Femdom dating for submissive men

[photoiowa]

7 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

Do you seriously think we don't know the why's and how's here? Telling Dom women they're wrong about their own lived experiences is not a good look. 

The reason "sub" men have so much trouble is because they don't actually take the time and care to educate themselves on how Dom/sub relationships work and the ins and outs of kink and bdsm. 

If you're going on a road trip and don't look up how to get there and don't follow the road signs and just drive, there's only yourself to blame for getting lost or driving off a cliff at night for driving without direction and no headlights. If you're also trying to drive to a place that doesn't exist, you'll never get there. 

The amount of completely FREE education that's out there is immense. Not to mention people like the Dom women here and all over the place telling those who seek them what they need to do in order to achieve what it is they seek. Genuine lifestyle Dom women aren't as rare as it seems, it's just that most are cleverly hidden and don't wish to be found, they do the finding and if the man has done their homework they know how to determine if she's really who they seek. It's really not that complicated. 

It is interesting that you have done the same thing that you accuse me of. To be cleat.. I am only saying what i have, witnessed and experienced. I fully expect that your experiences will be different than the path I have walked and the others i have known to have walked.  Both Dom and Sub , male female and many flavors in between. However, our experiences are just as valid as yours. 

 

[Th****]

3 minutes ago, photoiowa said:

It is interesting that you have done the same thing that you accuse me of. To be cleat.. I am only saying what i have, witnessed and experienced. I fully expect that your experiences will be different than the path I have walked and the others i have known to have walked.  Both Dom and Sub , male female and many flavors in between. However, our experiences are just as valid as yours. 

 

Except I haven't invalidated experiences I've observed the same as you. The difference is you put the blame on others for those seeking Dom women not taking on the personal responsibility of educating themselves. If they would educate themselves they wouldn't be having such a bad time. If you seek something that doesn't exist then you're going to have a bad time. 

[ey****]

1 minute ago, photoiowa said:

Both Dom and Sub , male female and many flavors in between. However, our experiences are just as valid as yours. 

Of course all experiences are valid

but sometimes we have to look at perspectives

in these scenarios - it's sub guys who are trying to appeal to Dominant women - in examples in this thread, mostly going *against* what Dominant women say they want - that is going to have a negative impact on our experiences.

 

If I went fishing.  And I bought a rod, didn't know how to use it. Didn't buy the proper bait. Hell, didn't attach a hook to my line  - and then - threw the line into a puddle.  I aint gonna catch any fish.  Hell, even if I threw the line into a fishing spot, I would be very lucky to catch a fish.

So my experiences are - I can't catch a fish and people keep trying to sell me stuff.  Other fishermen are going to be "dude, what's the problem - did you take any advice at the tackle shop? Or just doing things your sweet way and wondering why you're getting nowhere?" 

[Th****]

1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Of course all experiences are valid

but sometimes we have to look at perspectives

in these scenarios - it's sub guys who are trying to appeal to Dominant women - in examples in this thread, mostly going *against* what Dominant women say they want - that is going to have a negative impact on our experiences.

 

If I went fishing.  And I bought a rod, didn't know how to use it. Didn't buy the proper bait. Hell, didn't attach a hook to my line  - and then - threw the line into a puddle.  I aint gonna catch any fish.  Hell, even if I threw the line into a fishing spot, I would be very lucky to catch a fish.

So my experiences are - I can't catch a fish and people keep trying to sell me stuff.  Other fishermen are going to be "dude, what's the problem - did you take any advice at the tackle shop? Or just doing things your sweet way and wondering why you're getting nowhere?" 

Good analogy, nice and simple. Maybe it will help some to actually understand. I'm keeping this one for future use. There's no hook or bait on their lines. 

[photoiowa]

4 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

Except I haven't invalidated experiences I've observed the same as you. The difference is you put the blame on others for those seeking Dom women not taking on the personal responsibility of educating themselves. If they would educate themselves they wouldn't be having such a bad time. If you seek something that doesn't exist then you're going to have a bad time. 

I am sorry but I have not blamed anyone for anything. except the direct reply to you. Which was not helpful. However, education is an interesting term to use. When one educates themselves there are so many ways to do that and sometimes that "education" does not teach the same lesson to everyone. 

[Th****]

As lively as this thread is at the moment, I have to get ready for a meet for with a potential play partner and maybe even eventually a submissive. Someone who's done all the things that people keep suggesting to those seeking Dom women. And guess what... he met me online 🤯

[Th****]

1 minute ago, photoiowa said:

I am sorry but I have not blamed anyone for anything. except the direct reply to you. Which was not helpful. However, education is an interesting term to use. When one educates themselves there are so many ways to do that and sometimes that "education" does not teach the same lesson to everyone. 

