Ze**** Posted June 11 Author Posted June 11 Golf The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?' her husband demanded. 'Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping *** to afford any.' The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's £50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.' Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. 'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?' She replies, 'I can't afford any on the *** you give me.' He reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!' Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. 'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?' She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough *** ta be able ta affarrd any.' The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb... Tidy yerself up a bit.'
Ze**** Posted June 11 Author Posted June 11 Admit that you did that An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them. He then asked, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" Nobody answered him. He then asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" Again nobody answered. The old Indian said, "I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish." So the Indian asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" To which the littlest Indian replied, "I push port-a-potty over cliff." The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father?" The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!"
Ze**** Posted June 13 Author Posted June 13 Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker, it was After Eight. She was from Quality Street ; he was a Fisherman's Friend. On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum and Butter and she had a Wine Gum. He asked her name, 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said. 'I'm the one with the nuts,' he thought! Then he touched her Milky Way. They checked in to a hotel, and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks then he showed her his Curly Wurly and TicTacs. Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies, so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her Party Ring. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a magic moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight. When he pulled out, his fun size Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more, but he needed Time Out, however, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetizing. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper! Unfortunately, 3 days later his Magnum lolly started to drip. It turned out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Basset who had Allsorts.
Ze**** Posted June 13 Author Posted June 13 Sing It Girls XX Sing nice and clearly. carol Haha!!! Love it… At first I was afraid, I was petrified. When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died! But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, That I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on... But there you are, another lie, I was ready for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry! I should have known that it was bulls***t, just a sad pathetic dream Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those Jeans! Go on now - go! Walk out the door, Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4! Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't find you out!? Don't you know we're only joking when we say size don't count??!! [Chorus] I will survive! I will survive! Cuz as long as I have batteries, My sex life's gonna thrive! I will always have good sex, With a handful of latex! I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey! It took all my self control not to laugh out loud, When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud! But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs, Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed! [Chorus] I will survive! I will survive! Cuz as long as I have batteries, My sex life's gonna thrive! I will always have good sex, With a handful of latex! I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!
Ze**** Posted June 13 Author Posted June 13 EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 60 IF YOU'RE NOT OVER 60, PASS IT ON TO SOMEONE WHO IS! Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags . Then try 50-lb potato bags and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level). After you feel confident at that level .............Put a potato in each bag.
Ze**** Posted June 14 Author Posted June 14 THE PRESCRIPTION One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn't been feeling well lately. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor said, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine, the man stammered, "Jeez Doc, exactly what is my problem?" The doctor replied, "You're not drinking enough water."
Ze**** Posted June 14 Author Posted June 14 Teacher Arrested At London Heathrow Airport - held in isolation. A secondary school teacher was arrested today at London's Heathrow International airport as he attempted to board an international flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a pair of compasses, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a press conference, a UK Border Control spokesman said he believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Police with carrying weapons of maths instruction. 'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Spokesman said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns;" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle. When asked to comment on the arrest, Opposition Leader Sir Keir starmer said,"If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." Fellow Labour colleagues told reporters they could not recall a more profound statement by the Opposition Leader.
Ze**** Posted June 14 Author Posted June 14 Goldilocks - Ver. 2.0 Certainly not the version I heard as a child . A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning.... Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars. Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table. 'It was Mummy Bear who walked the ***y dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water. 'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once.... 'I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET'
Ze**** Posted June 14 Author Posted June 14 Customs A young woman on a flight back to the USA from Europe asked a priest who sat next to her, "Father, may I ask of you a favour?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought a very expensive, state-of-the-art woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday. It is in its original package unopened. But it is valued well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid I may have to pay quite a bit of tax on it. And if I don't, it might be confi***ed. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me under your robe?" "I would love to help you, my child, but I must warn you. I cannot and will not lie." "Father, with your honest-looking face, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs inspector asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The Customs officer thought the answer interesting but strange, so he asked further, "And what do you have to declare from your waist down to the floor?" "I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which to date is unused." Roaring with laughter, the Customs man said, "Go ahead, Father, have a good day! _________________________________________________________________
Ze**** Posted June 15 Author Posted June 15 Job Stress The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable. About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone! The top 10 were: 10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up! 9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper. 8. Viagra, like a rock! 7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight. 6. Viagra, Be all that you can be. 5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone. 4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. 3. Viagra, Home of the whopper! 2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life! And the unanimous number one slogan: 1. This is your peepee. This is your peepee on ***.
