About me
Interested in:
I’m looking for:
- Friends
- Kinky Dates
- LTR (relationship)
- Networking
- NSA (no strings...)
- BDSM Lovers
- Pic Exchange
Description
Just so you know, men can not see spanks, it's a paid feature for me.
If you do want my attention you'll have to say hello the old fashioned way.
Im 5ft7
Scottish
Diagnosed NPD with years of therapy to combat it.
And have a passion for anything beautiful.
Being Dominant isn't new to me, I attend regular munches and really enjoy talking and spending time with other kinksters.
Im sex positive, i think sex is an amazing thing, its a hello, its a goodbye, its meditation and its connection, but im here for more, to learn, to muse, to create a place where it's okay to be sexual and wear a suit to work.
I believe in dynamics and rules, i love myself a little too much as i am a primal.
Be nice to one another, ask questions and we will be friends.
I wish you the best of luck, and hope to hear about your stories.
Desires and Fantasies
Im a Top
I was born a primal hunter, the world put a stop to that, but underneath this smile and book smarts is a caring, protective and loyal person who has respect for power, and protective of the weak.
Im Predominantly primal but i have a soft spot for littles, they so squishy in their pastel colours.. i wanna eat them.
I love to be needed, that could be to solve your problems or to help you get through something with some scenes or play.
My favourite pass time is orgasm control
And personal development
== My BDSM Test from Fetish.com ==
88% Dominant
13% Submissive
== My roles ==
88% Hunter
88% Daddy/Mommy
63% Rigger
63% Master/Mistress
63% Brat Tamer
50% Sadist
38% Degrader
13% Masochist
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Limits
I hate to see anyone cry, I also dont like the 'do what you want to me' attitudes, its lazy and dangerous in my experience.
My roles & archetype
My kinks & fetishes
I like:
- Erotic Photography (Active)
- Belly Fetish (Active)
- BDSM (Active)
- Bondage Rope (Active)
- Caregiver / little (Active)
- Dirty Talk (Active)
- Female Ejaculation (Active)
- Fingering (Active)
- Foreplay (Active)
- Rough Sex (Active)
- Heterosexual (Active)
- Multiple Orgasms (Active)
- Oral Sex (Active)
- Orgasm Control (Active)
- Pinching (Active)
- Quickies (Active)
- Outdoor Sex (Active)
- Sex Toys (Active)
- Photo Swapping (Active)
Fetish.com gives you…
Fetish.com is like an appetizing smorgasbord in Dundee with lots of hot guys to meet up with. Have a look around first if you prefer to see who’s around, or if you know what you want, search by selecting the right category "Kinky Dating”. Nobody stays alone here for long! Fetish.com has tons going on!
My thinking was there is an inherent danger in what we do, especially with people we may only have known for short periods. We all have Read more…something quite powerful in common and most of us will rush into play to get that fix we so very much desire. So, how do we know our partner of choice is safe? We should all be vetting our partners, and currently we have a few options such as talking to them, being part of an active community usually helps find the bad apples and that is pretty much it with a few nuances.
The issues i find is most people in need of guidance dont have the confidence to join munches, events or dungeons to learn safety and skills, and those who are overly confident or new feel it is beneath them or embarrassing to admit they are inexperienced or have gaps in their knowledge. I mean, we all love BDSM here right? But how many of us know the laws around it, have read books and gone to classes before tying someone up and hitting them? And this isnt just for the safety of others, you could be in a lot of trouble if something goes wrong.
So, what if there were a centralised qualification system, one recognised by the community and searchable by others? I know, lame and extra work, but think about it, how many people get into play they are not knowledgeable on? How many times have you met someone and they have told you they are a master in rope play but turned out they dont know their shibari from their macarme?
I know its probably an extra expense on top of what is already an expensive lifestyle, but there is, for me, a huge value in 1, knowing your partner knows what they are doing/ you know what they are doing, and 2, comfort that you, yourself know enough to not disappoint or harm another.
Like i said, i got a lot of push back when i asked this years ago, many mocked me for the idea. It made me wonder why though. Could they be insecure that they will be exposed that they are, infact not a professional Dominatrix or master of many slaves, maybe the idea of having to prove your experience limits the partners who want to play with a newbie. There are a lot of people out there that think pulling some hair and slapping an arse makes them a certified Dominant who can take on many submissives and train them. *insert eye roll*
I felt that having to prove your experience would not only weed out the liars and unsafe players, but also encourage us to enrol on more classes and expand our knowledge with teachers with our interests in mind.