If people in 2024 don't know how to use Google and enter "how do I know I'm getting accurate information on a topic" idk what to tell you. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[photoiowa]

3 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

If people in 2024 don't know how to use Google and enter "how do I know I'm getting accurate information on a topic" idk what to tell you. 🤷🏻‍♀️

In 2024 if people cannot understand that lessons are not always black and white and critical thinking must be used rather than just googling something and expect to have some kind of education.. i don't even know  how to help them. 

 

 

[photoiowa]

1 minute ago, ThaliaV said:

Also... if people educated themselves on proper vetting protocols this is something they know how to look for. By not rushing into things and wanting instant kink dispensers.

This may be the most important lesson from today. 

[FETMOD-BD]

This is the second time FETMOD have had to step in and remove comments from this thread. Points have been issued where necessary. Keep to the original topic please and stop the trolling and personal attacks.

[ey****]

On 6/21/2024 at 10:06 PM, photoiowa said:

In 2024 if people cannot understand that lessons are not always black and white and critical thinking must be used rather than just googling something and expect to have some kind of education.. i don't even know  how to help them. 

 

I think this can be important - but also there is a difference in where people have been proactive.

One bits of advice I tend to give is look at multiple sources and perspectives.  There is stuff that is very much opinion driven. There's also stuff where folk will talk about their experiences, but, for example - kink communities differed wildly by territory (hence why you get some people say "No - it was always Dom OR sub" and others who would say "You can't be Dom without being a sub first!" and other things where actually neither is technically true - but those were rules in their community 40 years ago.  

When I first joined the online kink world - I'll tell you something I found - guys would spam personals on websites that allowed them and then complain about the poor response rate, but also complain that women placed personals there was loads of guys responding (publicly, when really privately is how to respond) and used this as evidence it was hard for men // easy for women

And if you look at their experience, it's valid, but was a very gung ho approach - women might have seemed like getting a good response rate, but even going through the public comments it was people from other continents or stuff that could be paraphrased to "I'm not what you're looking for, would you be flexible?" or "you're not what I'm looking for but I'm willing to try" and willing to try sounds good, but it's already a basis set up to fail.

And there's a lot I could learn just from observing how little this works.  

You can see how frustrating this can be for both sets of folk here. Man takes time to craft a classified (though, some are fucking lazy) gets little/no response for his effort.   Woman places classified then has her time wasted being spammed from guys who are blatantly unsuitable.  Man replies to women's classified he finds interesting and puts what he feels is effort in, gets no response or it goes nowhere so feels like he's wasted his time - so on - so forth.

The advice men would give women amounts to "lower your standards, dramatically.  It's hard for us guys, look at how little response we get - you owe us at least a message back" and then feel it's unreasonable when it's a 'no'.   The advice women would give men is simply, "raise your efforts.  only contact people where it looks like you can offer what we're looking for and that we are what you are looking for. Be reasonable with expectations and don't treat us like fetish dispensers - actually show you give a shit about us as a person - and in terms of kink we can work through things together, but you have to be proactive and not dump it all on me"

And let's be honest; do you think things work out better long term for the women who follow the guys advice or the guys who follow the women's advice?

But yes, a simple google will not give you adequate education. Kink is long term.  You can't do a couple of simple googles and no everything but there should be effort, over time, to continue to expand your knowledge especially if you want to take the lifestyle seriously.

 

[VoodooQueen_]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I think this can be important - but also there is a difference in where people have been proactive.

One bits of advice I tend to give is look at multiple sources and perspectives.  There is stuff that is very much opinion driven. There's also stuff where folk will talk about their experiences, but, for example - kink communities differed wildly by territory (hence why you get some people say "No - it was always Dom OR sub" and others who would say "You can't be Dom without being a sub first!" and other things where actually neither is technically true - but those were rules in their community 40 years ago.  

When I first joined the online kink world - I'll tell you something I found - guys would spam personals on websites that allowed them and then complain about the poor response rate, but also complain that women placed personals there was loads of guys responding (publicly, when really privately is how to respond) and used this as evidence it was hard for men // easy for women

And if you look at their experience, it's valid, but was a very gung ho approach - women might have seemed like getting a good response rate, but even going through the public comments it was people from other continents or stuff that could be paraphrased to "I'm not what you're looking for, would you be flexible?" or "you're not what I'm looking for but I'm willing to try" and willing to try sounds good, but it's already a basis set up to fail.

And there's a lot I could learn just from observing how little this works.  

You can see how frustrating this can be for both sets of folk here. Man takes time to craft a classified (though, some are fucking lazy) gets little/no response for his effort.   Woman places classified then has her time wasted being spammed from guys who are blatantly unsuitable.  Man replies to women's classified he finds interesting and puts what he feels is effort in, gets no response or it goes nowhere so feels like he's wasted his time - so on - so forth.

