Thanks for all the helpful responses! End of the year wrap up has been busy for me but i'll get to responding to some of your suggestions soon.

Heyo,
I can't say much about online dating platforms. I'm Ace-Aro so the whole "see an image and decide you want to be with them" thing doesn't work for me. But I totally agree with everyone who suggested that you focus on building yourself up by following your kink interests and being seen in Read more… spaces associated with those interests so that you have something to connect over, rather than diving into relationship territory.
In my experiences, I found community first before I found intimate partners to build enough trust with to do some more risky kinks like heavy impact or suspension. All my relationships began with a mutual interest in the activity, scene specific negotiations, aftercare discussions, boundary setting, and nothing more. I wasn’t looking for relationships, just a friend to do an activity together that we're mutually interested in. For context, I may be approaching things from very different perspective since I don't feel the kind of drive that allosexuals and amantonormative folks feel. And I'm neurodivergent. But if success means having kinky relationships where we actually give a shit about each other and consistently make time to show up for each other even outside of kink, then I guess it somehow works for me. I'm poly (RA) and am currently with two stable partners relationships, and have several kink friends that I see regularly, whether it's for a pick up scene or at a board game night or for rope classes/workshops or just emotional support. And I met every single one of them at in person events (mostly rope spaces or munches), or a friend introduce me to their other friend because they thought I'd hit it off with them.
The only issues I run into is finding enough time to be present, and kink alignment outside of the mutual interest that we started out with. That, and having people assume that just because I don't feel sexual attraction, I would be offended by sex or sexual interest or natural libido based responses in general. That unfortunately gets annoying at times takes a lot of conversation and educating. Communication is sooo important because everyone's own experiences and identity are nuanced!