Is it right for mistresses to ask for tribute?

[Deleted Member]

Great point..!...cassie

[Deleted Member]

Really good point..Cassie

[Carriereeve]

I'm a switch, me as a Mistress would never ask for a tribute, it's disgusting, the BDSM world is about commitment not about getting lots of ***, if they want that go join a sex agency not here.

[Drewxs]

On 11/10/2017 at 8:46 AM, submissiveforwomen said:

I'm really not sure about this but I need to ask what your thoughts are.

Do you think mistresses should ask for tribute, do you think it's right that they do this? Or do you, like me, think is totally wrong and should not be in the BDSM community? I really need to know because I had a really big argument with a mistress, and I need people's opinion on this. I don't believe this belongs in the BDSM community!

Please let me know what you think, I don't know if I'm right or if I'm wrong.

 

On 20/10/2017 at 7:03 PM, maleswitchTiger said:

Would you send *** to a Stranger you never meet before 

 

On 20/10/2017 at 7:08 PM, maleswitchTiger said:

Would you send *** to a Stranger you never meet before  cose there no law saying a sub can ask a Mistress for *** and if sex invloved in send *** that called Prostitution

I wouldn't,  I fight off scammers on bdsm sites all the time.

But I'd be happy to pay petrol to travel *** once they arrive as that's fair.

[Deleted Member]

it really depends of your dynamic and what you decided when you start your relationshipwith your Mistress.

did you establish from the start there will be no *** involved in your rl?

did you talk about from the start what you will and will not do?

did you write and sign a symbolic contract stating the base of your rl?

its all about a real comms between the two party that will avoiding any issues like yours in the future. You should not come to the point of argument with your Mistress, it suppose to be a good experience not a bitter one.

[Deleted Member]

You get the D/s relationship you negotiate. 

Both Dominants and submissives have different needs and wants from a D/s interaction - whether it’s a once off scene or a forever after relationship. 

No.1 is understanding what for yourself is an absolute need (non negotiable must have) and what are flexible wants (great to have but not a show stopper if it doesn’t happen). 

No.2 is to talk with and get to know as many people in the lifestyle as you can. Discuss different ideas, theories, topics and find people who have similar ideas to yourself who are also looking for something similar to what you’re after.

You will always find people who have totally different views to you - that doesn’t mean they are ‘fake’ but it does mean they are not a good match for you. We are all adults and the word ‘NO’ is within the control of all of us. Now add the controversy over people asking for $$ and people often get very upset. I have been asked to be a FinDomme by two paypigs over the years. I said no to both. I have also been approached by male subs offering *** not because they are pay pigs - but because they thought they could buy my services no I’m not a Pro Domme. My sub does not pay me, and no I don’t ask for tributes from him. The pleasure I get from our dynamic is in watching him develop and evolve. I love pushing his soft limits and twisting his mind up like a pretzel 😈 To me - if I was to do this for *** - that would both cheapen the experience and twist it so really I’d be a Service Top not a Domme. Not what I want at all. My sub is mine - I own him. Why should my own property pay me? 

So for the people out there unhappy with the potential partners out in cyber land asking for ***, start by having it clear in your profiles that you will not pay for a relationship. If they ask - say no and move on. Treat it like they have totally incompatible kinks to you. 

Understand exactly what you’re after and remember - you get the relationship you negotiate. 

[Deleted Member]

Really well put....I hope to meet someone like you with your way of thinking.!....*** is not a guarantee of long term fulfilment..!...a mutual love of what you both love is..!...After all ...it takes two to make any relationship work...and any form of payment sounds and comes across as to business like..!...I know a very well respected Dom...whose only concern is to make as much *** as possible from inflicting *** and suffering from those who are willing to be subjected to her will.

[ca****]

I have created my own way of dealing with any '*** requesters' - i simply suggest or ask if they'd be OK for me to create some shots of them (i am a photographer - honestly) and on the whole they think that is a fine idea - i then inform them of my rates - which bizarrely tend to slightly outweigh  their request.    PS this is all in jest and a sense of justice and equality (before i have a bunch of mods on my case).

