Daddy's Girl Problems

[scootersbabygirl]

Hi guys,

I've been with my daddy for almost 20 years. It was about 5 years ago or so we discovered that the BDSM world fit us more than we'd ever thought possible. We began exploring, figure out what we liked and what we didn't, and what we needed. I quickly learned that I am submissive, and that I need/crave a Daddy dom. Someone to care for me when I need it, cuddle me, and hold me accountable. I'm not into "little" play, really (but totally don't judge anyone who is!).

I've had a lot of conversations with Daddy. A LOT. About what I need, what he needs, managing expectations, etc. I've done things for him that I swore I never thought I'd do, some I've liked, some I haven't. I've compromised and feel that I've given and given and done everything I can to make sure that his needs are met. The problem is: I don't feel as though he's meeting mine. I've had some serious medical issues recently, a few surgeries and a week long stint in the hospital thanks to going septic. We're at the tail end of a 2 month long medical drama. I'm feeling great, I'll be given the "all clear" on Wednesday when the last tube is taken out of my back. I'm working, almost back to normal. We haven't had sex, or Daddy time, since this all started, which I completely understand! 

So last night I decided to make Daddy happy and offer him a blow job. He was more than happy to accept and I did my best to please him. He seemed satisfied. I think. 

And there is my problem. He definitely seemed satisfied, but he never told me I'd done a good job. I'd have killed for, "babygirl, you did such a great job. That's my good girl," and a few minutes of cuddling. Instead it was get cleaned up, roll over and go to sleep. This isn't the first time this has happened. 

I have told him about this before. I swear I have. I've talked until I feel blue in the face. Today I'm left feeling almost like sub-drop, lonely, unfulfilled and unsure. I've tried to message him today (he's working) and all he says is, "baby, stop. I held you" (After I woke him up a few hours later and begged him to hold me). Every single fantasy he's had? I've fulfilled. Yes - every one (that he's ever told me about). I've made it happen. He hasn't fulfilled mine, and mine are SO EASY. I just don't know what to do. I love him, leaving him is not even close to an option, but I feel as though I give and give when it comes to this aspect of our relationship and he takes and takes but doesn't help me fulfill MY needs. Any advice?

[ey****]

I feel that you've written this down is a good start.

What you've said seems reasonable - I'd half say to print it out and give it to him because it sums up your problems/frustration better than attempting a conversation would

I'd like to hope he's just simply unaware rather than, say, disinterested or malicious and if you show him it written down you also have a record of what was said. 

[Deleted Member]

Submissive is one thing but salve is another. Trust, communication and relationship is built on compromise and negotiation. Perhaps rather than giving everything HE wants, compromise and say that you'll do said thing if he does said thing for YOU?

[Deleted Member]

Slave*

[Re****]

You've been with him almost 20 years, does he see it as a dynamic or more a conventional relationship? Was he stressed and worried about your state of health? Surely you being with someone that amount of time you must be able to answer your own questions?

[Re****]

I can't help but notice many references to "my needs", "what I crave", perhaps you and your partner need an honest talk?

[Deleted Member]

Talk,be honest even if the truth hurts.Sadly at times the the truth can be ugly and hard to face.Honesty and discussion are the key.

[mystery48]

Glad to hear your on the mend, 20 years is a long time and you would think something’s don’t need saying as you know what the other likes needs craves etc so maybe the needs and wants have changed, a good open talk about both needs could be what’s needed. I would say be careful not to talk at him about YOUR needs and feelings, 2 way street and all that. Good luck 🥰

[rossco-4359]

In any relationship there give and take , the problem is with D/s relationships that give & take can easily be skewed in a certain way. By this I mean it can look from the outside that one is taking considerably more than the other but that In itself is absolutely fine if both people are getting there needs met and are happy. What it sounds like is that isn’t happening here, just because your the submissive you shouldn’t feel that your dont have the right to voice your concerns & enjoy your place in the relationship. I agree with the others who have commented that you both need to have an honest talk on equal grounds about this, closeness & aftercare are integral parts of a kink based relationship & cannot be ignored because someone doesn’t feel like it

[PRC89]

It's all about communication and laying out all the cards in what you want within the relationship too and try and find a compromise if you can. I've recently gone through the same thing but slightly different ish...

[Deleted Member]

It’s a very difficult situation. When did he start not cuffing you or being like a proper Daddy? I guess you live together so it’s a 24/7 and might took the toll on his mind and the way your relationship goes. 
mot might be worth having a discussion outside your comfort zone. Not between a Daddy and a sub but adult one. Not in your home but somewhere in a cafe or by the beach. You need to find a neutral place. 

what happened that his behaviour are not good for you anymore 

what happened that he thinks you are to demanding? 
what was the situation before? 
a man doesn’t change his attitude without a good reason! 

[Darryl895]

Well you are looking at sex like a kid. The kid pleases the parent because that is what kids like to do to increase their odds of staying alive. Now, Daddy is an adult man, his drive is to reproduce, find fertile receivers and pump in some seeds, then move on. So, he really ain't into pleasing you, just topping your fluids off. If you remind him that if he could find a way to give you some pleasure, next time he wanted pleasure from you then you would get right two it. And , as for him not acknowledging your fine efforts, we he is doing that because he ***s that he tells you that he really likes it, then you will throttle back and measure exactly how much you give. If you two ever did have all systems working right, then what thru off the beam? You little thing got to gain control over the daddy. He can not be let have power, absolute power corrupts absolutely, and he will encroach incessantly, until you will snap like a rubber band. Bf ever yo0ur first piv, you got to set a few cap mrules and these are absolute and non negotiable. Don't fall into thi9s trap, where he asks and you make him beg. I know it really enhances for both, god that beggar really wants me , and beg I will bc I know if I beg long enough, she will always give in. GREAT, you have both fuckedm yourself. Soon as you hit a real no go, you have an explosive conflict he beg more and more and you are saying never never no. good bye to your happiness. so many behaviors that look great and work for a long time can blow up in your faces. Then you have to back track admit the mistake, restart. best to set those limits NOW. And a man can not even access his brain if he is any where about to have sex. he must wear cock cage, sit at table, and then talk with you to set these limits. He will bias lie every time. I know this first hand because she breaks me down to a liar everytime. Please give me some feedback, I be newbie, are my words coherent, my terminology match to kink culture. Thanks