had talked about what we liked, our expectations, negotiations and limits but I had been there before with other Dom’s. My way at that time way pretty much on an “Eat, Shoots, Leaves’ basis with play dates, I had also made this clear to Mr P. 
Im Hypersexual so would happily sleep or play with most people regardless of whether there was a connection or not or if the connection wasn’t initially sexual. 
Also I had spent 20 years as a Domme so I was yet to find someone who could make me fully submit as a sub and step away from that element of control.

Mr Ps approach was so different to anyone I’d encountered on here and the friendship we had struck up was already so strong that I didn’t think it was possible for him to also be that amazing as a Dom as that would be too good to be true. In fact I had given up ever finding the kind of Dom that I was looking for. Also because Mr P hadn’t spoke much about his past subs I guessed he was new-ish to the scene.

I was wrong on all accounts, I had literally found my perfect Dom. He was as Dark, experienced, deep and just ‘got me’. He even recognised my subspace and stopped play without really knowing me. He kept me hydrated and fed me chocolate. He not only made me submit that day, he allowed me to feel safe enough in someone else’s company to fully submit.

my expectations had been blown out of the water. 

[Deleted Member]

I do think it could happen, but I so often find that it’s a hard challenge. Especially as a guy who isn’t in terrible shape, I need a girl who is in decent shape too, which is hard to find on here. But beyond that, I also generally like kink as a secondary part, and prefer to know them personally first. And so often it seems like having a less harsh personality while liking intense kinks is rare. Like yes, I want to spank you till your ass is black, but also I’d love someone I can hug and enjoy time with. I’m generally a super calm person too and tend to follow the “you can’t *** anyone to do anything” mentality. Now I can encourage things, but people will do what they will. And I want someone who will choose to follow me. Idk, it’s weird

[sp****]

And I'm just here waiting for someone to reply

[Li****]

  4 hours ago, BigPolly said:

So as a sub I had in my mind, how I’d like a Dom to be but up until that point I had not found anyone who had played to ‘my level’. 
Mr P and I had talked about what we liked, our expectations, negotiations and limits but I had been there before with other Dom’s. My way at that time way pretty much on an “Eat, Shoots, Leaves’ basis with play dates, I had also made this clear to Mr P. 
Im Hypersexual so would happily sleep or play with most people regardless of whether there was a connection or not or if the connection wasn’t initially sexual. 
Also I had spent 20 years as a Domme so I was yet to find someone who could make me fully submit as a sub and step away from that element of control.

Mr Ps approach was so different to anyone I’d encountered on here and the friendship we had struck up was already so strong that I didn’t think it was possible for him to also be that amazing as a Dom as that would be too good to be true. In fact I had given up ever finding the kind of Dom that I was looking for. Also because Mr P hadn’t spoke much about his past subs I guessed he was new-ish to the scene.

I was wrong on all accounts, I had literally found my perfect Dom. He was as Dark, experienced, deep and just ‘got me’. He even recognised my subspace and stopped play without really knowing me. He kept me hydrated and fed me chocolate. He not only made me submit that day, he allowed me to feel safe enough in someone else’s company to fully submit.

my expectations had been blown out of the water. 

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I love the "he kept me hydrated and fed me chocolate." Win. 🎉