Imagine having little digital badges you can put on any profile that have your certificate number on it and is traceable to the exam board you received it from. These can be online classes in rope play, pressure points and safety, or spanking, breath play and safe words. Even a kink 101 class that explains the law and how to act.
Personally, i think it would say a lot about someone if they didnt want to improve or show evidence of experience.
I enjoy doing classes and going to events, and even sharing knowledge at munches. But i also think others would see your "badges" and it would reassure them as well as be a great conversation starter.
Not long after i wrote this post, this site started talking about classes and kink university. And im so happy to see how much they offer on their classes. But, can we not normalise this, make it a sign of dedication and willingness to improve. There will be many who reject the idea because they are already well educated, but why cant these people be the teachers, get paid for it and our community benefits from it.
So, what do you all say? Am i still crazy, or does a honours in shibari from Crow Academy sound a bit sexy?
I don't hate the idea
But
who is standardising it? who is organising it? who is taking responsibility for it? who is funding it? Particularly the initialisation ? On another hand.
I don't hate the idea
But
who is standardising it? who is organising it? who is taking responsibility for it? who is funding it? Particularly the initialisation ?
I've seen problems in the past which people have blamed on poor vetting, either by an individual, an event, or whatever.
and someone has talked up some 'olden times' system of intense vetting, of rules that had to be followed "you can't use this equipment unless it's been use Read more… on you", "everyone has been through training" whatever - and the idea in itself is not new, this is just old ideas repackaged
and while there was a lot of good about this. it created a lot of false security and also became a cover for *** from some.
But still. Right now workshops exist. Online training exists. Anyone can attend these on a voluntuntarily. Some might even give a certificate of attendance.
But a lot of people learn on one on one basis rather than any form of structural class with exam.
As a submissive I hold 50% of the liability ..Noone has been ***d to do anything they didn't want to. Bdsm should be seen in law as exactly what it is two people enjoying an extremely hedonistic relationship Not sure what the question was but my opinion .... If there was kiss and tell .. Boy George a good reference point then asshole to the teller
As a submissive I hold 50% of the liability ..Noone has been ***d to do anything they didn't want to. Bdsm should be seen in law as exactly what it is two people enjoying an extremely hedonistic relationship
Haha, we will see. Ive been practicing BDSM seriously for about 10 and a bit years now (prior to that i was primal but didnt do the research or events)
Ever since i was investigated by my place of work on accusations of being into BDSM and had to defend myself in 2 separate hearings "proving" im Read more… not, i have distanced myself from kink. And even at my ***k play ive never been a fan of disobedience or bratting in play. Cnc and struggles are good, but being annoying for fun doesn't improve the experience for me, lots do enjoy it though.
And, as far as NPD not being treatable, it truly is treatable but it takes dedication and the willingness to allow yourself to be hurt and not respond. But i know that it isnt curable. We just get better at not hurting others, the inner workings cant change, its a personally issue. A personality Disorder is a set of triggers and responses built by your brain to minimise ***. Ive learnt that being more understanding of others and less defensive means i upset people less, and when i upset people less they upset me less. This means my triggers are less frequent and not overlapping all day. Though there is a huge disadvantage, one i struggle with constantly, I have to maintain a low self esteem which means hurting my own feeling to save others feelings. Any feeling of self worth has to be pushed deep down or i become an arsehole. So, no, it never goes away, no therapy will ever help my triggers, but it can help my reactions.
In short, therapy helps others like me, it doesn't help me like them.
Thank you, I know what i am, and i agree with the haters. there are 5 types or NPD and only 1 is spoken about so i dont blame people for not knowing.
Inside I am all the bad things..
Manipulative, ***, prone to rage, grandiose, malignant amongst other things but my flavour of NPD causes me to Read more… always feel hated because nobody loves me as much as i love myself.. we devote ourselves to never being "only human" until one day we have spent so long doing good things that people see us as good people, except we know we are horrible toxic people and perfection isnt enough.
