ey**** Posted July 22 Posted July 22 5 hours ago, domguglieme said: Mostly agree with the original post But, I am not sure there is a real solution. at 8 pages, this topic is a ride - but there's many people offer advice, suggestions and perspectives. One of the key things I guess - it sucks but true that dating is hard. For everyone. Albeit different challenges. That online dating is a tool to help you find someone; but it's not the whole kit. And that an approach of "I am a sub; here are all the things I'd like you to do to me" is flawed in any circle and people are generally more receptive when it appears you are interested in *them* and not what they could do to you. Oh; and that of course most people get bored with cyclic questions of "How are you?", "How was your day?", "WYD?" as it ends up putting the onus on them to carry a conversation with someone who has little to demonstrate a conversation is worth carrying with.
dominionhub Posted July 22 Posted July 22 To eyemblacksheep's point, yes, dating is hard. The suggestions and perspectives are not bad, But, none of them have actually solved the problem. (If there were a solution, threads and apps like this would not be as common.) Most apps are used primarily by men. (Not gonna ask what the actual data is. It would probably be soul-crushing for most of us.) I can manage correspondence (here and elsewhere). But, those do not always lead to matching. Fair point about profiles, and "this is what I would like....". Trying to refine my own away from that.
ey**** Posted July 22 Posted July 22 10 minutes ago, domguglieme said: The suggestions and perspectives are not bad, But, none of them have actually solved the problem. (If there were a solution, threads and apps like this would not be as common.) Most apps are used primarily by men. I think to solve a problem you first have to address what the problem is. I have a problem. I'm not a millionaire. That to me is a problem. And there's a few lines of thought people might take on how I can become a millionaire. Some might suggest luck, for example, playing the lottery or a high jackpot slot machine. Some might suggest working really hard, saving and making sacrifices, putting own needs behind the objective in priority - and even then it is certain I'll be a millionaire. And others might say, well, you don't get an automatic right to be a millionaire just because you want to be. But it's my problem - why won't anyone fix it - surely someone should just give me £1m, or some clear and measurably advice that if I do x, y, and z I will definitely be a millionaire, no?! And kink and relationships is similar, albeit more likely. The problem of someone not having a relationship is similar to my problem of not being a millionaire. We don't need it. We won't die without it. We might really want it - but we're not entitled to it. Kink and relationship also has this added step that anything we do relies on a reaction from a human. So actually, yes, if I spend less *** and use more free time doing things that make *** my wealth will increase. That is measurable. But I could, say, go out on Friday night with a view of meeting some for sex - and while going out increases my chances of meeting someone - maybe the very first person is interested (though that is a bad time to pull) maybe I end the night kissing 5 people and going home with one, maybe I end and not even be a 10-to-2 guy So in essence, no, there is no measurable solution because we cannot control how other people will respond. We can, however, do things which influence people's responses. Which can be in better messaging, not ***tergunning, maybe if I go out on this hypothetical pull I will have more luck if I groom well and wear some nice aftershave than if I go out looking like a reject from the Wurzels. And if I do this in a kink club then it's more likely the person will be into kink. Or, if instead of trying to pull, I stay and show I'm interested, that it boosts my chances yet again.
dominionhub Posted July 22 Posted July 22 Fair. But, the endless search is discouraging. (I do appreciate this forum, if only as a place to talk about the problem.)
ey**** Posted July 22 Posted July 22 by irony - there was a post pushed into my facebook feed which was a bit "you get it - albeit for the wrong reasons" and it was implying that a lot of single men (it claimed 80%) were taking themselves out of the dating pool - 'fed up' with what it called 'ridiculous demands' from women, ghosting, etc etc. and, my 'you get it' is on two fronts, on one hand - sometimes the best way to win the game is not play in the first place - but on another, being happy in your own solitude is a first step. (it's actually one of the biggest things men have to compete with, not other men, but women's peace) and this is a big thing because it's not like even the 70s or 80s where women couldn't get a bank account, or a job, or even go to a bar, without a man - so the requirement to have one diminishes. Now obviously if the entire world becomes happy single then the human race probably dies but, learning to be happy single removes pressure. And then you kinda start doing things and going places for your own enjoyment. So happiness is then not measured on whether you pull or not, but on enjoying.
goon2yu Posted July 28 Posted July 28 I'm going to agree with Cypresswillys suggestion, because quite frankly it's probably the #1 reason so many stay single within D/s. They need to get offline and visit munches, workshops, BDSM parties and events. If you can, travel to some D/s activities outside your local area. Meet & greets in person are 1000% better than online dating.
goon2yu Posted July 28 Posted July 28 I'm going to agree with Cypresswillys suggestion, because quite frankly it's probably the #1 reason so many stay single within D/s. They need to get offline and visit munches, workshops, BDSM parties and events. If you can, travel to some D/s activities outside your local area. Meet & greets in person are 1000% better than online dating.
Recommended Posts