Deleted Member Posted June 2 Posted June 2 On 4/2/2024 at 3:40 PM, Z99A said: I don't know about you guys but I have found it frustratingly difficult to find the right person for me. As if dating for men in the modern world wasn't difficult enough with apps being flooded by men and women becoming overwhelmed. Finally getting a match only to be ghosted again. To then add in the very niche element of wanting a partner who likes to dom because you have that submissive craving, a scratch that constantly needs itching. It just feels more hopeless. I thought I'd start this discussion not to just vent but to support one another because it can be tough, emotionally draining and very debilitating to receive constant rejection. There are success stories out there and I think hearing just a few would help keep spirits high. Feel free to share your stories below, how you met, how your brought up the idea and so on! So I watched an interesting YouTube video about how dating apps work and how the algorithms work in regards to human factor, women feel ***, don't share much, and "like" less profiles, men are not getting the likes, because women either don't feel safe "liking" many profiles, men become less picky because, they're not getting matches, so they're all liking the same womens profiles etc, so men get way fewer matches per day, like 0-1 whereas women get around 80. Now you add kink into that, from what I have noticed on kink dating apps is there are more sub women than sub men, and more dom men than dom women (I'm taking sexuality out of this as that is whole other level), this makes it so that men very rarely get a match at all. This can leave you feeling like you're doing something wrong, maybe I'm too pushy, maybe I didn't say the right thing in a message, it can become quite demoralising. But what you need to know is it's not you, it's just the odds are stacked against you.
Th**** Posted June 3 Posted June 3 1 hour ago, genxms said: So I watched an interesting YouTube video about how dating apps work and how the algorithms work in regards to human factor, women feel ***, don't share much, and "like" less profiles, men are not getting the likes, because women either don't feel safe "liking" many profiles, men become less picky because, they're not getting matches, so they're all liking the same womens profiles etc, so men get way fewer matches per day, like 0-1 whereas women get around 80. Now you add kink into that, from what I have noticed on kink dating apps is there are more sub women than sub men, and more dom men than dom women (I'm taking sexuality out of this as that is whole other level), this makes it so that men very rarely get a match at all. This can leave you feeling like you're doing something wrong, maybe I'm too pushy, maybe I didn't say the right thing in a message, it can become quite demoralising. But what you need to know is it's not you, it's just the odds are stacked against you. This is partly true for sure. The behavior of many to even most men on dating sites and especially here is also an enormous part of the problem, not just the numbers. There are more Dom women than there appears to be, it's just that most end up going into hiding because of the behavior of men who seek them. The true minority is genuine submissive men, it's like trying to find a needle in a stack of needles, most aren't actually subs but bottoms who want service tops. The submissives who get themselves in the right spaces where they can be seen by Dom women get scooped up pretty quickly when compatibility is there.
Deleted Member Posted June 3 Posted June 3 1 hour ago, ThaliaV said: This is partly true for sure. The behavior of many to even most men on dating sites and especially here is also an enormous part of the problem, not just the numbers. There are more Dom women than there appears to be, it's just that most end up going into hiding because of the behavior of men who seek them. The true minority is genuine submissive men, it's like trying to find a needle in a stack of needles, most aren't actually subs but bottoms who want service tops. The submissives who get themselves in the right spaces where they can be seen by Dom women get scooped up pretty quickly when compatibility is there. Interesting, I guess the hiding of their nature is again down to the behaviour of men. You see it's this that stops me from sending messages, or trying to initiate, in most cases, as I have actually tried, because yeah I don't want to be just another pest.
Deleted Member Posted June 3 Posted June 3 At the end of the day, its all about chemistry. I'm 100% sub, however finding it difficult finding any dom women here. I attend foot fetish parties in Detroit area, and some of the ladies come from out of state. Not to many women seem to be into it here. Its not just feet in general, I'm into or trying other things as well. I have come across a lot of attractive ladies and its there personality that kills it for me, like they are too flaky or just not dominate. I tried normal dating sites like match and, I tried to hint what I'm into and they are just into straight vanilla. It doesn't help that I have poor personal appearance, something I have to work on. Were all human and have I likes and dislikes, just have to respect each others preferences. I hope I didn't go off topic, but It is like winning the lottery finding that special someone.