I live in a constant state of disgust.. everything that isnt "Right" makes me fight, flight, freeze or fawn. And friends and family are extensions of me, i love them with such a ferocity but i hold them to the standard i hold myself, and that is problematic at best.
I think if there are any people out there reading this who have covert, *** or introverted npd, just be aware of your limits, tell your partner how to stop a disgust attack, make it clear that you might act a certain way if something happens and it can be stopped in its tracks. You will love bomb on monday and forget them on Tuesday, its part of it, but find a way to comfort them even if the idea of touching them makes you physically nauseous. The key is to not ignore it and let it build up, find a way to let them know how you feel without getting repulsed by them.. i personally struggle with my gf kissing me too long, or if my mouth gets wet and she spreads it across my face like a slime produ..... i digress, i just make a mmmmmwah noise, kiss her really hard and pull away. This means "GET THE FUCK OFF MY FACE" or sometimes i just make a fake sick noise and laugh if she does something my NPD doesn't like. A few minutes later ill be fine, but the rage is real.
Guess im not a true Narcissist, I cant wait to tell my therapist 😂
I see where you are coming from, and you are right, I had no clue until i was diagnosed with it.
I'm confident, straight forward, driven and self assured. Im also broken, easy to hurt and require adoration to function.
I love BDSM, the rules and deep trusts really Read more…hit that spot in me that says "mmm...YES!" but should someone with NPD have all that power, is it a slippery slope where confidence and inflated self worth are ultimately the reason we feel we can do no wrong and yet hurt so many in our wake.
Don't get me wrong, and without going too much into it, NPD does not equal bad, in fact id like to think that the constant need to be perfect and admired is my biggest motivation to, well, be perfect and admirable. My crippling *** of making mistakes means i never do anything half-assed, i study and learn everything i apply myself to.
What I want to know is, does complete power corrupt completely? Does having a sub *** a narcissist to become unwell?
Even the best intended narcissist will lose there way if their delusions of grandeur are rein***d by a submissive holding them far too high.
There are many types of NPD, many share attributes, many contradict eachother, there are people who are treated and others who go their whole life never knowing.
Is BDSM a feeding ground for narcissists to pick off inexperienced subs and get that fix of power and control, or is it the best place for us? Rules, protocol, community and dynamics in a safe, "sane" and consentual manner... clinical and a way to vent.
I honestly dont know, but what i do know is it scares me how well BDSM feeds into all personality disorders and speaking from experience being a narcissist makes me attractive in this community, if only at first. I see myself sometimes, rope in one hand and a flogger in the other and wonder if i should have all this power.
I thought I saw a comment up the thread that said NPD cannot be treated. I want to see their degree because according to my psychiatrist, there isn’t a mental health condition that cannot be treated and controlled utilizing the proper methods whether through medication, talk therapy, TMC, etc. Like anything else in life, the key to success is knowing what the issue is, accepting that it exists, making the determination to submit to treatment, and embracing the knowledge that it doesn’t need to destroy you or those around you.
Of course, you could always find a brat who will spin you up like a top until you cannot remember who is supposed to have the control. I mean, do us brats ever really, 100% give complete control to someone else without our imagination dreaming up ways to slip through a loophole?❞
Haha, we will see. Ive been practicing BDSM seriously for about 10 and a bit years now (prior to that i was primal but didnt do the research or events)
Ever since i was investigated by my place of work on accusations of being into BDSM and had to defend myself in 2 separate hearings "proving" im not, i have distanced myself from kink. And even at my ***k play ive never been a fan of disobedience or bratting in play. Cnc and struggles are good, but being annoying for fun doesn't improve the experience for me, lots do enjoy it though.
And, as far as NPD not being treatable, it truly is treatable but it takes dedication and the willingness to allow yourself to be hurt and not respond. But i know that it isnt curable. We just get better at not hurting others, the inner workings cant change, its a personally issue. A personality Disorder is a set of triggers and responses built by your brain to minimise ***. Ive learnt that being more understanding of others and less defensive means i upset people less, and when i upset people less they upset me less. This means my triggers are less frequent and not overlapping all day. Though there is a huge disadvantage, one i struggle with constantly, I have to maintain a low self esteem which means hurting my own feeling to save others feelings. Any feeling of self worth has to be pushed deep down or i become an arsehole. So, no, it never goes away, no therapy will ever help my triggers, but it can help my reactions.
