Ze**** Posted June 29 Author Posted June 29 Past 40 Barbie Yes, it's hard to believe, but in 1999 Barbie will turn 40, just in time to greet the new century. And they've been 60 full, rich years. She began as a glamorous airline stewardess when she was introduced at Toy Fair in 1959.She soared into space as an astronaut in 1974, ran for president in 1992, and, in 1997, she bore disability bravely, folding her first-ever bending legs into a wheelchair to become a role model once again for a newly identified market. In every incarnation, nationality, and skin tone, she's perfectly turned out,with accessories galore at her long slender fingertips. She's Everywoman, she's the Cosmo Girl, she has it all. So, what will Mattel think of next as the company meets the challenge of Barbie turning 60? Why fight age? Why not capitalize on it in every way possible? Here are some ideas Mattel might consider for a past 40 Barbie: Bifocals Barbie: Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living. Hot Flash Barbie: Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead! With hand-held fan and tiny tissues. Facial Hair Barbie: As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow! Available with ***sy tweezers and magnifying mirror. Cook's Arms Barbie: Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too: muumuus are back! Cellulite cream and loofah sponge optional. Bunion Barbie: Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with this pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. Colors: pink, rose, blush. No More Wrinkles Barbie: Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics. Soccer Mom Barbie: All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken Jr. With minivan in robin's egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch. Midlife Crisis Barbie: Ken has a young Swedish girlfriend, so it's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Bruce (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do." Single Mother Barbie: There's not much time for primping anymore! Ken's shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the Dream House and Barbie's across town with Babs and Ken Jr. in a fourth-floor walk-up. Barbie's selling off her old gowns and accessories to raise rent ***. Complete garage sale kit included. Recovery Barbie: Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does 12 steps instead of dance steps! Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with little copy of The Big Book and six-pack of Diet Coke. Who knows when Barbie will have outlived her usefulness? From Dream House to Nursing Home, the possibilities and accessories are endless.
Ze**** Posted June 29 Author Posted June 29 Want A Scoop Honey? A Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked his wife if she wants some. "How hard is it?" she asked. "About as hard as my dick," he replies. To which the woman replied, "OK, then pour me some!"
Ze**** Posted June 30 Author Posted June 30 Reverse Psychology A woman's husband comes home hammered every night and she always yells at him before going to bed alone. One day she decides to try some reverse psychology. When her husband staggers in that night, she's waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and gives him a backrub. "It's getting late, big boy," she says after a few minutes. "Why don't we go upstairs to bed." "We might as well," slurs the husband. "I'm going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway."
Ze**** Posted June 30 Author Posted June 30 More Groans 3 A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy A man opened a dry-cleaning business next door to the convent. He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits. A man recently invented a knife that cuts four loaves of bread simultaneously. He calls his invention a four-loaf cleaver. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy." A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!" A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises. A medical doctor moonlighted as a theatre critic. When he published a critical review of a production of Madame Butterfly, the director of the show charged with "opera rating without a license." A perverted burglar broke into a British museum and molested some of the life size statues of politicians. He was charged with statue Tory ***. A princess gets her education one knight at a time.
Ze**** Posted June 30 Author Posted June 30 JUST A TAP ON THE SHOULDER A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, 'I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.' The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab................... I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.'
Ze**** Posted July 1 Author Posted July 1 Some more Irish Liam was having problems with his weight so his doctor advised him to do some jogging. “ How much should I jog ? “. “ About ten miles a day, “ said the doctor, “ and ring me in a week”. After a week Liam rang to say he was getting on fine with his jogging but that he was seventy miles from home ! Have you heard about the Irishman who died in China? They buried him in a paddy – field. An Irishman went into a shop and asked for a bottle of sauce. ‘ Certainly Sir, ‘ said the girl behind the counter, ‘ would you like HP ? “ ’ No ‘ said the Irishman, ‘ I’m paying cash ‘. Have you heard about the Irishman who opened a topless restaurant ? It had no roof. The Aer Lingus plane was in trouble. “ Mayday, Mayday,’ radioed the pilot. ‘ Cleared to land, ‘ came the reply from control. “ Can you give us your height and position ? ‘ Well, “ said the pilot, “ Oi’m five foot eight and Oi’m sitting at the front of the plane ‘.
Ze**** Posted July 1 Author Posted July 1 Set up hidden cameras The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. December 18, 1992 Michael J. Schmidt, 29, set up a hidden video camera at his home near Superior, Wis., because he had been burglarized several times and thought he could catch the culprits in the act. The burglars came back and were captured on tape, which Schmidt turned over to the sheriff. Among the items the burglars took from Schmidt's house was a box containing eight marijuana plants. Schmidt was charged with misdemeanor drug possession.
