Deleted Member Posted June 9 Posted June 9 I’ve spent a lot of time recently thinking about what things are essential to discuss during negotiations with a potential Dom (though of course this works both ways). What is your “prime directive”, or one overriding rule that trumps them all? One non negotiable absolute deal breaker? Mine is poor communication and not following through on your word. Interested in what comes up here….
An**** Posted June 10 Posted June 10 Word is bond. What is there without trust? Communication is a requirement not something that can or should be optional. Personally the deal breakers for me all fall under communication.
Th**** Posted June 10 Posted June 10 8 minutes ago, Angelbaby865 said: Word is bond. What is there without trust? Communication is a requirement not something that can or should be optional. Personally the deal breakers for me all fall under communication. I'm not a submissive, but same here. All my biggest deal breakers fall under communication. Dishonesty, including by omission is an absolute no. I'm pretty adaptable and can work with quite a lot as long as I know in advance. So many times I've been in the getting to know each other stage with someone who seemed like we'd be compatible only for things to come to an abrupt end when I sussed out a lie. The truly maddening part is, with almost every one, the thing they were trying to hide would have either been a total non issue or was actually something I would have been into.
An**** Posted June 10 Posted June 10 45 minutes ago, ThaliaV said: I'm not a submissive, but same here. All my biggest deal breakers fall under communication. Dishonesty, including by omission is an absolute no. I'm pretty adaptable and can work with quite a lot as long as I know in advance. So many times I've been in the getting to know each other stage with someone who seemed like we'd be compatible only for things to come to an abrupt end when I sussed out a lie. The truly maddening part is, with almost every one, the thing they were trying to hide would have either been a total non issue or was actually something I would have been into. I relate to exactly this right here. I’m happy for red flags before I get too invested. As much as I cannot tolerate a lie I’m actually happy it happens in the early stages. Wasting time and energy is not for me. I dont know how else to stress the importance of communication. I just wish people could be honest with themselves and others.
Th**** Posted June 10 Posted June 10 2 hours ago, Angelbaby865 said: I relate to exactly this right here. I’m happy for red flags before I get too invested. As much as I cannot tolerate a lie I’m actually happy it happens in the early stages. Wasting time and energy is not for me. I dont know how else to stress the importance of communication. I just wish people could be honest with themselves and others. Oh I totally agree, definitely glad when it shows up early.
Cheekysub247 Posted June 10 Posted June 10 I'm not one to hold back on my hard limits ect but there are some Dom types that will tell subs they Aren't subs because they have limits, so maybe a few subs hold back their feelings/limits because they have encountered this before x x
An**** Posted June 10 Posted June 10 3 minutes ago, Cheekysub247 said: I'm not one to hold back on my hard limits ect but there are some Dom types that will tell subs they Aren't subs because they have limits, so maybe a few subs hold back their feelings/limits because they have encountered this before x x Anyone who does not respect hard limits/deal breakers would have access permanently denied without question… instantly.
Cheekysub247 Posted June 10 Posted June 10 It's a shame this happens, having limits doesn't make someone 'not sub', it just makes people incompatible and that needs to be drummed into people. Communication is key, it would be my deal breaker if someone wouldn't listen to me or would not say their own feelings 46 minutes ago, Angelbaby865 said: Anyone who does not respect hard limits/deal breakers would have access permanently denied without question… instantly.
ey**** Posted June 10 Posted June 10 to pick one that any arrangement doesn't negatively impact my wife and my relationship with them : everything I do is done with their knowledge (even if it's "hey, so I'm seeing --- blah --- this weekend") but that my wife is my wife I guess to go to a second and one that might be more applicable for more people not as much for some of the ad hoc play, but if something was to become a dynamic or relationship : I am adding you into my life, I can and will commit time, but I'm not taking from my life - I'm not removing the things I find fun that I enjoy when you're not around.
Deleted Member Posted June 10 Author Posted June 10 It seems to me that a great many people don’t know how to communicate properly and it’s passed down from generation to generation often too. To me it is a trust thing but also a respect thing. If a Dom won’t open up or communicate properly I’m not important to him. I feel it filters into many other areas then… if he won’t communicate then is his aftercare up to scratch? Since communication can be considered a form of aftercare in some circumstances. If you have communication problems is he going to listen to and respect my limits? In the beginning there was the word.
ey**** Posted June 10 Posted June 10 communication is massive sometimes I feel there's folk who are sometimes a little scared to communicate because they *** the other person won't like it - and sometimes that can involve withholding something they want to do - or - going along with someone else because they don't feel they can say no like; we have to be ok with the other person not liking something
Deleted Member Posted June 10 Author Posted June 10 Lies/ communication is pritty much what kills any relationship. Make them mad with the whole truth as atleast this will show your openly being honest with each other and showing the respect they deserve so most people will try to work it out (depends on what it was ofcource) But lie and try to hide it shows you don't respect the partner or your dynamic which will always make them second guess or mistrust every single thing about you... Even the smallest thing will sow the huge seed of doubt and mistrust... Take the correct path of honesty it will always be the best choice!
