What does it mean to be collared by a Dom/me?

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, Charms said:

I have a play collar an a every day collar.

 

My play 1 is exactly what you think a collar is it comes with a lead an when master an I play it's like I give him total control an I'm safe.  I will even wear the collar part sometimes in after care.  I will cuddle up 3 master an get cuddles an my hair stroked.  Master says I act like a kitten been stroked way I move my head an make noises.  Iv fell asleep  with it on as well I was just so comfy an fell asleep  cuddled up to master.

 

I wear a every day collar witch is a silver neckless  with a lamb on it. It's a joke between  master an I. He 1s said i was so yummy he could eat me up so i call him the big bad wolf he calls me little lamb.

Master will buy me gifts to do with sherp I buy him wolf items.

 

I didnt get my play collar or my every day collar till I'd been his sub for a year

Hi @Charms, we've not chatted before. I LOVE your response. Thank you. You have all the cuteness going on here and I love how you and your Master have found your own little names and creatures to represent yourselves. 

Also think it's great that you were his sub for a year before you were collared. That really makes it much more meaningful and lasting. 

[Deleted Member]

On 1/10/2020 at 5:39 AM, Fredddy said:

Wow. What powerful words some of our friends and fellow kinksters have written on this subject: what incredible depth of expression and insight this post opens up. I’m renewed in my utter respect and gratitude to several members of this place; thank you so much for sharing such intimate perspectives with us all. It’s really enlightening and actually, quite empowering for all parties, I think, to discuss and analyse these valuable insights.

Rose, where have you been for so long? Your skill of expression is stunning, your candid style resonates deeply for many of us and your no nonsense approach is a breath of fresh air that I for one, value and respect deeply. I feel a deep connection with you that I hope to explore in due course. You’re intelligent and educated and know your own mind. A gem indeed. Thank you for your generosity in sharing your experiences. Priceless insights indeed. I need you in my life.

And then sadly, there are the nobs. Those who are incapable of even writing a decent profile, or even ANY profile, and choose to troll, ***, insult and generally make tits of themselves. As we’ve all seen. And life is full of them. And as we get older, it’s not that there’s any more of them, it’s just that we see them coming from further away! Which of course gives us more time to take evasive action.

There are some amazing stars shining brightly through the gloom of the masses and I love you people. You are the ones that make me realise that I’m actually not an alien after all. I’m normal. And I like normal things. It’s just that my normal is different to your normal. But I love your normal too. It complements my normal perfectly. And long may our normals reside together in peace and harmony, free of vanilla!
Thank you all, my extended family. You’re all special to me. 

Ah @Fredddy, thank you darling. I've just realised that I can't see the comment by the knobhead himself because I've blocked him, but I did see it on my mobile app. Bless him though. He's only young. Perhaps he'll learn some manners in time? 

Thank you for your loving appreciation on what does it mean to be collared?

On the subject of knobs, it's so important to block people if you don't want them in your feed. I've blocked plenty already in the short time I'm here. I don't have to give a reason. Kink is a broad church. We won't all appreciate each other's kinks. I will simply say that his kink offends me and because I wouldn't want to shame him for his kink, I chose to hide him. It's the best way I can practice "live and let live". 

[BigPolly]

I have never been in a relationship with any of my Play Partners, my play is kept completely separate so collaring for me may be a little different to the others think about what does it mean to be collared.
I have been collared 4 times. My first was a gift from my friend as he wanted me to attend a club as ‘His’.

The other 3, I was collared for the same reason....when I entered that room I was theirs, when I got dressed, took the collar off & left I was no longer theirs. 

To me being collared is the ultimate turn on, it raises anticipation beyond belief as the moment that collar is put on me my whole role, purpose & meaning changes.
They collar me & therefore I am their property & their slut whilst that collar is on. I still have a say but ultimately control & trust is handed to someone else. The moment that collar comes off I am me again.

Sub me & real me are such worlds apart, a Dom can get me to submit but being collared is an act that switches my brain instantly & automatically takes my submission to another level.

