How to find bdsm partners easily

[MontrealEnvy]

I know this is probably the most asked question, but I didn't really find my answer

I am a good looking guy (22 y/o) looking to meet for sex only.

I'm submissive and looking for a woman who can fulfill my needs. I really don't care about age or size, so I'm guessing that it wouldn't be too hard for me but people seem to be saying that its pretty hard online to find people for that, as there are so many guys for the number of girls. I'm pretty shy and I wouldn't see myself looking for someone who likes bdsm in real life.

Tho, I was asking myself is the fact that I am good looking and that I'm very open about size and age it would make that easier? I just don't want it to be a *** in the ass, I don't want to go to events or things like that. I cannot believe there's not many older overweight women that wouldn't want sex with a pretty younger guy and to be dominant with him sometimes, but I think the problem is that they will not necessarily go on bdsm sites and things like that. That's why I was asking myself that it may be better on a regular dating site or an older women dating site?

It's kind of hard to believe that this would be difficult in 2019

I don't really want to get in the community of bdsm, I just want someone for that.

I do have an account on Fetlife, but people here are so intense, I'm here with one pic only and I see people with hundreds of pics and friends. It is kind of intimidating knowing that I don't want to really be part of that community. I don't feel like I'm on the same mindset as the people on those sites.

Do you guys/girls have some ideas for that?

Thank a lot for reading!

- Tony

[ey****]

OK... gosh, well... where to start.

First off, with your title.

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How to find bdsm partners easily

There's no easy way.

No ladies are sitting in their house, alone, thinking "Damn. I'm alone... and could really do with a sub guy right now.  As I've got zero standards - I'll just pick up any guy from the internet who says he's submissive"

 

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looking to meet for sex only.

if you're only looking for sex then what does BDSM have to do with this?

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I'm submissive and looking for a woman who can fulfill my needs.

Nope.

If you are submissive, you are looking for a woman whose needs you can fulfil. What makes you useful?  Good looking isn't useful.

15 minutes ago, MontrealEnvy said:

I cannot believe there's not many older overweight women that wouldn't want sex with a pretty younger guy and to be dominant with him

so now you're trying negging.   That's not going to impress the ladies.

17 minutes ago, MontrealEnvy said:

Do you guys/girls have some ideas for that?

yes. have a serious rethink on your understanding of BDSM and dating in general.  Being attractive isn't useful, what makes you worth-a-shot? What can you bring to the table? 

[ey****]

incidentally - a couple of weeks ago I was filming with an older (early 40s, so not much older than me but a lot older than you), SSBBW - who is also a Pro Domme.  While we were together her phone was virtually ringing off the hook with people trying to book a session with her.

Don't assume any 'type' is on the scrap heap or desperate.   

[Deleted Member]

You’re in the wrong place here, in my opinion. Try Tinder. This is a site for the BDSM community and like minded persons, not for vanilla sex hookup contacts. You’re going to need to be prepared to invest time and effort to build rapport before you’ll get to meet with anyone here. And as eyemblacksheep says, you’ll need to bring something far better than just good looks to the party. What have you got that others haven’t? What makes you an attractive prospect? Clue: it’s not your appearance!

[Deleted Member]

Many folk on this site are not bothered about looks, height, weight, appearance or even gender if prospective playmates. They are looking way beyond that, thinking of stuff like this: What skills have they got? What can they do for me? How can they bring fulfilment and satisfaction to a play session? Will I have a connection with them? Can they take me to the place I want to be? Will they give me a memorable experience?

If all you want is sex, with no investment, just use a hookup site. Or pay a pro to give you exactly what you want. There are plenty of those elsewhere. Just not on this site!

[Deleted Member]

You mentioned you were good looking twice and yet you dont have a profile picture. People need to see you in order to see you. You wanna hook up with someone, that's fine. But this isnt a hook up site per se. It's a fetish site. If you dont think you're kinky and more vanilla then maybe something like tinder would be better for you. Fetlife and fetish.com are very similar, with people showing off there kink, not always for people looking to hook up. Maybe concentrate a bit more on what you want and stop idolising yourself would be a good start. If you think you have a fetish that's great, explore that. If you're just looking for sex though, that's something else entirely

[Fxbat02]

I'm here. I fit the bill.

