Need advice from Doms

[Ziggleton]

As the title says. I meet this really lovely girl who is very submissive. She's had previous sub relationships. I've always wanted to be in this type of relationship but never meet the right person...until now!

I have no experience. Just looking for some advice. 

[ey****]

I think; how are things going so far?  

Being open about your experience is very important.   Don't assume she will or won't want certain things : talk to her! 

If you want to try something, share the idea with her - encourage her to do the same

[Ziggleton]

Hi eyemblacksheep.

Thanks for you reply.

Things are really good, she is very vocal about the things she wants and likes....nothing physical as happened. But it's definitely going to. We've exchanged ideas and we're both on the same page so far.  I just want to get it right.

Edited January 7, 2020 by Ziggleton
spelling

[ey****]

remember it's a learning curve - and there'll be trial and error.  If she's on the same page this can really  help you grow.

While some people would call some of this "topping from the bottom" that's not necessarily a bad thing while you gain confidence, knowledge and understanding

[Ziggleton]

I understand it's a learning curve and the different dynamics involved. I never thought i'd ever meet someone like this., I have the confidence , it's the knowledge that lacks!

Thanks for your reply again.

[Rene724]

Hey Ziggleton 👋

I can try to give you some advice/ideas from a sub perspective if you like?  

 

[Ziggleton]

Hey Rene...

Thanks ...that would be great thank you! 

[Mr****]

If you’re looking for resources on domination and the D/S dynamic and psychology then there is a good website called Dominant Soul, helped me a lot when I first started my exploration as a Dom. There is also a YouTuber and website runner called Master Arcane, I don’t necessarily agree with everything he says but he has a lot of good insights.

[Ziggleton]

Thanks Mr Enigma....very much appreciated. I'm a sponge right now...!

[MrSteph300]

Look, this doens't come from someone very experienced, but you should start low and develop from that. 

First, understand what she wants. Try to discuss it openly. The thing is, start with the basics (you have a lot of that stuff online explaining everything), learn from that, and then try new and harder things. If she's more of a rope person, which is more of my area, you can start with a simple blindfold and a simple wrist tie.

Also, ask her if she wants you to take the initiative rather then her, or if it is better to book it in your schedule. 

[Phoenyx]

Sounds to me, that you have already accomplished the most-important first step---the communication.  You're not as inexperienced as you may think.  I also get the impression, that she is just as anxious to make this work, as you.  You have a very valuable ally.

Being quite nervous is natural.  Your emotions are charging-up, getting ready for the power that they must channel.  Tiny anxieties will seem magnified.  The concept of "dominance" may start to invade your every waking thought.  You may even become distracted or absent minded, for a time.  Don't let any of that deter you.  It's all part of the process, for what you are about to experience.

If you wish to start with impact play---flogging, caning, spanking, etc---I would suggest putting protocol on the back burner, for a while.  Keep the communication open and flowing, during your scene.  Remember to start slow, to warm-up her endorphins.  With constant communication, she can tell you if she wishes to you proceed faster, or slower.  Be sure to pause at regular intervals, to give her a chance to rest.  This is also a good time to check-in.  All the while, pay close attention to her mannerisms and body language.  You will eventually notice patterns, and be able to receive messages before they are spoken.  You will also need to take care of each other in the minutes and hours afterward.  Truly, you will both need it.

If your emphasis is on service, protocol, and possibly ***, you will want to take frequent breaks at first, to discuss any fine-tuning that may need to be done.  As time goes on, such breaks will become less and less necessary.  Still, never eliminate them completely.  You may eventually reach the point, where she serves you quietly, with her head and eyes forever lowered.  Every now and then, perhaps once every day or so, use your hand to raise her chin, so that her eyes meet yours.  Read her mood.  Trust me, it's not hard.  But, be prepared for the power of the moment.

Hope this is of help.  Remember, she wants this to work, just as much as you do.  You have a powerful ally.  Not many could say that.  Good luck!

[Mr****]

No worries, and as others have said, take your time, go at a pace you and her are comfortable with. Learn about each other and the roles you’re looking to develop. Honesty, openness, good communication, and respect go a long way. And don’t focus too much on “Making It Work” or being perfect, mistakes will be made and there is a constant learning curve. Acknowledge mistakes, talk about them together, talk about what doesn’t work for each of you as well as what does.

[Deleted Member]

Take your time and communicate everything, you cannot communicate too much.

[Ziggleton]

Many thanks to everyone whos  has answered...much appreciated. This is a great community...     UNFORTUNATELY.....I FUCKED UP.... AND I'M GUTTED.  She saw a dating app icon on my phone.  I wasn't using it...in fact i'd forgotten it was on there. She immediately jumped to conclusions and that was that.   

I've tried to explain to her.....but that's it....trust has gone......

I'm devastated...

I'm really hoping she'll calm down and well.....but she's ignoring my calls and my texts..... but hasn't blocked me.....

I don't know what to do.....

[Wo****]

Give her time to cool down.

 

She was shocked, angry and hurt. Reach out to her, still, if you Can. This doesn't have to be a negative thing. Tell her, again, and then again. Tell her you understand she's ***ed off, that it's ok.

 

You didn't "fuck up" 

Shit happened. It does. If you two can get through this the payoff is so worth it x

[Ziggleton]

I'm trying here....she's not having any of it....

[Wo****]

You really can only do what you can do.

All you can do now is give it time and see what happens x

[Si****]

You didn’t do anything wrong. What went wrong is she saw something and closed communications instead of talking to you about her findings and giving you a chance to help her understand. As a Dom, I have to take responsibility for not only myself (setting a good example) but I take responsibility for my subs wellbeing (including emotional). Give her time to process her feelings, then be ready to talk if she comes back into communications. Use this time to learn who you are and who you wish to become. There may be other things going on in her mind/life and the phone app was not the real issue but just the final straw she couldn’t deal with right then. Things can change in a blink of an eye. All the best of luck.

[Ziggleton]

Thank you to everyone that's replied. I've had a little progress....   She asked me to stop messaging her. I told her to just block my number then...problem solved...? She said she doesn't want to block me.   I said.....I don't want to stop messaging.....just block me....she hasn't.

I asked how she was today.... she replied.  Lets see what happens...!

[Phoenyx]

She may have been frightened by the commitment/journey that she was about to take.  The phone app might have been little more than an excuse for a break or a pause.  Things do seem to happen too fast, in "The Scene".  Life can seem to get away from you.  That may be why the phone app was blown into something much greater than it was.  She may just need time to think.

You said that it was an old app.  Does that mean that you haven't logged onto it, in a while?  If it's anything like this site, you can go to a person's profile, and it will tell you the last time that they logged-on.  If your friend really doubts you, you can ask her tor create her own account, and then check your profile.  That is, if you haven't already deleted that app.  That would nullify everything.  Just a thought.

Here is a perfect example, of why "smart phones" are a really dumb idea.  Personally, I refuse to own one.  They constitute a massive invasion of privacy.  Oh, but, "Those with nothing to hide, have nothing to ***."  Except that, humans "assume".  Again, this has been a perfect example.  This isn't even counting the massive amounts of microwave energy being pumped into the air, by billions of active smart phones---likely being the greatest contributor to "global warming".

Sorry, I got off on my own tangent.  I hope that you can make this work.  It sounded so encouraging.  Just don't let the intense emotions tear you apart.  Again, good luck!

[Ziggleton]

Well folks...it's all over.  I've called it day!  She wasn't right for me. Thanks again to everyone who answered.

 

I  will stay around as people have been great on here.