Realtime friendship...

[Wo****]

They're not "bad boys" they're idiots.

It's particularly easy to become a persona online. We don't always know what's behind that. Some people that are considered "bad" aren't, they're lost, or hurt, or angry...

I've met and been involved with bad boys and some it was just their armour.

 

Besides you nice men need the bad boys so we can see how wonderful you really are 😊

[qu****]

😁 lol, true but there a lot of new female subs who may be unaware of the difference between a Dom and , well someone who's little more than a bully

[Phoenyx]

Well, it's lookin' like this thread is fixin' to spin-off on a tangent.  Actually, I had a thought along the line of Quietly Sure's original question.  Often, the best way to get noticed and remembered, is to notice them.  I don't mean showering a lot of stock compliments.  That is just too obvious.  Really, it seems to be the little things, in small quantities, that have the greatest effect.

For example, say your meeting one of your lady friends after work.  The standard reaction is to ask, "How was your day?"  But, the answer is already right there, in her facial expression.  Or, it may have been apparent in her body language, as she approached.  Perhaps you notice an air of fatigue.  Ask, "Long day?"  Or, maybe she seems tense, with just a hint or anger or frustration.  "Rough one today?"  But then, she could arrive with confidence in her strut, and a bit of a smile spreading across her face.  Sometimes, a bit of humor can add to the effectiveness of your observation.  "You look like the canary that just ate the cat."  Or, it might be some subtle change, like a slightly different hairstyle, or new colored contact lenses.  Ladies, this works with men, as well

But, use such observations sparingly.  One or two per meeting should be more than enough.  Beyond that, it could seem like nosiness, creepiness, or even stalking.

I can recall an example from my own experience.  A couple years back, we had a particularly cold, dry, and windy Winter.  My hair got so dry and brittle, that I had to chop 3 or 4 inches off my ends.  It was no big deal,  In fact, it had all grown back by the following Summer.  This then, set the stage for the point that I'm about to make.

That next Summer, I was at the supermarket checkout, when the lady behind the register observed, "Oh, I see that your hair grew back!"  This immediately grabbed my attention.  A pleasant conversation ensued.  Of course, this really wasn't going to go anywhere, as she was in here early 20's, and I was...well...damn near old enough to be her grandfather.  Still, it was a welcome moment.  I eventually left the store with a big smile on my face.  I had been noticed!  Needless to say, I remembered that cashier, after that.

[qu****]

I see it more as an organic transition from the original post title, discussion should be able to move fluidly to another strain of topic

[ca****]

8 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

I see it more as an organic transition from the original post title, discussion should be able to move fluidly to another strain of topic

Best way... how else do we move on...cover new ground....   even if we might be going over old ground   (it will be new for some)

[qu****]

Exactly and at least here it's with people who want to contribute, unlike in chatrooms where you can easily get "lost" 

[ey****]

9 hours ago, quietlysure said:

😁 lol, true but there a lot of new female subs who may be unaware of the difference between a Dom and , well someone who's little more than a bully

there are

and that's why it's important to keep positive information in circulation.  this is why communities that speak out about bad behaviour are good.  for everyone - because anyone can be a victim of a bully Dom(me) or toxic sub or so forth 

[Vandalslut]

On 12/2/2019 at 6:38 AM, phoenyx said:

There is one thing that may not have been mentioned.  It's the fact that "nice guys" tend to be polite, respectful, and considerate of other people's space.  For that reason, they often go unnoticed.  They just blend into the background.  "Bad boys", however, tend to constantly flirt, hit on women, and get in everyone's faces.  They simply don't care.  In a sense, they cut in line in front of everyone else.

Too true, Phoenyx.  The bad boys are conspicuous.  They are brash, and they do get in everyone's faces. They are charming and entertaining - temporarily. And I'll give 'em one thing - they do have  good chat-up lines, other than the weary, 'Is that a ladder in your stockings or a Stairway to Heaven?' <GROAN>  But that's about it. Their lines are just a bit too slick and glib through over-use and when charmingly delivered, my first reaction is, "Yeah, you've used THAT one a few times, haven't you?" Sociologically speaking, observations from a quiet corner of the local pub on any given Fri'dee night reveal that: 1. Occasionally, you might see a good bloke with a bad boy.  This kind of mate-ship doesn't last long, generally, because inevitably the bad boy will swipe the good bloke's girl after the poor bastard's put considerable time, effort and Chardonnay into a likely lady, then when challenged with his perfidy, Bad Boy will excuse himself with, "C'mon mate, I did you a favour! She was anyone's! You want something better than that, don't you?"  (Which says a lot about Bad Boy, and none of it is pleasant or complimentary...)2. Sooner rather than later, Bad Boy is going to get the living s**t kicked out of him in the car park one dark night by blokes who loathe him simply because he's an obnoxious dickhead.  And the good guy isn't up for protecting his so-called mate who's been behaving like a complete and utter entitled f***wit all night.  Even in Australia, mate-ship has a limit. The bad boys generally do wind up alone, having misused their cash and damaged their looks, wondering where the hell did everyone go. 

