Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 I'd like to start a discussion about submissive women, as I am one. I think that a lot of men who say they are Dominant don't understand the mind of a submissive woman. And while there are many ways to be a woman in BDSM, and many differences between us (including the fact that some women have penises), in my experience, there are common traits that many submissive women share. #1 We are modest about our bodies. We likely know what our assets are and how to use them to attract men/women but we dont flaunt everything wildly and are quite often reticent about public nudity or exhibitionism. This is why many Dominants use the threat of exposure to thrill-scare us. Under the guidance and trust of a loving Master, we may be persuaded to reveal all and do things that terrify us. But we're not driven to do this from our own motivation. #2 We are not porn stars. More and more frequently now, there is an expectation arising from Dominant men that we will act like porn stars. I blame this on the normalization of porn. Porn is fine but it's not ALL sex and it's not even BDSM. If you dont know that, please take the time to find out what BDSM actually is. #3 We do things we didnt think were possible because of the trust and devotion we feel for our Dominant. That trust and devotion needs to be established and maintained. It doesnt appear out of nowhere. It is easily broken. Think of BDSM as a tandem skydive, with the Dom as the instructor. I willingly put my life in my Master's hands because of the intense level of intimacy that is created between us when I do that. He gets off on my absolute trust in Him and I get off on my total surrender. The toys, the ***, the protocol.... that's all just a vehicle to get us falling out of the plane together, riding the rush and hoping we dont land splat. I'll probably think of more things to add later. What are your thoughts?
ey**** Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 I massively agree with the way "submissive women/girls" are presented in porn - most of the time it's just, well, porn/sex they just "do everything the guy says" - and guys who are too dim to realise this is just fantasy and in no way BDSM or how the vast majority of sub girls are keep falling for it...
Carnelian2 Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 @white_rose - that was a brilliant piece. It was all good - what in particular triggered my thoughts was on 2) and 3) - It is absolutely not about porn or sex, nor is it about the toys. It is the dynamic as you so eloquently put it. Also, trust and devotion is paramount. Ok, I am not a woman but I can relate to the assumption that some people make around submissives being ready to do anything and follow any order without a need for the Dominant to establish rapport, a relationship and earn the trust that it takes to submit.
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2020 Author Posted January 7, 2020 Can't disagree with any of that and it's exactly what created my interest in the scene. I'm much more interested in the mental aspects of our kink, unfortunately unlike a lot of men
Fine1 Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 Totally agree BDSM relationship is built on trust and respect. The level of how far you can take your Sub or explore your wildest fantasies is built on a relationship
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2020 Author Posted January 7, 2020 The problem is I feel somewhat uncomfortable with the word 'submissive' as some people, especially men, may equate it with the word 'doormat' which is not really true. I can be a bit of a brat, which is hardly submissive. But we are all different and I respect that entirely.
Carnelian2 Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 40 minutes ago, TammyNatal said: The problem is I feel somewhat uncomfortable with the word 'submissive' as some people, especially men, may equate it with the word 'doormat' which is not really true. I can be a bit of a brat, which is hardly submissive. But we are all different and I respect that entirely. Not just men with that view, I am afraid. To be submissive is a choice and a gift, not a right just because someone calls themselves Dominant. Trust has to be earned.
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2020 Author Posted January 7, 2020 Just stick to the second commandment: do unto others as you would have them do you unto you. Okay, not literally. The word to use here really is respect. If both parties in a relationship or a brief encounter stick to this, they can’t really go wrong. You have to have respect for each other. this will steer things in the right direction. Total respect from both parties for the other will ensure that things don’t go wrong.
BigPolly Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 #2 is spot on, I looove that! #3 Doesn’t really fit with me personally because although the trust & respect is there with those I have played with, being devoted to a Dom isn’t my thing. however it is a beautifully written piece 😊
Nubian Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 I have read this, thrice and agree with it to the last letter, note and tone. The word Submissive is most often stereotyped by Doms lacking empathetic understanding and enlightenment.
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2020 Author Posted January 7, 2020 And then of course there’s the whole thing about who is REALLY in control? Ultimately, I believe it is the submissive, because without their consent, the dominant is not going to be able to carry out his domination. It will nearly always be the submissive who stops things if they are going beyond comfortable limits. It will hardly ever be the dominant. In my experience and opinion…
TheAlphaSub Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 I agree with you completely. I've only ever had one real Dom and I trusted him completely. A shift in trust can have huge consequences for a sub
Dom051 Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 Love this, thank you for posting. New to the scene and posts like this really help.
