How would you stop sub frenzy

[su****]

If you could tell a potential sub was getting impatient and having sub frenzy. How do you as a Dom calm them without taking advantage?

[MasterKama23]

Different techniques based on the type of frenzy, few things that i have personly seen be helpful are breathing exercises (long deep breaths), writing down the causes and thoughts going through subs head at that very moment, having sub draw and/ or ***t or craft or do some chores like vacuum, and in case dom and sub are close then a warm oil massage session ( genuine massage) ALWAYS seem to do the trick. Curious to see what others suggest has worked!

[Sa****]

What has worked for me is when I’m to breathe, relax, and I’m reassured

[Mi****]

*disclaimer, these are only my opinions and own experience*
I had this with someone I was getting to know via messaging. From the start he had sub frenzy. I told him what I expected from him ie good etiquette and a calm demeanour.
I gave him several chances before I had to block him as he just wouldn’t listen.
So it all depends on what stage in the dynamic you are talking about.
Starting off getting to know someone or if it’s happening in an established dynamic.

[su****]

1 hour ago, PervyPenelope said:

*disclaimer, these are only my opinions and own experience*
I had this with someone I was getting to know via messaging. From the start he had sub frenzy. I told him what I expected from him ie good etiquette and a calm demeanour.
I gave him several chances before I had to block him as he just wouldn’t listen.
So it all depends on what stage in the dynamic you are talking about.
Starting off getting to know someone or if it’s happening in an established dynamic.

Thank you. Can sub frenzy still happen in an established dynamic? I thought it was all the new stuff and rushing. I am however extremely new to the lifestyle and mid research. I'd rather be informed ready to batt the wannabes out my inbox.

[su****]

2 hours ago, MasterKama23 said:

Different techniques based on the type of frenzy, few things that i have personly seen be helpful are breathing exercises (long deep breaths), writing down the causes and thoughts going through subs head at that very moment, having sub draw and/ or ***t or craft or do some chores like vacuum, and in case dom and sub are close then a warm oil massage session ( genuine massage) ALWAYS seem to do the trick. Curious to see what others suggest has worked!

Thank you. So all very mindfulness tasks really. That's good to know.

[MasterKama23]

Yes, definately. And it has to be intentional by the dom, with reassurance and affirmation for the sub , almost overdoing if needed because it may sound weird and a hard concept to grasp by many (including 'doms'), but a dom also exists to serve the sub, its mutual support brining out the best of eachs strengths. Hope it helps and good luck exploring.

[Mi****]

9 hours ago, sublooking4dom4 said:

Thank you. Can sub frenzy still happen in an established dynamic? I thought it was all the new stuff and rushing. I am however extremely new to the lifestyle and mid research. I'd rather be informed ready to batt the wannabes out my inbox.

What do you mean by sub frenzy? Are you talking about “doms” being pushy??

[su****]

8 minutes ago, PervyPenelope said:

What do you mean by sub frenzy? Are you talking about “doms” being pushy??

I've heard about how the sub can become very giddy and wants to do everything and anything with no thought to their limits. Thanks for replying again. I'm learning all I can before I step in as I do not want to have crap mental health from someone who isn't the real deal

[Mi****]

9 minutes ago, sublooking4dom4 said:

I've heard about how the sub can become very giddy and wants to do everything and anything with no thought to their limits. Thanks for replying again. I'm learning all I can before I step in as I do not want to have crap mental health from someone who isn't the real deal

No problem! It’s good that you’re doing research so as not to get caught up with someone that’ll take advantage of you.

[D0****]

Subfrenzy can be a bitch it’s like rose colored glasses when your getting into a bad relationship you don’t want to see the red flags. The fact that you’re asking questions is a great first step. I highly recommend in your local community going to munches attending classes and play parties yes it takes a while to get going but it will give you access to people who have a good idea of what they are doing and a better standpoint of understanding

[Ri****]

In a lot of cases, I've always taken things slow when it comes to newer subs. If I notice the signs, then I make sure to temper expectations and explain that we are doing one thing at a time. Pushing boundaries comes later, and it's best to learn what is liked before jumping in the deep end to things they are definitely not ready for. To sum it up? Talking them through it and explaining we'll get to it but making certain they understand that we're doing things at a pace both of us are comfortable with.

[D0****]

It might take some of the “fun” of the moment out of it but it’s like do you put a new driver figuring out gas from break pedal in a drag race

[su****]

4 minutes ago, D00mkitty said:

It might take some of the “fun” of the moment out of it but it’s like do you put a new driver figuring out gas from break pedal in a drag race

Thank you. I'd rather take things slow and make sure im safe. I've wanted something more for a while but thought i was just a bit feral

[D0****]

2 hours ago, sublooking4dom4 said:

Thank you. I'd rather take things slow and make sure im safe. I've wanted something more for a while but thought i was just a bit feral

No not feral the craving for the real rawness of it all and subspace is almost like a drug. It’s the only time my mind is truly free. But learn from my mistakes vet vet vet vet and vet some more before possibly planing with someone unsafe I have the mental and physical scars to prove that sub frenzy can hurt.

