Sh**** Posted May 19 Posted May 19 Yeah, that’s the best advice for any new sub or Dom actually, do your research, some of the things you like, what your limits are, and most importantly learn how to play safely. 
Mu**** Posted June 6 Posted June 6 If you want to be a good sub I suggest taking a step back, hold off on looking for a Dom. Takes some time to educate yourself role and responsibilities as a sub. This is lifestyle you want to be a good sub understand your roles and responsibilities. Educate yourself on the role and responsibilities of the Dominate it will help navigate through the riff raff. Educate yourself about the BDSM lifestyle and different dynamics. A lot of people out here have misconceptions or miss guided. Learn more about your likes, dislikes things that feel right and wrong for you. Me personally I despise women who call themselves brat.The whole purpose of being Submissive means being obedient, passive, or accepting or giving in to authority, control, or greater strength. Brats are topping from the bottom they’re controlling the moment. Which defeats the purpose of TOTAL POWER CONTROL. Don’t get me wrong some Doms like that challenge it’s fuels the authoritarian. Do others shows the Dominant doesn’t have control over his submissive. For me it’s disrespectful the Dominants word is law an it’s my duty to serve and follow. Acts of service is my love language, anything my Dom requests of me I do without hesitation without saying a word.Because serving him pleases him an I enjoying pleasing him. I earn every good girl and that’s the gratification I’m seeking. As a sub there are things I require tasks, protocols, discipline, rules and rituals. These are all essential elements to keep your sub in line, obedient and stimulated.
lo**** Posted June 6 Posted June 6 hey im also new to this! i took a class being hosted in my area on FetLife, if you have any near you. i learned you should have a red/yellow/green light system that can be both verbal and nonverbal signals. something helpful for me, was writing a YES-MAYBE-NO columned list for your kinks (ex: petplay, bondage, orgasm denial, etc) and also aftercare (snuggles, praise, clothes back on, showering together, etc) and request your partner do the same. get specific! makes communicating a lot easier and clear.
CopperKnob Posted June 6 Posted June 6 2 hours ago, MuscleMommy88 said: If you want to be a good sub I suggest taking a step back, hold off on looking for a Dom. Takes some time to educate yourself role and responsibilities as a sub. This is lifestyle you want to be a good sub understand your roles and responsibilities. Educate yourself on the role and responsibilities of the Dominate it will help navigate through the riff raff. Educate yourself about the BDSM lifestyle and different dynamics. A lot of people out here have misconceptions or miss guided. Learn more about your likes, dislikes things that feel right and wrong for you. Me personally I despise women who call themselves brat.The whole purpose of being Submissive means being obedient, passive, or accepting or giving in to authority, control, or greater strength. Brats are topping from the bottom they’re controlling the moment. Which defeats the purpose of TOTAL POWER CONTROL. Don’t get me wrong some Doms like that challenge it’s fuels the authoritarian. Do others shows the Dominant doesn’t have control over his submissive. For me it’s disrespectful the Dominants word is law an it’s my duty to serve and follow. Acts of service is my love language, anything my Dom requests of me I do without hesitation without saying a word.Because serving him pleases him an I enjoying pleasing him. I earn every good girl and that’s the gratification I’m seeking. As a sub there are things I require tasks, protocols, discipline, rules and rituals. These are all essential elements to keep your sub in line, obedient and stimulated. I agree. It's about educating ourselves on the various submissive roles, not yucking someone else's yum, and recognising that acts of service aren't the only way that people display their submission to their D. Not everyone requires tasks, protocols, discipline, rules, and rituals. Despising people for alternative beliefs and behaviours really conflicts with your message. There is room for everyone in the world of BDSM without others, making them feel inferior.