Deleted Member Posted June 3 Posted June 3 I also forgot to mention, I'm not into degrading. It just is a real turn on for me to see a lady in charge. I was just watching Saving Silverman, and amanda peet's character was so hot, her whole personality and everything. Yeah, her physical appearance is hot, but without that personality, it means nothing if you catch my drift.
ey**** Posted June 3 Posted June 3 1 hour ago, mad-potato72 said: I attend foot fetish parties in Detroit area, and some of the ladies come from out of state. Not to many women seem to be into it here. I think you have to balance the difference between "attends foot parties" and "not being into it" - foot parties tend to be for the subs - so a lot of women having a nice out pleasing strangers isn't appealing. Some who are there will be paid to be there.
ey**** Posted June 3 Posted June 3 6 hours ago, genxms said: So I watched an interesting YouTube video about how dating apps work and how the algorithms work in regards to human factor, women feel ***, don't share much, and "like" less profiles, men are not getting the likes, because women either don't feel safe "liking" many profiles, men become less picky because, they're not getting matches, so they're all liking the same womens profiles etc, so men get way fewer matches per day, like 0-1 whereas women get around 80. it's stuff that should be common sense, but sadly isn't. not meaning to repeat what you said but with words in a different order men are not picky. most will happily go through and swipe/like/message a lot of people with little/no personal filter. The hope is this will get some/more matches - definitely more cos some matches will go nowhere. women tend to be more selective - and yeah - it might actually be a little depressing if a woman likes 10 profiles and gets 10 matches because it would then feel like she was matching with people who weren't selective, but hey ho - depends on the individual. But also it then gets, showtime. And some men again continue to play numbers here - so some will dive straight in with a "fancy a fuck" because that is what they want and any form of 'getting to know' is a deemed waste of their time. For others, they've potentially matched with someone they weren't actually that interested in and now find it pretty difficult to go anywhere with It's all counterproductive. However, if a guy can be more selective - then in essence will get fewer matches again, but it'll at least be someone interested in with some form of prompts or conversation. It still might go nowhere cos that is, indeed, life - but - I rarely make a first move and the response rate I've had when I do is really high. Even if it ends up fizzling out.
Th**** Posted June 3 Posted June 3 10 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: it's stuff that should be common sense, but sadly isn't. not meaning to repeat what you said but with words in a different order men are not picky. most will happily go through and swipe/like/message a lot of people with little/no personal filter. The hope is this will get some/more matches - definitely more cos some matches will go nowhere. women tend to be more selective - and yeah - it might actually be a little depressing if a woman likes 10 profiles and gets 10 matches because it would then feel like she was matching with people who weren't selective, but hey ho - depends on the individual. But also it then gets, showtime. And some men again continue to play numbers here - so some will dive straight in with a "fancy a fuck" because that is what they want and any form of 'getting to know' is a deemed waste of their time. For others, they've potentially matched with someone they weren't actually that interested in and now find it pretty difficult to go anywhere with It's all counterproductive. However, if a guy can be more selective - then in essence will get fewer matches again, but it'll at least be someone interested in with some form of prompts or conversation. It still might go nowhere cos that is, indeed, life - but - I rarely make a first move and the response rate I've had when I do is really high. Even if it ends up fizzling out. I know you're aware of this but for others... Women know/have become aware that men aren't selective and behave in the ways you've described and more. They're aware of the ***ter gun approach and that so many men truly do not care about women as individual people and both view and treat them as completely interchangeable. It's often glaringly obvious and many men seem to either not be aware of this, or again simply don't care. This has caused many women to become even more selective than they might have been naturally. I can't say that I've personally heard of anyone finding a high rate of matches depressing. Most do keep keep in mind that these behaviors and mindsets are common and that it's a reasonable possibility they've matched for these reasons thus proceeding with caution when moving forward. It is quite counterproductive, yet so many men insist on continuing this way. Then their attitudes and behaviors often grow increasingly worse when met with predictably poor outcomes which then decreases their chances even further and it's a vicious and exhausting cycle for all involved.
CopperKnob Posted June 3 Posted June 3 19 hours ago, genxms said: So I watched an interesting YouTube video about how dating apps work and how the algorithms work in regards to human factor, women feel ***, don't share much, and "like" less profiles, men are not getting the likes, because women either don't feel safe "liking" many profiles, men become less picky because, they're not getting matches, so they're all liking the same womens profiles etc, so men get way fewer matches per day, like 0-1 whereas women get around 80. Now you add kink into that, from what I have noticed on kink dating apps is there are more sub women than sub men, and more dom men than dom women (I'm taking sexuality out of this as that is whole other level), this makes it so that men very rarely get a match at all. This can leave you feeling like you're doing something wrong, maybe I'm too pushy, maybe I didn't say the right thing in a message, it can become quite demoralising. But what you need to know is it's not you, it's just the odds are stacked against you. If the men are only getting 0-1 matches and the women are getting around 80, who do you think that the women are matching? Who are the other 79, bots?