Also most can be seen a mile off (but not all!)
 

[ey****]

if you are dating someone - would you take them on a date and pay? would you buy them a gift to say you like them?

zero difference.

except you probably spend more on failed dates where you don't get what you want.

[Deleted Member]

In my own personal opinion I would feel very awkward asking my submissive for tribute, monies, whatever you want to call it. Now if it's strictly a gift given by my sub then that's a different story. I'm there to take care of my submissive and make sure he is taken care of mentally, physically, and emotionally. Not worry about how much *** he has. Dommes that are asking for *** are just in it to make a dollar just as a pornstar is. It puts a bad taste in your mouth but it's out there and you shouldn't judge everyone else by those standards.

[ey****]

I don't think I'd read this thread fully.  (though there's about 4 anti-finance threads on the go at once.)   

So, here's some thoughts and bits.

- Users with a financial interest on this site need a € on their profile.  If you are talking to someone marked as such then chances are they're touting for one thing or another so don't be surprised if *** comes up

- However, if of course you're chatting with someone and they do start offering something or other for sale : you can politely tell them they need to change to a Professional account.  And if they then get arsey or there's grounds to believe it was a scam : the mods/admin on this website are pretty efficient and prompt

- I can kinda appreciate it's frustrating to talk to someone you thought was interested only to find they were merely touting - mind, I'm sure it's disappointing and frustrating for women to be talking to guys they thought were interest in submission and/or them only to find they were interested in sex and/or anyone who responds their copy paste messages.

- There's not however any need to be an arse, cos there's a sporting chance the person you've been an arse to is a young lady aged probably around 18-22 who is struggling for funds due to college/uni/benefit cuts/rubbish minimum wage/etc who saw a documentary or knows a friend and thought they would see if they can make pocket ***.  

- I don't think Pro Dommes are currently that active on this site, it's probably not seen as the best resource to connect with clients - although that could change, especially if there's an opportunity with some of the problems on rival sites........   but, the "tribute" for Pro-Dommes covers the dungeon hire, their expenses, etc. it contributes towards making a living in exchange for helping people realise their fantasies.  This doesn't mean they're "not into it" most Pros pick and choose who they see on what will be mutually enjoyable

- there's never any incentive to help a guy with fantasies and fetishes just cos... although, if any women disagree with me, then, y'know - drop me a line, hahaha.  

[Misslouise781]

This one is tricky, I'm a professional dom with a dungeon so I do take *** of clients to cover the expenses I pay e.g toys, lighting cleaning products. However I would never demand *** before getting to know someone and what experience they want with a contract. However I do understand why some people ask for a tribute as I have had subs back out at the last minute and have lost *** because of it which is not fair either 

[Deleted Member]

I think turning domination to business, has made the negative effect on the femdom BDSM and kink. No offence to those who are doing it for ***.

They obviously have their reason The way I see Femdom and BDSM is kind of relationship that is related directly between two people who deeply love each other this is the main point in my opinion that makes Femdom & BDSM relationship an especial relationship and valueable.

turning this into a business just kills the love part of it and prevents mistresses and and slaves to build a unique relationship. I strongly believe the fact that *** is being replaced by that love relationship has done the great damage to The femdom and BDSM.

Just think about it Mistresses I am dominating my slave because He deeply or because of  the *** that I get?

Myself as sub Iove to be dominated by Mistress that I deeply love and knowing that she is dominating me because she loves me is The Real Deal of femdom.

The moment that *** enters this equation. It will damage this unique Value of Femdom & BDSM. 

[ey****]

I appreciate your points, but you know that BDSM/kink has existed far longer with tribute than it has in lifestyles.  By a few hundred, if not thousands, of years.

Even rulers who had their own servants - the servants would often lay tribute (finance, gifts, food, etc) to the rulers!   

It's difficult but there's no real evidence of BDSM relationships prior to the 19th Century, yet evidence of tributes to the Priestess and flagellation going back to the 9th Century BC.   Over 2000 years.