 

[Vandalslut]

2 hours ago, Fredddy said:

 Vandalslut. Oh how we all worry about your situation right now. We see the reports on TV and think of you all the time. Awful. Stay safe, our friend. Your written contributions to these forums are like little snippets of higher wisdom! Always borne of common sense, deep understanding, emotional empathy and real world experiences, your musings are valued by myself and others more than you could know. You command my total respect. Thank you.

And then sadly, there are the nobs. Those who are incapable of even writing a decent profile, or even ANY profile, and choose to troll, ***, insult and generally make tits of themselves. As we’ve all seen. And life is full of them. And as we get older, it’s not that there’s any more of them, it’s just that we see them coming from further away! Which of course gives us more time to take evasive action.

Cheers, Fredddy - you're a triple-D sweetie.  At present, we're all right, will PM the details later so as not to block up the magical flow happening here.

36 minutes ago, white_rose said:

I have blocked him and so it was his only possibility to have a dig at me, here. What a dick. I do block people quite freely. I've blocked at least 20 so far here. I don't need to have a reason. 

And good for you, white_ rose. Who needs it?  But I must say, between the 'knobs', 'dicks' and those making 'tits' of themselves - not to leave out the premier 'fart' - this is rather turning into a Carry On thread !

[Deleted Member]

20 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

To me being collared is the ultimate turn on, it raises anticipation beyond belief as the moment that collar is put on me my whole role, purpose & meaning changes.
They collar me & therefore I am their property & their slut whilst that collar is on. I still have a say but ultimately control & trust is handed to someone else. The moment that collar comes off I am me again.

Sub me & real me are such worlds apart, a Dom can get me to submit but being collared is an act that switches my brain instantly & automatically takes my submission to another level.

 

Mmmmm Hell Yes! Beautiful response, @BigPolly. I think I may have forgotton what a turn on it is to be collared in play! It does raise the anticipation and allow my slut to come out fully. It gives me permission to be the other version of me that I so often hide in everyday life. And I just get off on handing over trust to the D I'm playing with (as long as I do actually trust them). 

I do like taking the collar off and flipping back to the other me, and having a nice cup of tea after our session, chatting about film, music, politics, the world. That part is very satisfying too. 

[Deleted Member]

46 minutes ago, white_rose said:

Oh? I feel like 'merely a visual representation' is not quite enough to explain what the collar means, all the power it holds to an s-type. But I'm not trying to split hairs with you xx

Thanks for your comments earlier, in regards to Fartboy. They seem to have disappeared. Perhaps he removed himself? You were right. I have blocked him and so it was his only possibility to have a dig at me, here. What a dick. I do block people quite freely. I've blocked at least 20 so far here. I don't need to have a reason. 

No need for it at all Rose and no you don't need an excuse at all.Seems it was the right decision any way with his comments.Im.old school and was raised that way so for me a man's duty before anything is to stand against bullies,dickheads etc and especially to protect lasses,not that you need it is course 😂😂

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

No need for it at all Rose and no you don't need an excuse at all.Seems it was the right decision any way with his comments.Im.old school and was raised that way so for me a man's duty before anything is to stand against bullies,dickheads etc and especially to protect lasses,not that you need it is course 😂😂

I may not need it but it's still appreciated. I'm old school too. Manners cost nothing, after all. 

[Carnelian2]

Too many posts to read through in detail, so I will just comment on what I have quickly read and my opinion on what does it mean to be collared?  To me, a collar is a sign of respect. If I was Dominant, I would feel honoured to have a submissive/slave wear a collar. As a submissive, I also think that it is a sign of ultimate respect and commitment, and I would have no problem wearing one.

In fact, I did have a brief relationship a while back that was heading in that direction and ordered two collars - a leather collar, more for play and alone time, and a day collar which is very thin, discreet and beautifully crafted.

The point being that it is really only the people in the relationship that need to know. To others, it may just be a piece of jewellery. That also adds excitement to the relationship. Small secrets, visible in public

[Deleted Member]

as a Dom, when I see my sub wearing the collar its giving me a sensation, or a feeling that I cant explain. Its simply beautiful. Its go beyond the ownership symbol, it carries the full on meaning of our relationship, the feeling that I guide her, had my hand around her throat, feeling the jugular pulse, the desire to keep her near me when i grab the loop and catch her breath in my mouth. when she send me a pic and don't see the collar its almost if I see her differently  .