Ze**** Posted June 15 Author Posted June 15 An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought £250 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge to keep it in." The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent £17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!" The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every toime oi tink of it," he chuckles. "Moy woife just left to go on a holiday in Greece. Oy watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there. And she doesn't even have a penis!"
Ze**** Posted June 15 Author Posted June 15 Male subtlety...... I was sitting watching Match of the Day when the Mrs came into the lounge and says "Fancy a shag Babe?" I said, "After the football love" She said, "You do realise that you can record it?" I said, "Nice, you get the camcorder, I'll come upstairs when the footy finishes". **** My girlfriend has just asked me how many women I've shagged. I said, 'I really dont want to answer that love, you know I've had a past & I don't want to upset you!' 'C'mon' she said, 'I can handle it!' So I had to sit there and count them all. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, you, 10, 11, 12. **** My Wife asked me to go to the Doctors about my Erection problem, she wasn't pleased when I came back and gave her some Slimming Pills. **** I was at a wedding reception when the DJ announced all the married men out there go and stand by the person who makes your life worth living. The barman was crushed to death. **** My wife was in the bathroom for hours getting ready to go out when finally the door swung open and she said, "Honestly, do I look fat in this". I replied, "Yes love, but to be fair, it's only a small bathroom".
Ze**** Posted June 16 Author Posted June 16 Interview A man goes for an interview. Interviewr: Why did you leave your last job? Interviewee: The Company relocated and didn't tell me where...
Ze**** Posted June 16 Author Posted June 16 Auto Correct I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
Ze**** Posted June 16 Author Posted June 16 The Real Laws of Nature Forget Newton and Galileo. Here are the real laws of nature: 1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. 5.Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help. 6.Variation Law -If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. 7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. 15.Law of Logical Argument-Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. 16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 17.Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet. 18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. 19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.
Ze**** Posted June 16 Author Posted June 16 Almost Caught A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
Ze**** Posted June 16 Author Posted June 16 An old man rocking on his porch sees a young kid and his fishing pole walking down the dirt road. "Where you goin' with that pole?" he calls. "Gonna git me some fish with this here fishing pole!" answers the kid. Sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with a bucket of fish. Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some duct tape. "Where you goin' with that?" he calls. "Gonna git me some ducks with this here tape!" answers the kid. "You can't git no ducks with tape!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the tape strung out behind him and ducks stuck all over it! Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some chicken wire. "Where you going with that?" he calls. "Gonna get me some chickens with this wire!" answers the kid. "You can't get no chickens with wire!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the wire strung out behind him and chickens stuck all through it! Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some pussy willows. "Now hold on just a minute" calls the old man, "wait while I get my hat!!"
Ze**** Posted June 18 Author Posted June 18 In a sex fantasy gone wrong, two men with machetes entered the wrong house in New South Wales, Australia, before quickly realising their error. One of them has now been acquitted of entering a home armed with a weapon in July 2019, Australian media report. They had been hired to carry out a client's fantasy of being tied up in his underwear and stroked with a broom. The judge concluded that "the facts of the case are unusual". The role play was arranged over Facebook by a man near Griffith, New South Wales, who provided his address to the hired pair. "He was willing to pay A$5,000 if it was 'really good'," the judge said. However, the client moved to another address 50km (30 miles) away without updating the two men. They then entered a home on the street of the original address. When the resident noticed a light on in his kitchen at 06:15, he assumed it was a friend who came by daily to make morning coffee. When the men called out the name of their client, the resident turned on the light and removed a sleep apnoea mask he was wearing. It was then that he saw them standing above his bed with the machetes, which they appeared to have brought as props for the role play. When they realised their error, one of the pair said, "Sorry, mate", and shook the resident's hand, according to local reports. The two men then drove to the correct address, where the client noticed one man had a "great big knife" in his trousers and asked them to leave the weapons in their car. The client then cooked bacon, eggs and noodles, and a short time later, the police arrived at the property, found the machetes in the car and arrested the hired pair. The judge ruled that evidence did not suggest the men's actions were intentional. "They carried the machetes either as a prop or something to use in that fantasy," he said. "The fantasy was unscripted and there was discretion as to how it would be carried out." A lawyer for Terrence Leroy, one of the accused, said: "It was a commercial agreement to tie up and stroke a semi-naked man in his underpants with a broom. Entry was not with intent to intimidate."