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2020 Author Posted January 7, 2020 Every guy who 'thinks' he's dominant,should be made to read your words. Many, unfortunately, do have the impression that a submissive is there to walk over, has no opinions and that only the 'dom' knows best. Inflated egos, with no consideration for the inner feelings of anyone, but themselves. I know this, because time and time again, I've either read the words in 'dom's' profiles, or read replies from submissives about how they've been written to in bullying tones, from so called dominant men. Unfortunately for the sane ones amongst us, we end up being rejected or ignored, because of the antics of these porn watchers. Sensible, submissive women have had enough, and shut the door, in disbelief.
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2020 Author Posted January 7, 2020 3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: I massively agree with the way "submissive women/girls" are presented in porn - most of the time it's just, well, porn/sex they just "do everything the guy says" - and guys who are too dim to realise this is just fantasy and in no way BDSM or how the vast majority of sub girls are keep falling for it... Thank you. I don't think anyone can deny that porn has had a huge influence on BDSM and vanilla sex but it troubles me that it has become considered a source of knowledge. There are some great, older-style BDSM videos around, if you know where to find them.
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2020 Author Posted January 7, 2020 3 hours ago, Carnelian2 said: @white_rose - that was a brilliant piece. It was all good - what in particular triggered my thoughts was on 2) and 3) - It is absolutely not about porn or sex, nor is it about the toys. It is the dynamic as you so eloquently put it. Also, trust and devotion is paramount. Ok, I am not a woman but I can relate to the assumption that some people make around submissives being ready to do anything and follow any order without a need for the Dominant to establish rapport, a relationship and earn the trust that it takes to submit. Yes, you understand. I'm sure it's similar for some male subs, but I don't pretend to speak for them, because I don't know about them. For me, trust and devotion are paramount, as you say. They are everything. I can do anything for Him when that exists. .No limits, no boundaries. But I do have trust issues! Got burned in the early days buy some douches. You live, you learn.
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2020 Author Posted January 7, 2020 1 hour ago, BigPolly said: #2 is spot on, I looove that! #3 Doesn’t really fit with me personally because although the trust & respect is there with those I have played with, being devoted to a Dom isn’t my thing. however it is a beautifully written piece 😊 Hey BigPolly, thanks for adding your perspective. Trust and respect are important. Devotion won't apply to everyone and if it doesn't matter to you, that's good too.
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2020 Author Posted January 7, 2020 19 minutes ago, Leatherdom2020 said: Every guy who 'thinks' he's dominant,should be made to read your words. Many, unfortunately, do have the impression that a submissive is there to walk over, has no opinions and that only the 'dom' knows best. Inflated egos, with no consideration for the inner feelings of anyone, but themselves. I know this, because time and time again, I've either read the words in 'dom's' profiles, or read replies from submissives about how they've been written to in bullying tones, from so called dominant men. Unfortunately for the sane ones amongst us, we end up being rejected or ignored, because of the antics of these porn watchers. Sensible, submissive women have had enough, and shut the door, in disbelief. Did you call me sensible? lol Learned from my mistakes somewhat. But I agree with you. Bullying as an act of domination is a ***. I do love a strict Master. I do enjoy being corrected for my weaknesses and my errors. I'm just a silly little slut, after all. But He has to earn that position.
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2020 Author Posted January 7, 2020 1 hour ago, Nubian said: I have read this, thrice and agree with it to the last letter, note and tone. The word Submissive is most often stereotyped by Doms lacking empathetic understanding and enlightenment. Thank you for reading it thrice, Nubian. Such a great word!
Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2020 Author Posted January 7, 2020 3 hours ago, TammyNatal said: The problem is I feel somewhat uncomfortable with the word 'submissive' as some people, especially men, may equate it with the word 'doormat' which is not really true. I can be a bit of a brat, which is hardly submissive. But we are all different and I respect that entirely. I can understand that. I've struggled with the word 'submissive' and have tried other terms. But I've decided it best describes my nature, which is submissive. I can be a slut or a brat, as circumstances require. I still challenge my Dom (and take the consequences). When I feel like I'm being a doormat, it usually indicates that I feel He isn't respecting me. It's not easy being a submissive person in this world. That's why women, and men, like me, crave a Dom who can interpret for us and shield us, because we are strong but susceptible to *** because of our nature. But lots of kinksters are bottoms or masochists and not necessarily this kind of submissive.