I like the fact that its also could pass as some kind of primitive jewellery so cheeky wear it outside

[li****]

On 1/10/2020 at 7:20 AM, white_rose said:

I'm intrigued by your various collars! Sounds really cool. 

On being collared too quickly - Yes! Some people rush into it. From my experience, it's usually been D-types who want to collar me right away, That just speaks volumes to me. Shows they don't understand what submission is. Yes its beautiful and there are inherent rewards, but there is a cost to my body and mind, when I give it to someone. 

When a collared relationship breaks down, it can be psychologically difficult to recover from. I don't know why the Ds don't get that better than they do. When you let a D have control of your mind, your desires and your orgasms, what do they think is going to happen when it's over? Sorry.... another rant, another post maybe. 

Yes the play one is simple but so pretty and could pass for a piece of really beautiful jewellery, my rope collar is a thicker collar with a ring in the middle so it can have rope put through it ect but also it's purple my favourite colour 😍💜 but when either one is put on I get into a different mind set ect. 

 

Yes I had a Dom who wanted to collar me within the second date and I was hell no I haven't even given you my submission yet and you want to collar me!!!!! True that what does it mean to be collared should be talked about over and over till it's both what you want and not rushed at all, as like everyone says it's a special moment when it does happen.

 

I can imagine when a collared relationship would break down it can and could be psychologically difficult to come back from similar to when a marriage breaks down that feeling of he doesn't want me anymore or have I done something wrong or has he found a better sub will be at the forefront of your mind, but if a Dom is so quick to take the collar away and to give you the collar to me like you say he just has no clue to the meaning of it all.

[Deleted Member]

25 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

as a Dom, when I see my sub wearing the collar its giving me a sensation, or a feeling that I cant explain. Its simply beautiful. Its go beyond the ownership symbol, it carries the full on meaning of our relationship, the feeling that I guide her, had my hand around her throat, feeling the jugular pulse, the desire to keep her near me when i grab the loop and catch her breath in my mouth. when she send me a pic and don't see the collar its almost if I see her differently  .

I like the fact that its also could pass as some kind of primitive jewellery so cheeky wear it outside

Oh my gosh @FabSeverus this is so hot! 

"the desire to keep her near me when I grab the loop" just took my breath away! 

[Deleted Member]

Hello again White_rose, it's probably hormonal 😂 I have noticed recently it sometimes happens a week or so before I'm going to start 'that time of the month' last time I felt that way I deleted everyone and wouldn't speak to people for about a week 🤦🏻‍♀️ I feel numband depressed for no reason at all, wanting to sit in a dark room or just stay in bed not seeing or speaking to anyone at all if I had people around me I would probably get a coffee and drag myself out of that space but I live in a new place and don't know anyone here to be able to do that with 😔 so self therapy is definetly key and it really did help I did add cuffs to my ankles and wrists as well for that added extra feeling of been restrained and a lash to the collar 😊 pulling it yourself isn't the same mind you 😂  And that highlights what does it mean to be collared too I guess.

 

Hope your feeling better today lovely

[Deleted Member]

Reading all these comments all these opinions and the previous threads of course is like sitting in class.Ive only been actively exploring for just over a year and will be the first to admit my limitations.To read how submissives view things,how you feel is so helpful for a man like me and will help me so much to be a better man firstly and then a better dom secondly.Im starting to realise in this world there are no experts as it's a constant learning curve.

[li****]

23 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

Reading all these comments all these opinions and the previous threads of course is like sitting in class.Ive only been actively exploring for just over a year and will be the first to admit my limitations.To read how submissives view things,how you feel is so helpful for a man like me and will help me so much to be a better man firstly and then a better dom secondly.Im starting to realise in this world there are no experts as it's a constant learning curve.

This so so true even to me and Sir who have been in this lifestyle me for nearly 4 years and my Sir over 15 years and we say we are still learning new things every day while being together it's why I also hate profiles on here that have expect ect in them as I feel the same we are constantly learning.  What I will say best thing to do is what you are doing now just read, read, read ,read up as much as you can there are amazing sites where you can information from not just here in the forum, there is a submissive and Dominant guide website also where you will find tonnes of information and stories from others ect. 

