Romance?!

[Se****]

Without knowing more about both of you separately and your relationship it really is difficult to make any judgements or give any advice.

I’d question whether this is a relationship (for the want of argument bf/gf) with D/s incorporated or simply a D/s dynamic? It is possible to have a D/s dynamic without the traditional “relationship” alongside it (and obviously vice versa). The answer to that question MAY help you to better understand  what is going on and whether it is something you’re happy with.

If this is this persons relationship style and/or style of D/s you need to work out whether it is something you can accept if you want to have them in your life. OR you need to have a very honest very detailed discussion about what isn’t working for you, your boundaries and how you see the two of you moving forward.

It may be that he is one of many people who are interested in this lifestyle but don’t fully understand it and their role or place within it. If that is the case then perhaps you could learn together.

The answer to your question, unfortunately, isn’t black and white - it would be easier if it was. The impression I get is that he’s not giving you what you need and with the best will in the world, if this is him as a person, he may never be able to give it to you.

 The monetary question/concern is slightly different. It could be a HUGE red flag, it could also be very genuine. Again, a lot of it depends on what’s going on between you both. If he is asking for *** because he “owns” you that would set alarm bells ringing for me but it would also be dependent upon what’s been agreed between you in your dynamic or whether (for example) this is/has potential to be a long term relationship. For example I loaned my boyfriend of a couple months *** to pay for a work licence (I’d been burned before but I trusted him). We have now been married 19 years, he hasn’t physically paid me back per se but our finances are connected.

Sorry this was likely no help. Feel free to reach out by DM if you need/want to.

 

[fr****]

It sounds it is not what you were expecting. Get out of there if not comfortable

[Co****]

Just because you are ‘owned’ or in a M/s relationship does not mean that you have to accept anything the other party decides to do. If the way you are being treated does not meet your needs, you need to talk to your ‘owner’ or you need to look for someone else. Everyone has different needs. Some (few) subs/slaves may enjoy being ignored or disregarded by their ‘owner’ but that doesn’t mean that you have to accept that if it doesn’t work for you. Most people crave attention and affection from their significant other - during ‘after care’ if not during playtime itself.

[ro****]

Being owned means you belong to them. That's all. Basically you're dating. Typically this means you have rules you must follow.

The rest is up to YOU as the sub, your needs/wants/likes and hard/soft limits.

There is no "right" way to do D/s relationships. The WRONG way is to not have your needs met.

[Deleted Member]

I learned the hard way that if you don’t like the dynamic to end it. It’s okay to end it. My “master” at the time told me I needed to ask permission to end the dynamic and that he would consider releasing me. After I pleaded with him to release me and getting nowhere, I realized I just had the power to end it regardless of if I had “permission” to or not. Thankfully I could block and move on.

[Deleted Member]

Always state your needs expectations and hard and soft limits before starting a D/s dynamic. Being submissive does not mean no affection and financial exploitation. This person sounds like a predator on a newbie.

[Lo****]

No, "ownership" requires the same level of trust and communication as any committed relationship, and the parameters of what that means for each of you should have been discussed in advance. Since it seems like this is not the case, you are being ***d (or at the very least being taken advantage of). While its up to you if you want to try to communicate with your "owner" and give them a chance to redeem themselves, my advice is to just end things immediately, since it is very likely that this is the kind of behavior you can expect from that person in a relationship

[AngelOfDark1013]

That narcissistic tendencies at the very least. Leave his ass. You can do sooo much better. You should get enjoyment from it also.

[oh****]

6 hours ago, milwaukee576753 said:

If you are not enjoying the experience and it's out of the boundaries of what you desire, you should put yourself back into the pool and find someone that fits your desires more. I would wager the person is a scammer

First 7 words. 🙌

[bi****]

no matter WHAT kinda weird kinky s**t is going on, if ur not happy and you don't see that changing ASAP, you need to RUN, don't walk, the f**k away from that relationship,, it's not gonna get better and you only have so much life to live,, don't waste your own time 💙

[jo****]

Nah get rid of this guy. He is a tool, and using you like a toy. Abusive self centered ass

[My****]

If he can’t provide all your needs how does he “own” anything?