Ze**** Posted July 1 Author Posted July 1 How To Win Prizes! A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. in front of him he see's a big jar full of change and a little card that reads: Hello, if you would like to win all of this *** you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh. COST $5 So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So the guy takes the *** and leaves. The next day the same guy walks in the bar again and see's the horse and the jar, this time it says: You can win all of this if you make the horse cry. COST $10 So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had. So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks "How did you do that?" The guy says "The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him!"
Ze**** Posted July 1 Author Posted July 1 The Sympathetic Scotsman The kindness and empathy of a typical Scot ? A Priest, a Doctor, a rich Businessman and a Scotsman were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them. The Doctor shouted to them, "I've never seen such poor golf!" The Scotsman chimed in, "Och aye! We ha' been waitin' for nigh on fif*** minutes!" The Businessman called out, "Move it on you guys, time is ***." The Priest said, "Here comes George the greenkeeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hello, George!" said the Priest, "What's wrong with that annoying group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" George the greenkeeper replied, "Oh, yes.. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let the m play for free, anytime they want to." The group fell into an embarrassed silence for a moment. Then the Priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The Doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleagues and see if there's anything they can do for them." The Businessman replied, "I think I'll donate £350,000 to the Fire Brigade Benevolent Fund in honour of these brave souls." And the Scotsman said, "Why kin they no play at night?
Ze**** Posted July 1 Author Posted July 1 Fetching The Sneakers A guy stops to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, "My feet are cold. Would you get me my sneakers for me?" The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend's two gorgeous daughters. He says, "Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to fuck you." The first daughter says, "That's not true." He says, "I'll prove it." He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?" His friend yells back, "Of course, both of them."
Ze**** Posted July 1 Author Posted July 1 OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES (WILL THEY EVER SHUT UP?!). A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ". A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute." A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and ***s?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family)answered, "Thou shall not kill." One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?" The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead." A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the ***. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the ***, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the *** doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty" The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
Ze**** Posted July 3 Author Posted July 3 A guy and a girl meet at a bar…… They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands. The girl has been watching him and says: "You must be a dentist."The guy, surprised, says:"Yes .... How did you figure that out?" "Easy.." she replies, "you keep washing your hands."One thing leads to another and they make love. After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist. The guy, now with an inflated ego, says:"Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?" The girl replies:.... "I didn't feel a thing."
Ze**** Posted July 3 Author Posted July 3 Three Little Words Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love? A: "Honey, I'm home."
Ze**** Posted July 3 Author Posted July 3 THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005: Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [no, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [now that's taking things a bit far!] Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [not if I wipe thoroughly!] Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [what a guy!] Miners Refuse to Work after Death [Good-for-nothing lazy so-and-so's!] War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!] If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [you think?!] Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [who would have thought!] Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [they may be on to something!] Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!] Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the battery charge!] New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [weren't they fat enough?!] Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!] Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?] Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!] And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that sign right? Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to. We all need a good laugh, keep on smiling.
Ze**** Posted July 3 Author Posted July 3 Mad Trombonist (August 1998, Uruguay) In a misplaced moment of inspiration, Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Symphonica Maya de Uruguay, decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired during a performance of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture at an outdoor children's concert. In complete disregard of common sense, he dropped a large lit firecracker, equivalent in strength to a quarter stick of dynamite, into his aluminum straight mute, and then stuck the mute into the bell of his new Yamaha in-line double-valve bass trombone. Later from his hospital bed he explained to a reporter through a mask of bandages, "I thought the bell of my trombone would shield me from the explosion and focus the energy of the blast outwards and away from me, propelling the mute high above the orchestra like a rocket." However Paolo was not to speed on his propulsion physics, nor was he qualified to wield high-powered artillery. Despite his haste to raise the horn before the firecracker exploded, he failed to lift the bell of the horn high enough for the airborne mute's arc to clear the orchestra. What happened should serve as a lesson to us all during our own delirious moments of divine inspiration. First, because he failed to sufficiently elevate the bell of his horn, the blast propelled the mute between rows of musicians in the woodwind and viola section, where it bypassed the players and rammed straight into the stomach of the conductor, driving him backwards off the podium and directly into the front row of the audience. Fortunately, the audience was sitting in folding chairs and thus they protected from serious ***. The chairs collapsed under the first row, and passed the energy from the impact of the flying conductor backwards into the people sitting behind them, who in turn were driven back into the people in the third row and so on, like a row of dominoes. The sound of collapsing wooden chairs and grunts of people falling on their behinds increased geometrically, adding to the overall commotion of cannons and brass playing the closing measures of the Overture. Meanwhile, unplanned audience choreography notwithstanding, Paolo Esperanza's Waterloo was still unfolding back on stage. According to Paolo, "As I heard the sound of the firecracker blast, time seemed to stand still. Right before I lost consciousness, I heard an Austrian accent say, "Fur every akshon zer iz un eekval unt opposeet reakshon!" This comes as no surprise, for Paolo was about to become a textbook demonstration of this fundamental law of physics. Having failed to plug the lead pipe of his trombone, he paved the way for the energy of the blast to send a superheated jet of gas backwards through the mouthpiece, which slammed into his face like the hand of fate, burning his lips and face and knocking him mercifully ***. The pyrotechnic ballet wasn't over yet. The *** of the blast was so great it split the bell of his shiny new Yamaha trombone right down the middle, turning it inside out while propelling Paolo backwards off the riser. For the grand finale, as Paolo fell to the ground, his limp hands lost their grip on the slide of the trombone, allowing the pressure of the hot gases to propel the slide like a golden spear into the head of the third clarinetist, knocking him senseless. The moral of the story? The next time a trombonist hollers "Watch this!" you'd better duck!