[Wo****]

30 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

.Im starting to realise in this world there are no experts as it's a constant learning curve.

This should be on every profile and every post on every forum.

 

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, Lilmonster said:

This so so true even to me and Sir who have been in this lifestyle me for nearly 4 years and my Sir over 15 years and we say we are still learning new things every day while being together it's why I also hate profiles on here that have expect ect in them as I feel the same we are constantly learning.  What I will say best thing to do is what you are doing now just read, read, read ,read up as much as you can there are amazing sites where you can information from not just here in the forum, there is a submissive and Dominant guide website also where you will find tonnes of information and stories from others ect. 

Thank you for taking the time to message.I knew 10 years ago finally what was going off with me.3 years ago I started doing research online but it took me some time to build up the courage to actively take a step.Ive been I think very lucky over the last year and have been fortunate to.meet a few submissives and the experience has been priceless, taught me much about myself.I shall have a look at the dominant website you recommend.

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

This should be on every profile and every post on every forum.

 

I'm of the opinion that knowing you don't know is an advantage.Understanding your own limitations is never a bad thing.

[li****]

1 minute ago, Donnykinkster said:

Thank you for taking the time to message.I knew 10 years ago finally what was going off with me.3 years ago I started doing research online but it took me some time to build up the courage to actively take a step.Ive been I think very lucky over the last year and have been fortunate to.meet a few submissives and the experience has been priceless, taught me much about myself.I shall have a look at the dominant website you recommend.

You're welcome and same for me I always knew I wanted this lifestyle always knew I was a sub but being in an abusive relationship he held me back for so many years so when the time finally came for me to express this side of me more I haven't looked back since. It's great you've had a few experiences with subs ect but yes have a read up of the Dominant guide even the sub one is very useful.

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, Lilmonster said:

You're welcome and same for me I always knew I wanted this lifestyle always knew I was a sub but being in an abusive relationship he held me back for so many years so when the time finally came for me to express this side of me more I haven't looked back since. It's great you've had a few experiences with subs ect but yes have a read up of the Dominant guide even the sub one is very useful.

I knew from the moment I hit puberty something was off.I spent 30 years trying to be vanilla but didn't even realise at the time what"vanilla"was.I honestly though for many of those years I was just for want of better words "sick"in the head.It was only when my marriage collapsed that I made the decision to find out what the hell I was and it all became so so clear.I have found kink is Pandora's box,once opened there is no going back and i coild never commit to a vanilla only relationship again.

[helenOfToy]

Interesting question, good reading what it means to different people. I'm still very new to kinky life, in fact still fresh meat so to speak, so I don't have any experience to draw on, but I do have some thoughts to share. I have always been quite naturally very submissive, even in my vanilla life. Always preferred partners to be on top during sex, and the first time my wife and I engaged in bondage play, I enjoyed being tied up much more than doing the tying. As it turned out, my wife was not really kinky and didn't engage with it, I on the other hand wanted nothing more than to take the red pill and stay in wonderland. I was very excited by the idea of her collaring me, but the opportunity never arose. So here I am now, over 10 years later, splitting up with my wife, and with the desire and opportunity to move to wonderland permanently. I don't know how deep my personal rabbit hole goes, but I am very motivated to find out   What does it mean to be collared?To me, the collar feels like an important symbol of my submission and trust. My greatest fantasy has always been to kneel before my mistress and have her collar me. I know that when it finally does happen, it will be an incredibly emotional moment for me, in fact, I will probably cry. It feels almost like losing my virginity a second time. I know that I will never be quite the same again.

[ey****]

Collars and collaring are good topics. What does it mean to be collared?

When I play with submissives/bottoms I tend not to use collars unless it's specifically part of the play (i.e. I'm using this to place a lead on them or to run a rope or chain to tie something else to the collar - tying a rope between a ring on the collar and spreader bars on the legs can be fun but someone who moves a lot is likely to break or snap something)

That being said.  If I thought placing a collar on was important to the sub or the scene then I would.

But, I think if anyone was ever my sub or becoming my sub then I would want to use/discuss a collar or other symbol of possession.