[Me****]

I agree with the comments that you have received. You have to determine what is important to you (wants and needs) and then find a partner that can provide that. I have had two LT dynamics and while there were moments of less affection, there was always encouragement and support. And everything should be negotiated and agreed to. If you are not comfortable, walk away.

[Deleted Member]

If someone is so fortunate to have one submit, they should be even more affectionate, caring, supportive. The trust a sub gives should be nourished.

[TiffanyCase]

Subs needs come first. So if you need more affection then respectfully let him know. If he can't provide what you need, take away your submission.
If you are feeling unfulfilled you should be able to bring that to him for discussion. If he won't engage, then walk away.

[Au****]

When you're in a 24/7 dynamic, it should be explicitly discussed what to expect from both parties beforehand. There should also be what I consider "checkpoints" where you have a safeword for breaking the dynamic to discuss how things are going and if things need to change.

With that context out of the way, it's about control dynamics rather than "you do what I tell you to blah blah blah;" you should 100% be able to stop giving that control to discuss the distance he's building. I'm in a (somewhat) 24/7 and the man I'm with frequently takes time to make sure I'm okay and getting enough on my end for what I give to him. Aka, I do as I'm told and I get showered in praise and affection for it.

It currently sounds like it's quite one-sided in that he expects his needs to be fulfilled without fulfilling any of yours. You should discuss this (mostly cus I believe in making sure both parties are on the same page before action is taken) and if there's a refusal to meet your needs, then it might be time to find a new play partner..

Hopefully this text block helps you in some way ^^

[Km****]

FAR TOO MANY narcissistic asshats use the term "Dom" as an excuse to be a user and ***r...sounds like you found one of the many. Run like hell

[Pe****]

Have you met in real life?
Did you get to know him as a person before forming a dynamic??

[ba****]

Sounds like a fake Dom

[ma****]

It isn't normal (unless that has been agreed to by both parties). Any Dominant will put their submissive's needs and wellbeing before the Dominant's desire. Also, a Dominant creates a safe space for communication and encourages their submissive to speak. A Dominant/submissive relationship is a two ways relationship. Both, the Dominant and the submissive must enjoy it and feel fulfilled in that relationship.

Have you tried talking to him about you needing his attention and comforting and loving words? What does he say?

I personally don't think that he's a Dom, but a person who uses this title to *** others.

If you need romance, affection, love, support etc, then those are your needs and they are very valid and any Dominant genuinely interested in you will meet your needs.

[Deleted Member]

There is no absolute rule here on when affection/romance should be given or withheld. That said, the relationship should be predicated on trust, communication, and informed consent. If your owner is telling you how things will be, and as a result your needs are not being met, something needs to change. At a minimum a discussion about what you need and expect. If your mutual understanding of what is acceptable or permissible in the relationship is at odds or your boundaries are being crossed, then yes, might be time to acknowledge some incompatibility and kick the guy to the curb.

[ma****]

It isn't normal really unless all parties have agreed to it. Otherwise, it's *** and the person using the "Dom" title simply doesn't care about what a Dominant's responsibilities are and they use that title just to take advantage of others. A Dominant's will put their submissive's need, health and wellbeing before the Dominant's desires. Please, remember that. If the Dom doesn't care about their submissive's needs, then that person isn't a Dominant at all.

If you and him haven't started any official relationship, you don't have to do anything for him. You don't owe him anything. He must prove himself worthy of your submission. He must earn it.

[Ju****]

No. They are not. Unless it is something that you are both into and consent to.

[ma****]

Feel free to message me if you want to talk to someone. You're not alone.

[Deleted Member]

Run. Non disclosing sadist. Run fast and now.