Th**** Posted June 3 Posted June 3 2 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: If the men are only getting 0-1 matches and the women are getting around 80, who do you think that the women are matching? Who are the other 79, bots? My guess would be those are exaggerated/arbitrary numbers and not necessarily what the video said. It also very well could be and more probably is they meant to say likes instead of matches as I've seen some things saying similarly large numbers as well have experienced these wild amounts depending on the site, when some are unlike here where likes are more equivalent to the spanks here. One app I tried out (very briefly) was ridiculous, the flood I received. Partly it was the lack of functionality of the app itself with the distance filters seeming to be for decorative purposes only. It was also pretty obvious that the disgusting behavior of the men there had literally run the non men off. It was like a virtual pack of piranha descending upon me.
CopperKnob Posted June 3 Posted June 3 12 minutes ago, ThaliaV said: My guess would be those are exaggerated/arbitrary numbers and not necessarily what the video said. It also very well could be and more probably is they meant to say likes instead of matches as I've seen some things saying similarly large numbers as well have experienced these wild amounts depending on the site, when some are unlike here where likes are more equivalent to the spanks here. One app I tried out (very briefly) was ridiculous, the flood I received. Partly it was the lack of functionality of the app itself with the distance filters seeming to be for decorative purposes only. It was also pretty obvious that the disgusting behavior of the men there had literally run the non men off. It was like a virtual pack of piranha descending upon me. Yep, either that or a "Man With A Microphone" from Dudebro University spouting 💩
LadyV Posted June 3 Posted June 3 44 minutes ago, ThaliaV said: My guess would be those are exaggerated/arbitrary numbers and not necessarily what the video said. It also very well could be and more probably is they meant to say likes instead of matches as I've seen some things saying similarly large numbers as well have experienced these wild amounts depending on the site, when some are unlike here where likes are more equivalent to the spanks here. One app I tried out (very briefly) was ridiculous, the flood I received. Partly it was the lack of functionality of the app itself with the distance filters seeming to be for decorative purposes only. It was also pretty obvious that the disgusting behavior of the men there had literally run the non men off. It was like a virtual pack of piranha descending upon me. Yeah, the virtual piranha pack has been my overwhelming experience on apps and sites too. I am NOT matching with 80 people at a time. I am being selective and looking for the highest odds of successful compatibility by reading people's profiles and thinking about what they've said before I click "like." I do research on people before I decide to move forward with pursuing them more seriously. This means I probably only liked about 10 that day. However...80 people very easily "liked" me. Not because I'm a suitable match for them, not because they evaluated our compatibility, not because they actually like how I look, talk, and think. Nope. They liked me because I meet their single requirement of "woman-shaped sex-object suitable to serve needs." Degrading as fuck way to be viewed and treated by most male strangers on apps and sites. Those swarms of men aren't a good thing for me. They usually mean a crap ton of sexual harassment and verbal *** from random men day in and day out. So much so I've dreaded opening my inboxes before (honestly, I dread opening my inbox on this site quite often. Inboxes shouldn't have women cringing in preparation for *** but here we are). Men feel jealous of women's match-rates but you don't want this. You really don't want it, just trust me on this. I'd rather have silence in my inbox than daily ***. In fact, I've set my gender to "male" before just to go hidden on sites and be left alone. The male userbase abusing the non-men users makes all the non-men users leave the apps/sites. Fuck, just look what happened to Collarspace/Collarme. The men chased all the women off the site with constant harassment and *** and now that place is a barren wasteland.
Th**** Posted June 3 Posted June 3 20 minutes ago, LadyV said: Yeah, the virtual piranha pack has been my overwhelming experience on apps and sites too. I am NOT matching with 80 people at a time. I am being selective and looking for the highest odds of successful compatibility by reading people's profiles and thinking about what they've said before I click "like." I do research on people before I decide to move forward with pursuing them more seriously. This means I probably only liked about 10 that day. However...80 people very easily "liked" me. Not because I'm a suitable match for them, not because they evaluated our compatibility, not because they actually like how I look, talk, and think. Nope. They liked me because I meet their single requirement of "woman-shaped sex-object suitable to serve needs." Degrading as fuck way to be viewed and treated by most male strangers on apps and sites. Those swarms of men aren't a good thing for me. They usually mean a crap ton of sexual harassment and verbal *** from random men day in and day out. So much so I've dreaded opening my inboxes before (honestly, I dread opening my inbox on this site quite often. Inboxes shouldn't have women cringing in preparation for *** but here we are). Men feel jealous of women's match-rates but you don't want this. You really don't want it, just trust me on this. I'd rather have silence in my inbox than daily ***. In fact, I've set my gender to "male" before just to go hidden on sites and be left alone. The male userbase abusing the non-men users makes all the non-men users leave the apps/sites. Fuck, just look what happened to Collarspace/Collarme. The men chased all the women off the site with constant harassment and *** and now that place is a barren wasteland. Yep, exactly. And it's not matches we're getting it's likes because we only send a small fraction of that back out in general on vanilla sites, then add kink spaces on top of it and it's so much less. I don't think I've ever sent 10 "likes" here in a single day, by this I mean spanks because liking a photo isn't necessarily anything more than liking that specific photo. The site I referring to was excessive in the piranha attack, though with over 300 in a little over 12 hours. Advertised as a space specifically for people outside the binary and queer yet it was a sea of cis het men.