Se**** Posted June 6 Posted June 6 2 hours ago, CopperKnob said: I agree. It's about educating ourselves on the various submissive roles, not yucking someone else's yum, and recognising that acts of service aren't the only way that people display their submission to their D. Not everyone requires tasks, protocols, discipline, rules, and rituals. Despising people for alternative beliefs and behaviours really conflicts with your message. There is room for everyone in the world of BDSM without others, making them feel inferior. Completely agree with this x
Th**** Posted June 6 Posted June 6 10 hours ago, MuscleMommy88 said: If you want to be a good sub I suggest taking a step back, hold off on looking for a Dom. Takes some time to educate yourself role and responsibilities as a sub. This is lifestyle you want to be a good sub understand your roles and responsibilities. Educate yourself on the role and responsibilities of the Dominate it will help navigate through the riff raff. Educate yourself about the BDSM lifestyle and different dynamics. A lot of people out here have misconceptions or miss guided. Learn more about your likes, dislikes things that feel right and wrong for you. Me personally I despise women who call themselves brat.The whole purpose of being Submissive means being obedient, passive, or accepting or giving in to authority, control, or greater strength. Brats are topping from the bottom they’re controlling the moment. Which defeats the purpose of TOTAL POWER CONTROL. Don’t get me wrong some Doms like that challenge it’s fuels the authoritarian. Do others shows the Dominant doesn’t have control over his submissive. For me it’s disrespectful the Dominants word is law an it’s my duty to serve and follow. Acts of service is my love language, anything my Dom requests of me I do without hesitation without saying a word.Because serving him pleases him an I enjoying pleasing him. I earn every good girl and that’s the gratification I’m seeking. As a sub there are things I require tasks, protocols, discipline, rules and rituals. These are all essential elements to keep your sub in line, obedient and stimulated. Hmm... idk, it seems like you still have a lot of learning to do yourself. This comment sounds very "one true way" and "pick me." I personally despise women who are compelled to put other women down with this attention seeking behavior. It's a bad look for anyone talk sh*t about their ***rs this way, regardless of gender. Being a submissive is not the equivalent of being a doormat as you've essentially described, and being a brat is not topping from the bottom. It seems at least half the time when tftb is mentioned, the person doesn't appear to know what it actually is. Same with the term or role of brat being misunderstood and misinterpreted, though this is due at least in part to people with sh*tty behavior excusing themselves by claiming to be a brat. Brats can brat *and* still be good boys, girls, and goblins. There are so many different styles of Dominance, submission and dynamics. Not every dynamic involves TPE, in actuality most don't. What each dynamic looks like will (and should) often look different from the next one, even different dynamics with one person between different partners. This is what negotiations are for, customizing dynamics to fit the individuals, or discovering that two people probably aren't going to be compatible. Because people aren't *actually* interchangeable, despite so many treating others and behaving that way. Some Doms and Subs prefer lots of rules and structure while others don't, while Dom A might think brats are too much work and exhausting Dom B might think the other's preference in subs is dull and boring. It might not be anything about being an authoritarian, it could be that they find the mischief and big personality entertaining and *gasp* FUN. Because having fun is totally allowed in kink and BDSM. Many Dominants want the silly and ridiculous shenanigans with tons of laughter and joy. Neither way is "bad." All this means is they likely wouldn't be compatible with or interested in the same partners. There's also the fact that not everyone on the left side of the slash is a Dom either but that's probably best left for a whole separate discussion.
Deleted Member Posted June 6 Posted June 6 Talk with different Doms first to find out their style. I'm new as well, and my first D said he was in the lifestyle for "years" but he was all about himself. You have to pick a style that's right for you and fits your needs. As a sub, it's not all about serving and/or giving, we should be taken care of too.
Deleted Member Posted June 6 Posted June 6 48 minutes ago, ThaliaV said: Hmm... idk, it seems like you still have a lot of learning to do yourself. This comment sounds very "one true way" and "pick me." I personally despise women who are compelled to put other women down with this attention seeking behavior. It's a bad look for anyone talk sh*t about their ***rs this way, regardless of gender. Being a submissive is not the equivalent of being a doormat as you've essentially described, and being a brat is not topping from the bottom. It seems at least half the time when tftb is mentioned, the person doesn't appear to know what it actually is. Same with the term or role of brat being misunderstood and misinterpreted, though this is due at least in part to people with sh*tty behavior excusing themselves by claiming to be a brat. Brats can brat *and* still be good boys, girls, and goblins. There are so many different styles of Dominance, submission and dynamics. Not every dynamic involves TPE, in actuality most don't. What each dynamic looks like will (and should) often look different from the next one, even different dynamics with one person between different partners. This is what negotiations are for, customizing dynamics to fit the individuals, or discovering that two people probably aren't going to be compatible. Because people aren't *actually* interchangeable, despite so many treating others and behaving that way. Some Doms and Subs prefer lots of rules and structure while others don't, while Dom A might think brats are too much work and exhausting Dom B might think the other's preference in subs is dull and boring. It might not be anything about being an authoritarian, it could be that they find the mischief and big personality entertaining and *gasp* FUN. Because having fun is totally allowed in kink and BDSM. Many Dominants want the silly and ridiculous shenanigans with tons of laughter and joy. Neither way is "bad." All this means is they likely wouldn't be compatible with or interested in the same partners. There's also the fact that not everyone on the left side of the slash is a Dom either but that's probably best left for a whole separate discussion. Thank you 🙏 I totally feel that „textbook“ BDSM mentality. I mean, it might work for many, maybe even the majority, but in the end we are all individuals and as these we do have individualized relationships, may they be BDSM or D/s or just common relationships. There is not the one correct way to do things and I wish people would recognize that and go for the benefits of it, as we can exchange ideas, fantasies and procedures with each other to learn from each other sometimes and simply appreciate variety at other times.