wolf_girl32 Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 Hi I don't usually coment on things but there is one thing I would like to add to this and that's there's quite a few doms who have let it go to their heads, I can't tell you the amount of times I have been contacted and referred to as a slave. Now I'm more a masochist then a sub so if they want me to submit then they have to earn it, so for them to not even bother looking at a profile or even leaning the difference speaks very poorly of them. I love this piece and think it pairs well with a piece I saw the other day about how a sub should approach a dom/me the respect has to go both ways
Deleted Member Posted January 8, 2020 Author Posted January 8, 2020 1 hour ago, wolf_girl32 said: Hi I don't usually coment on things but there is one thing I would like to add to this and that's there's quite a few doms who have let it go to their heads, I can't tell you the amount of times I have been contacted and referred to as a slave. Now I'm more a masochist then a sub so if they want me to submit then they have to earn it, so for them to not even bother looking at a profile or even leaning the difference speaks very poorly of them. I love this piece and think it pairs well with a piece I saw the other day about how a sub should approach a dom/me the respect has to go both ways If a potential "Dom"starts a conversation in such style using words such as "slave"then for me he is a fake,a chancer trying his luck.Any chat for me anyway always starts in a perfectly "normal"way to establish sanity first and to begin the slow process of building the absolute key for those of us who really understand "trust".A point was made earlier about some "Doms"viewing submissives as doormats and funnily enough I used the very same word talking to a new friend a couple of days ago.She needed a little guidance about how things really work in D/s dynamic and I think she was a little surprised with the information I shared.A quality true relationship in any scene be it vanilla or kink always starts with the foundation of friendship.For me anyway.
Deleted Member Posted January 8, 2020 Author Posted January 8, 2020 4 hours ago, Leatherdom2020 said: Every guy who 'thinks' he's dominant,should be made to read your words. Many, unfortunately, do have the impression that a submissive is there to walk over, has no opinions and that only the 'dom' knows best. Inflated egos, with no consideration for the inner feelings of anyone, but themselves. I know this, because time and time again, I've either read the words in 'dom's' profiles, or read replies from submissives about how they've been written to in bullying tones, from so called dominant men. Unfortunately for the sane ones amongst us, we end up being rejected or ignored, because of the antics of these porn watchers. Sensible, submissive women have had enough, and shut the door, in disbelief. Exactly right,sadly the rotten apples can spoil it for the real kinksters.Those who really understand how to win a submissives mind and in due course all the delights that come with that.
Deleted Member Posted January 8, 2020 Author Posted January 8, 2020 My new friend and I have been chatting and sharing quite a lot the last couple of days.She is a submissive who has never really been in a real sub/dom relationship.One of the things she has done is thanked me for my patience when she has made a mistake and even when she hasn't replied straight away.Now this lass is a working mother who leads a busy life and is inexperienced in the true protocols we should all follow.Upon examination it turns out some Of her previous "doms"and I use that name through gritted teeth were getting quite abusive merely because the poor lass couldnt reply straight away.Now this angers me somewhat and again shows the difference between real and fake.We have set a few small conditions already and I've woke this morning to find she has not kept to what was agreed between us both.Will I chastise her??No as she is very new to the real sub/dom roles and a kind word just to remind is all it will take.Her perception of what we really are has already been warped somewhat by basically bullies and is a perfect example of the points made on this thread.To be abusive be it verbally or physically especially with a relatively new sub is totally the opposite of what we are supposed to be how we are supposed to act.She will receive nothing more than guidance,patience and warmth for her errors,for now anyway 😁
Deleted Member Posted January 8, 2020 Author Posted January 8, 2020 9 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: I massively agree with the way "submissive women/girls" are presented in porn - most of the time it's just, well, porn/sex they just "do everything the guy says" - and guys who are too dim to realise this is just fantasy and in no way BDSM or how the vast majority of sub girls are keep falling for it... And there is the problem.So many youngsters are growing up watching this stuff thinking that's how it is in the real world.The acsess they have now to hard porn is mind blowing and it's no surprise really those young minds think this is how it is.Speaking to female vanilla friends it seems the art of "making love"is dying and dying quickly and this is purely down to the internet and the affect it has on those young minds.
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