The advice men would give women amounts to "lower your standards, dramatically.  It's hard for us guys, look at how little response we get - you owe us at least a message back" and then feel it's unreasonable when it's a 'no'.   The advice women would give men is simply, "raise your efforts.  only contact people where it looks like you can offer what we're looking for and that we are what you are looking for. Be reasonable with expectations and don't treat us like fetish dispensers - actually show you give a shit about us as a person - and in terms of kink we can work through things together, but you have to be proactive and not dump it all on me"

And let's be honest; do you think things work out better long term for the women who follow the guys advice or the guys who follow the women's advice?

But yes, a simple google will not give you adequate education. Kink is long term.  You can't do a couple of simple googles and no everything but there should be effort, over time, to continue to expand your knowledge especially if you want to take the lifestyle seriously.

 

Yep, I think it's so important to obtain your research from a wide range of sources. I was obsessed with blogs such as Bitchy Jones Diary, Not Just Bitchy, Domme Chronicles and O Miss Pearl. Found a couple of very informative blogs by sub guys. Talked to people at munches and Femdom events. Frequented the Femdom boards on Fetlife. There are so many resources to draw from. I think it's a shame that so few subs (especially those that are online) are willing to do any research beyond watching Femdom porn.

[4R****]

11 hours ago, VoodooQueen_ said:

Yep, I think it's so important to obtain your research from a wide range of sources.

I couldn’t agree more!

[Un****]

Since my point was taken way out to left field I'll try again.

For you and other men in your particular situation, avoid the ones asking for ***. Everything they say and do for you is advertising and engineered to get your ***. Just like anyone who's trying to sell you something. Just like McDonalds.

[VoodooQueen_]

June 21, CopperKnob said:

Men are, to use your word 'desperate' because women are more aware of their worth, we're also no longer dependent upon marriage to access mortgages/our own accommodation or to have financial security. As a response, women are asking men to do better, we're no longer accepting the bare minimum of them going to work. Women are no longer tolerating shitty relationships.
.
That's why men are 'desperate.'
.
The 'bad sex, no sex' thread is enough of a hint that there are many men that will tolerate bad sex just so that they get to have sex. It's meaningless to them as long as they get that 'want' met so, if some men choose to pay for it, let them. They aren't being exploited, they're fully aware of the transaction they're entering.
.
Truth be told, if some men gave more to the relationships they're in or want to be in, they wouldn't be so 'desperate'

This is such a wonderful post. I agree with every word.

[Crocus]

On 4/2/2024 at 5:42 PM, Deleted profile said:

It's definitely a niche, but those types of women do exist, and I've had the good fortune of crossing paths with several.

While I have a lot of submissive fantasies, like who doesn't want to be tied up and face fucked, but ultimately find myself extremely uncomfortable being in a submissive role for long.

From my experience, it takes a lot of effort to meet people with the right mutual kinks, but it's totally possible.

Best advice is to maintain a positive mindset and keep an open mind. You'll eventually find what you seek.

This is really heartening to read. As a switch woman who is more about long term relationships, it can be really hard to find a partner that is open and willing to explore. 

[Th****]

26 minutes ago, Pussyeater702 said:

It's a turn on 

What is? Being ignorant, selfish and feeling entitled? 

[Th****]

43 minutes ago, Pussyeater702 said:

Yes it is mmmm I am entitled why shouldn't I be and surprise as well

Good luck with that, then. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Th****]

1 hour ago, Pussyeater702 said:

 

Mmmm that's it you love it just as much as I do!...no it's a second yes you hate the fact you love it when it's done perfect lol

 

I'm honestly kind of confused at this point what it is you're actually trying to say. You're not exactly forming coherent sentences here, or in your dm's to me which aren't necessary. If you want to say something, you can do so publicly. 

[CopperKnob]

12 minutes ago, Pussyeater702 said:

I said....I'm my conclusion lol You love it when gifted to you I've seen the look in their eyes lol 

For a 50-year-old guy, you're portraying yourself as a very, very immature individual.
For someone who joined Fet just 16hrs ago, maybe take a look around, see what the site is about, how others behave and interact with one another before forcing your sexual fantasies upon people that really didn't ask about them.
Lastly, Fet has a *** site which may well be more suited to you.

[Th****]

3 hours ago, Pussyeater702 said:

I said....I'm my conclusion lol You love it when gifted to you I've seen the look in their eyes lol 

You're still not making any sense or being at all clear in whatever it is you're trying to say. Who are the "you" and "their" here? Because it certainly isn't me since we've never met. 

[Deleted Member]

Poor ThaliaV always doing the best they can trying to help people... catching strays for it =/ 

 

No one ever seems to say this so I will? 

 

Thank you ThaliaV and CopperKnob for always looking out for the community with the guidance and advice you share even if others can't or don't appreciate it you are both shining rays of how the kink community can be.

[Mi****]

Here, here. I second the compliment always been super kind to me and generous with her time. Thank you.

[dominionhub]

Mostly agree with the original post

But, I am not sure there is a real solution.

[dominionhub]

---i agree with the original post. But, I am unsure how to solve the problem.