Even then, we're talking move post WWII before full emergence - evidence before then was men paying for services from specialist brothels.

-

It's true, for whatever reason a lot of people seem to have forms of backlash against professional circles (despite being part of the oldest profession!) but it doesn't make these relationships less valid.

I meet lots of men and women with lots of different desires and stories.  Actual 24/7 relationships are fairly uncommon.  If you have a standard relationship and ask your wife to dress up and go through some fantasies with you once a month it's no real difference to what a lot of men seek from Pros.

I've also seen those who work professionally whom have owned or lifestyle slaves.  There is the bond and connection there.  You can see it.  It's not romantic love, but it's love nevertheless.  (Mind. I tend to only knock around with those who take it seriously and not try to own all the slaves to sell them tickets to their events) and let's be honest - if you've got a wife you take her out for meals, spend *** on her, buy her gifts, spoil her now and then - do you not?

It doesn't have to be for you. But you can't knock it if you've not witnessed it.

[Deleted Member]

Okay I just have to jump in here, because I just wrote something on this earlier this week...

I think we need to remember that a financial domination fetish *is* a thing. It is a genuine and perfectly legitimate fetish, and the people who get off on it should be allowed to do so, just like foot worshippers and sissies and alllllll of the other fetishes on here are allowed to express themselves. And in financial domination, the Mistress (or Master) is *supposed* to "rinse" the sub of their cash (within limits), so I see no issue with asking for an up front "Tribute" to kick things off. That said (and to be sure I'm VERY clear here) - I ONLY think this is okay if a Mistress has been approached by someone who ASKS for financial domination.  

If someone messages me (which happened very recently in fact), and days "I want you to dominate me financially", I will ask few questions/have a few back and forth messages to establish boundaries/parameters/comfort levels, and then yes - I will ask for an initial "tribute", which is in keeping with the spirit (and indeed the DEFINITION) of a financial domination fetish. It's my final way of establishing whether or not the potential sub is serious about his request or not. Now, the first tribute should be a nominal amount - it should by NO means be the emptying of a bank account, or anything silly - but it show demonstrate his willingness to please, and the seriousness of his request. It is then up to me to be respectful and responsible with how far I push the domination. It's alllll about trust, after all, and taking advantage of your sub because you can is pretty disgusting.

So in short - the only time I think it's acceptable to expect an up front "tribute" is if a Mistress (or Master) is approached with a financial domination REQUEST. Because if it's a legit fetish, the first interaction is then both establishing trust, and giving pleasure to both parties.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I appreciate your points, but you know that BDSM/kink has existed far longer with tribute than it has in lifestyles.  By a few hundred, if not thousands, of years.

Even rulers who had their own servants - the servants would often lay tribute (finance, gifts, food, etc) to the rulers!   

It's difficult but there's no real evidence of BDSM relationships prior to the 19th Century, yet evidence of tributes to the Priestess and flagellation going back to the 9th Century BC.   Over 2000 years.

Even then, we're talking move post WWII before full emergence - evidence before then was men paying for services from specialist brothels.

-

It's true, for whatever reason a lot of people seem to have forms of backlash against professional circles (despite being part of the oldest profession!) but it doesn't make these relationships less valid.

I meet lots of men and women with lots of different desires and stories.  Actual 24/7 relationships are fairly uncommon.  If you have a standard relationship and ask your wife to dress up and go through some fantasies with you once a month it's no real difference to what a lot of men seek from Pros.

I've also seen those who work professionally whom have owned or lifestyle slaves.  There is the bond and connection there.  You can see it.  It's not romantic love, but it's love nevertheless.  (Mind. I tend to only knock around with those who take it seriously and not try to own all the slaves to sell them tickets to their events) and let's be honest - if you've got a wife you take her out for meals, spend *** on her, buy her gifts, spoil her now and then - do you not?

It doesn't have to be for you. But you can't knock it if you've not witnessed it.