LadyV Posted June 3 Posted June 3 4 minutes ago, ThaliaV said: Yep, exactly. And it's not matches we're getting it's likes because we only send a small fraction of that back out in general on vanilla sites, then add kink spaces on top of it and it's so much less. I don't think I've ever sent 10 "likes" here in a single day, by this I mean spanks because liking a photo isn't necessarily anything more than liking that specific photo. The site I referring to was excessive in the piranha attack, though with over 300 in a little over 12 hours. Advertised as a space specifically for people outside the binary and queer yet it was a sea of cis het men. Lol, that sounds like "HER," the supposedly "queer women dating app." There are so many straight dudes on that app, it might as well just be Tinder. 😒
Th**** Posted June 3 Posted June 3 3 minutes ago, LadyV said: Lol, that sounds like "HER," the supposedly "queer women dating app." There are so many straight dudes on that app, it might as well just be Tinder. 😒 It was Taimi, though I may have messed up the spelling
photoiowa Posted June 6 Posted June 6 3 hours ago, ohmsub said: Alot of scammers here A lot online in general. They do a good job of picking them out and removing them here.
MistressWhipplash Posted June 7 Posted June 7 Identifying what I mean by FemDom dating first is key. For me personally as a poly Dominant I have a thick filter of things I want from a potential long-term partner. As I only do kink within a long term relationship where I am the Boss, and he submits to me in more aspects than play and the bedroom. But in regular life going for meals, live gigs and the theatre. This is where I feel a fair amount of newbies get confused - it isn't a Mistress or Dominant Woman many seek with a long term relationship. I feel they should seek a play partner where you both meet at a fetish club to have BDSM play then go your separate ways. I also think the newbie being a play bottom with a play partner for a couple of years will get their itch scratched while they learn by asking questions from those around them where they fit in to the kink arena. Do not assume they are submissive instead put kinkster while they work things out. I feel a newbie misrepresents himself as wanting a Mistress/Dominant way before he learns BDSM terminology to understand what he is asking for. Many seek kink dispensers and do not care who gives that kink to them = go seek either pick up play at a fetish club or for regular play with the same person seek a play partner. BE HONEST. Talking at s munch, fetish markets, rope demos and classes is a great way to make friends and more. Be aware many Lifestyle Mistresses/Dominant decline newbies. Having 2 to 5 years experience of going to fetish play clubs and munches is the main way to meet a compatible person who may allow you to refer to Her as Mistress. Finally, don't randomly call a woman Mistress it's rude. Instead ASK her what she wishes to be called and be polite. Noting that being a kinkster/Mistress/Dominant Woman doesn't mean she is easy/or promiscuous. It means she is the Boss in the relationship. To me it also means I like doing various S&m and bondage on My Slaves after ONE year of knowing them. Be honest to yourself about what you seek. If you are new and have an itch for BDSM play go and talk to folks for a while, then with good manners negotiate 20 mins of their time for light play (No intimacy or sex so no oral or analingus OR licking her feet.) GET consent BEFORE anything happens.
