Approaching a Domme

[Deleted Member]

I'm a submissive male and I have to say my only concern is what pleases my mistress. I know that both dominant and submissive have hardlines that both should be aware of and should have discussed before entering into a relationship, however it's just good manners not to start a conversation with I want, I want, i want.  Surely that's a turn off to most women, domme or not.

[Phoenyx]

Still, it's not all about pleasing a Master or Mistress.  Protocol may cause it to appear that way.  But, there is more.  A good sub must also be open about their fantasies and desires.  This isn't demanding.  This is about being honest in answers to questions.  A good Dom/Domme is actually concerned about the desires or their sub(s).  The closer they can attune themselves to these desires, the more power they feel being returned to them.  It really is a two-way street.

[Deleted Member]

Absolutely. Communication is everything.

[ey****]

there's a saying that you can't pour from an empty jug and this is very true.  Not just in the sense of looking after your well being but also your motivation and happiness.

There isn't (despite what some would have you believe) a total shortage of Mistresses and so if you see someone you must have reasons for wanting to serve them.  And generally this is going to boil down to being someone you feel you can approach and communicate with who has an interest in your kinks 

I mean, there's different levels.  Someone posted on twitter the other day about human toilet "my slaves must consume my waste, not because it is their fetish but because I am their Goddess" but her slaves and subs most certainly enjoy time together and that does include other relationship perks.

*just anyone* shouldn't be your Dominant.  

[Carnelian2]

I think that many people tend to forget that this is a relationship at the end of the day. I read somewhere about two layers to D/s; the Underlying relationship (without D/s - getting to know and getting along with each other) and the D/s layer (doing whatever is agreed between the D and the s). I think this describes it very well.

For anything to last, you have to get along with, respect and like the person. The rest becomes easy. It is so easy to forget, though

[Deleted Member]

I think a D/s relationship without communication is called marriage 😃

[Riskylife]

i will just send them this link from the first message, aptly put ..it would also help with the tons of messages leaving only quality subs for consideration

[Ia****]

Dom or otherwise, I think your approach to a first message should be more forgiving than rule #3 implies because, generally speaking, unless they're in the top 1%, a man has to contact many dozens, sometimes hundreds, of women before they find one they end up meeting. If each initial message has to be highly personalised and individual to you then this could result in hundreds of days of just writing messages (not elapsed time) before they even get a reply, let alone find someone they click with and end up meeting/ This is entirely unrealistic.

Further, no matter how good a first message is, your decision to proceed is based on what they look like, not on their first message. After the photos (or videos if you prefer them) you'll move to the rest of their profile. Then, if you've liked everything you see, you might reply.

Considering that we're all nobodies to everyone until a rapport has been built, assuming yourself to be someone to a random user of the site is... absurd. You seeing yourself as a dom is irrelevant in the first instance unless you're just looking for online domination rather than real life.

Of course, this doesn't mean a first message is acceptable if rude, crass, or otherwise uncouth or unsavoury, but it does mean that a first message/introduction should be acceptable if it aligns with the standed way that strangers interact. For example, if I write to you on the day of this message with 'Hi (name), how's Sunday? Good? Bad? Indifferent?', then this should be a perfectly valid introduction from a stranger, but based on rule #3 this would be inadequate. Of course, you may choose not to reply, but there's nothing inherently wrong with that as a first message. Remember, you, me, them, are no one until we're otherwise.

ps. For sure, if there's something in your profile that I can bounce off from in a message then this is a good call, but many times there isn't, which is on the profile writer, not the reader.

[do****]

most of my problem is sub has an empty profile, and I'm sorry I will not ask every single time the same questions

for me if you didn't right a good profile with all your kinks and be consistent ( be sub all the way, not changing) I will not give you a chance

[Mz****]

This should be mandatory reading for any male submissive or bottom who wants to engage with dominant women.