[Deleted Member]

Maybe you should contact professionals one. Follow advices from above. We know you are young and obviously not experienced with women world. So maybe you should learn about them fist, they are not your sex object or here to fulfil your need 🤷‍♂️

[Fxbat02]

If you change sites, please let me know! I'll change also.

[Qu****]

I’m not sure whether or not I should feel insulted by this post or not, being an older ‘overweight’ woman - and for the record we prefer plus size, curvy or BBW. I think you have totally the wrong mindset. Do you think that because we’re older and not a size 6 we should be grateful if a pretty younger guy shows us any interest. Take a look at my profile - I’m doing great thanks very much!! If you don’t want to be part of a community then this isn’t the place for you

[Deleted Member]

New word of the day for me, is 'negging'. Good looking at 22 with no photo, I would be the judge of looks. I tend to see pass looks and see what the person brings to the table. As for the size of a older lady wanting you just for your looks, is a bit harsh. I'm one of the older (as you ever so nicely put it, overweight) ladies I will take this sorta comment on the chin.

[gibo94]

I remember when I first joined and I didn’t get any matches and I thought what the hell. To get a match you want you need several pics of yourself, take time to write a bit of a profile explaining yourself and also start conversations with not just people who you want to hookup up with but just people in general. Unfortunately it seems you want the best of both worlds you want all the benefits of being a part of the community(friends who you can hookup with etc) but you don’t want to take the effort to become part of the community, also you want to have the fulfilment of your kink but you don’t want to invest anytime with developing it which I think is some of the best parts. You can’t have one foot in and one foot out you need to decide wether you want to be part of the community or not

[Carnelian2]

Be yourself. Know what you want. To be honest, your post seems like you are not really clear on who you are. If you don't know who you are, then how can others?

[Qu****]

I had to look up ‘negging’ on Google Lol (us oldies aren’t always up to date with all the new words flying about these days).

i’ve decided I am in fact insulted (see my previous response)

‘Negging is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval. The term was coined and prescribed by pickup artists. Wikipedia’

I think you show a complete lack of understanding about this lifestyle and the people who choose to live and experience it. You also show a lack of maturity. This type of site definitely isn’t for you my young friend 

Edited December 27, 2019 by Queenie63

[BigPolly]

9 hours ago, MontrealEnvy said:

I'm submissive and looking for a woman who can fulfill my needs

Tho, I was asking myself is the fact that I am good looking and that I'm very open about size and age it would make that easier? 

Wow.....maybe it’s because you’re a narcissistic fool that’s making it so hard for you?  Or maybe it’s just the fact that your immature attitude towards others stink?! Just a thought!

maybe you should stick to mental fantasies & wanking & leave the fun stuff to us (overweight, older, desperate) grown ups.

[qu****]

Why do you think women you described would be interested in you 99.9% of women are looking for a whole package in a person, not someone who thinks they're pretty, ( what male describes themselves as pretty ????) Plus you say you have needs, but imply you're not interested in BDSM, if you just want sex join one of the thousands of hook-up sites, I wouldn't call what type of woman you want a kink or a fetish either, just a presumption that they'd fall at your feet, soooo wrong on sooo many levels

[Davy-1872]

Hiya

[Deleted Member]

I hope you have taken on board what has been posted and learnt from what you have said? Looks like you have insulted some of the members as well. 

As a old woman of 48 (actually I am 21, but my body tells me different) I treat every day as a school day. Alus something new to learn, whether by sheer coincidence, asking or as a steep learning curve.

Maybe next time, you will word a post without having to use such words and replace them with words that is acceptable by all.