Deleted Member Posted June 10 Author Posted June 10 1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said: communication is massive sometimes I feel there's folk who are sometimes a little scared to communicate because they *** the other person won't like it - and sometimes that can involve withholding something they want to do - or - going along with someone else because they don't feel they can say no like; we have to be ok with the other person not liking something This!!! I’ve just had this experience with someone who literally couldn’t open up and was ***ful of backlash- I assume due to previous trauma (never got to the bottom of it). There’s also a prevance of ‘TikTok therapists’ who consume social media and think they understand psychology and throw around words like gaslighting, toxic, narcissist etc when they aren’t justified- that can be just as damaging as being on the other end I should think.
Deleted Member Posted June 10 Author Posted June 10 14 minutes ago, Wolfmandave83 said: Lies/ communication is pritty much what kills any relationship. Make them mad with the whole truth as atleast this will show your openly being honest with each other and showing the respect they deserve so most people will try to work it out (depends on what it was ofcource) But lie and try to hide it shows you don't respect the partner or your dynamic which will always make them second guess or mistrust every single thing about you... Even the smallest thing will sow the huge seed of doubt and mistrust... Take the correct path of honesty it will always be the best choice! I couldn’t agree more, the truth, always (with an understanding that truth is not absolute because my perception of truth is probably different from yours) i would rather be fully and openly myself and work through friction because of that than hide away parts of myself. That’s not fair on anyone.
Deleted Member Posted June 10 Author Posted June 10 6 minutes ago, centralpark said: I couldn’t agree more, the truth, always (with an understanding that truth is not absolute because my perception of truth is probably different from yours) i would rather be fully and openly myself and work through friction because of that than hide away parts of myself. That’s not fair on anyone. Nope it's still the same perspective Learning to be truly ourselves no matter what is the hardest thing for alot of people it seems but I found my life was so much easier. Once I learned to stop trying to please people (that don't matter) and just be myself no matter what they say I got alot happier with life ingeneral sure certain parts are only for partner to see prime example: I am a cuddly person most of the time it's nothing more than i like the fact i can cheer someone else up by sharing body heat and the feeling of comfort it gives. I used to care about people calling me names or implying I am just trying to be sexual yadda yadda .. 1 i never ***d a hug on no one people just get mad i gave better hugs 2 someone asks for a hug cos there feeing down is a sign they trust me to comfortable help them let go of the feeling (we all need this sometimes) Never let others dictate who you are as a person that is for you to work out and decide <3 Be truly yourself, Speak only truths, Be openly hhonest about everything and you will find life suddenly starts going smoothly... If you live like this it's alot easier to spot people who truly like you and can be good for you in the long run ((well if everyone did it atleast))
Th**** Posted June 12 Posted June 12 On 6/10/2024 at 12:58 AM, Cheekysub247 said: I'm not one to hold back on my hard limits ect but there are some Dom types that will tell subs they Aren't subs because they have limits, so maybe a few subs hold back their feelings/limits because they have encountered this before x x As. D type myself I'd tell anyone to *run* not walk away from anyone like that. I personally don't mess with anyone who says they have "no limits" to me it shows they're not safe because they're either reckless or completely uninformed.
Fr**** Posted June 21 Posted June 21 Mine is, if it hurts in a bad way, get the fuck out of that situation
VoodooQueen_ Posted June 22 Posted June 22 June 12, ThaliaV said: As. D type myself I'd tell anyone to *run* not walk away from anyone like that. I personally don't mess with anyone who says they have "no limits" to me it shows they're not safe because they're either reckless or completely uninformed. I fully agree with this
Re**** Posted July 3 Posted July 3 I draw the line when my Master wants to staple my clit- I tried to run when he stapled my tits but it was very hard when you are tied up and bound! My Master is sadistic and I don’t want to drink his ***! I’m not into that but he is and have been avoiding seeing him as much as I can but I will end up being punished again!
my**** Posted July 3 Posted July 3 Non negotiable for me is anal. I enjoy giving it. The taboo of it, the tightness. I had a relationship where for 6 years it was off limits unless she was drunk, and then she would pull away when I tried to lube her - she’d ask for it but it was Lucy and the football. Never again. If I see anal as a limit I’m moving on.
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