In short, therapy helps others like me, it doesn't help me like them.
I thought I saw a comment up the thread that said NPD cannot be treated. I want to see their degree because according to my psychiatrist, there isn’t a mental health condition that cannot be treated and controlled utilizing the proper methods whether through medication, talk therapy, TMC, etc. Like anything else in life, the key to success is knowing what the issue is, accepting that it exists, making the determination to submit to treatment, and embracing the knowledge that it doesn’t need to destroy you or those around you.
Of course, you could always find a brat who will spin you up like a top until you cannot remember who is supposed to have the control. I mean, do us brats ever really, 100% give complete control to someone else without our imagination dreaming up ways to slip through a loophole?
I've had people define me as "lazy" or "selfish" person all my life, where in truth the traits they were identifying were not under my control. Lack of motivation, lack of discipline, inability to focus on managing tasks, extreme executive disfunction. Calling me lazy is like accusing a wheelchair-bound person of not trying hard enough to walk, and people in modern society are starting to become cognizant of that. But NPD is this weird exception where we have defined what is obviously some form of mental illness, and yet still speak about it like it's demonic possession.
I don't know how capable of empathizing with others you are, I don't know all the details of your condition, but I think that denying you kindness, compassion, and the opportunity to become more than the sum of your disability would be a greater reflection on me as a person than it could ever be on you. You SEEM to be concerned about the dangers of your condition interacting with others through this lifestyle, so I think you're trying to be a good person - and that counts for something. Why should we write you off just because of the reputation of your condition? You didn't choose it!
Hell, maybe I'm just being manipulated by you right now, but we just can't let ourselves think like that, we'd go mad. It's the same way conspiracy nutjobs are born. You can't get knotted in these spiralling hypothetical webs of paranoia and subtext, in the end you just have to take people at face value, with some caution reserved, until you have reason to think otherwise. I think you should be proud of yourself for wanting to be aware of how your condition could affect others, and wanting to work on yourself. I understand that NPD has a reputation for being un-therapy-able (lol), but I'm not willing to deny someone the respect earned from apparent personal growth based on propaganda.
I hope you are doing well, and I hope you can continue to live with your condition in as healthy a way as it permits, and I am sorry people are so willing to disregard you because of something beyond your control. In the end all that matters is whether you and those you interact with are doing okay. If there's something sinister going on internally, I don't care. I'm not interested in policing thought crime and I encourage everyone else to hold the same position. It's frankly an immature attitude that stems from the valid but irrational raw emotion of previous scars. A worldview built on scars is too cynical to function.
You deserve to exist. Take care and be safe. ❞
Thank you, I know what i am, and i agree with the haters. there are 5 types or NPD and only 1 is spoken about so i dont blame people for not knowing.
Inside I am all the bad things..
Manipulative, ***, prone to rage, grandiose, malignant amongst other things but my flavour of NPD causes me to always feel hated because nobody loves me as much as i love myself.. we devote ourselves to never being "only human" until one day we have spent so long doing good things that people see us as good people, except we know we are horrible toxic people and perfection isnt enough.
I live in a constant state of disgust.. everything that isnt "Right" makes me fight, flight, freeze or fawn. And friends and family are extensions of me, i love them with such a ferocity but i hold them to the standard i hold myself, and that is problematic at best.
I think if there are any people out there reading this who have covert, *** or introverted npd, just be aware of your limits, tell your partner how to stop a disgust attack, make it clear that you might act a certain way if something happens and it can be stopped in its tracks. You will love bomb on monday and forget them on Tuesday, its part of it, but find a way to comfort them even if the idea of touching them makes you physically nauseous. The key is to not ignore it and let it build up, find a way to let them know how you feel without getting repulsed by them.. i personally struggle with my gf kissing me too long, or if my mouth gets wet and she spreads it across my face like a slime produ..... i digress, i just make a mmmmmwah noise, kiss her really hard and pull away. This means "GET THE FUCK OFF MY FACE" or sometimes i just make a fake sick noise and laugh if she does something my NPD doesn't like. A few minutes later ill be fine, but the rage is real.
Haha nobody is seeing me as compilation 😅😅
Im not in the dating scene either
And nobody is local to me, most viewers are German or from london
Men cant see spanks without paying.. not a single one
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