[Deleted Member]

As a Dominant female, older & possibly overweight I take total offence to your attitude. If you are not into BDSM or are a fetishist then what are you doing on here? No female Dominant or submissive is here waiting for a youngster to shout “I have needs needs come satisfy me!” Please do not sound sound like you are doing womankind a favour cause you really are not😡

[DaddyGalt]

The responses are ridiculous. He may be interested in light BDSM. That's not a crime and he's welcome to search around for women who are looking for men such as him that are looking primarily for the sexual. Women these days have gotten so intolerant that they attack folks for simply stating what they are after. I will advise him to keep looking and to focus on what he's after rather than concerning himself with other profiles. Many people keep their profiles simple and to the point. No need for a thesis for most. The nerve of some who think it's their role to drive people off the site based on your prejudices.

[qu****]

Possibly it could have been worded in a slightly different way, the trouble comes from the fact that a lot of people (both sexes), join because they assume BDSM, kink and fetish mean sex in the literal sense, and in turn a lot of members become understandably annoyed at this, and can't understand a caning or bondage for example doesn't mean sexual intercourse, though yes there is a sexual enjoyment present, I stopped using chatrooms as I was fed up with men in particular saying as soon as a female sub came in room, you're a sub pm me and obey me, so it's no wonder people are fed with a seemingly similar attitude

[Deleted Member]

Well further to my previous post and in line with the sentiments of virtually everybody else who has posted on this thread before you DaddyGalt, all I can say is that you are typical of the sort of person who seems to think that you have an entitlement to have your needs satisfied.

If you read what the OP put: “ I don’t really want to get into the community of BDSM“, I think that is a pretty good indication that he is not interested in, as you put it, light BDSM!

Your comment about most people keeping their profile simple is absolutely true. These are the people that most of us mature serious players don’t ever bother meeting. If you can’t be bothered putting something substantial on your profile, it’s probably very unlikely that you’re going to meet somebody on this site. To meet somebody in place seriously, you need to have a connection. Do you have a connection you need to know something about them. Do you know something about them they need to have written something substantial on their profile. The point is, DaddyGalt, if you just want a quick shag, then there are many other sites that are far more geared up to that and will be more suitable for that than this one.

Nobody is trying to drive anybody off this site. In the time I have been a member of this site, it has been my experience that people here are generally very tolerant, respectful and considerate of others‘ opinions, wants and needs. However, when somebody spouts off about expecting their needs to be met just because they are “pretty” and “good looking”, it’s a bit of a red rag to a bull, really, isn’t it? I mean, that’s just asking for people to ask for proof of that. And when the member concerned didn’t even post a single picture on his profile, is it any wonder that he has been the subject of some degree of criticism, even ridicule?

Certainly, your comments are in an absolute minority, currently a minority of one in a total count of 21 posts, so I don’t really think that your opinion is going to hold much sway on here, sorry! But I totally respect that you have the right to have your own opinion and you are welcome to voice it on here. Thank you for your contribution...

[qu****]

MontrealEnvy, if what you meant is you are hoping to find a Domme or a switch,just say simply I'm shy and unable to do this in real life but I'm submissive and would like to find a Domme/switch, not necessarily in a long term sense but every now and then,but i don't know how to go about it, or word it properly and would like some help about how to proceed.

[ey****]

55 minutes ago, DaddyGalt said:

He may be interested in light BDSM.

he might. but there's nothing he's said that's suggested he is.  All he's said is he's interested in sex and "his needs" 

56 minutes ago, DaddyGalt said:

he's welcome to search around for women who are looking for men such as him that are looking primarily for the sexual

He is indeed. But it sounds like he's failing badly at that.  Perhaps it could be because he claims to be sub but spends all the time discussing *his* wants.

57 minutes ago, DaddyGalt said:

Women these days have gotten so intolerant that they attack folks for simply stating what they are after.

 So it's the women's fault he can't get a woman. Rightyho.

58 minutes ago, DaddyGalt said:

I will advise him to keep looking and to focus on what he's after

repeat the same steps. expect different results.  Got it.

[Deleted Member]

My response isn't ridiculous, dare say other responses are ridiculous either.

Would be nice if he posted a reply or two with regards to what has been posted?