Ze**** Posted June 18 Author Posted June 18 Three Men Three men are walking down the street. One is from California, one is from New York, and the last is from St. Louis. A good looking woman walks by ... the man from California states, "She's about an 8." The man from New York states, "No, no ... she's a 6." The man from St. Louis says, "Hell no, she's a 1." The two men look at the guy from St. Louis and turn to each other and say, "Well, she was not that good looking." All three continue walking down the strip. As chance happens another woman walks by. She is more beautiful than the first. The man from California exclaims, "9" The man from New York cries, "8.5" The man from St. Louis says, "2" The man from California and New York State, "I guess it takes all types." Finally an extremely beautiful woman crosses their line of sight. The man from California and New York simultaneously state, "10" The man from St. Louis states loudly, "3.5" The man from New York asks the man from St. Louis, "What the hell is wrong with you?" "Are you gay?" "She was beautiful!" The man from St. Louis turns to him and says, "I'm using the Budweiser method." The man from California asks "What is that?" The man from St. Louis responds "The Budweiser method is to see how many Clydesdales (horses) it would take to pull her off my face."
Ze**** Posted June 18 Author Posted June 18 Quotes from the Rich & Famous When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car." "It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom." "If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all." "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that *** can buy." "My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said,' that's a big word for a girl of fif***'." "My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects." "I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own." "My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty ." "I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic." "There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz 380L convertible." "You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good *** for in later life." "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough *** to run one at a time." "What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them? "The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Harrods comes out with a ride-on vacuum cleaner." "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." "My parents didn't want to move to Florida , but they turned sixty, and that's the law." "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same." "Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children". Finally, one of the all-time best quotes: In a recent interview. General Norman Schwartzkopf was asked if he didn't think there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harboured and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America . His answer was a classic; Schwartzkopf said. "I believe that forgiving them is God's function. Our job is simply to arrange the meeting."
Ze**** Posted June 18 Author Posted June 18 THIS IS REALLY SERIOUS!!!!!!..... We Must Stop This Immediately Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become! And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader? I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be! Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror. Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling? I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there! All I can do is pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities. PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED! PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts-they are smaller than they once were.
Ze**** Posted June 18 Author Posted June 18 The Wedding After dating a young lady for some time a young man decides it is time to marry her. He proceeds with all the necessary plans and finally the day comes. On the day of the wedding the young man has yet to pay the priest for performing the ceremony. However the priest has a plan. The service proceeds as planned the vows are exchanged etc. Now it is time for the groom to kiss his bride. The priest sees this as the perfect opportunity to ask to be paid. He pulls the young man aside and asks him. "Can you please pay me?" Not wanting to create a seen the young man asked. "How much do I owe you?" The priest thinks quickly and replies, "pay me according to your wife's beauty." The young man discretely pulled out five pounds and gave it to the priest. Although annoyed by this, the priest continues the ceremony and says "you may now kiss the bride." At this point the veil is lifted from the bride's face to allow the groom to kiss her. As the groom is about to kiss his new bride the priest interrupts and promptly hand the groom four pounds and fifty pence.
Ze**** Posted June 20 Author Posted June 20 The Auld Scotsman A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress. A sign read: 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'. The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Scotsman. Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out a huge willy and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd. Ten years later the salesman was visited the same little town and saw a faded sign for the same circus and the same sign 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'. He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated. This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table. The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The crowd went wild! Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show. 'You're incredible!' he told the Scotsman. 'But I have to know something. You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts? ''Well laddie,' said the Scot, 'Ma eyes are nae whit they used tae be.'
Ze**** Posted June 20 Author Posted June 20 It's Where You Set Your Standards It was a nice sunny day when three men were walking down a country road, when they saw a bush with a pig's ass popping out. The first man says, "I wish that was Demi Moore's Ass" The second man says, "I wish that was Pamela Anderson's Ass." Then the third man says, "I wish it was dark."
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