As for the bad girls - Margaret Mitchell, in Gone With The Wind,  gave the following line to the character of Stuart Tarleton: "Give me a good girl to court and a bad girl to have fun with." The story's set in 1861, the line was written sometime between 1928 and 1936 and NOTHING has changed.  A 'bad boy's'  shagadelic career is looked on indulgently; a bad girl is still the town bike - everyone's had a ride.

Personally, I've always noticed the quiet blokes - they stand out.  The Vandal was a little bit bad, a tad dangerous and charismatic, having been a member of an outlaw gang - but he was also quiet.  And that always makes me curious. ( I told him that once and the bastard grinned and said, "Yeah. I know. That's why I'm quiet. It gets the sheilas." ) As for our local bad girl, who was an alleged friend of mine at the time and engaged for the fifth (possibly sixth?) time to a friend of the Vandal's...She tried to chat up the Vandal behind my back - or in his words, 'she came on like a ***y steam train'.  She succeeded - in earning his undying contempt. And he was not the only man in a marriage/de facto relationship she angled for in this locale. The above observations apply to the female of the species - good girls don't stay around the bad 'uns too long - unless they're masochists who like having their boyfriends swiped by these vampiric bitches or who accept the bad girl tag on the premise that 'birds of a feather flock together.'  One male friend said to me of the local bad girl: "Yeah, I know I'd get a bit - but where the hell's she been?" And promptly set about courting and winning a good lady.  H'mmmm - we're all referring to 'good guys' and 'good blokes' - and 'bad boys' - which certainly suggests that our psyche says that the good 'uns are adults and the bad 'uns are immature boys.  And always will be.

[Vandalslut]

18 hours ago, quietlysure said:

Well the only "bad girls" I've known have become that way through circumstance, not as a part of their personality, underneath they were still "nice girls", compared with "bad boys" who to me are just hard wired that way, as I say that's only what I've found

Our local bad girl used the same excuse for everything: "I sleep with loads of different blokes because my mother died when I was three... I drink a lot because my mother died when I was three...I can't stay in a relationship....I can't keep a job...I take ***...I try and break up marriages.... "   She lived on it. (She's now 55 - and according to a few locals who've spotted her on Fakebook - she is still living on it...)  As someone in the locality dryly pointed out, "She ain't Robinson Crusoe!".  This is someone who doesn't want to take responsibility for their life and has this on hand because she thinks it's a good excuse that everyone will accept for all her 'bad girl' behaviour.  She could write 'A Guide To Counsellors and Therapists, Sydney and Surrounding Areas ' and include star ratings with every entry.  No-one could help her because being the victim was just too useful and in her mind, allowed her to do just as she pleased.  Whereas if she just said, "Hey, I like variety," no-one would've minded. It was the same tired old excuse that got everyone down with its stuck-record repetition. It really went into overdrive when a local couple lost their first baby to cot death.  This was apparently posted in a SIDS forum - and guess who got in there and replied to this grieving couple with 'Oh, I know just how you feel, my mother died when I was three..."  Not long after that, she left town.  Thankfully.  The other stock phrase that used to come out  at the start of every new romance was, "He's my soulmate..." uttered in dreamy tones. People started running for cover - there was a new romance every six months. You could set your watch by them..

Edited December 3, 2019 by Vandalslut
Omited relevancy

[qu****]

 The funny thing is one dear friend who had been married to someone who mentally ***d her and then to a physical/mental ***r and a bigamist, anyways after a lifetime of it found herself free, and decided to play men in revenge of it, she always asked what I thought of the latest "bad boy", well the only one I actually liked and trusted was a " real bad boy", the type everyone aid avoid at all costs, weird how things happen

[Vandalslut]

13 hours ago, quietlysure said:

 The funny thing is one dear friend who had been married to someone who mentally ***d her and then to a physical/mental ***r and a bigamist, anyways after a lifetime of it found herself free, and decided to play men in revenge of it, she always asked what I thought of the latest "bad boy", well the only one I actually liked and trusted was a " real bad boy", the type everyone aid avoid at all costs, weird how things happen

True, and there's cases like that.  I can understand your friend's reaction, even though it's not a solution. I hope she's doing well now.

[qu****]

Yeah, she's ok, we only get in touch now and then but she's ok

[Vandalslut]

4 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

Yeah, she's ok, we only get in touch now and then but she's ok