I often hear from my female contacts that men who don't get immediate responses or no thank you's from the women they wrote to often get hit with toxic masculinity. Indeed it was un-called for and only serves to keep women repressed or make them want to quit the site (Fetlife) or to hate all men, Read more… not just those who are toxic.
Men as so damned insecure which is why all throughout history it seems that they shame and repress rather than learn about them and how to give equality, understanding, nurture, sexual pleasures, and just plain fun.
Furthermore, narcissists and psychopaths are using sites as their hunting grounds to catch, use and *** women while hiding behind the trappings of BDSM. In my own area, my BFF's life was absolutely ruined by a narcissist. Another young woman and her young son were even shot to death by another narcissist out of rage because she left him before he was able to process her out (what narcissists do in the end once they've used you up).
These people are also turning up in the BDSM community dungeons or play spaces to do the same. I try to warn newbies but I *** my warnings fall on deaf eyes and ears.

Fetlife's owners do not try to trick you. All they do is to continually improve the site with new or user requested features and back of house (hardware & software) enhancements. Members run their own discussion groups.
There are however as we are finding, scammers & catfish are coming Read more… online but many are getting removed as well. I haven't found a website in the last three years that aren't being invaded by such people.
As far as membership goes. ALL FREE except members do get the ability to see member created videos and a larger amount of the Activity Log of people's profile. Other than that, free! But I renew on my own each year because it is the world's largest BDSM site and despite the negatives, is worth it for me to support them to keep it running.
I have my friends and those who I communicate regularly. No membership needed for that either. Many people place personal ads even though it is not designed as a dating site. You can learn a lot from the hundreds of discussion groups. Even the inactive ones because of the history of the discussions, questions, and answers.
I am on it every day, many times a day 7 days a week.