[ey****]

22 hours ago, sublooking4dom4 said:

Thank you. Can sub frenzy still happen in an established dynamic?

yes

sub frenzy can happen at almost any time

for example - I dunno - you're with a long term sub and you go to a demo, workshop, kink event, whatever - and there's something there that makes the brain go 'ooh' it can be like "oh, me wanna try-ee" or thinking up all sorts of scenarios to go with it

 

[Deleted Member]

Communication and honesty, talking helps massively

[Submissy]

I get this a lot and glad I read this !! :)

[Du****]

Hello

[su****]

I've recently experienced this and I didn't recognise it. Things were moving so fast I felt giddy. Glad had some people watching out for me

[Deleted Member]

Ok so I gave this some thought; To manage a sub experiencing sub frenzy without taking advantage… you need empathy, clear boundaries, and communication.
explicitly setting boundaries and expectations up front to manage excitement and establish a safe pace.
Encourage open dialogue about feelings and experiences to help them process their emotions.
Gradually slow down the pace when you sense the mania to prevent overwhelming them. Communicate importance of pacing, and awareness of their impulses.
reassurance and support, validating their feelings and guiding them towards a more measured approach.
And aftercare, for as long as necessary until they feel grounded and safe, emphasizing the importance of thier emotional and physical well-being in your dynamic.

[Openminded-1765]

Wow. I would bet that this sounds so familiar and AND I know of you and massage is best when knotty. Careful of releasing toxins

[In****]

It’s important to get ahead of sub frenzy and expect it. I designed my protocol around sub frenzy and drop. You can increase the frequency of sessions, heavy bruising or impact can help , cathartic flogging , chores , ramp up tasks they need to accomplish, start taking more control . They ,in my experience should keep their minds on you and feel that they’re protected body , mind emotions. Also I like for them to have a support system in place if possible. Have them clean , exercise , wear a lush all day and make them get off 5 times. I think sub frenzy is where they’ll do anything , enter unsafe dynamics . Get injured before they safe word because the top doesn’t know enough yet about them to call safe for them. So I suggest taking sub frenzy , sub drop and negative psychological issues seriously from the get go. I do journal entries , clothing tasks , food prep , shopping , just do something special for them . Of course it depends on the dynamic. I like BDSM checklists and you should have plenty of soft limits to choose from for *** puzzles. Have them start making it through a soft limit. Take bathroom control, by the end of a month long bathroom control exercise if it was a soft limit , I’d bet they’d feel like it was punishment making them stop . One of my favorite things about D/s is observing real time the subs working *** puzzles and turning from hated to cherished. I’ve seen it happen a few times and each time I was very much in awe of the power to please . Sure 8 months old but this is an important topic and not many real solutions. You could have one come in with frenzy , it could take her a month to start communicating the things you need to hear from her so it’s all in your protocol and keeping their mind focused on you and your dynamic . Keep them busy and hell fuck them until they don’t want anymore , then double that until they can’t anymore , ice baths , vacuum bag total sensory deprivation training , lots of ways it’s whatever you like the byproduct should be a highly orgasmed out submissive who needs to rest and sleep by a certain time because she needs to wake an hour before you and run , get breakfast going and kneeling by the bed when your alarm clock goes off which is her mouth around your cock . Have fun with it . Bruises heavy bruising, take the tears as the starting point , if you haven’t seen a sub masochist take a real impact session I suggest you find one , they can take more than you believe and the real deal isn’t satisfied until you are pushing them further. They need to feel like they’re progressing , proud of the work they’re doing. Push them
Through a few soft limits where they’re doing it for you and only for you because they’d never agree under a different circumstance. Keep the protocol flexible though , you cannot waiver on discipline but you don’t want it so strict that you’re constantly giving real punishment , there’s a fine line but if you have regular bynamic assessments to look at what’s working and not working you’d just need to maintain protocol until the next contract review. That’s the number one thing that gets underestimated in my opinion setting rules , maintaining those rules and making sure they’re doing them hat they’re intended to do , make her feel safe , protected and cared for on all fronts. Psychologically is the most important in my opinion but that’s only my experience I’m sure others have their own experience. Protocol , Aftercare - Discipline , if these aren’t all needed then I’m probably just running some kink with varying degrees of protocol. I personally think it’s the responsibility of the community to keep an eye out for subs in frenzy and at least put a guardian top with them to help stabilize , check their vetting and negotiation skills. Run through the process of getting A D type or top so they can go in educated instead of frenzied out to dangerous “_D-types” who either don’t understand , don’t care and get themselves in serious trouble often times from a psychological place and causing extensive long term issues most aren’t capable of helping with it really seems like very few people take into consideration the powerful effects BDSM can have on people. The negatives are incredible sure you’re a badass sadist and you’ve ruined her on all fronts then you mindfuck and sever the dynamic with no further communication nor concern for
Her well being . You want to see her suffer and get with the next top she meets and agree to anything just to see bounce down the hallway getting every part of her used , made to feel worthless and she loves it or it doesn’t matter does it. Now was this girl made that way , I think so , why not build her into something positive ? If the desire is to ruin and turned into nothing why not get one that’s already in it , she needs it but the fresh ones could be made something different and positive but take just as much suffering. That’s just my vanilla side I suppose but I kid you not , it’s possible to hurt them more from a positive point of view with the goal to build into something very special. How about taking one and turning into the wife of your dreams and sending her out to the kink community prepared to be a wife only dreamed of ? What about instead of another slave you produce a one partner super submissive ready to be the wife
Every one dreams of? I don’t understand why it needs to be darkness for everyone. Sure I love gang bang girls but what about making a one partner only sub that’s never been touched to fulfill the desires of many, the perfect trained submissive virgin

[Th****]

I always disengage and give them links about the dangers of sub frenzy and that it's never a good idea to agree to anything