Ze**** Posted July 4 Author Posted July 4 Aluminium Foil Review anybody else ever bothered to read the sometimes witty reviews other folks leave after purchasing things online? here is one off a well known online company by a satisfied customer "In many ways, I was raised by the cinema of the 80s. I was an especially big fan of the film Robocop. "One day," I would think, "I too will be a Robot police officer". As the years went by and I grew older, and the hopeful dreams of my childhood vanished into the distance, I resigned myself to the fact that being a robot was not a realistic life goal and devoted myself with single-minded determination to becoming a law en***ment officer. After years of hard work and sacrifice I was awarded my badge, and with my first police officer wage I decided to treat myself to a few DVDs from Amazon. It was then I saw the product that would change my life forever- Vogue Aluminium Foil. Thanks to XXXX Aluminium Foil, which measures a hedonistic 75 metres and glistens with the hypnotising shimmer of a moonlit desert oasis caught by a breeze, the dreams of my childhood have now been realised. When I wrap my naked body in this lush, extravagant foil I feel transformed, and I wander the streets, mostly at night, fighting crime. While my official position as a member of the police has been revoked as a direct result of these actions, my current life as a robot vigilante is far more rewarding. Dreams really can come true. Thankyou, XXXX Aluminium Foil. 5 stars. Highly recommended."
Ze**** Posted July 4 Author Posted July 4 Catching The Blonde This fat guy sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They strip him and lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a gorgeous blonde, stark naked, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours." He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg. He's back on the street and starts to think. "Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..." So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg." "No problem," says the manager. Again he strips, and is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a gorilla with a sign "If I catch you, you're mine."
Ze**** Posted July 4 Author Posted July 4 Lucky George!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." George thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George. The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"
Ze**** Posted July 4 Author Posted July 4 Never Lose Your Grandkids A heart-warming story ! A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, 'I've lost my grandpa!' 'The cop asked, 'What's he like?' The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, 'Johnnie Walker Black Label and women with big tits.'
Ze**** Posted July 5 Author Posted July 5 Women Sooo... what's the problem? A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy a carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6. A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had avocados." If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again. Men will get it the first time. Water in the carburettor WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor." HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous " WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor." HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car? WIFE: "In the river" This is a frightening statistic ! 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated. A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a mobile phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone. The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like your new phone?" Meg replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..." "What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband. "How did you know I was at Dillard’s? He must pay ! Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her Mum and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you." Mum said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you. Today’s Short Reading From the Bible… From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth." Then He made the earth round...and He laughed and laughed and laughed!
Ze**** Posted July 6 Author Posted July 6 ABORT... RETRY... (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer? (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (V)alium? (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer. (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)ee in drive door (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)elf-destruct? (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
Ze**** Posted July 6 Author Posted July 6 NOT ALWAYS DUMB BLONDES Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude." With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, "Mama needs new clothes." Then she yells, "YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON." She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her *** and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?" The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching."
Ze**** Posted July 7 Author Posted July 7 German Sex A German guy approaches a prostitute. "I vish to buy sex viz you." "OK," says the girl, "I'll charge £20 an hour." "..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky." "No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do little kinky." So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. "I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees." The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees. "Now you vill get on your hans und knees." She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs. "You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you." She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller. The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say: "That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?" "Ah," says the German .. . . "zat is ze..................... Four-sprung Duck Technique."
Ze**** Posted July 7 Author Posted July 7 Oil shortage A lot of people can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage in this country. Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical. Our OIL is located in the North Sea Our DIPSTICKS are located in Westminster.
Ze**** Posted July 7 Author Posted July 7 Blonde In Trouble A blonde, brunette and a redhead run to the top of a burning building. Below, a few firefighters are holding a blanket telling the redhead to jump. When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch the blanket away and she hits the concrete. When the firefighters ask the brunette to jump she jumps and again they pull the blanket away. When the firefighters ask the blonde to jump she replies, "I don't trust you, so just put the blanket down and back away."
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