I get your point historicaly and professionally yes undrestand but interms of relationship side I still believe *** prevents relationship to be build.

In term of you spend *** on your wife in restaurant buy her gifts yes I would also do that if I get married no question about that.

Remember that  your wife and professional dommies are two totally different categories so you can’t really compare them.

  

[ey****]

1 hour ago, MistressC said:

So in short - the only time I think it's acceptable to expect an up front "tribute" is if a Mistress (or Master) is approached with a financial domination REQUEST. Because if it's a legit fetish, the first interaction is then both establishing trust, and giving pleasure to both parties.

I see where you're coming from.  But, I'm also not sure if you're blurring the lines between Findom and Pro-Domme.

But, in either case - if someone is clearly marked as being either, then anyone approaching them should be expecting to tribute.   

Mind - I do agree with anyone unhappy about dishonesty, for example if someone wasn't clearly either /or/ initiated a conversation with them and then sprung a cash demand on them.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, Sub4Mistress said:

I still believe *** prevents relationship to be build.

There's bits where we do this all of the time in society and it seems normal.

Even backpeddling towards a wife, we'd find it perfectly normal for a couple to meet in the bar and the guy buy her a few drinks, swap phone numbers then go out for a date or two before deciding how things should progress.  

A lot also depends on what sort of relationship you're actually seeking.  But that's a wider scope.  

 

Quote

Remember that  your wife and professional dommies are two totally different categories so you can’t really compare them.

Yes and no.

OK. So, as I say I meet a lot of people and I have different relationships with them.   A Mistress/sub relationship is different from man/wife - just as probably all of a friend we say we love, but we don't love them in the same romantic kind of way.   

-

So, you don't seek a relationship with someone who works professionally, that's fine.   There are many perfectly healthy D/s relationships from that angle - but it's still not for everyone.  And, yeah, jealousy and uncertainty can play a part (does she like me or does she like my ***.  Honestly, you can tell when someone is enjoying spending time with you.  Also extra give aways when they message you when you're not expecting it or do something otherwise unexpectedly nice)but, there are challenges.   But it doesn't mean it can't work.   

Remember, a good chunk of Professionals are also Lifestyle Dommes.  

[Deleted Member]

51 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I see where you're coming from.  But, I'm also not sure if you're blurring the lines between Findom and Pro-Domme.

But that's just it. I don't think it matters in this instance. If someone says that they *want* to be financially dominated, then they should mean that. If someone contacts me (as happened literally three days ago) saying "I want you to dominate me financially", then there should be no issue with me saying, "Okay. Tribute here." The point is - the mistress hasn't demanded payment from just anyone... She has either clearly advertised herself as a financial domme and then been approached, or she has been ASKED to dominate someone financially (again - as I was recently). If I ASK someone to punch me, and tell them that's my kink, and then they punch me...how is it their fault for taking the first swing?

And once more - I really seriously don't dig the fast *** "findommes" who just post random demands for payment, as a ploy to earn easy cash. Mostly because I think it just ruins the experience for everyone. But if a genuine domme - be she professional or not - is ASKED to financially dominate someone, then I see no issue with her saying, "Okay then. If that's what you want, my PayPal details are below. Let's get going."

[ey****]

27 minutes ago, MistressC said:

And once more - I really seriously don't dig the fast *** "findommes" who just post random demands for payment, as a ploy to earn easy cash. Mostly because I think it just ruins the experience for everyone.

I do agree on that, for sure.  One thing I do find though is as annoying as they can be, they don't last long.  Then then find it's not financially worth their while and either - a - leave - b - up their game and return (sometimes, guys not getting what they want could learn from point b)

But, I still think you've slightly muddled away with Pro.  So, we definitely agree if someone contacts to say "I want to be Dominated financially" this opens discussion around the possibility.

Now, want if I messaged saying - "the next time I'm in London I want to kiss your feet" - then we might have a discussion, you might flat out say no, or you do also have a right at that point to say "Maybe, but it will cost you" - especially if it's clear you're pro.  

