Eye Contact 101

[Phoenyx]

This is a subject that, perhaps, many still find scary and mysterious.  This is my attempt to hopefully alleviate some of that mystery.  Yes, the magician is about to reveal some of his secrets.  Or, I may appear to be stating the obvious (forgive me, if that is true).  Token disclaimer: As always, the views expressed here are those of His Lordship (me) and do not necessarily reflect those of the fetish community at large.  In fact, I encourage liberal use of the "Reply" button, even if those opinions are dissenting.  Hey, I'm big enough to take it.  This is a deep topic, that definitely needs more discussion.

From my experience, I have found eye communication at fetish events, to fall into basically 3 categories.  This has appeared true, from the smallest play party in a friend's garage, to the biggest A-List gathering at the prestigious downtown dungeon space.  Here, I will describe it from the perspective of a Dom.  For a sub, merely revers the roles.

A dominant will have a powerful gaze.  It may appear to look right through a person, down into their very soul.  Or, it could make someone feel like a bug under a microscope.  It can be very uncomfortable.  The natural reaction is to look away.

In the first case, the other person will bow their head, and look downward.  This is usually an indication that they are willing to discuss submission.  Really, this is no secret.  The self-help book "Social Phobias" devotes the entire first chapter to this topic.  According to the book, this is an instinctive reaction, common to all social species---wolves, deer, lions, birds, and yes, humans.  It is an acknowledgement of The Alpha.

In the second case of eye contact at fetish events, the other person will look away, by turning their head to the side.  When this happens, not interested!  One may even sense a sneer of contempt in their body language.  Such a gesture may seem insulting and totally unnecessary.  But remember, these are instinctive reactions, which occur in the fraction of a second before the conscious mind shifts into gear.

The third alternative, however, is a beast far different than the first two.  It is the moment when two dominants suddenly lock gaze.  At large events, many have often stood and watched this process in awe.  "The Overlords are communing with one another".  An entire conversation is being carried-on, with ne'er a word being spoken.  They appear to have a secret language all their own---one not privy to mere mortals.

Having been a frequent participant in such exchanges, I have developed my own facetious mental image of the process.  To me, it has seemed more like a scene from the original "Terminator" movie.  Upon locking gaze, a digital display suddenly appears behind my eyes, with the words, "Incoming Message..."  Below that, there is a multiple-choice list, under the heading: "Possible Responses".  I make my selection.  My countenance now makes the necessary changes, as the digital display flashes, "Sending...".  And, the conversation continues.

Here is an example of one of my dom-to-dom eye-contact conversations.  It is an exchange that I can recall having far too many times:

THEM:  "I have no patience for people who waste my time!"

ME:  "I have no patience for attitudes!"

Well, I hope that this has proved to be informative.  Again, I encourage those with other views to chime-in.  There are people who believe: "Those in this world who think they know everything, are very annoying to those of us that do!".  I sincerely hope that y'all don't feel that I'm one of those folks.  I take no offense at having my mistakes corrected.  Hey, how else could I have learned all of the things that I have?

[Deleted Member]

Insightful, thought-provoking and once again, very informative. Thank you for sharing your perspectives. Don’t apologise for your writings and comments on this platform, Phoenix. In my opinion, you’ve already written and posted enough amazing and interesting stuff on here to be elevated to a “Demi-God of All Things Kink” status! Do carry on... I know I echo the opinion of many when I say that your contributions make great reading. Thanks for taking the time to write your tomes. 

[Ro****]

I believe the eyes are the windows to the soul..when one sheds tears, the tears clean the windows to see more clearly, I always give eye contact.

[Deleted Member]

Eye contact is good. Even if it's from her I'm to a camera or into a mirror. The mirror is a good choice

[Do****]

Beautifully written.
I'm an s-type and like to gaze back for a while, allowing my subconscious mind to do an in-depth search, before I settle on the vibe. I like to do this, subtly suggesting that I see us as equals before any role is given.
Not everyone understands this game I play, so, to them, I look down and away before looking back up at them to gather more information through conversation.
It's rare to find someone who understands and gives me some cue that says "I see you" while I hold the gaze as long as my timidness allows.

[Deleted Member]

Eyes tell a story, a language of their own. 
Eye contact is everything between Dom and sub 

[Ba****]

You are right about it being part of all of our natures. I have lived with animsls all my life and believe me when I say the right form of eye contact is important. It's how the wild coyotes never bothered me when hiking near their den and pack.