Th**** Posted June 6 Posted June 6 8 hours ago, NikitaTx said: Talk with different Doms first to find out their style. I'm new as well, and my first D said he was in the lifestyle for "years" but he was all about himself. You have to pick a style that's right for you and fits your needs. As a sub, it's not all about serving and/or giving, we should be taken care of too. I always strongly advise reaching out and forming friendships with ****rs* to build a support network, befriend other submissives.
Th**** Posted June 6 Posted June 6 8 hours ago, big-baby-berlin said: Thank you 🙏 I totally feel that „textbook“ BDSM mentality. I mean, it might work for many, maybe even the majority, but in the end we are all individuals and as these we do have individualized relationships, may they be BDSM or D/s or just common relationships. There is not the one correct way to do things and I wish people would recognize that and go for the benefits of it, as we can exchange ideas, fantasies and procedures with each other to learn from each other sometimes and simply appreciate variety at other times. Exactly there's no "right" or "wrong" there's only safe, unsafe, healthy, unhealthy, best practices and not best practices. (Then separately, in my totally subjective opinion, predictable and boring and interesting 😆)
Mu**** Posted June 6 Posted June 6 10 hours ago, ThaliaV said: Hmm... idk, it seems like you still have a lot of learning to do yourself. This comment sounds very "one true way" and "pick me." I personally despise women who are compelled to put other women down with this attention seeking behavior. It's a bad look for anyone talk sh*t about their ***rs this way, regardless of gender. Being a submissive is not the equivalent of being a doormat as you've essentially described, and being a brat is not topping from the bottom. It seems at least half the time when tftb is mentioned, the person doesn't appear to know what it actually is. Same with the term or role of brat being misunderstood and misinterpreted, though this is due at least in part to people with sh*tty behavior excusing themselves by claiming to be a brat. Brats can brat *and* still be good boys, girls, and goblins. There are so many different styles of Dominance, submission and dynamics. Not every dynamic involves TPE, in actuality most don't. What each dynamic looks like will (and should) often look different from the next one, even different dynamics with one person between different partners. This is what negotiations are for, customizing dynamics to fit the individuals, or discovering that two people probably aren't going to be compatible. Because people aren't *actually* interchangeable, despite so many treating others and behaving that way. Some Doms and Subs prefer lots of rules and structure while others don't, while Dom A might think brats are too much work and exhausting Dom B might think the other's preference in subs is dull and boring. It might not be anything about being an authoritarian, it could be that they find the mischief and big personality entertaining and *gasp* FUN. Because having fun is totally allowed in kink and BDSM. Many Dominants want the silly and ridiculous shenanigans with tons of laughter and joy. Neither way is "bad." All this means is they likely wouldn't be compatible with or interested in the same partners. There's also the fact that not everyone on the left side of the slash is a Dom either but that's probably best left for a whole separate discussion. I’m always willing to learn about the lifestyle I live. and I’m always willing to listen to somebody else’s different perspective on what they feel The lifestyle is to them. I would never put down my ***rs I am talking about the behavior and what submission feels to me. No, I am not a doormat. No, I will not do anything if I feel my safety is in jeopardy and I have the right to say no at any time and being the submissive I have the right to take my submission back anytime I want to. And nobody has to like my feelings and opinions again because it’s MY feelings. You can take what you need from my message or not. Not everyone shares my thoughts and feelings on “brats”. Some Doms like that chance to assert their dominance. There are some who don’t. To me this type of attention seeking behavior isn’t the way I would go about if there is something I’m not getting enough of. I don’t see how challenging authenticity being the way to go about it. Again everyone has different views about it and everyone has different dynamics. if something I’m not getting enough of, we need to sit down and talk about. If I’m getting too much of something, we need talk about it. every once in a while we come discuss how the relationship is going. Nothing is set in stone we can we can negotiate anything at anytime. Because at the end of the day, being the submissive, my responsibility is making sure I’m safe first. And if something doesn’t feel right to me, I’m allowed to say no. But again this is what it feels like for me. I’m sorry if it does not feel right for you and if you feel I was doing certain things, but I’m not apologizing for what I said.
Th**** Posted June 7 Posted June 7 2 hours ago, MuscleMommy88 said: I would never put down my ***rs Yet most of what you've said is doing exactly that.
Mu**** Posted June 7 Posted June 7 40 minutes ago, ThaliaV said: Yet most of what you've said is doing exactly that. You don’t have to my opinion everyone is entitled to their opinion. You don’t like mine fin by all means you don’t have to listen to it you have a good life 👋🏾
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