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I do agree on that, for sure.  One thing I do find though is as annoying as they can be, they don't last long.  Then then find it's not financially worth their while and either - a - leave - b - up their game and return (sometimes, guys not getting what they want could learn from point b)

But, I still think you've slightly muddled away with Pro.  So, we definitely agree if someone contacts to say "I want to be Dominated financially" this opens discussion around the possibility.

Now, want if I messaged saying - "the next time I'm in London I want to kiss your feet" - then we might have a discussion, you might flat out say no, or you do also have a right at that point to say "Maybe, but it will cost you" - especially if it's clear you're pro.  

Hah. So we basically agree. Well done us. :) And 100% yes to the last bit. I just think that this whole community has to be built on absolute honesty. If you say you want it - mean it. If I say I'll give it to you - I'd better mean it as well, and disclose any financial expectations right up front. Pro, not pro, it really doesn't matter. Or rather - it doesn't ruin anything as long as all cards are fully on the table. 

 

I am someone who dabbles in both professional and lifestyle domination. So if I'm interested in someone on a personal level, I'll never ever bring up the question of *** (unless, of course, they ASK for financial domination). If I'm not interested in them on a personal level, but I have time and space space for a new client, I'll offer my paid services. I try to always be honest and up front, and that (I think) is the best any of us can do.

[Deleted Member]

Hi..I do not think whether it is right or wrong to make a judgement whether someones chosen lifestyle fits within the box of what one thinks is acceptable.!..How a member chooses to live and enjoy any form of BDSM..or anything else is a matter for their own conscience. At the end of the day..is'nt a members happiness and fulfilment the most important thing.Whether it is for Love or for ***...does it really matter.!Whatever type of relationship one has , be  it with a Dom or a loving partner , whether one pays..or not..It is up to the individuals concerned..nobody else.!..Cassie

[yatman60]

New to this site and ran across this forum thread and was really fascinated. Being new to this lifestyle, I've run across many of the situations mentioned herein. Funny thing is there's a lot of similarities in many of the encounters/conversations I've had. 

- Alleged Dom, sends out their rules and asks that you immediately stop your search and delete your account (on whatever site you meet)

- Some will immediately ask you to buy your "training toys" from a specific vendor who only sells via email (the official site is down, being rebuilt, or some related excuse)

- They want to connect on Hangouts or kik and will NEVER give you an actual phone number

- You ONLY communicate via chat

- Within a few days they will start asking for *** under various premises (it's their birthday, emergency situation, etc). Some will go as far as coming up with an elaborate story/tragedy (mom's in the hospital, lost their laptop, phone is broken and they need the lastest iPhone, mom's apt burned down and their laptop and/or phone were destroyed and they need a new one, etc.. - yes I've actually heard these stories).

- Some have given some elaborate story about their business and need you cash a check for them and then send them the cash. Or will ask you to open a bank account on their behalf, under your name, and then give them the account logins. They need the account for a family member looking to transfer funds from overseas. (Yes I've heard these too first hand).

 

So I'm not sure if anyone has successfully found a true Mistress online or if this is par for the course but it's amazing how many cons are out there.

Edited August 2, 2018 by yatman60
Additions

[ey****]

There are a lot of scams - and that scam above is VERY similar to a one done by those posing as men in the military to attract women (or gay guys)

It's a common formula.

For finding Mistresses online.

Yeah.

So, there's someone who quit this site because she was sick of a lot of the guys, I played with her a couple of weeks ago. (mind, have known her socially for a year or so) 

Another who also quit this site I'd been talking with online and we met back in April.

Today is a year anniversary of an important milestone in my relationship with someone, although we met while filming we'd started contact online.

And there's more examples.

All of the above are/were arrangements that suited us all.

 

 

[Deleted Member]

On 10/11/2017 at 10:54 AM, rachelle01 said:

Genuine Mistresses would not ask for tribute they would do it for the pleasure it give them and their sub

Can you stay online for a week without missing any day, just to make a slave  happy and still don't see any Good reason that will make your sub compensate you??