How do I communicate about my fetishes non-awkwardly (shy person, new)

[DandyAndy]

Hello c: thank you all for participating in this website. I am a little hopeful it can help me on my way towards being more comfortable about myself.

I have always had fantasies about having a more submissive role in a sexual relationship, and ever since I was little wearing diapers has always been appealing, of which I attribute to my ABDL fetishes. However, I am horribly horribly shy and afraid to talk to most people about anything, let alone implying a sexual interest to someone. Imagine how it is trying to communicate my fetishes! I have always been uncomfortable revealing my submissive and feminine side to the world, and I am distressed and often in *** and worry that I'll never be able to find anyone to share my sexual desires with.

But I understand that last point isn't going to be an overnight achievement, so I ask to everyone: has anyone else felt similar? What goes through your head when talking to someone openly about your fetishes? How do you look for signs that sexual interest is being pointed towards you?

Looking forward to your replies. Thanks everyone <3

[BigPolly]

2 hours ago, DandyAndy said:

However, I am horribly horribly shy and afraid to talk to most people about anything, let alone implying a sexual interest to someone. Imagine how it is trying to communicate my fetishes! 

Just wanted to say a huge ‘Congratulations’....you’ve just actually done the one thing you’re afraid of!
You’re talking about your fetishes to complete strangers & now on the first rung of the ladder so hang around here, keep talking, asking questions & looking at other posts & although I can’t help you as far as ‘shyness’ is concerned, I wish you luck in your journey 😊

[Wo****]

You've made the first step by posting here...

I'm not into your particular kink but i relate to the self confidence thing. You're not alone and they'll be people that like that you're shy.

 

I'm happy to talk about my fetishes but it took time, talking about them to people that understood them, having friends that shared them, or at least understood them.

 

Recognising sexual interest, online or in real life?

[DandyAndy]

23 hours ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

 

Recognising sexual interest, online or in real life?

Either! I am like many of my friends, unable to tell if I'm being hit on (or if I'm displaying signs of hitting on someone ).

 

Thank you both for welcoming me and recognizing my discomfort, I am quite happy to be taking a step here as well :)

[Vandalslut]

Good for you, DandyAndy. Sometimes it's hard to confess our kinks even to our nearest, dearest and closest. As BigPolly says, you're talking to strangers now but soon we will be friends. As for whether you're being 'hit on' for real or not - it's about body language.  There is a thread in here on that topic, only started recently, so try putting 'body language' into the search box and have a  good read. If you have any questions, there will be plenty of new friends willing to answer you.  I've never had to deal with online 'interest' so I can't help you there, I'm afraid.  Experience will be your best teacher - and making haste slowly. Congratulations on starting your journey.  Best blessings and best of luck.

[Annalou]

First off, give yourself some massive kudos for opening up about your fetishes here. As someone who is "horribly shy" as you say, this is a massive hurdle crossed and you will no doubt find it easier as time goes on to open up to others. It can be really hard to approach the subject of fetish to anyone, let alone someone you have your eye on   Something that many kinksters find valuable is to attend a Munch in their nearby area, which is a kind of meet-up (usually in a public space like a cafe, pub or bar) where like-minded people gather to get to know each other and talk about their fetishes, judgement-free. If you've never attended one, it might be a good option for you. See our guide on attending your first Munch to get some tips before you go. We also have loads of resources to help you get out there and explore your kinks. Why not read our articles about how to talk to vanilla partners about your kinks and how to find a partner that's into your kink. Hope this helps you on your journey, and keep it kinky!

[BigPolly]

18 hours ago, DandyAndy said:

Thank you both for welcoming me and recognizing my discomfort, I am quite happy to be taking a step here as well :)

You are not alone, most of us feel uncomfortable or awkward at times. I am loud & say what I think & appear to have bags of confidence but inside I’m an extremely anxious person. I’m comfortable in my own skin & within my own kinks but I struggle with some social situations. Also if I find someone sexually attractive I go to pieces! I can chat endlessly & openly to anyone & everyone but if someone talks to me who I like I really struggle to hold an initial conversation with them either verbally or online, I just seem to loose my words! 
So you see you’re not alone it’s all about finding ways around our struggles 😁

[ja****]

So I just discovered that I have this fetish! I was scrolling and seen a little in her diaper and found myself hard as a rock! How do I proceed because I know my ladies ain't gonna be into that but I would love to explore this?

[FreddieJobbs]

Congratulations to opening it up on here! I have a nail fetish and about seven years ago I opened it up to a few friends of mine. They didn’t seem to care much about it. So, I’ll think you will be fine. Don’t worry you’ll get the opportunity to open up.

I say the best way to open up is by telling one friend at a time. Whenever you feel like revealing your secrets I would think that would be the best time to reveal a bit of your fetishes, preferably when discussing sexual topics. 

Edited January 2 by FreddieJobbs
Spacing

[ey****]

On 12/23/2024 at 1:21 PM, jaydeemasters said:

So I just discovered that I have this fetish! I was scrolling and seen a little in her diaper and found myself hard as a rock! How do I proceed because I know my ladies ain't gonna be into that but I would love to explore this?

A lot of guys assume their partner isn't going to be into something without actually talking to them about it.

It makes a logical first step to at least try to talk to them.  While of course you may be right, that she's not into it - you can then decide what to do from there, a conversation may be that you can explore this with her blessing with others.  Or it may be that you have to make the choice between ending that relationship and then seeking someone out, aborting the idea of exploring - or being unfaithful.

If you do choose the latter; then most littles are not going to really be happy being someone's experiment when you try to find the time.  This isn't to say none, but you end up making your whole search ten times harder and it's not fair on either them, or your partner.

Or, you go seek out a pro.  They don't really care about whether you have to wait for a partner to be in bed to text, you turn up - you pay, you explore/experiment - you leave.

[BR****]

I’m single myself I wouldn’t know exactly but what I will say is
Sometimes you never know maybe that other person is waiting for you
And they have same interests
Maybe they have more fetishes
And even if they don’t like it
It’s not the end of the world
You learn to keep trying until you find what your looking for

[YorkshireBiker]

I’m still trying to figure out how to talk about my interests and desires too without getting too self conscious and shutting down. 

[BR****]

Guess we both in the same boat

[ey****]

There's stuff where.   You know, it's difficult and I understand it's difficult.

One of my hated phrases is 'communication is key' and if you cannot communicate with your partner about any interests then adding kink with them is going to be difficult because that is built on good solid communication.

But also a solid part of kink and communication is not to make assumptions on how a partner would respond; you actually do not know until you raise it and ask the question.    

However, even someone understanding isn't necessarily going to want to do one thing or another with you; and that's still something you can build from with good communication.