As a reminder to themselves they are (or want to be) mine - whilst also a demonstration to others.
If this is appropriate to our relationship
--

On the other side of things

Similar.

I've had people put collars on me and usually it means nothing, it's just, shall we say, mechanics.
But, there have been a couple of time it was more memorably (and is the type of feelings I'd want again - or to put into others)

So. When I was relatively new to filming I was really properly humbled to be accepted for a filming day with House of Sinn (I've now filmed for them 4 times, including in Romania) and the first time I was the only guy filming (as another just hadn't turned up!) and off-camera there was a bit of a mini-ritual where I had to introduce myself to the Lady I was filming with (Princess Aurora) and Goddess Ezada Sinn placed the collar on me and basically said "whilst you are wearing this collar you are property of the House of Sinn. You will obey any instruction asked of you from any Lady until the collar is removed" - and it was very symbolic and also a proud moment even if this was "Only" for a few hours.

The other memorable time - I was undergoing ownership/consideration with someone working towards a collar - and we were on a night out as part of a group : and she put the collar on me in the place we were all staying and, yeah, there was a part of pride that I was going out *with* her, that I was going to be shown off *as hers*
It ended up not working out that way, but that's another story - it had the potential to be a more special moment.

And, I dunno, while I'm not actively seeking any form of ownership, I think if the option came up then it might be something I considered again - I'd see the final/"official" collaring as being proving myself devoted to and "good enough" to be "theirs" 

 

[BigPolly]

On 1/10/2020 at 7:24 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

but someone who moves a lot is likely to break or snap something)

I've had people put collars on me and usually it means nothing, it's just, shall we say, mechanics.

2 good points! 
The first, from experience don’t anyone purchase a cheap collar. A cheap collar was put on me & with one yank of the rope the buckle came off...& Yes it does ruin the moment! 
 

Secondly, this made me think ‘am I building a collar up in my own mind to be bigger than it should be because I’m a ‘sub’. After all I only ever collared 2 people when I was a Domme & both of those were in a club for the purpose of leading them around!’  But I’m not sure I am as the mind is part of the power (& power exchange) within that scenario!.....very thought provoking thoughts on what does it mean to be collared?@eyemblacksheep

[ey****]

47 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

Secondly, this made me think ‘am I building a collar up in my own mind to be bigger than it should be because I’m a ‘sub’. After all I only ever collared 2 people when I was a Domme & both of those were in a club for the purpose of leading them around!’  But I’m not sure I am as the mind is part of the power (& power exchange) within that scenario!.....very thought provoking

I think a lot comes under both the people and the delivery.  I'd also say whether it's a collar picked up off a wall that everyone uses or something with further significance (but in some of my memorable moments it WAS one off a wall that everyone uses but the delivery made it more special) 

But also the follow through.  In the first case I felt like I was a slave to the House of Sinn (and I've filmed for them 4 times now and they haven't always placed a collar on me but I still felt that connection from the first time) in the latter, it felt special when she put the collar on - but when we went to the club I just didn't feel like "hers" - but that's too complex for the sake of this post.

I think like a lot of things in kink it's managing each others expectations - and "you're mine" can be hot as fuck - but the magic is quickly broken if you feel it's just words.

[Carnelian2]

23 hours ago, Donnykinkster said:

I knew from the moment I hit puberty something was off.I spent 30 years trying to be vanilla but didn't even realise at the time what"vanilla"was.I honestly though for many of those years I was just for want of better words "sick"in the head.It was only when my marriage collapsed that I made the decision to find out what the hell I was anyd it all became so so clear.I have found kink is Pandora's box,once opened there is no going back and i coild never commit to a vanilla only relationship again.

That really resonates with my experience. Married far to young, lovely children resulted but marriage didn't last. Tried delving into D/s, then met someone else. Another marriage. ended for other reasons, and now back - third time lucky.

It takes a lot of patience to be patient in a World of instant gratification

[Vandalslut]

21 hours ago, PaulTheSubmissive said:

I know that I will never be quite the same again.

True - you are never the same and you won't want to be.  Good luck as you start your journey ,PaulTheSubmissive.