Th**** Posted June 7 Posted June 7 48 minutes ago, MistressWhipplash said: Identifying what I mean by FemDom dating first is key. For me personally as a poly Dominant I have a thick filter of things I want from a potential long-term partner. As I only do kink within a long term relationship where I am the Boss, and he submits to me in more aspects than play and the bedroom. But in regular life going for meals, live gigs and the theatre. This is where I feel a fair amount of newbies get confused - it isn't a Mistress or Dominant Woman many seek with a long term relationship. I feel they should seek a play partner where you both meet at a fetish club to have BDSM play then go your separate ways. I also think the newbie being a play bottom with a play partner for a couple of years will get their itch scratched while they learn by asking questions from those around them where they fit in to the kink arena. Do not assume they are submissive instead put kinkster while they work things out. I feel a newbie misrepresents himself as wanting a Mistress/Dominant way before he learns BDSM terminology to understand what he is asking for. Many seek kink dispensers and do not care who gives that kink to them = go seek either pick up play at a fetish club or for regular play with the same person seek a play partner. BE HONEST. Talking at s munch, fetish markets, rope demos and classes is a great way to make friends and more. Be aware many Lifestyle Mistresses/Dominant decline newbies. Having 2 to 5 years experience of going to fetish play clubs and munches is the main way to meet a compatible person who may allow you to refer to Her as Mistress. Finally, don't randomly call a woman Mistress it's rude. Instead ASK her what she wishes to be called and be polite. Noting that being a kinkster/Mistress/Dominant Woman doesn't mean she is easy/or promiscuous. It means she is the Boss in the relationship. To me it also means I like doing various S&m and bondage on My Slaves after ONE year of knowing them. Be honest to yourself about what you seek. If you are new and have an itch for BDSM play go and talk to folks for a while, then with good manners negotiate 20 mins of their time for light play (No intimacy or sex so no oral or analingus OR licking her feet.) GET consent BEFORE anything happens. Yes!! 👏👏👏
Deleted Member Posted June 7 Posted June 7 20 hours ago, ohmsub said: Alot of scammers here Find them means report them ASAP not only for yourself but its everyone who should to help keep the space safe and fun for all So please remember to help everyone <3
LadyV Posted June 7 Posted June 7 Not gonna lie, sometimes it feels like men call any woman who says or does anything he doesn't like a scammer. She rejected me for any reason at all?! Scammer fake! She's not into my niche kinks?! Scammer fake Domme! She's not looking for casual play partners (or, alternatively, She's not looking for long term partners)?! Scammer fake! She's not willing to give me her phone number or meet up with me within 5 seconds of me messaging her?! Scammer fakes everywhere! Like...dudes. You're being fucking ridiculous and awful to interact with. Fucking chill. 🙄 A scammer wants ***** or specific personal info that can lead to ****.* That's it. That's what a scammer is. Don't want to be scammed? Easy: don't give strangers *** or information that can lead to ***! Goddamn. 🤦♀️
Deleted Member Posted June 7 Posted June 7 Eh been there done that. The only reason you would get a response off a first message is a potential scam. Whenever you want to ask to video chat to be on the safe side and you get no response, SCAM! So I don't think people are being ridiculous, its just the way it is. How bout the same pics of ladies with different profiles? SCAM!
ey**** Posted June 7 Posted June 7 19 minutes ago, LadyV said: Not gonna lie, sometimes it feels like men call any woman who says or does anything he doesn't like a scammer. Truth right there. I think "all fakes and scammers" or exaggerated figures is something which - I think a few reasons - one it's a bit of a comfort blanket, it's not that *they* are doing something wrong, it's that the game is stacked - another a slight comfort blanket that it's easier to figure this than accept that even if you are doing things 'right', finding someone to date is difficult - but some also always sounds a bit like baiting or negging, "I bet there are no REAL women here" which can play into the point one. But yeah, hence so many which translate to " I sent out 100 messages, I got 20 replies and 18 of them were asking for *** - of the other 2 it went nowhere so they clearly weren't kinky, therefore it's not my fault for not even being vaguely selective"
ey**** Posted June 7 Posted June 7 13 minutes ago, mad-potato72 said: Whenever you want to ask to video chat to be on the safe side and you get no response, SCAM! So I don't think people are being ridiculous, its just the way it is Some comes down to context. But there is a lady who used to be on here who is a sore miss who felt she couldn't do right for doing wrong. Responding to the whole "oh, guys have it hard - we always have to make the first move" she did start to make the first move - even if it was just to be friendly, and the amount of times men would demand she prove she was real was nuts. And actually, y'know being treat overly suspicious is a massive turn off. But then also, I've known women agree to cam "to prove they're real" and have then been asked to do oddly specific tasks (which the other person has then used to catfish as them) or been greeted with a guy masturbating. So y'know, nagging someone for a video call can often be intrusive : the assumption it is a scam if the only evidence is they won't video call is fairly weak
Deleted Member Posted June 9 Posted June 9 One thing I've noticed a lot of as well, is men posting comments like "MESSAGE ME", no... how about you message. There was one the other day that said, "you've got filters on I can't message you, so send me a message and read my profile", dude that filter is on for good reason by the looks of it.
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